In memory of a friend

[Silent Answers]

A young buddy of mine took his own life a few days ago around his 21st Bday...just days after I had spoken to him about his problems. It was such a small thing...and now I'll never hear his voice again.

 

Depression and the feeling of wanting to die is such a horrible thing...When we become our own worst enemies... thoughts of despair being fed into our minds.

 

Part of me will always feel like I have failed you, Eric. If I could have been there in person instead of just talking over the phone...I'm sure I could have helped.

 

Death is the ultimate reminder of life's worth...you had so much more worth living for, if only there was another way for you to see it. But I don't want to dwell on what should have been...Instead it's another reminder for us all to seek out every opportunity to help anyone in anyway we can. I hope I can make a difference next time.

 

RIP Eric Scanlan - You're being missed.

[thelerner]

I'm very sorry for your loss.

 

I think your words and sentiments have been echoed by many families and good friends. But know this, you are blameless. We aren't omniscient, we don't know the future, we do what we can, with what we know at the time.

[Silent Answers]

I'm very sorry for your loss.

 

I think your words and sentiments have been echoed by many families and good friends. But know this, you are blameless. We aren't omniscient, we don't know the future, we do what we can, with what we know at the time.

Thanks for the kind words TL.

 

I'm trying not to blame myself...but as one of the last people he spoke to, I know I could have done better... Only in hindsight of course. I hate seeing that kind of suffering win, when there's so much more to live for....

 

I feel worse because I'm often detached and find it hard to appreciate what I have myself... I mean to really FEEL appreciation for what I have, at all times. Simply knowing it as a fact isn't enough. Being accustomed to this way of thinking, spotting others in the same boat is easier... But when you can't fully cure yourself from these demons, how can you expect to heal others? I'm a hypocrit.

 

There are the things I know and believe... And then there's the very different world of how we feel. At least this is the case for me right now and sadly for my friend, that feeling overpowered knowledge.

[Taomeow]

I'm very sorry for your loss.

[Silent Answers]

Just want to add, that while being truly grateful to have support from friends here, I don't want this to come across as being all about me and my loss... Rather a reminder for us all to go the extra mile to help whenever we can.

 

As well as storing a final memory of this young man in a place that may outlive my own mind.

[C T]

Its always hard when someone close decides to end their life at such a young age.

 

It was at that same age when my younger brother went on a drink binge after breaking

up with his girlfriend. Picked up another girl he met in a pub (out of frustration) and together

went for a crazy high speed drive. Crashed - he died, and the girl was injured.

Such a waste, and so so sad.

Life is different after that.

But we try to mend

somehow...

 

RIP Eric Scanlan.

[Songtsan]

I wrote a stupid post while I was myself feeling suicidal, but erased it....I am sorry for your loss. Suicide is an issue I hold deep.

Edited September 22, 2014 by Songtsan

[Apech]

Very sad.

[Marblehead]

Yes, sad about the loss and the life cut short.

 

But he lives on in your memory.

[GrandmasterP]

RIP Eric and all good wishes to you Silent Answers.

Edited September 22, 2014 by GrandmasterP

[Brian]

My condolences to you and to the Scanlan family for your loss.

[Silent Answers]

For some reason "quote" just doesn't work on my work's internet connection.

CT, thank you sincerely...All life is precious, but I can't begin to imagine what that must have been like for you.

I wish I knew your brother's name, but regardless - may he rest in peace too.

Your respect for his memory has touched me.

*Edit* I wrote this earlier and didn't have time to post, since then more of you have left words of kindness...thank you all dearly. It really means a lot to me and I'm sure if I can pass it onto his family, they will appreciate it too.

Edited September 22, 2014 by Silent Answers

[C T]

. _/\_ Thank you too. After 18 years, i still miss him, sometimes more so considering the loss my parents had to endure.

[Mandrake]

Clinical depression and psychological trauma is a horrendous illness that takes away so much good from individuals and humanity.
The person who takes his own life is often already dead inside.

My empathy goes out to you. My best friend's brother also decided to end his life at a too young age.


Now,

"But know this, you are blameless. We aren't omniscient, we don't know the future, we do what we can, with what we know at the time."

I've thought about this lately, and tend to not agree with this thinking anymore.

Why?

A person doesn't die in isolation, but as a part of a group, that succumbs. Our lives are entwined in a myriad small -presences- and in each presence we take a choice to either act or not act. Those both choices are ethical ones.

We know that people commit suicide - it's not as if it is the first time in history, totally surprising everybody - and we know that it doesn't happen out of the blue, but subsequently to deep inner problem-situation.
So what do people tend to do? They discount the pain of others when it is expressed. "Oh, things will get better", "Cheer up", "Look at the bright side of life", "everyone is sad now and then" and other similar inane comments. Few people will reach out and outright tell "I'm contemplating suicide", so we need to be ready, and we need to go counter the taboo of asking "Are you thinking about suicide?"
Usually, the suffering person only communicates very warily, often due to not being able to trust people out of the experience of her own history.

People want to look good. They want to have clean hands. Thus they retort with surprise, even though deep inside they remember they noticed signs of things being wrong.
But consider this: If you were squarely told that "X is going to die in this amount of time unless some counter force is coming up", would you sacrifice comfort, time, and money - a place in your apartment - in order to help a person become alive both outside and inside?

I have seen this happen rarely, thus I don't believe most people are particularly virtuous, or a strong force for the good of humanity. I've met a handful, and they are the treasure of earth.

But in the future, don't brush away those small signs. Don't belittle anybody's wary attempt to hint at their inner suffering.


Mandrake

[Silent Answers]

Clinical depression and psychological trauma is a horrendous illness that takes away so much good from individuals and humanity.

The person who takes his own life is often already dead inside.

 

My empathy goes out to you. My best friend's brother also decided to end his life at a too young age.

 

 

Now,

 

"But know this, you are blameless. We aren't omniscient, we don't know the future, we do what we can, with what we know at the time."

 

I've thought about this lately, and tend to not agree with this thinking anymore.

 

Why?

 

A person doesn't die in isolation, but as a part of a group, that succumbs. Our lives are entwined in a myriad small -presences- and in each presence we take a choice to either act or not act. Those both choices are ethical ones.

 

We know that people commit suicide - it's not as if it is the first time in history, totally surprising everybody - and we know that it doesn't happen out of the blue, but subsequently to deep inner problem-situation.

So what do people tend to do? They discount the pain of others when it is expressed. "Oh, things will get better", "Cheer up", "Look at the bright side of life", "everyone is sad now and then" and other similar inane comments. Few people will reach out and outright tell "I'm contemplating suicide", so we need to be ready, and we need to go counter the taboo of asking "Are you thinking about suicide?"

Usually, the suffering person only communicates very warily, often due to not being able to trust people out of the experience of her own history.

 

People want to look good. They want to have clean hands. Thus they retort with surprise, even though deep inside they remember they noticed signs of things being wrong.

But consider this: If you were squarely told that "X is going to die in this amount of time unless some counter force is coming up", would you sacrifice comfort, time, and money - a place in your apartment - in order to help a person become alive both outside and inside?

 

I have seen this happen rarely, thus I don't believe most people are particularly virtuous, or a strong force for the good of humanity. I've met a handful, and they are the treasure of earth.

 

But in the future, don't brush away those small signs. Don't belittle anybody's wary attempt to hint at their inner suffering.

 

 

Mandrake

I hope this doesn't turn out to be a debate.. But you're exactly right.

 

And

 

This was a guy I knew for about a year, but he was a genuinely nice guy. If I could have really known that a day or two later he'd find himself in that position, I most definitely would have spent my last penny flying him out here so that I can show him something worth living for.

[joeblast]

Just dont beat yourself up thinking you could have done more. You saw the situation and gave it what you thought it needed....that it wasnt enough doesnt diminish the effort you put forth. When someone makes that choice its their own and they gotta deal with the karma that comes with it.

 

I've had that happen to others around me in life....more than once over the years...and you *always* think what could I have done differently. If the person is hellbent on doing it then they're simply not going to give plentiful clues and those left are always trying to think what else they might have been able to do.

 

You do what you can while things are here living breathing....but dont expect omniscience of yourself...

 

/\

[C T]

Just dont beat yourself up thinking you could have done more. You saw the situation and gave it what you thought it needed....that it wasnt enough doesnt diminish the effort you put forth. When someone makes that choice its their own and they gotta deal with the karma that comes with it.

 

I've had that happen to others around me in life....more than once over the years...and you *always* think what could I have done differently. If the person is hellbent on doing it then they're simply not going to give plentiful clues and those left are always trying to think what else they might have been able to do.

 

You do what you can while things are here living breathing....but dont expect omniscience of yourself...

 

/\

Thats so true.

[Unseen_Abilities]

I laughed at Death earlier this evening - not to tempt it, not in its face, but I laughed at Death. I now understand Death to a degree that I haven't ever before. It's a Scorpionic thing, Death is. I'm very sorry to hear about your friend - having been close to suicide myself I empathise with the level of pain he must have been going through, and I can offer you the perspective that if he felt it was the only option he had left to free himself, then it may have, in a way, been for the best.

 

My condolences to those affected by the incident.

Edited September 22, 2014 by Unseen_Abilities

[Songtsan]

I have many times felt a 'sick energy' that made life seem horrible, diseased, and alien...as if I was in hell and this was a torment for my soul. These are the times I really wanted to end it or actually tried. It is like a disease of the nervous system almost - a psychic energy which seems utterly horrendous - as if the world and everyone in it was an insane evil carnival delusion that one was caught in and which could only be escaped with death. I doubt everything (religion, good intentions, that there are any compassionate spirits out there). It goes in line with paranoia. Other times I would just have a bleak, lusterless lethargic feeling of 'no life.' This wasn't as motivating to commit suicide as the stuff above, yet would create intense lasting stagnation which affected my whole being - completely derailing my forward progress. Sometimes the trick was just to let go and not try to be not-depressed, then I was just experiencing that energy without being negatively attached to it.

[Silent Answers]

I have many times felt a 'sick energy' that made life seem horrible, diseased, and alien...as if I was in hell and this was a torment for my soul. These are the times I really wanted to end it or actually tried. It is like a disease of the nervous system almost - a psychic energy which seems utterly horrendous - as if the world and everyone in it was an insane evil carnival delusion that one was caught in and which could only be escaped with death. I doubt everything (religion, good intentions, that there are any compassionate spirits out there). It goes in line with paranoia. Other times I would just have a bleak, lusterless lethargic feeling of 'no life.' This wasn't as motivating to commit suicide as the stuff above, yet would create intense lasting stagnation which affected my whole being - completely derailing my forward progress. Sometimes the trick was just to let go and not try to be not-depressed, then I was just experiencing that energy without being negatively attached to it.

Sometimes it does feel like these thoughts are not our own. Like there's an evil whispering negativity into our minds.

 

If it does seem to be an outside force, that means you should be able to ignore it, viewing it like a mosquito that feeds off of your negative emotion.

 

But on the other hand, a lot of depression is rooted in surpressed childhood experiences. These are issues that you can try to pinpoint and release through meditation. Some blockages are stubborn though and require more work until you can finally put them to rest.

 

But like I said I'm a hypocrit on this subject, I still have a lot of blocks which I'm still opening up. I guess you have to see the fun side of it... When depression shows it's face, treat it like a naughty/cheeky child that wants some attention.

[mYTHmAKER]

Sorry for your loss. You were there for him and that is all we can do - we have no control over what others choose.

Edited September 23, 2014 by mYTHmAKER

[Songtsan]

Sometimes it does feel like these thoughts are not our own. Like there's an evil whispering negativity into our minds.

 

If it does seem to be an outside force, that means you should be able to ignore it, viewing it like a mosquito that feeds off of your negative emotion.

 

But on the other hand, a lot of depression is rooted in surpressed childhood experiences. These are issues that you can try to pinpoint and release through meditation. Some blockages are stubborn though and require more work until you can finally put them to rest.

 

But like I said I'm a hypocrit on this subject, I still have a lot of blocks which I'm still opening up. I guess you have to see the fun side of it... When depression shows it's face, treat it like a naughty/cheeky child that wants some attention.

 

Yep! I have oft wondered about possession and vampiric entities. And I also have the childhood trauma too....I think sometimes that if you have felt suicidal at a young age, it may be that something entered into an unsuspecting young person's energy body and fixed on...not sure yet..