DreamBliss gears up for dating... HELP!

[Nungali]

The perfect song for DreamBliss 

 

 

 

 

 

[  Nina can twitch part of her lip  (top lip from 10 to 11 o'clock )  while all the rest of her lips are still ??? and it puts a slight vibrato in   (during  the last note )   

Edited April 28, 2015 by Nungali

[DreamBliss]

Although it goes against my desire and intention to be honest, I am thinking of changing my birthday, shaving 10 years off my age, if OK Cupid allows it. From what I can see, it does.

 

I want your opinion, but before you furiously start typing away, please read the rest of the post.

 

1. I have more in common with 18-30 year old males than I do with anyone in my age range.

2. 39 is only how many trips my body has taken around the sun. You have seen my pictures. I look like I am in my 20s'. No white hair, few wrinkles, everything works.

3. I am as inexperienced in dating, love, romance and sex as someone 18, certainly not as experienced as someone 39.

4. OK Cupid has rigged it so I only get matches within a few years of my age. I am interested only in younger women.

5. Also younger women tend not to have children or been previously married. Unlike most everyone my physical age.

6. Almost every woman 18-30 is setting their maximum age range to 27-35. So far I have honored their preferences, only contacting a few who set that range to 36+.

 

I don't intend to keep my real age a secret. After a woman has been talking to me enough to go out on a date with me, I will, at that time, tell her my real age.

 

Now you may start typing away with your response. What do you think of this?

 

Thank you.

Edited May 1, 2015 by DreamBliss

[mYTHmAKER]

liar liar pants on fire

[Nungali]

[Nungali]

Lets go through it 

 

Although it goes against my desire and intention to be honest, I am thinking of changing my birthday, shaving 10 years off my age, if OK Cupid allows it. From what I can see, it does.

 

 

I want your opinion, but before you furiously start typing away, please read the rest of the post.

 

1. I have more in common with 18-30 year old males than I do with anyone in my age range.

 

=  immature for my age  =  women will  

 

2. 39 is only how many trips my body has taken around the sun. You have seen my pictures. I look like I am in my 20s'. No white hair, few wrinkles, everything works.

 

However if you write this and be honest and stay within your own moral 'desire to be honest' women will     =, a younger looking guy with maturity of extra Sun laps. 

 

 

3. I am as inexperienced in dating, love, romance and sex as someone 18, certainly not as experienced as someone 39.

 

Leave that out.  If things ever  get pressingly intimate, then drop the V bomb  (when I did it at 20 ... boy did that make her interested ! )  But don't let it out beforehand, besides, if things are not physically pressingly intimate , it should not matter (unless the situation evolved where all this stuff was being talked about beforehand ... and NO , dont you initiate that conversation ! )

 

 

4. OK Cupid has rigged it so I only get matches within a few years of my age. I am interested only in younger women.

 

 

 

5. Also younger women tend not to have children or been previously married. Unlike most everyone my physical age.

 

Here plenty of young women have children.  

 

Children are part of life. You might have to accept that you might have just plain old missed out on those young carefree days of relationship with no responsibilities . Now you are older, dont blow what you might be able to experience now by putting limits on things. Especially those limits, which could be seen in a really negative way . 

 

6. Almost every woman 18-30 is setting their maximum age range to 27-35. So far I have honored their preferences, only contacting a few who set that range to 36+.

 

I dont understand this bit.   Is what women do on dating sites going to effect how you think you should represent yourself? Nah. strike this one out ... hang on, I will do it for you. 

 

 

I don't intend to keep my real age a secret. After a woman has been talking to me enough to go out on a date with me, I will, at that time, tell her my real age.

 

At the beginning of the date, or towards the end ?    

Edited May 2, 2015 by Nungali

[DreamBliss]

So is that an agreement or a disagreement? Because I just got back from checking OK Stupid, got a message, was rejected because the woman didn't  want anyone older than 33. I had not changed my age yet, and I asked her, in my message if that would bother her. First time I contact someone interested in men outside of the 35+ range.

 

She says she is not interested in men older than her maximum age range of 33. But I can assure you, if you were to compare me to a 33 year old you wouldn't find much difference. If I change my birthdate, I would force women like this to at least give me a chance.

Edited May 2, 2015 by DreamBliss

[Nungali]

"Force women'  ? ? ?  

[DreamBliss]

Nungali

 

I am posting none of this at OK Stupid. Those were just the reasons I listed to justify my decision For this thread only.

 

I am not immature. Unless it is immature to have the heart and interests of a teenager. How do you define maturity? I define it by action, responsibility, that sort of thing. I am mature by that standard. In other words, if I have $500.00 in my pocket for rent, I will go to pay it, rather than go to the video game store and buy an Xbox One.

 

I may address some more of what you stated later. Hope I painted a clear picture of the dilemma for you.

[DreamBliss]

"Force women'  ? ? ?  

 

In the sense of not giving them a chance to outright reject me based solely on my physical age, yes.

 

In the sense of making them think I am younger than I am, long enough that they can get to know me and decide for themselves if I really am too old for them, when I feel like telling them, yes.

 

Why is what they want more important than what I want? Or, to phrase it differently, isn't what I want just as important as what they want?

Edited May 2, 2015 by DreamBliss

[DreamBliss]

What does it mean to be too old for someone anyway? Anyone ever think about that? I mean obviously if I was 90 and interested in someone 20 the problems should be readily apparent. But 40 dating someone 20? Really? Where do we draw the line? Is there some unspoken rule that we can't date 10 years outside our age?

 

Also isn't this disparity kind of fading away these last few years? Dissolving with gender roles and sexual identity? I mean obviously I have nothing to talk about with someone born in 1920. Sure. But I was born in 1975, and I share many of the same interests, watched many of the same TV shows and movies, listened to many of the same songs, played many of the same damn video games, as anyone born in the 90's!

 

I might catch someone off guard trying to tell them about John Carmack and the origins of ID software, creators of Wolfenstien, later Doom and Quake, inventors of the whole 3D video game industry. Certainly most teens these days have no clue what the hell I am talking about here. But there is some overlap. If I spoke about Final Fantasy or Halo almost every teenager today knows what that is.

 

This whole thing is just very confusing and frustrating. I apologize for my confrontational attitude here. I noticed after my earlier posts I heard a lot of this:

 

Nungali

 

Why the constant comparison to Homer Simpson? As far as I know I am not that fat or immature or stupid. Are you trying to imply something here?

 

 

Honestly I feel like this with you sometimes:

 

But especially this:

http://youtu.be/EHr-B6U37Kc

 

With a little of this:

http://youtu.be/jSmj3-SrKic

 

 

UPDATE:

Just added a new pic.

Edited May 2, 2015 by DreamBliss

[Nungali]

I cant see any of those pics just a box with a   in them ???  - which happened on another page - loading ? 

 

The immature comment was postulating what some women might think if they read what you are going to write. Just trying to help you clean up your statements a bit.

 

" Why is what they want more important than what I want? Or, to phrase it differently, isn't what I want just as important as what they want?"

 

Dont ever ask them that.  It will display your complete lack of 'understanding' women     

 

IMO  what is good for the goose is not good  for the gander. 

 

Dont forget , I have told you how my last relationship with was with a woman less than 1/2 my age.  There are a lot of different dynamics that surface ,,,, even when she declares that is exactly what she wants - an older man.  Do you have the relationship experience to juggle such a radical combo ?  ( I know, I know, you want to try and learn by 'experience' ). 

 

Homer Simpson ?   No .... just responding to the fantasy Marge porno you posted earlier .... and it was that Sternbach guy that started it  @  # 162   (   ) ..... and if I did start it earlier I claiming innocence due to Alzhiemer's   ( and short term memory loss )

 

Now I left with three greyed out images of how you feel about me .    

[Nungali]

Hmmm ,  my post worked, so not out of credit and your pics are still grey with a square    in the middle.

 

They weren;t so bad they had to be censored where they? 

[Nungali]

Ah re-load shows em 

 

Doh! + peck peck + whoop whoop nyuk nyuk = Nugali  .... ?

 

Fair enough. 

[DreamBliss]

I thought you would get a kick out of that Family Guy giant chicken fight... So are you Peter or the Giant Chicken?

 

No, I would never say any of the stuff I said here to a woman on OK Cupid.

 

I have no clue what the goose/gander saying is trying to say. Completely over my head.

 

Just complaining and whining a little. Maybe looking for some sympathy.

 

So, changing my age, good idea or not? Opinions welcome!

Edited May 3, 2015 by DreamBliss

[gendao]

What does it mean to be too old for someone anyway? Anyone ever think about that? I mean obviously if I was 90 and interested in someone 20 the problems should be readily apparent. But 40 dating someone 20? Really? Where do we draw the line? Is there some unspoken rule that we can't date 10 years outside our age?

 

Also isn't this disparity kind of fading away these last few years?

The only man with less luck with women in all of human history was probably Hitler.

No.  Actually, Hitler apparently met his 17-yo wife when he was 40...so I'd say even he actually had more "luck" with women than you currently do today.

Eva Braun met Hitler when she was a 17-year-old, convent-educated shop-girl working for Hitler’s official photographer, and he was a 40‑year-old aspiring politician.

Have you tried growing out a funny mustache?

Edited May 3, 2015 by gendao

[blue eyed snake]

i've dated men ( on datingsites)who were lying about their age, i dropped them, hard, immediately. If someone lies about something, i can't take him/her serious. And i was dating for fun, not relationship.

Lying about more important things mostly works out  wrong.

 

And in dating it's often not about what the meaning is of issues, but just how it feels.

 

Having said that, a very real reason women can have not to want an older partner, is that they want to keep their partner for a long time and enjoy together for a long time. 20 and 40 may sound nice to you. But how about 60 and 80, from the perspective of the woman...

 

Dating reallife is very different from dating online. Both party's have to respect the digitally uttered wishes of the potential dating partner. If you don't you're just off on the wrong footing. Just as you do a in real meeting

 

In real life an older man can attract a younger woman, happens relatively often. but on a datingsite it's not gonna work i think.

[Michael Sternbach]

DreamBliss,

 

Frankly, I feel you are approaching the problem too superficially.

 

Alrighty, you desire a partner who is young and crispy. Nothing wrong with that per say. But fact is that usually boys and girls of a comparable attractiveness get together, as a scientific survey showed. An obvious exception to this are Japanese Sumo wrestlers with their lovely lotus flowers, but they are national heroes plus they are stuffing their futons with yen! So realistically speaking, if you want to have

 

 

to cuddle with, you should try to approach

 

 

as closely as possible!

 

Which I honestly think you are not that far from if you get rid of, well yeah, quite a lot of pounds.

 

And just as honestly, I doubt that LoA or occasional ecstatic dance will get you there, let alone any time soon - even though visualization could help you very well to increase your motivation to accomplish it and maximize your results!

 

In that King of Queens video I linked above (the one that stupidly doesn't get played in your country), Carrie is pushing Doug to pursue his fitness training more seriously - and that's the way for you to go as well, my friend.

 

I am not sure how conscious you are about what and how much you eat? I am aware the LoA position that whatever we eat can be used to our best advantage blah blah blah, but there is a biochemical level to our existence that you should not neglect, thinking that you are (already) standing above it.

 

In a nutshell: A regime of regular cardiovascular exercise (3 times a week 30 minutes would be your first goal) combined with a low fat/low sugar diet would after a while not only dramatically improve your chances in any kind of dating setting but also be a good investment into your general health. Remember... even you are not getting younger!

[DreamBliss]

BES

Thank you for you feedback. I do appreciate it. But did you read the rest of what I posted this page? I was told by someone they were not interested in me because I was 6 years outside their age range. 6 years! If I was a betting man, I would bet it had absofuckinglutely nothing with enjoying her partner longer.

 

This whole thing puts me in a bind. If I lie I'm an asshole, but if I don't all I will see are women 35+ who are fat and ugly, or who have kids, or who have been married, etc. Just because the way OK Cupid matches people. The only way to get a pool of women in the age range I want is to lie about my age. The only way to get these women to be interested in me is to, initially at least, lie about my age.

 

There is no intention to deceive here. I am just refusing to let women say they aren't interested just because I am a few years outside their preferred age range. I am also refusing to let OK Cupid match me with a set amount of years of my age. If the system is rigged, you have to hack the system, It is as simple as that.

I don't know what to do. I was going to close my account, but if I do that I am giving up. No matter what I do I am fucked in every capacity except the desirable one

 

gendao

The whole world domination thing just doesn't appeal to me.

 

Michael

I can not formulate a response to what yu just posted at this time. I need to step away now.

 

Everyone

Going to give this some more thought.

Edited May 3, 2015 by DreamBliss

[Michael Sternbach]

Michael

I can not formulate a response to what yu just posted at this time. I need to step away now.

 

I hope I was not too straightforward... Sagittarius style.

[blue eyed snake]

BES

Thank you for you feedback. I do appreciate it. But did you read the rest of what I posted this page? I was told by someone they were not interested in me because I was 6 years outside their age range. 6 years! If I was a betting man, I would bet it had absofuckinglutely nothing with enjoying her partner longer.

 

i did read it, but i also said dating is about what people women and men feel, and that that is more important

besides, woman set the upper age line at their max, that's not to be raised. That is their feelings, you just gotta respect that!

 

This whole thing puts me in a bind. If I lie I'm an asshole,

but if I don't all I will see are women 35+ who are fat and ugly, or who have kids, or who have been married, etc.

 

now I'm gonna be stern with you...i imagine i'm a okqupid woman of 25, with beautiful curves etc..

I will see you'r profile as: too old, too fat, no kids, never has been married , probably something wrong with the guy, not interesting. Period.

 

woman do not like to be judged as a side of beef, which is wat you're doing here

 

Just because the way OK Cupid matches people. The only way to get a pool of women in the age range I want is to lie about my age. The only way to get these women to be interested in me is to, initially at least, lie about my age.

 

if you wanna lie do it this way, i once had a date with a guy who did it like that ( he was just 60, did want to date with women around 50) He checked the box for eh, i think 56 or something, and then, in his very firsts line on the datingsite said:

 

Ok , i lied about my age, i'm just 60, i would like to meet women around 50 because i'm a very active and vital men ( he was...) and i don't think i can easily find a woman my age that matches me there. I want to do active things together, sailing, long walks, camping, swimming , etc...in that vein.

 

well, it did work, for him... in the sense of getting dates, but i've no idea if it got him a relationship,

but he had more attractions( in woman's eyes) then you. One being that he was a single parent, with one teenager still in his household, the other this being vital and healthy and decidedly nice body.... You know, woman want things too, they are real people, with there own feelings, ideas and attractions.

 

There is no intention to deceive here. I am just refusing to let women say they aren't interested just because I am a few years outside their preferred age range.

 

but women will feel deceived, and that is what this is about, it takes two to tango, and it takes to to date...and further...

 

I am also refusing to let OK Cupid match me with a set amount of years of my age. If the system is rigged, you have to hack the system, 

 

you can hack a system, that healthy, nothing better then hacking systems. But try to never hack people, whether they be male or female...it's gonna work out bad.

 

you've got a lot of excellent advice here, i respect you for putting this sensitivities on the forum. But i don't think there's more advise to be given.

 

so when you don't like OKcupid, just leave it, go out to real places and meet people in real life, that ways gonna work out best for you i feel

[DreamBliss]

I went to bed feeling very angry and frustrated.

 

Got woke up, just two hours into a restless sleep. Read some Michael Dooley's, "Thoughts Become Things." Couldn't even look at any of my books before going to bed like I normally do.

 

Realized that I am not having fun. When it comes right down to it, life should be fun, dating should be fun, I should be enjoying my dating experience, not going to bed angry and frustrated.

 

I don't mean should in the normal, usual sense. Can't think of another word. This isn't the beating myself or anyone over a head with a stick should, if that makes any sense.

 

I asked myself, before I had this realization, what course of action felt better. I do not feel bad about changing my birth date, if I even can, and changing my age. My conscience would be clear there. Because of what OK Cupid has done, and what my current age is presenting me. But I would feel bad about lying. I hate that. What has honesty ever done for me? What has being a good guy, or a nice guy, ever done for me? But following my feelings, I want to be honest.

 

Not because I give a flying fuck what the women want either. I am sure enough to the point of claiming to know that the age thing is just being used to weed out those who they feel would not share their interests, or would be married, or have children, or be divorced or widowed. Their reasons for wanting someone up to a certain age are as shallow as mine. We both have the right to have what we want, neither right outweighs the other.

 

The problem is, their desire and preference is being allowed to outweigh mine by OK Cupid's system, so my only recourse is to lie about my age, but I want to be honest, so that course of action is closed to me, which means OK Cupid can no longer be used by me.

 

Following my feelings my course of action is clear. Quit OK Cupid, so I will delete my account later today. Because I am not having fun, not because I am giving up. Giving up feels really bad. So I will look for another site. Find one that is more fun to use. If I can't find one, I will have to quit the whole online dating thing. Making no assumptions right now. Which brings me to:

 

BES

Good points, everything you said. Except that I have no physical location where I can go to socialize and meet people, as discussed earlier in this thread. It is either online dating or nothing.

 

Michael

What you said was true, in "reality" as defined by modern society. I can not, and do not, fault you for telling me the truth. I have to focus on the "reality" that I want instead. The Sara books by Esther and Jerry Hicks are awesome for this. Yes, they are books geared for a younger audience, but they are fun, humorous, always lift my spirits, and point out, very simply, how to use LoA teachings to focus on something wanted, in the face of appearing to be powerless against all the forces against it. And when you can't change it, you an change your perception of it, and by doing that change the effect it has on you.

 

In other words... Society says I have to be under 30, have 6 pack abs and be handsome to win an attractive younger female, as I desire. I can not, so far as I know, reverse my age. There is where I must change my perception.

 

I can change my physical appearance. My body is my creation. Others may not agree with this. But I chose to look like this, to appear like this, at some level. I can choose to see myself differently, in a more desirable (to a female) form. I can take inspired action to this vision in the form of diet and exercise. I am, in fact, already doing some of this.

 

Finally I can draw to me those women who are more spiritually mature than myself, who can, and do, look past the physical age and appearance of someone. In that group of women there has to be at least one who is the right one for me at this time in my life. So I can keep that vision in my head, define reality for myself in that way.

 

Otherwise it would be frustrating for me, because I have been trying to get rid of the fat for years. I exercised a lot. I dieted. I became a vegetarian. Even reduced my intake of gluten. Not one damn thing has worked! If I have to wait until I look like a middle-aged male supermodel, I would definitely terminate my physical existence. I may never be able to change my body, so waiting is not an option.

 

Instead, having fun with this, and life in general, will keep my point of attraction, or my vibrational frequency, high. Which will draw to me those things I want quicker. I am having a Step 1 experience, maybe multiple Step 1 experiences. I am compelled to ask. Step 2 is none of my doing, that is the Universe answering. Step 3 is allowing. I have very clearly and strongly asked. In fact I have been doing that for a long time. For both my physical appearance to be more attractive, and for a woman to share my life with. So keeping my spirits up, so to speak, allowing what I have asked for to show up in my life, is what I have to do now.

 

OK, stuff kicking in, must try to sleep again. Maybe now I will sleep better. Thank you to all who have posted. BES is right, probably not much more to cover here. It was really awesome of all of you to help me with my profile! If I do find another site I will use as much of that as possible. Thank you again!

 

Update

Just before going to sleep, realized that I am a Co-Creator of the experience at OK Cupid. that I could be causing others to be angry or frustrated because of the age range I have set. Part of the action I can take to make the experience more enjoyable for myself is to make it more enjoyable for others. So I have set my age range to 18-49, just for today or however long I leave my account open.

Edited May 3, 2015 by DreamBliss

[Nungali]

i did read it, but i also said dating is about what people women and men feel, and that that is more important

besides, woman set the upper age line at their max, that's not to be raised. That is their feelings, you just gotta respect that!

 

 There ya go DB .... the goose and gander thing. 

 

 

now I'm gonna be stern with you...i imagine i'm a okqupid woman of 25, with beautiful curves etc..

I will see you'r profile as: too old, too fat, no kids, never has been married , probably something wrong with the guy, not interesting. Period.

 

He certainly 'asked for '  that.

 

 

woman do not like to be judged as a side of beef, which is wat you're doing here

 

 

if you wanna lie do it this way, i once had a date with a guy who did it like that ( he was just 60, did want to date with women around 50) He checked the box for eh, i think 56 or something, and then, in his very firsts line on the datingsite said:

 

Ok , i lied about my age, i'm just 60, i would like to meet women around 50 because i'm a very active and vital men ( he was...) and i don't think i can easily find a woman my age that matches me there. I want to do active things together, sailing, long walks, camping, swimming , etc...in that vein.

 

well, it did work, for him... in the sense of getting dates, but i've no idea if it got him a relationship,

but he had more attractions( in woman's eyes) then you. One being that he was a single parent, with one teenager still in his household, the other this being vital and healthy and decidedly nice body.... You know, woman want things too, they are real people, with there own feelings, ideas and attractions.

 

True!  I am not attractive, or well built or 'handsome'. I am overweight and unfit, even when I was fit and training 3 to 4 times a week I still had a paunch.  I am just that type   ( lazy )  .... but those things never seemed to matter. Also I am a dag, unfashionable,  dont have much money of any fancy possessions.  But it never seemed to have repelled women. Actually I used to get  people , both men and women incredulous as to to the women that used to be attracted to me. 

 

I have found that many women just dont care about that stuff.  The stuff those women do care about, I seem to be able to supply .   I think DB  would be far better off cultivating those qualities  - if that sort of thing is possible ?   

 

And DB, in a way, this all seems strange. Didnt you go out and pull yourself out of this mud ? Didnt you meet a nice woman and have lunch and laugh together? What the hell happened to  that real life  situation ?  You were supposed to follow that up !

 

Then you returned to this silly dating profile business that has delivered nothing but frustration and a thought of acting dishonestly and seems to lead to depression and comments about 'ending things' as a stupid dating site isnt working for you.

 

Snap out of it man!  

 

That's like continually going to on line tarot readers and getting upset as their promises of an impending tall dark and handsome stranger are not coming true. 

 

 

 

 

but women will feel deceived, and that is what this is about, it takes two to tango, and it takes to to date...and further...

 

 

you can hack a system, that healthy, nothing better then hacking systems. But try to never hack people, whether they be male or female...it's gonna work out bad.

 

you've got a lot of excellent advice here, i respect you for putting this sensitivities on the forum. But i don't think there's more advise to be given.

 

so when you don't like OKcupid, just leave it, go out to real places and meet people in real life, that ways gonna work out best for you i feel

 

 

 

 

{ bes is being nice DB and giving you  really good  advice }  

[zanshin]

My friend's boyfriend sort of hacked it and they have been together over a year and get along great. He is 11 years older and they met on match.com. First, he asked her out and she turned him down over age. Then, he messaged again because they had a common interest in running and said he was interested in just finding friends to be running buddies because he was trying to get more fit and asked her what she thought of his training routine. It took a few months of friendship and her dating goofy online guys for it to change to relationship.

 

So maybe instead of immediately seeming to look for a girlfriend just ask questions or make comments about common interests and be open to making female friends. Or ask the girls who turn you down to critique your profile. The one who turned down over 6 years could have used it as a more arbitrary excuse than saying you weren't attractive to her for whatever other reason.

[DreamBliss]

{ bes is being nice DB and giving you  really good  advice }  

 

Yes, she is, and I do appreciate it. But BES is also a woman, and speaking in defense of her gender.

 

This is, as I said, a matter of conflicting rights. I have the right to desire women in a certain age range and with certain physical traits. They have a right to desire men in a certain age range with certain physical traits. And never shall the twain meet. Or something like that.

 

If you would have taken, "...terminate my physical existence..." in context, you would know exactly what I am saying. I am no longer angry or frustrated. I am not depressed. I did follow up on the RL contact to the best of my ability at this time. I have not forgotten about ithat experience..

Edited May 4, 2015 by DreamBliss

[DreamBliss]

zanshin

I am open to making friends, and have that set in my profile. In all my messages, as far as I can recall, I have directed the woman to my profile. I have always focused on common interests. I have asked questions relevant to their interests. I have included a detail or two about myself where relevant, in the context of their profile. I have kept all my messages short. I have handled all rejections maturely, respecting the desires and preferences of the one rejecting me.

 

So in short I have gone above and beyond all you have advised, and any reasonable expectation. It is still excellent advice however, and does give me hope, maybe a way to deal with age-base rejections.

 

But I think you are right, she probably used the age difference as the easy way out. Harder for her to tell me, "You're fat and don't look like Arnold Schwarzenegger, so I am not interested in you" than to simply say, "I am not interested in men outside my maximum age."

Edited May 4, 2015 by DreamBliss