Is celibacy for 10 years realistic?

[ganjaboy]

Background: 20 year old male, turning 21 in the spring. Former great loss of jing, ojas, meaning of being "man", etc. due to pornography and masturbation. Of course I have long since quit these behaviors in favor of spiritual practice. But I want to take it a step further - I'd like to remain celibate for approximately 10 years in order to give myself opportunity to deepen spiritually and use my creative energies for other purposes.

 

Some call this "Brahmacharya". and traditionally it lasts 12 years in disciplined practice, but I'm shooting for the decade between ages 20 and 30. This is the time of my life when I feel I will have the most potentially to do and achieve anything I want.

 

While celibate I've noticed that the creative CHI life energies naturally flow elsewhere; art, music, literature, film, theater, even raw emotion seem to come alive for me at a whole new level. I am an artist and would like to seriously devote my energy to creation because I believe I have something to contribute to this realm in the world.

 

I am currently seeing a girlfriend, and we are dating, but I haven't yet mentioned to her my plan. That said I feel that she is a soulmate, and perhaps she would understand (cliche, but true love waits). I believe dating should occur for years before marriage.

 

Am I deluding myself by believing that such a period of self-realization would change me as a person, and perhaps take me some distance toward the realm of enlightenment?

[Protector]

I can't imagine that working out well

Adapt whenever appropriate

[GreytoWhite]

Why in all hell would this seem like a good idea? Christ on a crutch reaching for the bag of wine son! Get your girlfriend involved in her own energy practice and get some dual cultivation or meditative sex practices in your life. You'll live a much richer life than denying your biological motivation its use.

[katsura]

Chronic masturbators may feel a temporary high when they refrain from ejaculating for a few days, and this suddenly becomes an evangel for them, totally unmoored from all the actual internal alchemy practices that make celibacy relevant to spirituality.

 

Yes, you're delusional. You're not going to hew to monastic vows for ten years in a non-monastic context, least of all in a committed relationship. You're a 21 year old child; you don't even know who the hell you are yet.

 

[z00se]

I remember when i was a little kid and my mum told me off and sent me to my room. "I'm never going to talk to her again!" I said. Haha, how silly i was back then.

 

10 years of daily practice will get you alot further than not having sex. Infact i think you will be more enlightened by having sex. More experiences = more enlightened.

[Cheshire Cat]

I am currently seeing a girlfriend, and we are dating, but I haven't yet mentioned to her my plan. That said I feel that she is a soulmate, and perhaps she would understand (cliche, but true love waits). I believe dating should occur for years before marriage.

 

How could you date a girl and -at the same time- plan to remain celibate?

[C T]

Background: 20 year old male, turning 21 in the spring. Former great loss of jing, ojas, meaning of being "man", etc. due to pornography and masturbation. Of course I have long since quit these behaviors in favor of spiritual practice. But I want to take it a step further - I'd like to remain celibate for approximately 10 years in order to give myself opportunity to deepen spiritually and use my creative energies for other purposes.

 

Some call this "Brahmacharya". and traditionally it lasts 12 years in disciplined practice, but I'm shooting for the decade between ages 20 and 30. This is the time of my life when I feel I will have the most potentially to do and achieve anything I want.

 

While celibate I've noticed that the creative CHI life energies naturally flow elsewhere; art, music, literature, film, theater, even raw emotion seem to come alive for me at a whole new level. I am an artist and would like to seriously devote my energy to creation because I believe I have something to contribute to this realm in the world.

 

I am currently seeing a girlfriend, and we are dating, but I haven't yet mentioned to her my plan. That said I feel that she is a soulmate, and perhaps she would understand (cliche, but true love waits). I believe dating should occur for years before marriage.

 

Am I deluding myself by believing that such a period of self-realization would change me as a person, and perhaps take me some distance toward the realm of enlightenment?

I am a fan of noble endeavours! Go for it if there is acceptance from your soulmate.

Its not that difficult after the first year. Mine lasted 9 years, so i believe you can do it.

 

Its natural for people to have difficulty wrapping their minds around this.

 

All the best to you.

[Jetsun]

It would probably be better for your mental, emotional, physical, spiritual health to have lots of intimate sex.

[C T]

It would probably be better for your mental, emotional, physical, spiritual health to have lots of intimate sex.

Intimate sex can be experienced beyond the realm of the physical too. It can be expressed

as transmuted energies in the freedom of one's unlimited creativity pool.

 

Playfully venture beyond the conventions set down by the status quo... push the inner boundaries!

Certainly a bonus when you're an artist.

[BaguaKicksAss]

I'm curious, by celibate do you all mean no masturbation in there too? I'm assuming so if it's for energetic reasons.

 

10 years wow, and here I'm thinking 100 days is a major accomplishment .

 

But do what feels right for you, no matter what others say. Also though, if you slip up, don't get mad at yourself over it. 10 years is a long time for anything. Saying who you will be in 10 years from now is nearly impossible. Don't let that deter you though, or anything deter you from what you want in life, no matter what is it.

 

For dating, there are asexual folks around, so it is possible... but whether the person you are currently dating is up for that or not who knows. Definitely an important discussion to have.

Edited October 10, 2014 by BaguaKicksAss

[C T]

I'm curious, by celibate do you all mean no masturbation in there too?

Masturbation is only a means, and a very limited one at that (a few seconds duration), a little taster into what uncontaminated bliss feels like. There are other avenues which when opened leads to blissful experiences that can be spontaneously accessed during periods of intense focus on one's creative calling, or during meditative absorptions, or in my case, whenever i wanted - its like clicking a switch inside, not that difficult.

[Mandrake]

Many great points already.

 

 

I would like to add this:

 

If you are to undertake this because you want spiritual accomplishments, then there are things that are vastly more important. FIND A GREAT TEACHER first. In the long term, this is a factor that makes or breaks it, not if you do anything sexual or not. You do not want to be there, when you are 30, emerging from a celibacy with mediocre attainments and nothing else of accomplishment.

With a proper teacher, our celibacy can really play for you, instead of against you.

 

 

Best of luck!

Mandrake

[Marblehead]

Is celibacy for 10 years realistic?

 

It is once you reach my age.

[i am]

Yeah I think if you just decide to be celibate, you might suffer. The important thing is the sublimation of the sexual desires and using the sexual energy for spiritual progress. If all you're doing in daily life and with your girlfriend is trying your hardest to ignore a terrible case of blue-balls, I wouldn't call that spiritual progress. More likely you'll have a bad case of energy stagnation.

 

I second the call for a good teacher, though I think the majority of us know how difficult that can be to find.

[Aetherous]

If you can plan to do something for 10 years, and actually follow through with it, then I might suggest that you are beyond the stage of needing celibacy for your cultivation.

Also, if it were me, I'd be making love to my girlfriend. I'm not saying this because it's hard to understand celibacy, but because the teachings on sexual transmutation I've been given point to that direction...and away from the direction of denying her the things she needs, such as intimacy. To cultivate at the expense of others is not going to be fruitful cultivation. And there is dual cultivation, which is said to be more effective than celibacy itself, in terms of helping you transmute. So you might want to learn about that instead.

But having a plan and following through with it, is a very good thing. Better than creating a plan and then failing to follow through with it.

[C T]

What about the intention: One day at a time.

 

Every morning you can set your positive spiritual goal. And at the end of the day, review your actions. Continual self-reflection and a vow towards positive progress. While being gentle on yourself.

 

After looking back after 10 years, you can see your "attainments." Maybe you won't have been 100% successful at the specific celibacy that you seek, but perhaps you will have made some good progress.

Nicely said, RV!

 

Abstinence has many levels of benefit, none of which will manifest without gentleness, patience, forbearance and most of all, a large dose of humour.

[dawei]

There must be a curve to describe the best times to NATURALLY abstain... from 0-15 and let's make a bell curve and say the last 15 years of your life...

 

INTENTIONAL abstinence is going against the flow of nature. You might as well become a Trappist Monk and stop talking.

 

I abstained from TV for about 10 years... I am not going to kid myself that there is any comparison... except I did it without thought and asking others... it was just all too stupid and not where my energy was going and a waste of time and the decision was not a decision at all... it just happened... for 10 years... Back to NATURALLY abstaining...

 

Your putting ideals (you mentioned delusions), and obstacles in your path... Dating is for uncertainty, indecision, doubt, double-check, checking it out, and just waiting out the time... If you need time to decide... you are just buying time... for something out there or inside. If your going to play the field, don't play games with others. How can they become a part of a decision you have which they would never otherwise entertain. Your better off entertaining what life has in front of you.

 

Your over-thinking, over-evaluating, and under-appreciating nature itself and what unfolds in front of you at your age.

 

Have courage to face your inner thoughts and outer circumstances; they conflict at times because of our thinking. When you are pursuing something without much thought, without much questioning, without internet or TV... your on your Way...

[voidisyinyang]

celibacy is based on your "sea of chi" below the lower tan tien - it is your potential of yin chi energy.

 

When you have "false fire of the heart" then your spirit energy is used as a thought - it is a flash of holographic light focused on male reproduction - it descends down the spine and instantly turns your "sea of chi" energy into...

 

"yin jing" or water that then is lost as ejaculation.

 

So then to fix that problem you have to ionize or burn - you have to go into the Emptiness - stop the thoughts that caused the problem - and then you have to descend your spirit as from the Emptiness - from its true source - which then will convert or purify the yin jing back into "yin chi" energy.

 

When you are doing that you are creating your lower tan tien but it is only through that process do you finally fill your lower tan tien to create real chi as "yang chi" energy.

 

The ability to create "yang chi" depends on how much "yin chi" you still have left in your "sea of chi" below the lower tan tien.

 

So the younger you are - the less you have lost - then the easier it is for you to start creating "yang chi" assuming you follow the above celibacy path.

 

To also "sublimate" the lower "sea of chi" energy so it goes above the heart - then purifies it also since it is then burned by the heart fire to create "yin chi" again - but it must be stored in the lower tan tien still or the "yin chi" goes out of the eyes as "false fire of the heart."

 

so that is the next level of celibacy - to be able to keep building up the "yin chi" to actually create "yang chi" - it relies on both no loss of physical emission but also no loss of "yin chi" out of the eyes through any thoughts or spirit light - eye interaction - with sources causing such thoughts.

 

So obviously the standards are very strict and that's why there are so few real qigong masters in the modern world.

 

For example I've been "celibate" as in no physical sex for over ten years - but as I've describe above that's not nearly the same as actual celibacy for the qigong training.

 

You want to study the book "Taoist Yoga: Alchemy and Immortality" to learn why celibacy is the foundation of the real training.

 

I've had no emissions since April but again - that is not the same as not losing "yin chi" energy out of the eyes - which means I'm still not storing it up to create "Yang chi" as the real chi energy.

 

IT is said the traditional training is 100 days - 3 months or 1 gong - for strict celibacy - but that is doing meditation the whole time focused on the Emptiness - meeting the above standards.

 

It's much more than what is called "celibacy" in the modern world.

 

Some tricks to the training - learn full lotus posture as that will better sublimate your energy - sleep on the floor as a soft mattress is not conducive to your subconscious thoughts.

 

You have to control your subconscious thoughts in your dreams - to wake yourself up - since that type of dream with emission is not really a dream - or to reverse that - being awake is another type of dream controlled by our subconscious reproductive reality making us into instinctual machines or sorts.

 

So since the training is based on the Emptiness then even talking about the subject goes against the actual training - and so talking about also requires having to meditation to reverse the subconscious damage - since talking is left-brain dominant which cuts off the connection to the Emptiness.

 

Another trick is to keep your tongue against the roof of your mouth as much as possible - this prevents energy from being lost out of the mouth - the "yin chi" energy - and then helps it to descend back down to the lower tan tien.

 

Those are some steps in the practice of celibacy.

 

 

[sillybearhappyhoneyeater]

the ages between 20 and 30 are a bad time to practice this.

 

here are a few pointers -

- your body was designed to be sexual. sexuality is one of the primary functions of the body and you have an entire system of organis, glands, hormones, and supporting emotions to support it.

- if you haven't been taught a clear way to develop jing into qi and shen, then this practice can only be destructive.

you will just go nuts (no pun intended).

- spiritual accomplishment rarely comes to the person who isn't willing to follow the middle path. the act of sex is not an anti spiritual activity.

- meditation practice is not hurt seriously by sex, but after the age of forty, it is often a good idea to slow down sexually a bit, in order to conserve energy for other tasks such as work.

- the human body is a wonderful thing and should be used in the way it was designed.

- your girlfriend will appreciate it if you shag her sometimes.

and finally

-learning how to control your sexual urges is much healthier than simply ignoring them altogether. learning when it is appropriate or not to enjoy a sexual encounter is one of the secrets of developing as a human being. learning the true morality of sexuality is extremely important, and if you don't start young, you may never learn it completely. so many relitionships are ruined by weird sex issues that come up. best to stay as healthy and normal as possible

[C T]

the ages between 20 and 30 are a bad time to practice this.

Can you verify this to be factual? I don't think so. Why? Because its a fallacy.

 

here are a few pointers -

- your body was designed to be sexual. sexuality is one of the primary functions of the body and you have an entire system of organis, glands, hormones, and supporting emotions to support it.

- if you haven't been taught a clear way to develop jing into qi and shen, then this practice can only be destructive.

you will just go nuts (no pun intended).

What is your source of reference that the body was designed to be sexual?

Thinking that way is why you believe the entire system have to align to support that belief. That in itself is a tiring thought.

 

No wonder people are getting more confused... so much complexity added when it can be such a simple practice. First you advice against doing the practice between ages of 20 - 30, then you mentioned that its ok to do provided one has full knowledge of energy sublimination... you'd do well to be clearer with your intentions.

 

- spiritual accomplishment rarely comes to the person who isn't willing to follow the middle path. the act of sex is not an anti spiritual activity.

- meditation practice is not hurt seriously by sex, but after the age of forty, it is often a good idea to slow down sexually a bit, in order to conserve energy for other tasks such as work.

Agree with the advice about following the middle path; this however has little to do with re-channeling one's sexual energies into one's creative or spiritual pursuits. If sex is an indulgence or addiction, then it becomes anti-spiritual in some sense, that is, unless one knows how to draw on the psychosis itself to enhance one's path.

 

That idea about slowing down after 40 is another fallacy. Absolutely no supporting evidence to say that a person should slow down sexual activity after 40. In fact, sex becomes more empowering after 40, and can continue to do so as long as it does not turn one into a perverted monster.

 

- the human body is a wonderful thing and should be used in the way it was designed.

What is the body designed for, if i may ask? Are you implying that the sole purpose of the body is to have sex?

 

- your girlfriend will appreciate it if you shag her sometimes.

How would you know what his girlfriend appreciates?

 

and finally

-learning how to control your sexual urges is much healthier than simply ignoring them altogether. learning when it is appropriate or not to enjoy a sexual encounter is one of the secrets of developing as a human being. learning the true morality of sexuality is extremely important, and if you don't start young, you may never learn it completely. so many relitionships are ruined by weird sex issues that come up. best to stay as healthy and normal as possible

This advice is totally in line with, and relevant to, the OP's motive for starting this discussion.

Edited October 11, 2014 by C T

[allinone]

it would take you few years to immortality, enlightenment. Every next year it will become harder and harder to get that goal.

 

Why bother with celibacy 10 years? is a mistery to me.

[ganjaboy]

So many great responses here, thanks. I don't know where to begin!

 

You're not going to hew to monastic vows for ten years in a non-monastic context, least of all in a committed relationship. You're a 21 year old child; you don't even know who the hell you are yet.

So you can see my future? I've noticed that the longer I cultivate the stronger my willpower gets. 10 months and still going strong over here!

It would probably be better for your mental, emotional, physical, spiritual health to have lots of intimate sex.

That's the easy path. But what if I was able to get fulfillment and benefits to my spiritual health in other ways? Music! Art! Just being the best person I can in a lot of areas of my life and having empathy for my fellow man. I'm trying to become less selfish.

 

Intimate sex can be experienced beyond the realm of the physical too. It can be expressed

as transmuted energies in the freedom of one's unlimited creativity pool.

 

Playfully venture beyond the conventions set down by the status quo... push the inner boundaries!

Certainly a bonus when you're an artist.

I agree entire. Music is a type of bliss of the soul, as an example. I've noticed that as celibate the strains of music sound all the sweeter and I feel it all at a much deeper level.

 

I'm curious, by celibate do you all mean no masturbation in there too? I'm assuming so if it's for energetic reasons.

 

10 years wow, and here I'm thinking 100 days is a major accomplishment .

 

But do what feels right for you, no matter what others say. Also though, if you slip up, don't get mad at yourself over it. 10 years is a long time for anything. Saying who you will be in 10 years from now is nearly impossible. Don't let that deter you though, or anything deter you from what you want in life, no matter what is it.

 

For dating, there are asexual folks around, so it is possible... but whether the person you are currently dating is up for that or not who knows. Definitely an important discussion to have.

Oh, I don't ultimately plan on an asexual relationship. This 10 year period would be a trial period for me, to see how far I can push myself and how much I can deepen my character beyond the common person. I don't believe in asexuality for a long-term relationship. I also don't believe that sexuality or sexual capacity has to, by ANY means, decline beyond a given arbitrary age i.e. 40. If I stay in excellent health, who knows, perhaps my capacity will grow.

 

Many great points already.

 

 

I would like to add this:

 

If you are to undertake this because you want spiritual accomplishments, then there are things that are vastly more important. FIND A GREAT TEACHER first. In the long term, this is a factor that makes or breaks it, not if you do anything sexual or not. You do not want to be there, when you are 30, emerging from a celibacy with mediocre attainments and nothing else of accomplishment.

With a proper teacher, our celibacy can really play for you, instead of against you.

 

 

Best of luck!

Mandrake

Thank you! I will endeavor to find a teacher as I agree it is necessary.

 

If you can plan to do something for 10 years, and actually follow through with it, then I might suggest that you are beyond the stage of needing celibacy for your cultivation.

Also, if it were me, I'd be making love to my girlfriend. I'm not saying this because it's hard to understand celibacy, but because the teachings on sexual transmutation I've been given point to that direction...and away from the direction of denying her the things she needs, such as intimacy. To cultivate at the expense of others is not going to be fruitful cultivation. And there is dual cultivation, which is said to be more effective than celibacy itself, in terms of helping you transmute. So you might want to learn about that instead.

But having a plan and following through with it, is a very good thing. Better than creating a plan and then failing to follow through with it.

Agreed.

 

What about the intention: One day at a time.

 

Every morning you can set your positive spiritual goal. And at the end of the day, review your actions. Continual self-reflection and a vow towards positive progress. While being gentle on yourself.

 

After looking back after 10 years, you can see your "attainments." Maybe you won't have been 100% successful at the specific celibacy that you seek, but perhaps you will have made some good progress.

I like this.

 

 

the ages between 20 and 30 are a bad time to practice this.

 

here are a few pointers -

- your body was designed to be sexual. sexuality is one of the primary functions of the body and you have an entire system of organis, glands, hormones, and supporting emotions to support it.

- if you haven't been taught a clear way to develop jing into qi and shen, then this practice can only be destructive.

you will just go nuts (no pun intended).

- spiritual accomplishment rarely comes to the person who isn't willing to follow the middle path. the act of sex is not an anti spiritual activity.

- meditation practice is not hurt seriously by sex, but after the age of forty, it is often a good idea to slow down sexually a bit, in order to conserve energy for other tasks such as work.

- the human body is a wonderful thing and should be used in the way it was designed.

- your girlfriend will appreciate it if you shag her sometimes.

and finally

-learning how to control your sexual urges is much healthier than simply ignoring them altogether. learning when it is appropriate or not to enjoy a sexual encounter is one of the secrets of developing as a human being. learning the true morality of sexuality is extremely important, and if you don't start young, you may never learn it completely. so many relitionships are ruined by weird sex issues that come up. best to stay as healthy and normal as possible

Can you explain exactly why after 40 sexual capacity declines? I'm in way better health now than I was two years ago.

Edited October 12, 2014 by dhiggs

[silent thunder]

Retired friend of mine has never had sex in his life... claims he just never wanted it, was never interested in it and couldn't care less about it. He's just a regular retired guy and for what it's worth, I've known him for 16+ years and have no reason to doubt him.

 

It's just sex, it's not that big a deal to me either way.

 

My wife and I go through phases, where we are celibate and where we can't keep our hands off each other.

 

Nature moves in cycles. Be open. Resistance brings pain in my experience... and unnecessary suffering.

[C T]

Pain is often useful. It brings change and growth, two vital components of awakening. Suffering, on the other hand, happens when we try to fend off imagined or real conditions where we fear the onset of pain, a sort of living life constantly in apprehensive denial or seeking out substitutes or distractions where we think pain can be avoided (in other words, ignoring inevitability, which, from a Buddhist viewpoint, means birth, sickness, old age and death, all arising from a dualistic mindset).

 

Please excuse my thoughts veering off-topic.

[C T]

Retired friend of mine has never had sex in his life... claims he just never wanted it, was never interested in it and couldn't care less about it. He's just a regular retired guy and for what it's worth, I've known him for 16+ years and have no reason to doubt him.

 

It's just sex, it's not that big a deal to me either way.

 

My wife and I go through phases, where we are celibate and where we can't keep our hands off each other.

 

Nature moves in cycles. Be open. Resistance brings pain in my experience... and unnecessary suffering.

I can relate to everything said here; however, for me, i value the intimacy when yielding to sexual union, yet, i am just as happy and contented in the intimacies which can be shared outside of that too. I think you do as well, if im not mistaken.