DreamBliss gears up for dating... HELP!

[Marblehead]

How do we know Marblehead didnt get lured in by a 'venus fly trap '      ..... 3  times . . . .  

 

Things do come in threes they say  (you would think after some 'rajas' and some 'tamas he would get a bit of 'sattva'   

Well, I did get some.

[DreamBliss]

OK, I admit it. Some of the things I have said recently are less than intelligent and can be called into question. I will keep it simple then...

 

I am allowed my desires and personal preferences. I prefer to be with someone, female, that I can stand to look at naked.

 

I have no interest in a female that has children, as I want time to develop a relationship first.

 

It is also important to me that she is being herself, that she is reasonably intelligent and that she is following her own spiritual path.

 

Finally it would be nice if we shared some common interests, or could find common interests as we get to know each other.

 

If a prospective female has a problem with that, tough. I am being authentic and honest. I am being myself.

 

As for why I have not manifested a female yet... I am not really actively trying, beyond signing up at OKCupid.

 

Now to refer back to an earlier unanswered post... Any dating sites you know of that let you search by body type and message with a free account?

 

Thank you Nungli for the laughs. I needed that.

Edited April 18, 2015 by DreamBliss

[Michael Sternbach]

The first lesson would be to learn to say "Yes, Dear." spontaneously.

 

If you were THAT subservient, I'm not surprised that the three women walked off eventually. A trace of army sergeant is not always a bad idea in a marriage.

 

But  I am happy for you that you are in peace and content despite (because of?) those separations. That's all that matters after all.

[blue eyed snake]

eh, sorry for butting in...

this is the kind of thread that would fit nicely in the men's room, or whatever they're gonna call it...

But I refrained from making sarcastic remarks ( i'm good at that, you just don't know it yet)

 

Dreambliss, you listen to Nungali, he knows what he's talking about.

 

After my divorce i've done some internetdating myself, good hunting...needed some fun ( and have always been clear about that, i wanted good friendship with recreative aspects, no ties ) That page you made, that's not gonna help you. I once had a nice date with a guy who had written something like, Who wants to go out with me tonight, there is a concert in..., after a chat we decided that there was initial interest and had a good night,  just take a jump or something.

 

So I know a little from the other side of that internetdating-picture, you want a relationship, with ties, well I agree wit MH, i prefer to be alone. But why do you try it via a datingsite? Go to places where spiritual types hang out and get to talk with them, ask Nungali or someone how ( and when) to flatter a woman ( yeah..it's part of the initial game..) Get off your computer and go into the real world,

 

wish you luck and happiness BES

 

[GreytoWhite]

Holy shit talk about a cluster fuck train wreck that is your OKCupid! profile. Less personal, more marketing sirrah - that is my advice. Strategic omission is key. Present the good shite and let her discover the delta as you go along. I recommend removing new friends from your Looking For and make sure you specify you want to date as that's a wonderful excuse for friendzoning your ass, "I thought you were looking for friends."   Save your Currently Reading etc. stuff for the actual date or messages so you have something to talk about. You might want to drop the superpowers thing as that instantly screams INSECURE, CHILDISH, FANTASY-PRONE to someone who has a little experience. Also, most people won't see virginity as a "special gift" but rather a sign of social and sexual ineptitude; you may not want to mention that you ARE the 40-Year-Old Virgin until you actually meet the person and maybe not even then. DON'T link to anything personal of yours in your profile wait for a message or two. Your profile is pretty much an excuse for someone to skip over you and put a tl;dr stamp on it. DO NOT KEEP A JOURNAL ON OKCUPID no one cares and it's not your blog.

 

I'm right there with you on a decent body but we each have our own definitions of that. I tried dating a few bigger girls and yes, I had issues in the bedroom, the physical just didn't work. Sometimes we have to look at ourselves in the mirror and make changes. I slimmed myself down because I recognized that a slimmer woman probably wouldn't want to be with a man that looks like he's pregnant any more than I want to be with a woman whose shape is like the Michelin man's.

 

Honestly though mang, move. It's that simple. An actual city will give you a larger pool to draw prospective mates from and an active social life is pretty much key. You can't expect to date well when you're the hermit in the middle of nowhere living on the family farm.

[Marblehead]

If you were THAT subservient, I'm not surprised that the three women walked off eventually. A trace of army sergeant is not always a bad idea in a marriage.

 

But  I am happy for you that you are in peace and content despite (because of?) those separations. That's all that matters after all.

Yes, "because of" was the correct phrase.

 

Yes, the first left me.  I left the second and third.

 

And the "Yes Dear" was just a pun.  I always have been and still am an Army Sergeant.  (And a pain in the ass sometimes.)

[Perceiver]

I say go for it.

 

Some here say they're cool with potentially being single forever. That's okay. But you can still be cool with potentially indefinite singleness while searching for a partner. The two don't cancel each other out.

 

I would also advise you to maybe look into some other activities for meeting women. Perhaps a yoga retreat is great for meeting people? Or how about taking up a hobby that is of a social nature?

 

You could also do what I do: Approach interesting women on the street. It works, sometimes.. when I summon the necessary courage ;-). Met a girl that way last year and we dated for a while.

[Nungali]

If you were THAT subservient, I'm not surprised that the three women walked off eventually. A trace of army sergeant is not always a bad idea in a marriage.

 

Yeah but .....    

 

[Nungali]

eh, sorry for butting in...

this is the kind of thread that would fit nicely in the men's room, or whatever they're gonna call it...

But I refrained from making sarcastic remarks ( i'm good at that, you just don't know it yet)

 

Dreambliss, you listen to Nungali, he knows what he's talking about.

 

   ... a woman said I know what I am talking about ! And I was talking about women !!!

 

 < rushes to blue eyed snakes profile to check out who the hell this enlightened woman is >

 

.... Ahhh ... she's Dutch !    That explains it .... I have had successful relationships with Dutch women.   ( Aussie women can be quiet hung up ! ) 

 

 

After my divorce i've done some internetdating myself, good hunting...needed some fun ( and have always been clear about that, i wanted good friendship with recreative aspects, no ties )

 

yes, I was going to mention this. My boss had endless women trouble and lamented that he couldnt find a partner for a relationship. Eventually ...

 

Me: "Are you sure it IS a relationship and long term commitment you want. A lot of the time it doesnt sound like that. It sounds like you want to have a bit of fun, recreation and sex, and then not be bothered with the rest of it because of work and your own family and your need to go and have your own fun as well ?"

 

Him: " Yeah well, I cant just expect a woman to go along with that , woman want .....   ( blah blah ) "

 

Me; " No ... not all women, why cant woman be allowed to seek that if that is what they want. If you are honest with yourself and put out for that, you may well get it, you shouldnt put out for and try to attract what you think you should want - you are all messed up with moral coding , your family expecting you to be married, etc.  There are women out there like that ... and there is nothing wrong with that.  A few of my female friends think the same way ."

 

A couple of weeks later, he rushes up to me at work  " I got one ! "     

 

 

 

That page you made, that's not gonna help you. I once had a nice date with a guy who had written something like, Who wants to go out with me tonight, there is a concert in..., after a chat we decided that there was initial interest and had a good night,  just take a jump or something.

 

Great approach !    I used to live for a while in a Nurse's residence attached to a Hospital ( with pool area, gym, squash courts, 15 mins from pristine beach    ) ... that was the best approach .... even better, it would be "Can I bring some friends ? "

 

Wahoo ! A great night out ( but that was with the import Nurse's from Europe, UK and Ireland ( lovely girls! They would buy me pints ) ... if I asked the Aussie nurses that they would go ;

 

"No thankyou ! If I am going out to dinner, I will go with my boy friend ! " 

 

.....      

 

So I know a little from the other side of that internetdating-picture, you want a relationship, with ties, well I agree wit MH, i prefer to be alone. But why do you try it via a datingsite? Go to places where spiritual types hang out and get to talk with them, ask Nungali or someone how ( and when) to flatter a woman ( yeah..it's part of the initial game..) Get off your computer and go into the real world,

 

wish you luck and happiness BES

 

I have been trying to encourage him to do that for some time !  Even to the extent of running into a tornado   ! 

 

 

They made a movie in my town about a guy that one day tied some hot air balloons to an armchair, and floated off, to land in my local  town.    Maybe that ?   

 

Better check the wind direction first

 

 

( que music ; 

 

Edited April 18, 2015 by Nungali

[Nungali]

 ask Nungali or someone how ( and when) to flatter a woman ( yeah..it's part of the initial game..) 

 

What a great post !  I find it really interesting when a woman shares her intelligent observations !  

 

( See DB it's all in the wording ...  and  I managed to flatter myself as well         ) 

[Marblehead]

(  ...  and  I managed to flatter myself as well         ) 

And you do do that well indeed.

[DreamBliss]

OK, one vote that says my OKCupid profile is a "trainwreck."

 

Nungali, I know you have an opinion, and it seems as though you have been recommended to me for dating advice (god help me...) so, your opinion on my OKC profile, and I will make my decision as to how to edit it from that.

 

Once I have any last votes as to Yea or Nay on my current profile, I will see about disabling it or something until I have edited it. So if anyone else here has an opinion, you are given permission to post it!

 

If you feel you have to get more personal you can PM me.

[Nungali]

I would not go near a dating site !

 

No thanks !   

 

I recommend making a special 'little garden'  instead ... make sure you give fresh water. flowers and nice offerings there.

 

Edited April 19, 2015 by Nungali

[Nungali]

There is a dating site advert on TV here; the woman goes to meet the guy and he is  weirdosville   . Next she is using the options for the new great site offered (which seems geared towards finding a partner). She is shown selecting from a range of answers  ( very important , through to not important at all) and selecting in the 'How important is friendship to you ....  ' and she selects middle range'.

 

What ?    Friendship isn't that important for a date or relationship ?   

 

... then there would be the issue of me filing out a multiple choice questionnaire       ....      

 

 

Here is the worst line that I ever used at a party ( deliberately - I had invaded a private space next to the punch bowl where two heavily made up bunnies have planted themselves in apparent frowning disdain of the company and the 'goings on' at the party )  .

 

Me: " Blah blah blah ."

 

Woman 1 ;  " Ohh ?  ....    ... and what do you do ? "

 

Me; " Me ? I am a professional male model ! "

 

W 1; " What ? ? ? YOU ?   ... What sort of model ? " 

 

Me; " You know how they have those inflatable women sex dolls? Well, they wanted to make a male version and needed the perfect body, so they used mine for the mold ."

 

.........

 

 

.......   

 

 

 

 

 

... then they put their drinks down and left ... I actually think they thought I was trying to be serious !  

 

 

Best line  ?  from a woman  ( lets get a bit different ) 

 

At a  nurses party, the gorgeous Welsh one I liked id sitting on a chair, in a low cut dress and her friend pushed me at her while she hooks her foot in front of mine. All I could do was fly headlong into her, spread my arms and hit the wall either side of her head and end up learning over her.  I  regrouped and turned to her friend "You're crazy !  Do you realise where I could have ended up ?"

 

Welsh girl sticks her chest out ; "In heaven darlin' ... in heaven ! "   -            

 

( guess I should tell you what happened;her naughty friend got really drunk, needed a lift back to the Nurse's home. Insisted we stop on the way so she could get a hamburger (most of which I found in my car the next morning .... floor ... seat cracks .... sauce on seat cover ...    ) , then spewed out the window and then passed out, and I had  smuggle her to her to her room (men were supposed to be banned from all but the ground floor .... but we had sentries on the fire escapes  ), put her to bed and set her alarm for her morning shift. .... then I went  to my room and went to sleep 

 

...  all good clean fun      

 

( except for the car)  

[blue eyed snake]

   ... a woman said I know what I am talking about ! And I was talking about women !!!

 

eheh, you were not talking about women, you were talking about how to attract women, there is overlap, but a difference too. 

 

 < rushes to blue eyed snakes profile to check out who the hell this enlightened woman is >

 

.... Ahhh ... she's Dutch !    That explains it .... I have had successful relationships with Dutch women.   ( Aussie women can be quiet hung up ! ) 

 

not enlighted, no need to flatter me...

 

yes, I was going to mention this. My boss had endless women trouble and lamented that he couldnt find a partner for a relationship. Eventually ...

 

Me: "Are you sure it IS a relationship and long term commitment you want. A lot of the time it doesnt sound like that. It sounds like you want to have a bit of fun, recreation and sex, and then not be bothered with the rest of it because of work and your own family and your need to go and have your own fun as well ?"

 

Him: " Yeah well, I cant just expect a woman to go along with that , woman want .....   ( blah blah ) "

 

Me; " No ... not all women, why cant woman be allowed to seek that if that is what they want. If you are honest with yourself and put out for that, you may well get it, you shouldnt put out for and try to attract what you think you should want - you are all messed up with moral coding , your family expecting you to be married, etc.  There are women out there like that ... and there is nothing wrong with that.  A few of my female friends think the same way ."

 

A couple of weeks later, he rushes up to me at work  " I got one ! "     

 

right, problem with 'wanting ties'is you invest too much, want too much, you get stressy, imo dating should have an decidedly playful quality. Just have fun, be relaxed, try to be 14 again, just be. When something grows out of it, well that might be nice, whennot, well, there's more people on this globe

 

I have been trying to encourage him to do that for some time !  Even to the extent of running into a tornado   ! 

 

It's the most sensible thing to do, problem is, lot of people are kinda scared about the whole thing. (s)he might think/ does (s)he like tis or that. am i...endless...just be. And I reckon, about a third of the population ( over here) divorces first marriage, so that leaves a big pool to fish in.

 

I said the hunting on internet was good, IRL it was better, you meet each other in a place of shared interest, when something doesn't feel right you can just walk away without hurting feelings. And, eh, you know, someone may look great on a picture, have a nice 'profile'( with help from a friend...) and you meet her, and she is nice and what you hoped or expected ( pretty seldom already) and then she smell just wrong... I mean, that;s pretty important All that time invested...

 

I found a very nice guy that way, lasted for over a year, and then he wanted more...like ties...living together...so blue-eyed snake was out of it. One bad marriage is enough for a lifetime. But the strange thing is, I had been very clear from the beginning that I did not want a 'realtionship' and he agreed, said he wanted that too, that I wasn't the right one for a relationship, but a good and playful womanfriend, let each other free to pursue other men/women.... and then, in the end, he told me he just never had believed i was serious....in not wanting him for relationship... now, can one of you guys explain that to me???

 

And yes, women can want to go out for friendship and fun. But they have to be very careful and choosy, some males are definitely not nice and potentially dangerous.

But the societal code for women to not go out for fun is strong, it makes us ..'whores'  that kind of ideas make deep grooves in everybody, while its utter nonsense.

 

The only thing important is never to hurt somebody, and here besides the obvious physical,  i mean emotional, not play with the feelings of the other, whether man or woman. People are so easily hurt

[blue eyed snake]

What a great post !  I find it really interesting when a woman shares her intelligent observations !  

 

( See DB it's all in the wording ...  and  I managed to flatter myself as well         ) 

 

 

don't fall backwards,

and you're decidedly not flattering me mister , it's not only the wording, but also the timing ( and knowing who it is that you're talking to)

 

I think no woman wants to be looked over as a side of beef ( they want to be appreciated for their personality and their intelligence, thats what nungali is playing here....), and all women like to be admired for their bodies, and I agree that that is not an altogether easy task for guys

[Marblehead]

No, I wasn't trying to flatter you when I "Like"d your post.  It just is a good post, sharing from a woman's perspective.

[blue eyed snake]

OK, one vote that says my OKCupid profile is a "trainwreck."

 

Nungali, I know you have an opinion, and it seems as though you have been recommended to me for dating advice (god help me...) so, your opinion on my OKC profile, and I will make my decision as to how to edit it from that.

 

Once I have any last votes as to Yea or Nay on my current profile, I will see about disabling it or something until I have edited it. So if anyone else here has an opinion, you are given permission to post it!

 

If you feel you have to get more personal you can PM me.

 

Hi Dreambliss, i hope you don't mind me butting in on this more or less male thread..

 

I agree with the 'trainwreck'opinion, i'm sorry to say it but it's true. Most women that are interested in a male your age have by now seen that profile and probably won't look again. And some people are on different sites, I've hopped four sites, and some guys i saw on every site, that's bad advertising. If you want to go trhough with internetdating ( as a sideline next to the real world stuff) make it short and catchy, nobody is gonna read such lengths of text. It's like, IRL you feel a click with someone, or not. And the same is for digital, a nice picture, some well chosen words should be enough.

 

I saw that you had a age preference 18 and up...don't, that's a sure sinker. Keep it reasonable, like between 34 and 42, that will get you initial sympathy.

 

Do loose weight, really. It be helpful and you would feel yourself better too, that'll give you some more feeling of selfworth, it's just plain nice to get your body in better shape, you're worth that you know.

 

I'm slender, and males still tend to see this old body as attractive, I know.

But when i get a message from a male who has gathered quite a lot more than you, who specifies: looking for a slender woman ( BMI included...) with long straight brown hair. well then he gets a message back that I prefer guys with a good body. But only because he started it, because he's the man wo just says this I want, as if it is a shoppinglist, that's what putting women of, for good.

 

Try to have fun, go to a sportsschool or something ( mixed) etc, get out in the world and catch yourself a life, you're the only one who can make more fun of life you know..

 

 BES

[blue eyed snake]

No, I wasn't trying to flatter you when I "Like"d your post.  It just is a good post, sharing from a woman's perspective.

 

but Nungali was, i think he has a bit too much of that what DB has too little 

 

but do not take it too serious as 'women's advice', i'm a strange kind of woman, when I was young woman/ big girl i was part of a guys group, i never liked women much until much older. I liked being with those guys. looking at beautiful girls, going out and having fun together without getting laid by them. That would have spoiled the fun. 

And we all had profit from it, because I was there they were more accesible ( as a group) for girls joining. And I could go places without being alone, i mean, whenever some guy tried to get hold of me one of my buddies would come up and "own" me, telling mister X, hey, that's my girl, keep your hands of her, each of this group of 5 would do this for me, makes a girl feel safe ... it's a strange world we live in..

 

but I most always like your posts, in a few easy  words you sometimes put more daoist wisdom then some other people in an essay

[Michael Sternbach]

Hi DreamBliss,

 

How are you doing?

 

Please do not feel offended by my comments on your OKCupid profile. You know that I look at you as an individual of great creativity and spiritual sophistication, but I do feel that you need to reconsider how you present yourself.

 

Specifically, I suggest the following edits:

 

I am a highly intelligent, artistic, bookish, gamer, geeky/nerdy, spiritual (but not religious) tricenarian

 

That's a going a little too fast. Why not simply demonstrate these traits by saying things like:

 

"I am an aspiring writer about philosophical and spiritual topics."

 

This would be a good moment now to link to your Zen photography, videos and Blog!

 

But for Heaven's sake, don't link to this thread!

 

Let's take another look at your introductory sentence:

 

I am a highly intelligent, artistic, bookish, gamer, geeky/nerdy, spiritual (but not religious) tricenarian

 

 

Well, English is not my first language, but Wikipedia says:

 

Nerd (adjective: nerdy) is a descriptive term, often used pejoratively, indicating that a person is overly intellectual, obsessive, or socially impaired.

 

Bear in mind that probably nobody on OKCupid except you is completely honest about themselves, and the reader will tend to take that into account, so a statement like "I am geeky/nerdy" can easily translate to: "Watch out - I am a total freak!"

 

Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating a little... but not very much!

 

Instead, you may want to convey that you are original, humorous and imaginative.

 

Then you start defining your interests. Here I think you are using too many negations, highlighting what you are not  interested in (but are ready to take on yourself if your baby happens to be into that stuff - "yawn"). I would keep it all positive, for example: "I like going on long walks in nature." End of the story! If she is indeed into hiking/camping, she can extrapolate from there that you will probably make for useful company.

 

I also like to get out in the sun, take off my clothes, and do a little yoga, followed by some meditation."

 

  Oh boy... I'd say, let her find out by herself under what circumstances you like to take off your clothes.

 

Someone with a lot of patience, who doesn't worry about the bills or money.

 

Sounds like you are looking for a good Samaritan. The part about bills and money is rather ambiguous without an extensive introduction into LoA first (which doesn't belong here). You might also be understood as saying that you are wasteful.

 

I see all religion as being a control mechanism and the primary cause of sexual repression.

 

True, but that will serve to repel a number of non-atheists, even though you said one moment before this that you are open to all religions. There should be enough time for talking about controversial topics with your honey later...

 

and I would like to try a fine Scotch someday.

 

...and one of daddy's cigars?

 

"I allow myself a fine Scotch occasionally." - Sounds better, if you think you have to mention Scotch.

 

Next, should you be talking about drugs? Notwithstanding the subtlety of your comments, to me they read like: "I'm in for a trip any time - let's just try not to overdose."

 

As alcohol and psychedelics are not of great importance in your life, why do you want to mention them on your profile? If you don't, the reader will assume that you are neither extremely pro nor con, which is close enough an approximation for starters.

 

I desire to experience having a relationship and enjoying the adventure of sex with someone first, and I want to be with someone who, like me, does not have children, but who, like me, would like to have them someday.

 

How about:

 

"When it feels right, having a child with you, my darling, would be wonderful. But first, let's just keep practising how to go about it for awhile!"

 

I am not afraid of rejection or the friendship zone.

 

No offence, but you sound like a looser here. Where did the positive thinking go? No "friendship zone", please. It's "take your chance, Sweetie!"

 

04-03-2015
I may come off as someone only looking for a one-night stand or something. Someone who thinks about sex and little else. I want to be clear that I am not.

 

I seriously doubt that many readers got that impression so far. Why remind them of the possibility?

 

But if you want to take your time, if you want to wait, then I will wait, for you. Does that make any sense at all? I respect what you want, your feelings and your decision. If you believe in the whole sex after marriage thing, then that is how it will be.

 

If I have been waiting for over two decades, what's another couple of months or years? If I am with you, what is important to you will be important to me, end of story.

 

So kind! But I am afraid that would look better on "Christian Dating"...

 

If the female shares your interests, she won't wish to wait for months or years!

 

If she does, then she is most likely a fanatic follower of some religion - in other words, upholding what you consider sexual repression.

 

Let me break to you that the sex-after-marriage thing is no longer that popular, and bringing it up here makes you look somewhat... retro.

 

Then (don't worry, we're almost done), among "The six things I could never do without", include

 

1. You

 

but delete:

 

4. Sexual release. I hope I don't have to say more about this...

 

You shouldn't be even saying this much!

 

I do find the "typical Friday night" part cool though. :)

 

The "You should message me if" part is pretty good, too, for the most part but I suggest a few modifications:

 

You seek to break through the veil of "reality" and would like someone to smoke peyote with you, eat shrooms with you, drink ayahuasca, or drop acid dream and meditate with.

 

You are a virgin, and you only want to share that special gift with someone who can share that same gift with you.

 

Skip that altogether, or we're back on "Christian Dating"...

 

Just some thoughts.

Edited April 19, 2015 by Michael Sternbach

[Michael Sternbach]

In summary, you come over as somewhat too apologetic and insecure. You would be an easy victim for a certain kind of woman; it's just too bad that you don't have a lot of money.

 

My advice: Subtly (!) underline your uniqueness, creativity and humour.

 

And let them find out the rest about you once they got hooked.

[Marblehead]

but Nungali was, i think he has a bit too much of that what DB has too little 

You done good.  I likely wouldn't have had the balls to say that.  Hehehe.

 

but do not take it too serious as 'women's advice', i'm a strange kind of woman, when I was young woman/ big girl i was part of a guys group, i never liked women much until much older. I liked being with those guys. looking at beautiful girls, going out and having fun together without getting laid by them. That would have spoiled the fun. 

And we all had profit from it, because I was there they were more accesible ( as a group) for girls joining. And I could go places without being alone, i mean, whenever some guy tried to get hold of me one of my buddies would come up and "own" me, telling mister X, hey, that's my girl, keep your hands of her, each of this group of 5 would do this for me, makes a girl feel safe ... it's a strange world we live in..

Yes, I have seen situations as you have described before.  And I would agree with the rest that you said.  But I didn't mean for anyone to take what you said as "advice" but rather an alternative view.

 

(I sometimes says things on this board for the main purpose of getting an alternative view from other members.)

 

but I most always like your posts, in a few easy  words you sometimes put more daoist wisdom then some other people in an essay

Thanks.  How flattering!  Hehehe.

[Michael Sternbach]

The thing is that females are still instinctively searching for males that are suitable for supporting and protecting a family of eight. They can't help it, it's a subconscious tribal/animal thing. The more closely you approximate that idea, the better then.

 

Talking about which, many women like wide shoulders and strong arms, so you do want to post a close-up picture that presents your guns (only the ones in the upper region of your body, man!).

Edited April 19, 2015 by Michael Sternbach

[manitou]

The funny thing that almost always happens;

 

We find That Perfect Person.

We try to make a life with TPP, knowing that us and TPP will always fulfill our needs.  After all, it was so symbiotic at the beginning

   of the relationship.

We get bored with TPP, or TPP outgrows us.

Then, we have to find another TPP.

Repeat.

 

Or, option two is that you hang on to the first one you found, and realize that the reason you're together is because you're the perfect configuration to grind each other down to a pulp.  In a spiritual sense, of course.  It's because we learn to compromise, find the middle way, and remain true to our original word, our original I Do, whether spoken or of the heart -- We actually turn into a lapidary for each other, much as this forum does.  This is the most accessible path to spiritual self-realization for all of us.  To hang in there with any one individual and go through the entire course.  The Course is there for us all to take. 

 

To opt for Option 1 will continue the process of evading the learning experience, the self-realization process.  It will just put it off over and over, opting instead for 'that funny feeling' we get with each new romance.  What a trickster.

[Nungali]

right, problem with 'wanting ties'is you invest too much, want too much, you get stressy, imo dating should have an decidedly playful quality. Just have fun, be relaxed, try to be 14 again, just be. When something grows out of it, well that might be nice, whennot, well, there's more people on this globe

 

yeah ... I thought having fun was actually the whole idea behind it ! 

I found a very nice guy that way, lasted for over a year, and then he wanted more...like ties...living together...so blue-eyed snake was out of it. One bad marriage is enough for a lifetime. But the strange thing is, I had been very clear from the beginning that I did not want a 'realtionship' and he agreed, said he wanted that too, that I wasn't the right one for a relationship, but a good and playful womanfriend, let each other free to pursue other men/women.... and then, in the end, he told me he just never had believed i was serious....in not wanting him for relationship... now, can one of you guys explain that to me???

 

Yep. Social ( and maybe family and religious ) conditioning !  

 

As you say below ....

 

But the societal code for women to not go out for fun is strong, it makes us ..'whores'  that kind of ideas make deep grooves in everybody, while its utter nonsense.

 

' Nice girls dont stop out the front of houses and talk to strange boys ! "

 

My mother to me, at about 7 years old, when I asked why she called me inside when I was talking to the new Aboriginal girl in the street at our letterbox.

 

Now there is a double can of worms !