altered state/'inception'/psychotic episode/'qlippothic tunnel'

[sunchild]

i'm posting this in hopes of gaining a more thorough understanding of what happened to me a few months ago that i am still recovering from.

 

 

the duration of this episode was a few months give or take (3-4 maybe more)

 

whenever i was in public either alone or with company, A LOT of the people around me would look at me and stare. i would be walking on the sidewalks and often they would slow down or speed up to where i was standing/walking. i call this episode 'inception' because one day when walking around town with an old acquaintance he noticed that many of the people around us were staring at me, it was quite unsettling for him. he began to treat me very differently. i remember one day distinctly as we were walking down a sidewalk and all the cars passing were staring at us he said ,"you know, it's kind of like that movie inception. like we're in your subconscious, look at how all these people around us are acting". we met less and less, until our friendship completely dissolved.

(i'm aware this is hard to believe but i swear this. i would walk anywhere crowded or uncrowded and people would just stare at me like i was god or something)

 

during this time i was also working at a restaurant. when i would be walking around the tables, the people talking would seem to be talking about very exact things that pertained to my current situation in life- it was like they were speaking directly to me. even down to things i would be currently thinking- people i was talking to already or that i was near would start talking about whatever was currently on my mind- like they could read my mind, it was very unnerving, at this point i became very fearful of my mental state. i had many cryptic conversations with complete strangers during the time at the restaurant that i still haven't completely got the meaning of, and i know that sounds like 'reaching' but the 'vibe' of these conversations were Very heavy.

i noticed when i would be walking around the restaurant the children were Very interested in me. they would stand up in the booths and peek out at me, always smiling- sometimes waving. i had toddlers run up to me and try to 'communicate'. one night i saw a toddler staring at me from a car giggling and gesturing a 'halo' to his father from his baby seat when he was looking at me, his father looked really confused/suspicious.

(there are many other events similar to this that took place.)

 

 

more recently about two months ago i was out about town with another acquaintance in the mall and i he noticed that "everyone was staring at him". he started to become quite uncomfortable. he is fairly vain though, and i could see him starting to bask in it. then suddenly he noticed that all the people around us in the mall were staring at me and not him and he suddenly wanted nothing to do with me. i just ignored what was going on and pretended he was seeing things, this did not stop the 'staring' at all. he doesn't talk to me anymore, only when he is in dire need of assistance in some way.

 

i do not know what nay of this means.

[sunchild]

all this started happening about a year after my initial 'kunadlini arousal'(how its been described to me.)

 

this event was triggered, in my belief, by a 3 month period of me sungazing every morning and evening. when i woke up before i would sungaze i would candlegaze(practice trataka for about 20-30 minutes on average). i was in complete isolation and meditated on emptiness and deep prayers. i was celibate(also in thought). i also used no artificial lighting and noticed my body set itself to the suns schedule. i would wake up around 5:30am at first light and i would get extremely drowsy and tired around sunset.

[sunchild]

i have a permanent yellow dot in the center of my field of vision, that i try to ignore most of the time. sometimes when i'm deep in thought, feeling 'oneness' or in meditation it becomes a blue dot.

 

when i look at people they seem to notice right away.

women flip their hair and other similar behaviors when i meet them with my gaze.(whether they be on foot or in their car or wherever)

[sunchild]

i noticed my thought often leak out or are broadcasted to people immediately around me.

 

questions im about to answer from others, my answer im thinking just comes out of anothers persons mouth(verbatim).

 

this is not fun. especially when my thinking is negative, others seem to notice right away, and 'know' the details of.

 

whenever i inflame myself with prayer others seem to notice immediately, teating me like some sort of holy person, but im just trying to protect my mental space.

[sunchild]

during this period was the first time i saw a spirit manifest on the physical plane, before i had just sensed them physically.

 

it appeared as a black mist in my living room and my dog was barking his head off at it.

 

my dog had been barking at 'nothing' around my bedtime for quite a while.

[sunchild]

one day at the grocery store while i was walking around, i noticed i was 'bleeding into people'.

 

it was like i could feel there magnetic field passing me, people passing by felt like velcro bubbles getting 'stuck' to me. i also picked up on exactly what they were feeling and sometimes their immediate thoughts, some of them were very personal and i could easily distinguish them from my own. i don't know.

[Nungali]

a 3 month period of me sungazing every morning and evening.

 

i have a permanent yellow dot in the center of my field of vision,

 

You need a balanced and grounded teacher ... or at least an advisor.

 

If it isnt too late, you need to work on making a 'bubble' of protection .... as I see, at this stage, you are far from being able to absorb , balance and neutralise .

Edited July 28, 2014 by Nungali

[Aetherous]

It's best that you assume none of this means anything. Then things go back to normal, and normal is advanced. Assuming that these things mean something opens the door for delusions...one realizes this when sitting in a psych ward (hmm, perhaps I was wrong about that stuff). Let go of experiences...they pass, which means they're not to be trusted! What stays is the fact that you have to deal with the realities of life, such as paying the bills, etc. So focus on your duties in life, too.

Edited July 28, 2014 by Aetherous