Love the One you're With

[rene]

... Our male minds think: "what did I do wrong? Maybe if I was more fit, more tan, more shiny toothed, more rich, more funny, etc...". But try any of those things, and you'll still wind up with a broken heart. So, it's not what you do or who you are that causes rejections to happen. They just do, and that's life.

 

Good words; my experience finds the same to be true for us women as well.

 

warm regards

[liminal_luke]

Maybe it´s just me and my circumstances, but I think there´s a lot of social pressure to break up. If only I´d come to my senses and say that my partner wasn´t good enough for me and leave everybody would applaud the move as a mental health breakthrough. Finally I´d have vanquished my codependence --and now could I please come home and start spending time with them again like in the good old days?

 

Liminal

[silent thunder]

It sure seems that there is a gravitational quality to love.

 

It's as if I suddenly realize...'oh, this is happening now... NEAT!'

[manitou]

I've experienced a strange gravitational quality as well with two men I barely knew. Really strange.

 

The first was a few years back when a man with a purple beard, wearing dolphin-print drawstring pants, invited me to meet him at a street fair in Santa Barbara, CA. I had nothing else to do, I agreed to meet him. He seemed to have a great mind. When we saw each other at the agreed meeting place, we smiled and just sort of placed our arms loosely around each other's waist, appropriate for the occasion. Then this gravitational pull absolutely drew us together, as though in a hug, full body to body. We both gave each other a strange look and drew away once the magnetism let go.

 

The same thing happened a couple months ago here at the house, with Joe here too. We had seen a friend we hadn't seen in a while, and I placed my arm around his waist to say hi. Zoom. The same thing happened. It was so strong! Believe me, it wasn't a conscious sexual attraction thing - he's many years younger and a bible-thumper extraordinaire. Usually, I can't wait to get away from him after about a half hour.

 

Maybe it's a Kundalini thing, I don't know. But in both occurrences, there was no 'time' to fend off the pull. It just zoomed in there like a magnet to a safety pin. Funny stuff.

[rene]

Funny, yes, and not a dam thing you can do about it either. That's what happened when I met Tom. I wasn't looking for someone. I walked into the local auto shop at 7am to try and get my car winterized - and there he stood behind the counter. Thunderstruck, me. Him, too. Together ever since. Not sure how long it will last or what happens next but I'm sure as hell not complaining.

[silent thunder]

I was on stage, in the middle of an audition for a show when the stage door opened behind me and without a moment's hesitation I just stopped, turned and saw her...

 

That was in April of 1988. We've not been apart more than a few weeks in the time since then... It is without a doubt, the most beneficial and heinous influence in my life, simultaneously. In turns, healing me on the deepest levels, while tearing away at me in others...

 

Thunderstruck is really appropriate. That moment, looking back, is the fulcrum about which the rest of my life has pivoted from that time on.

 

My life path at that point, (just out of high school) was on a bee line for a Classical Theater MFA, then Broadway and the Rep theater circuit as an actor. I wanted nothing to do with relationships other than friends. Three months after our first meeting, my priorities shifted. It took me some 7 years to reconcile what those shifts were consciously and it took 12-15 years to balance them out in my own mind. So much dissonance. Life changes in an instant... it's me who is slow to process and accept what's already transpired and gone.

 

In our worst times together, and there have been some completely fucked up and seriously painful experiences. Even in the midst of the most difficult... For all the times we may have needed some space, I've never once, seriously entertained the notion of giving up. There is a palpable expression of a gravity like force in this and in each of my most intense and connected relationships.

 

None of them felt like I decided much though.

 

If anything, I'm more like a leaf, compelled to dance in the flow of the forces about me.

[rene]

Silent Thunder, powerful post, thanks for sharing it, and yes. That's what happened with my late husband, too. Instaneous. And why three and a half years later I was still lost/empty. There'd been several opportunites to 'date' since he died (and gently declined), and tons of awesome eye-candy around here...but... nothing sparked until the lightning known as Tom struck.

 

"None of them felt like I decided much though. If anything, I'm more like a leaf, compelled to dance in the flow of the forces about me."

 

Same here, and I like it.

 

I've found, over the years, that when I just let what comes come - really amazing things happen. You know the old saying "Man plans; God laughs" ? Yep. LOL.

 

Floating in the Tao brings everything.. or so it seems to me. (-:

 

warm regards

 

[silent thunder]

I also like how it incorporates the lack of a need to 'do' anything.

There is an effortlessness to it.

As close as I get to Wu Wei for now.

[C T]

[manitou]

CT - I am bawling as I write this. Thank you, thank you, thank you for one of the most beautiful moments I have ever seen. And not only was the reaction of the people beautiful and astonishing, the freedom of soul that man had to stand there and sing among total strangers was a thing of real beauty. I don't think he cared about the money in the hat one bit. I think he merely used it as a device to show people that he was about to perform, to set the stage for that marvelous message of beauty and love.

 

You raise me up, my friend.

Edited December 28, 2014 by manitou

[thelerner]

I love to hear street musicians and bands. We don't have enough of them in Chicago. In Europe it seems I saw more. Talented soloists, even full rock bands playing in the subway for tips. I wish we had more such music around.

[C T]

CT - I am bawling as I write this. Thank you, thank you, thank you for one of the most beautiful moments I have ever seen. And not only was the reaction of the people beautiful and astonishing, the freedom of soul that man had to stand there and sing among total strangers was a thing of real beauty. I don't think he cared about the money in the hat one bit. I think he merely used it as a device to show people that he was about to perform, to set the stage for that marvelous message of beauty and love.

 

You raise me up, my friend.

The one to really thank is you, Manitou. Thru your words, we can learn how being completely vulnerable is the greatest strength there is. For those who seek a way in to the heart, please engage and contemplate deeply Manitou's message of love and courage. It can be transformational for those who listen not just with their ears.

 

 

 

 

 

late edit - spell.

Edited December 28, 2014 by C T

[BaguaKicksAss]

 

 

 

Unless the woman, like myself, has a savior-complex and goes out of her way to find the ones she can fix. Also because she hadn't enough self-esteem, like myself, who ever felt that a winner was a good fit. I've rejected many really good men in my young life, particularly when I was working - good lawyers, doctors, cops, judges, a chief of police (who was the 'the one that got away' and whom I tended to measure others up to) - and yet my 30 year partner turned out to be a recovering skid row wino and ex-con. How strange this all works. He turned out to be the right fit after all. How odd.

 

Exterior stuff, especially past exterior stuff, tends to be irrelevant I have found .

[cheya]

Downloading youtube vids on dial up takes forever, so I had skipped CT's vid of Martin, above.

But reading manitou's comments, I decided to take the time.

So, so beautiful!

 

Thank you, CT.

And thank you manitou. This is a very special thread.

[BaguaKicksAss]

Manitou, awesome writing. In my experience there are two kinds of men, winners and losers. If the woman meets a looser, she will look for someone better, but she does not know that the destiny brought him into her life because of the lessons she needs to learn. But women always reject loosers and look for winners. I always was a looser, I loved my girl with all my heart but she broke mine. Girl, you gotta love your man!

 

There are thousands of different types of men .

 

No, you have never been a loser, just some person (or perhaps people) helped you think that false belief about yourself.

 

(I've met him in person, so I know! lol)

[C T]

 

Downloading youtube vids on dial up takes forever, so I had skipped CT's vid of Martin, above.

But reading manitou's comments, I decided to take the time.

So, so beautiful!

 

Thank you, CT.

And thank you manitou. This is a very special thread.

Im glad you persisted, Cheya

 

Btw, Martin is Dutch. He's not a professional singer. In fact, he's a retired baker, having invested 32 years of his life to that profession, and golly knows how many years out of this he had harboured a (maybe secret) wish to become a singer, finally mustering enough guts to enter one of Holland's talent shows, singing Nessun Dorma.

 

This song by Martin which i posted above is especially dear to me. It was the 10th of this month when i first heard it, the day my father passed away. Could not stop listening to the song that day, and could not stop the tears from welling...

Edited December 28, 2014 by C T

[manitou]

 

There are thousands of different types of men .

 

No, you have never been a loser, just some person (or perhaps people) helped you think that false belief about yourself.

 

(I've met him in person, so I know! lol)

 

 

I've always been thrilled to see Andrei show up on a thread. Andrei, you have much clarity of mind and you are a beautiful presence here. I was totally surprised to hear you say that you are a loser in any way. You always remind me of fresh air at the top of a mountain; maybe it's your avatar - but either way, it suits you. My own Joe has never done anything but labor jobs in his life - and couldn't ever hold one for more than a week or two, and that was when he wasn't behind bars. And yet today he is a metaphysical master and shaman of sorts. Your input on this forum may be your highest destiny, and that which our particular configurations may be intended for. After all, who knows how many people around the world our words affect? There are so many who read these threads but do not participate.

Edited December 28, 2014 by manitou

[rene]

Edited December 28, 2014 by rene

[Owledge]

I kinda realized the following by myself...

Was told parts of it as a realization by one of my teachers...

Kinda saw it illustrated on ayahuasca...

 

If you want to change someone, don't try to change them.

That's the first step.

In order to become able to do that, you have to change yourself first.

[silent thunder]

I kinda realized the following by myself...

Was told parts of it as a realization by one of my teachers...

Kinda saw it illustrated on ayahuasca...

 

If you want to change someone, don't try to change them.

That's the first step.

In order to become able to do that, you have to change yourself first.

I just can't shake this premise. It's everywhere I look now.

This concept has grown into a compulsive mantra for me of late.

It's so persistent, it's like a physical presence, always there, chewing away alongside any critical, or analytic thinking.

 

It's very freeing. To cease looking outward to fix everything. To let go of the audacity of thinking I can know what others need and how to fix them. To ultimately release anything that is not an authentic expression of myself in the moment.

[rene]

It's very freeing. To cease looking outward to fix everything. To let go of the audacity of thinking I can know what others need and how to fix them. To ultimately release anything that is not an authentic expression of myself in the moment.

 

Repeating and emphasis warranted. Signed in just to "Like" it. Bravo. (-: