Age differences in relationship

[GrandTrinity]

So I recently got involved with this chick whose 39 and I am 22. She was catholic when she got married and only been intimate with one man before. She is divorced from a few months ago and has two children and works as a nurse - she is totally getting more into chi, and is ready for a career change. Anyways, I wanted to vent this on taobums and ask about any ideas/warnings/virtues associated with relationships of this nature. What do you think?

 

Though she her boobs are slightly wrinkled, otherwise she is great! This, is not even a problem because I feel her heart chi is nice...

Edited August 24, 2007 by GrandTrinity

[Yoda]

I'm 39 and my boobs are in great shape... Personally, I find women my age to be the most attractive and most easy to relate to. I do think that there will always be generational differences with the younger generation always more progressive in their thinking, but it's no big deal imo. Often couples with a large age span can vibrationally balance each other out.

[mantis]

i always thought you where a dude yoda

[Taomeow]

I definitely prefer younger men, but only because men my own age are way too old for me. If their biological age matches mine, I don't care what their "actual" age is, but too many people seem senile to me even in their teens... closed inflexible minds, rigid inflexible bodies... inability to learn new tricks... Here in southern CA you can't judge by the skin tone or the boobs (everyone is into keeping those in as good a condition as the budget and the plastic surgeon's skill will allow), but the light of a young, strong shen in the eyes, the spark of life in the easy spontaneity that is natural as breathing rather than a "cool" pose of a deeply unfree, non-spontaneous being, the wonderful play of an "alive" belly when one walks, to say nothing of lovemaking (can't get THAT from a plastic surgeon -- or from a gym for that matter), the killer pheromones... this is usually gone fairly fast. Or was never there to begin with, in which case youth doesn't help much, beyond the outermost layer. But whoever has that and can keep that, is young at pretty much any age, and attractive too.

 

The pitfalls of going for an older woman? The non-relating to the real person she is, and instead unconsciously projecting "mom" onto her and expecting her to be a "new improved" version of your mother. ("Older men who go for younger women" as a credo, as a rule to follow rather than a random individual occurrence, are almost invariably looking for mom aged what she was aged when they were two or three -- as that's their real emotional age no matter what their biological or intellectual age is.) If you're sure it's not what it's about, it can be healthy and strong. Good luck!

Edited August 24, 2007 by Taomeow

[VeeCee]

Okay - am I the only female on this site who is bothered by the wrinkled boobs comment ?

 

Sorry but this 48 year old female (with very nice breasts, thank you very much) takes offense.

 

V.

[Mal]

Okay - am I the only female on this site who is bothered by the wrinkled boobs comment ?

 

Not Female but I raised an eyebrow. Actually intrested in how they could be wrinkled, I've seen them suffering from gravity but never any wrinkles, 1st time seeing stretch marks perhaps?

 

Anyhow I've always enjoyed GT's posts, I was more supprised that he was only 22 and that Yoda is a girl! (I sure there was a comment about a Mrs Yoda once)

[agharta]

Yoda's not a girl. He was goofing around. Whatever.

[Mal]

Yoda's not a girl. He was goofing around. Whatever.

 

Well then now I'm really intrested in in his "boobs of great shape"

[Leidee]

man boobs = manbies

 

maybe all of her heart chi wrinkled her boobs *evil chuckle*

 

but, in any event, just enjoy the experience GT. I am sure you both have a lot to learn from each other - which is why you are drawn to each other

[Yoda]

Just playing around... I did a lot of benching in a past life and so I do have breasts in a manner of speaking.

 

VC, GT popping off a random physical detail like that was a bit weird but there are a lot of weird things said on forums. I try to focus my mind on my favorite aspects of people's posts or joke about it a bit if I need to. On a deeper level, I think that all long time, one on one relationships have their positives and negatives thought patterns and I certainly have had my share of strange little negative thoughts about Mrs Yoda. I think maybe guys tend to be less in touch with our emotions so our negatives tend to be more fetishy in nature. But even though they are quirky and minor they really can add up. At one point, all my thoughts towards Mrs Yoda were negative. Then I met Esther and she suggested that I look in the mirror and sure enough that's where all those thoughts were coming from! Now my relationship is much more positive and becoming more so. When you are 22 those thoughts are just little bugs in the program and not too consequential, but as time goes on they can really add up. So now focusing on people's positives, to the best of my ability, whether at home or on the forum is a point of great importance to me. I've heard it said in the Zen and Tibetan traditions that when you genuinely see people and this world as absolutely perfect in every way, that is enlightenment.

 

Yoda

[VeeCee]

VC, GT popping off a random physical detail like that was a bit weird but there are a lot of weird things said on forums. I try to focus my mind on my favorite aspects of people's posts or joke about it a bit if I need to.

 

Yoda,

 

Given that GT is only 22, I take the comment with a grain of salt. My response was meant in a joking manner.

 

V.

 

Edit for typo

Edited August 24, 2007 by VeeCee

[coyote]

I think age differences can be very good in a relationship. When i was in my early 20's i dated women in their 30's, and now that i am older i have gone the other way and sometimes dated younger women. The combination of fresh energy and experience can be a great benefit to both.

 

What you want to be wary of is an older woman being bitter, controling, superior, or too mother-like. So, for example, if the older woman thinks that she dates younger men for all the right reasons, but tends to think that younger men date older women becaues they are looking for a mommy, or that older men date younger women because they "invariably" are looking for a mommy, this shows that she tends to see men as emotionally incompetent, perhaps even as little boys who need a mother :-) She's likely to be a ballbuster. This kind of negativity is very common among American women, not all, but frequent enough to even pass as acceptable attitudes these days.

 

Enjoy the experience and think about what you are most passionate about and what your standards are for being treated with respect.

 

 

 

I definitely prefer younger men, but only because men my own age are way too old for me. If their biological age matches mine, I don't care what their "actual" age is, but too many people seem senile to me even in their teens... closed inflexible minds, rigid inflexible bodies... inability to learn new tricks... Here in southern CA you can't judge by the skin tone or the boobs (everyone is into keeping those in as good a condition as the budget and the plastic surgeon's skill will allow), but the light of a young, strong shen in the eyes, the spark of life in the easy spontaneity that is natural as breathing rather than a "cool" pose of a deeply unfree, non-spontaneous being, the wonderful play of an "alive" belly when one walks, to say nothing of lovemaking (can't get THAT from a plastic surgeon -- or from a gym for that matter), the killer pheromones... this is usually gone fairly fast. Or was never there to begin with, in which case youth doesn't help much, beyond the outermost layer. But whoever has that and can keep that, is young at pretty much any age, and attractive too.

 

The pitfalls of going for an older woman? The non-relating to the real person she is, and instead unconsciously projecting "mom" onto her and expecting her to be a "new improved" version of your mother. ("Older men who go for younger women" as a credo, as a rule to follow rather than a random individual occurrence, are almost invariably looking for mom aged what she was aged when they were two or three -- as that's their real emotional age no matter what their biological or intellectual age is.) If you're sure it's not what it's about, it can be healthy and strong. Good luck!

[VeeCee]

I think age differences can be very good in a relationship. When i was in my early 20's i dated women in their 30's, and now that i am older i have gone the other way and sometimes dated younger women. The combination of fresh energy and experience can be a great benefit to both.

 

On the flip side of the older woman/younger man scenario, I've been dating an "older" man for the past seven years. Truthfully the sex is much better than when I was married/dated men my own age. That could be because I'm more comfortable with my own sexuality now, or he has less of a need to prove himself. Who knows?

 

Anyway, I think each relationship is unique. Enjoy it for what it is.

 

V.

[Wayfarer64]

Age makes little difference to me. Older, younger same aged, it is the heart and mind that matter-the body can be ignored -even when making love!

 

But the heart/soul connection is what is real...

 

I for one have almost entirely given up on American women-just as I have given up on American society-

there is so little culture here and so much materialism and attitude about status that I want to laugh/cry/scream/puke when I contemplate the wasted enegy and life forces ...

[Taomeow]

I think age differences can be very good in a relationship. When i was in my early 20's i dated women in their 30's, and now that i am older i have gone the other way and sometimes dated younger women.

So... you choose women based on age, and consistently choose women who remain in about the same age group regardless of your own ? Did you ever try to check what that age might be vis a vis how old your mom was when you were 3? And if by any chance you do notice it matches, are you really sure anyone who notices it automatically qualifies as a "ballbuster?"

Edited August 24, 2007 by Taomeow

[Eric23]

What would concern me far more than age difference is the 2 children. All sorts of looming complications if a serious long term relationship is being considered. My only comment on the boobs thing is that they are all good.

[Celtic Dragon]

[三江源]

I hope you can make her feel that her breasts are still beautiful, GT, even though they arent young.

[musette]

Hi, GT !

 

it is said that the shen is alive and with you as long as you ask questions like "Why, What, When, How do I do this etc.'.

 

why not asking yourself about how to make her feel like a woman, and how you can see her more like a woman and less like mom or other ?

 

Why not searching for things you all can do so that you and the kids work it out fine for all of you?

 

Why don't you try to forget what you know about her and women and look at her everyday as you've never known her before ? You might discover something new and attractive if you forget and if you let go all the nonsense we are programmed about regarding relationships.

 

I've seen girls married to men 10 years older, who even if after the marriage and after having children they remained the same charming young ladies I've always known. Why ? Because they deserve it, because they take care of themselves and because those men knew how to "preserve" their innate beauty.

 

Love her as she is or not.

Even more, love her and let her go in the same time and you can enjoy your relationship. trust me, it really works

 

Was it too romantic ? cause it sounded like it to me... anyway, I told you things I learnt from experience

 

musette

 

Did I mention that you can have 27 but look like 17 ?

It's possible. Just... practice !

I think her breasts look fine cause... if you look again... and again.. and again... she is soooo pretty and sexy ! and very young too !

 

use your imagination, boy, if you can't use your hands all the time...

Intention is the key... practice is the lock... and the rest is... what you got !

 

musette