Weather

[Mystique Enigma]

It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.

 

Also, being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"

 

"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the meteorologist at the weather service responded. So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared.

 

A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. "Is it going to be a very cold winter?"

"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's definitely going to be a very cold winter." The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find.

 

Two weeks later, he called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"

 

"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever."

 

"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.

 

The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting wood like crazy."

[Marblehead]

It is still summer here. And it has been a very long, hot, and dry one. I will be glad when the temperatures stop getting into the 100s.

[GrandmasterP]

Been dry n chilly here this past month.

Warm front due from the west tomorrow but that might bring some rain.

We could do with the rain for the garden mind you but the harvest is in full swing so the farmers want it to stay dry.

Edited September 15, 2014 by GrandmasterP

[Nungali]

Strewth mate ! The weather's up the shit down here !

 

"

"We'll all be rooned," said Hanrahan,

In accents most forlorn,

Outside the church, ere Mass began,

One frosty Sunday morn.

The congregation stood about,

Coat-collars to the ears,

And talked of stock, and crops, and drought,

As it had done for years.

"It's lookin' crook," said Daniel Croke;

"Bedad, it's cruke, me lad,

For never since the banks went broke

Has seasons been so bad."

"It's dry, all right," said young O'Neil,

With which astute remark

He squatted down upon his heel

And chewed a piece of bark.

And so around the chorus ran

"It's keepin' dry, no doubt."

"We'll all be rooned," said Hanrahan,

"Before the year is out.

"The crops are done; ye'll have your work

To save one bag of grain;

From here way out to Back-o'-Bourke

They're singin' out for rain.

"They're singin' out for rain," he said,

"And all the tanks are dry."

The congregation scratched its head,

And gazed around the sky.

"There won't be grass, in any case,

Enough to feed an ass;

There's not a blade on Casey's place

As I came down to Mass."

"If rain don't come this month," said Dan,

And cleared his throat to speak--

"We'll all be rooned," said Hanrahan,

"If rain don't come this week."

A heavy silence seemed to steal

On all at this remark;

And each man squatted on his heel,

And chewed a piece of bark.

"We want a inch of rain, we do,"

O'Neil observed at last;

But Croke "maintained" we wanted two

To put the danger past.

"If we don't get three inches, man,

Or four to break this drought,

We'll all be rooned," said Hanrahan,

"Before the year is out."

In God's good time down came the rain;

And all the afternoon

On iron roof and window-pane

It drummed a homely tune.

And through the night it pattered still,

And lightsome, gladsome elves

On dripping spout and window-sill

Kept talking to themselves.

It pelted, pelted all day long,

A-singing at its work,

Till every heart took up the song

Way out to Back-o'Bourke.

And every creek a banker ran,

And dams filled overtop;

"We'll all be rooned," said Hanrahan,

"If this rain doesn't stop."

And stop it did, in God's good time;

And spring came in to fold

A mantle o'er the hills sublime

Of green and pink and gold.

And days went by on dancing feet,

With harvest-hopes immense,

And laughing eyes beheld the wheat

Nid-nodding o'er the fence.

And, oh, the smiles on every face,

As happy lad and lass

Through grass knee-deep on Casey's place

Went riding down to Mass.

While round the church in clothes genteel

Discoursed the men of mark,

And each man squatted on his heel,

And chewed his piece of bark.

"There'll be bush-fires for sure, me man,

There will, without a doubt;

We'll all be rooned," said Hanrahan,

"Before the year is out."

John O'Brien

[GrandmasterP]

You'll never meet a farmer who is happy with the weather nor one who admits to doing well from farming either.

All the ones at our farmer's Co- Op are on their uppers to hear them talk.

Gods only knows how they ever scrape together enough to pay for the RVs, mega tractors, infinity pools and farmhouse extensions.

 

Edited September 15, 2014 by GrandmasterP

[Nungali]

A farmer was moving one of his herds down the road and some idiot in a sports car comes the otherway, not knowing how to deal with the situation he tries to slowly drive through the animals causing chaos. Eventually he stops and allows the animals to pass. He gets out the car as the farmer approaches; " What a nice pack of sheep you have there. I tell you what, if I can tell you the exact number in the pack, without counting them, will you give me one."

 

"Well I dont see hows , but you go on ahead young fella."

 

He sits in the car and turns on his satt nav, connects to the internet with his phone and pulls out a small calculator; " Hmm ... lets see ... ...... ...... < ........ ... > ..... okay, according to the government statistics, the board of agriculture, your farm holdings, recent weather, recommended grazing levels, the condition of your sheep, etc , etc . .. and my calculations ... you have, in this pack ... 89 sheep."

 

"Well I'll be!" Says the farmer " I would never have thought someone could do that."

 

The guy grabs an animal and starts trying to stuff it in his car . The farmer says " Now hold on a minute. What if I can tell you where you are from, who you work for , what you do for a job and what you are doing now - you give me my animal back?"

 

"Okay then."

 

"You live in the city, you work for a government department, you just finished university, and I would say some type of job in agriculture and this is your first field trip."

 

" My God! Thats all correct, how did you know."

 

"You drive like an idiot, its called a herd not a pack, they are goats not sheep, there is 62 of them, you use complex equipment you dont understand nor could you fix it if it broke, nor does it work properly to show field conditions and you use it for trivial purposes to boot, you dont produce anything yet you appear to have much more money than me , so take my dog out of your car and fuck off."

Edited September 16, 2014 by Nungali