Resentment of Incarnation

[GreytoWhite]

I was going to just put this in my PPF but thought others might enjoy the discussion in a more trafficked area.

 

I've been working on some stuff recently and listening to my internal reel is a part of that. I have to whip out the monologue censor and delete the bad phrases repeating. The past few days have revealed multiple things I'd say to myself about how I did not want to live embodied: How dare I be burdened with this meat sack! Don't you know I'm immortal and didn't want to come here in the first place? Who dragged me here? I wanna go home! I didn't choose this! I just want to swim in the Ocean of God with the dwellers of the deep.

 

After first realizing this was making me ill I noticed some shifts in my musculature and spine which have led to much less pain in the past two days. My C7 vertebra seems to have decided it's OK to sit atop my spine in a fashion that does not cause me massive discomfort and I've notice reduced tension in my scalenes as well as multiple loud pops in my lumbar and thoracic regions.

 

Trying to love my incarnate body more and more each day regardless of how much pain I am in is somewhat difficult. Breaking through the Christian body hate I was inculcated with as a child has been a project for the past decade. I'm thinking of adding metta to current regimen instead of just physical practice and dissolving. I've avoided "fire" meditations for the past couple of years but can't see how metta would stir up anything unbalancing.

 

Thoughts on metta and its possible energetic effects ala wuxing, or various organs would be something I'm interested in.

Edited October 26, 2014 by GreytoWhite

[Marblehead]

I will set religious thoughts aside for this is what I must do in order to be truthful.

 

To disrespect what we are is an error, I think. What we are, our physical essence, can be changed little. It is the "who we are" that matters. What we do with what we have is what determines the value of our life.

 

In my opinion, it doesn't really matter all that much what system we practice as long as it aids in the development of "who we are".

[Jetsun]

It's probably far more common than people realise to resent being born. You begin life in safe oceanic bliss in the womb then as soon as you enter the world you are smacked and you start to cry, that is how life begins, so it is no surprise that it can be a bit of a shock. Even the old psychoanalysts realised that many people spend a lot of their time trying to regress back to the womb, the insanity and violence of the world can be hard to take if your eyes and heart are even half open.

[3bob]

This topic/concept is related to blaming "God", the "Ocean", reincarnation or whatever for creating us... yet its a major double take to find out we are not really who we think we are, namely the limits of some form of suffering creation...

 

Their is a Buddhist saying along the lines of "no blame" that I like, but I don't have the quote handy at the moment.

 

Btw, there are a ton of people here that say they have problems with "religion" which to me is more or less saying they also have problems with spirit since true religion comes from or is an aspect of true spirit. In Taoist terms that would not be unlike someone saying they have a problems with the Tao because of the resulting One, Two, Three, and on to the Ten Thousand !

[Marblehead]

 

Btw, there are a ton of people here that say they have problems with "religion" which to me is more or less saying they also have problems with spirit since true religion comes from or is an aspect of true spirit. In Taoist terms that would not be unlike someone saying they have a problems with the Tao because of the resulting One, Two, Three, and on to the Ten Thousand !

And BTW, you know I don't accept that idea at all, right?

[Rara]

I once resented incarnation...

 

Eventually had to say f*** it, it's happening. Deal with it.

 

Then I also figured resentment didn't make me feel good...and I do like feeling good. So now I practice gratefulness instead

 

I don't know if this helps. Every now and then though, I find doing the exact opposite to what my thought process is telling me, very insightful. Or doing somethimg very random, or out of character. Something will spark in the mind that says "ooh, look at this new thing", and everything becomes awesome

[Andrei]

Reincarnation, the cosmic joke:

 

 

 

Edited October 27, 2014 by Andrei

[GreytoWhite]

Btw, there are a ton of people here that say they have problems with "religion" which to me is more or less saying they also have problems with spirit since true religion comes from or is an aspect of true spirit. In Taoist terms that would not be unlike someone saying they have a problems with the Tao because of the resulting One, Two, Three, and on to the Ten Thousand !

 

Eh? I never said anything about problems with religion but rather my own exposure to Christianity. If you have seen Jesus Camp then you have a glimpse into my childhood. While I have little fondness for most Abrahamic traditions I always recommend someone investigate whatever they feel drawn toward. Please, try to limit your own interpretation of someone's post.

 

Eventually had to say f*** it, it's happening. Deal with it.

 

Then I also figured resentment didn't make me feel good...and I do like feeling good. So now I practice gratefulness instead

 

Aye, that fuck it, it's happening, might as well enjoy the ride sort of thing just keeps me going as more and more things come up that I am unhappy about which were not obvious on the surface. I think the gratitude practice I've been implementing daily in the past year or so has been extremely helpful.

 

Still, I have been so tired since the stroke it's a day to day thing as to how I feel - most days I feel fine if slow. Without the diet I had when I first started energetic practice I have much less endurance and energy. Alas, I do not have the money to eat like that at this time and I think the diet may have significantly contributed to the issues I speak of below.

 

In my opinion, it doesn't really matter all that much what system we practice as long as it aids in the development of "who we are".

 

The reason I am interested in possible energetic repercussions of adding metta is because past experimentation with xinyi fan lang jin produced zou huo ru mo that drove me to a manic psychotic break almost four years ago. I'd like to avoid as many issues as I can.

 

Does anyone have any knowledge of metta and how it might fit into Chinese energetics?

[BaguaKicksAss]

I was going to just put this in my PPF but thought others might enjoy the discussion in a more trafficked area.

 

I've been working on some stuff recently and listening to my internal reel is a part of that. I have to whip out the monologue censor and delete the bad phrases repeating. The past few days have revealed multiple things I'd say to myself about how I did not want to live embodied: How dare I be burdened with this meat sack! Don't you know I'm immortal and didn't want to come here in the first place? Who dragged me here? I wanna go home! I didn't choose this! I just want to swim in the Ocean of God with the dwellers of the deep.

 

After first realizing this was making me ill I noticed some shifts in my musculature and spine which have led to much less pain in the past two days. My C7 vertebra seems to have decided it's OK to sit atop my spine in a fashion that does not cause me massive discomfort and I've notice reduced tension in my scalenes as well as multiple loud pops in my lumbar and thoracic regions.

 

Trying to love my incarnate body more and more each day regardless of how much pain I am in is somewhat difficult. Breaking through the Christian body hate I was inculcated with as a child has been a project for the past decade. I'm thinking of adding metta to current regimen instead of just physical practice and dissolving. I've avoided "fire" meditations for the past couple of years but can't see how metta would stir up anything unbalancing.

 

Thoughts on metta and its possible energetic effects ala wuxing, or various organs would be something I'm interested in.

 

It has frustrated me before as well. But then I realized there was this awesome stuff called Bagua . Just not the same without a physical body! I have always been active, but things like martial arts really get you to focus 100% in your body. This physical container is kinda fun once you master it in certain ways. Just sort of annoying when it's in a bit of disrepair. You are right though, grounding oneself into the body and perceiving from there can be very healing I have found. Also good balance for the spiritual and energetic stuff.

 

Also things like sex and food are some side benefits .

 

Sure do get to learn a lot with all the neurochemical systems involved too!

[Marblehead]

Reincarnation, the cosmic joke:

 

That reminded me of Spy vs Spy.

[Rara]

 

Aye, that fuck it, it's happening, might as well enjoy the ride sort of thing just keeps me going as more and more things come up that I am unhappy about which were not obvious on the surface. I think the gratitude practice I've been implementing daily in the past year or so has been extremely helpful.

 

Still, I have been so tired since the stroke it's a day to day thing as to how I feel - most days I feel fine if slow. Without the diet I had when I first started energetic practice I have much less endurance and energy. Alas, I do not have the money to eat like that at this time and I think the diet may have significantly contributed to the issues I speak of below.

 

 

Yeah, you might need to adapt to the circumstances, sounds like they've changed a bit!

 

Have you tried mindfulness meditation? I know you practice some other things but this I know has helped many people deal with these sorts of things. I know of a forum where many people discuss such things as well. Some have had some pretty bad illnesses like MS ans depression and use mindfulness to help them through.

 

Drop me a message if you're interested in me giving you some links.

Edited October 27, 2014 by Rara

[idiot_stimpy]

The popping is a good sign.

[doc benway]

Does anyone have any knowledge of metta and how it might fit into Chinese energetics?

 

In our energetic practices, we develop familiarity with points, paths, and patterns of awareness of energetic forms.

In a sense, we create them, we reify them, and we can work with them in a lot of useful ways.

 

One very important effect of this work is focusing, strengthening, and refining of our power of attention and intention.

In a relative sense we can bring this heightened sensitivity and refined power of intent and awareness to: opening to others, sharing with others, understanding and helping others, and connecting with others; just as we can use these powers of awareness to understand, accept, and connect with ourselves. This is the value and purpose of all of these practices, IMO.

 

In an absolute sense, there is an opportunity to connect with ourselves and others at a much more fundamental level - the nature of ourselves, that which is uncreated and undestroyed, unaffected by all of the experiences and forms of our lives.

At this level of connection, there is a very powerful and wonderful awakening of love, warmth, bliss that dwarfs any experience of love and kindness in our relative experience and is inseparable from that nature. It's always there but usually obscured.

I think that all of our practices, whether Chinese, Tibetan, Hebrew, Christian,... are pointing to this nature, each in their own unique and beautiful way.

 

If you have had a history of a stroke and a manic psychotic break, I would urge great caution with any of these practices and strongly suggest engaging the guidance of a qualified teacher or therapist. The practices themselves are generally safe but it is what we bring to the practices that can result in negative experiences and consequences.

[Unseen_Abilities]

Forgive me if this sounds a little black, but if you resent it that much you could always consider killing yourself. Just think about it.

[Unseen_Abilities]

I wouldn't recommend actually doing that, but I can see how it can actually be a good decision in some situations.

[Jetsun]

If you believe in reincarnation then suicide doesn't solve much

[Marblehead]

If you believe in reincarnation then suicide doesn't solve much

I had to laugh but that is so very, very true!!!

[C T]

Resentment is actually one of the main contributing factors that causes rebirth.

 

Your present thoughts determine your future thoughts. Simple law of one begetting the other, aka rebirth.

Its the clinging that gets reborn. Nothing else.

 

Its clinging that produces the idea of birth, the idea of old age, the idea of death.

Most cling even tighter at the point of death. The tighter one clings, the greater

the force of karma, the higher the chances of coming back in a more confused state.

 

And this principle is at work all the time, not just at the point of dying.

 

Each cycle of the breath is a micro experience with living and dying.

[Jetsun]

Christianity can help with this issue to a certain extent, if you look at Jesus he knew his fate of extreme torture and painful death yet he still said yes to it all and yes to life, even if he did have moments of wavering and doubt. Which is why all the saints say try to emulate Jesus as all they are really saying is say yes to it all, even the hardship and pain, which is what brought St John through the dark night of the soul, he was in prison and in despair yet still didn't enter complete resistance to his life as it was.

[Unseen_Abilities]

"If you believe in reincarnation then suicide doesn't solve much"

 

Perhaps you have an agreement with your soul that it's for the best this time round, to conquer a fear of death or something like that.

Edited October 29, 2014 by Unseen_Abilities

[Unseen_Abilities]

When you pass the ultimate test, a better future incarnation.

[Rara]

If you believe in reincarnation then suicide doesn't solve much

 

And if you don't, it still doesn't!