The Killer Instinct

[dust]

Well, I take "killer instinct" to mean a sense to instantaneously and decisively fight back to a physical attack - the reptile brain response that is required for realistic self-defence.

 

Can a 3-year old learn this? Honest question.

 

Personally, I am of the firm belief that a child is the truest version of a person. If a child (especially one so young) is passive and non-aggressive, they should be taught how to utilize that first, before being forced into learning how to hit people (which is what the OP seems to want)

 

 

Moreover, the OP may be feeling that his kid lacks a sense of self protection in which case some adequate martial arts training could be advisable even if "only" for building up confidence.

 

Sure, I get that. I have wondered what I might be like now if I'd continued with judo as a young child, or taiji as a teen. Perhaps I'd be more confident as an adult. Who knows. The fact is, I gave up....

[dust]

I also think we're overlooking other ways out of the situation -- rather than reacting to the violence of the pushing, perhaps we could find a way to react to the child himself? Figure out why he's pushing? How to prevent it?

[BaguaKicksAss]

A lot of what happens between the ages of 3 and 5 are what sticks with the person their entire life, some very formative years. Think of how many people are still stuck with things they learned then, or still traumatized (internally) by things that happened during this time. Definitely a lot of thought should be put into whatever path you take with him.

 

Role playing is one thing which is often used with kids to help lessen being bullied. To learn some skills to change t he situation. Also, the school should be taking a much more pro-active role if this is happening repeatedly, considering how young he is.

 

Also though, I know I'm not going to be popular for this, but is he doing something to annoy the other kids a lot that lead them to pushing him over? Since it has happened in more than one place is why I ask. I mean more than just acting like an easy target. Also kids tend to learn their coping skills from home.

[Michael Sternbach]

Can a 3-year old learn this? Honest question.

 

I don't know. But I would offer them instruction in a suitable dojo and see how they react. If it appeals to them, great... if not, I would never try to force the issue.

 

Personally, I am of the firm belief that a child is the truest version of a person. If a child (especially one so young) is passive and non-aggressive, they should be taught how to utilize that first, before being forced into learning how to hit people (which is what the OP seems to want)

 

Any positive sides a child has should be promoted. But a boy being unusually gentle, nice and sensitive can be taken advantage of by bullies who see him as sort of a lightning rod for their own aggression. So it may be all the more important to show him how he can protect himself despite his sensitivity.

Edited October 14, 2014 by Michael Sternbach

[dust]

But a boy being unusually gentle, nice and sensitive can be taken advantage of by bullies who see him as sort of a lightning rod for their own aggression. So it may be all the more important to show him how he can protect himself despite his sensitivity.

 

Sure. I agree, mostly. But, as BKA questions,

 

is he doing something to annoy the other kids a lot that lead them to pushing him over? Since it has happened in more than one place is why I ask. I mean more than just acting like an easy target. Also kids tend to learn their coping skills from home.

 

I'm not saying he is doing anything wrong, or that even if he were it would be a good reason for another kid to push him over. I am saying that there might be other reasons for this behaviour, and other courses of action (as well as or instead of martial arts).

 

If it's that the kid is overly gentle and an "easy target", we can try and teach him to be more assertive.

If it's that the "bully" is overly aggressive, we could try and teach him to be more gentle and empathetic. Wouldn't a good course of action to be to approach the parents of the "bully" and see why he's behaving that way?

If it's that the kid is annoying or otherwise provoking the bully, we could teach them both how to handle the situation better.

 

From my own experience, I think it's almost certain that a parent will assume the best about their own child and the worst about others; that their child is being too gentle, and the other a horrible bully.

[Michael Sternbach]

I agree with you that one should look at the situation holistically.

[dust]

I agree with you that one should look at the situation holistically.

 

Perhaps that's all I needed to say

I haven't been explaining myself very well recently, it seems...

[z00se]

Thanks for your answers. I want him to do martial arts but he is too young, its hard enough to get him to concentrate on his swimming class for half an hr with only 5 in the class. The role play idea is good i will try that. From what some people have told me who i know have that instinct is to get angry. I don't feel telling the teacher or relying on others is a good idea, that's no way for him to earn respect.

 

cheers!

[z00se]

I think its good to be able to fight. People get beaten up for no reason just as an intiation into a gang. That and the huge ice drug problem people are always getting attacked without provocation. Just need restraint too, as well as know what to say to police if necessary, which we got taught in one of my dojos

[z00se]

Hmm, went through some role play with him and tried to get him angry. Really hard haha can't do anything without a huge smile on his face. He said he is scared of the boy. He's got a few scratches and things on him from being pushed over a few times i just saw. The daycare is trying to get more people so no wonder they never told us, always just say he had a good day. Oh well now i'd prefer them not tell me, it's the perfect opportunity for him to learn to stand up for himself. He's not gunna get kicked out when they need new people.

 

I think he's probably a real pushover, wouldn't stop kids taking toys off him and then he's probably an easy target. I told him if they do that he's gotta say "My Toy!" and get it back even if he doesn't want it. Gotta try get that smile off his face too. If they fight him for it he's gotta push them away or give them a slap on the nose / head, hopefully thats enough. If not well i said give them a smack on the head with the toy that will sort them out haha. I just told him when they start to cry that's enough no more. And if he wants to cry he's gotta hold it in and just try fight back without crying. I will practice with him again tomorrow before he goes to daycare the day after and see how he went.

 

I know how anti-buddhist this is, but the monks used to get attacked in their own monestry all the time and they were sitting ducks. Thats until they started to learn kung fu like shoulin temple then then could protect themselves. Force when force is required. Thats flowing with the TAO to me.

[zanshin]

I really liked our preschool director. There really weren't any punishments and the teachers were very positive. If one child took a toy another was playing with they would sit down and talk about how would you feel if someone took your toy? so this is how your friend feels too, how else can you work this out? The kids seemed to get along really well. Direction from teachers regarding virtue and compassion unfortunately went straight downhill after those years.

[C T]

I think he's probably a real pushover, wouldn't stop kids taking toys off him and then he's probably an easy target. I told him if they do that he's gotta say "My Toy!" and get it back even if he doesn't want it. Gotta try get that smile off his face too. If they fight him for it he's gotta push them away or give them a slap on the nose / head, hopefully thats enough. If not well i said give them a smack on the head with the toy that will sort them out haha. I just told him when they start to cry that's enough no more. And if he wants to cry he's gotta hold it in and just try fight back without crying. I will practice with him again tomorrow before he goes to daycare the day after and see how he went.

 

I know how anti-buddhist this is, but the monks used to get attacked in their own monestry all the time and they were sitting ducks. Thats until they started to learn kung fu like shoulin temple then then could protect themselves. Force when force is required. Thats flowing with the TAO to me.

Im inclined to think that there are significant differences in preschool dynamics and the dynamics which gave just cause to the Shaolin monks to take up martial arts during Bodhidharma's time all those years ago. Its believed that the emphasis then was one of mind-body harmony & balance, and not that of self-preservation from the aggressiveness of enemies.

 

Im also not so sure that personally i would teach a young kid to smile less, to hold back tears, and return aggression with more aggression, but having said this, i do realise and respect the fact that he is your son - ultimately, its your decision, so please, its hoped that you will not take this as a view bordering on condescension. Its just that i believe there are other viable options when imparting social as well as inter-personal skills to young children -- i for one would not opt for assertiveness skills to be taught to a child that may lead to his or her learning, in their formative years, to develop contractive behaviours which could pose to be problematic in later life.

 

If it was me, i would rather find ways to teach a child to be less clinging to things that occur in any setting, that happiness and contentment is not dependent on toys, and certainly not to have the attitude of claiming ownership to things that basically are group property. That needs to be clearly defined and understood. The reality being so that just because a child comes into possession of a toy first does nothing to prevent another kid from wanting the same toy. I may even go further and teach a child to acquire a sense of magnanimity, to let him or her know that its fine to let the toy go, because its just a toy after all, and as toys go, sometimes its more fun when shared.

Edited October 15, 2014 by C T

[BaguaKicksAss]

One thing which is cool about being a 3 year old is that the societal conditioning and negative ego haven't kicked in yet... usually.....

[Rara]

Just thought i'd ask for some advice regarding killer instinct. I've never had it.

 

My 3 n a half year old son got pushed over by a smaller kid at daycare 3x on separate occasions. He tells me he runs off to the teacher and the teacher puts the bad kid in the naughty corner, and it seems it pleases him, but i'm trying to teach him that the teacher won't always be there and he needs to stand on his own 2 feet. It can stop it happening in the future.

 

Another girl pushed him over once, it mustn't have been nice because he's more animate about that instance, however i told him that because she only did it once, maybe it was an accident. Who knows i wasn't there, maybe he has become an easy target. He's changed centers and he's only been going to this daycare for about a month, 2 days a week.

 

When i was a very little tacker i was similar position many times, probably a little too kind natured. I told him that if this boy has done it 3 times it's ok if my son goes in the naughty corner 1 or 2 times for standing up for himself but obviously he is scared about not doing what is seen as right by the teacher

 

I can understand from my own experience when i was younger that he wouldn't want to make the teacher angry, or go against the way things are praised by those around him. These are low level things, however very important in my opinion, he hasn't yet had the chance to develop his ability to argue through reason and i guess physical force is the only way out. I understand that often the discussion in here is of a very high level, but in his instance i feel high level dialog is not what is needed. The tao is all levels.

 

How do you get that killer instinct, if you've ever had it? Anger gives it to me, but i've been that angry very few times and i probably keep it in too much so that when i finally let it go it's too strong and gets me in trouble. What are the feelings, emotions, or internal thoughts that makes one strong and resistant or impervious to attack? Is it fear? How to effectively deal with this type of situation? I've never been good at it.

A decent self-defence class (I emphasise - decent) that will teach you assertiveness...not anger

[Rara]

Thanks for your answers. I want him to do martial arts but he is too young, its hard enough to get him to concentrate on his swimming class for half an hr with only 5 in the class. The role play idea is good i will try that. From what some people have told me who i know have that instinct is to get angry. I don't feel telling the teacher or relying on others is a good idea, that's no way for him to earn respect.cheers!

Or martial arts when he's a bit older then

[zanshin]

Thanks for your answers. I want him to do martial arts but he is too young, its hard enough to get him to concentrate on his swimming class for half an hr with only 5 in the class. The role play idea is good i will try that. From what some people have told me who i know have that instinct is to get angry. I don't feel telling the teacher or relying on others is a good idea, that's no way for him to earn respect. cheers!

How about gymnastics/tumbling? I think one of the most practical aspects of martial arts is it helps people get comfortable with being physical and getting back up when they fall or get knocked down.

[Rara]

How about gymnastics/tumbling? I think one of the most practical aspects of martial arts is it helps people get comfortable with being physical and getting back up when they fall or get knocked down.

True. But for mentality, maybe something competitive like football?

 

Again, he's still young, but perhaps one day...

[zanshin]

True. But for mentality, maybe something competitive like football?

 

Again, he's still young, but perhaps one day...

Yes, but was trying to think of sports for preschoolers. Oh my, I have mixed feelings on football. It's a dumb injury prone sport. My son broke his upper arm last year and this year he choose not too play, partly because shoulder still a little weak and I did my best to talk him out of it. They really do grow up a lot and develop some mental toughness and tight bonds with teammates after a couple years of tackle football though.

[zanshin]

Actually, it didn't work for any killer instinct. My older son has done football, some karate and now jujitsu. I met Relson Gracie; he's terrific.

 

Honor!!

 

I'd say those sports were good for confidence and I didn't push him to do any of them or to be aggressive, but he's not, he is mild mannered, laid back kid. His younger brother is sort of a punk and embarrasses him by talking smack to the cool kids on the bus- and he likes soccer and gymnastics.

[C T]

Maybe more American schools might want to consider introducing Tag Rugby into their PE curriculum. Lots of fun, team-building opportunities, and the margin for injuries is very much lessened. Its big in the UK, Ireland, Australia and NZ.

 

http://playrugbyusa.com/

[thelerner]

A possible solution might be talking to his teacher about it, making sure she knows, will keep an eye out and take action if needed. And if that doesn't do much, calling the offending kid's parents.

[BaguaKicksAss]

Teach him necromantic black magick. It is best to start young....

[z00se]

Haha yeah next class i will teach him how to use the other kids blood like war paint then dance around the fallen body doing the nz hucka haha

[thelerner]

edit this one may have gone a little too far.

Edited October 16, 2014 by thelerner

[BaguaKicksAss]

Actually the key to permanently taking down these 3 year old roughians is an elbow strike to the top of the head. Once your 3 year old is positioned above the offender and has his killer instinct honed, take advantage that babies and toddlers cranium hasn't fully developed on top.

 

<sarcasm>

 

Actually, bullies are usually a bit taller than the average kids their age (why they often get away with it); so I think a strike upwards to the diaphram would be more affective....