Seeing, Recognising & Maintaining One's Enlightening Potential

[C T]

Phenomena adorn emptiness, but never corrupt it

Just like rainbows appearing in the sky 

Or a sudden flash of lightning in the night

Harms not the space where they appear

 

Appearances adorn the mind

When the primordial ground is found 

the mind becomes as vast as the sky

then whatever appears

contains no good nor bad

 

Do not confuse appearances as real or unreal

Simply look at mind essence again and again

This is the path of the wise

[C T]

Shabkar sings it much, much better than me..

 

 

All appearances are vast openness,
Blissful and utterly free.

With a free, happy mind
I sing this song of joy.

When one looks toward one’s own mind –
The root of all phenomena –
There is nothing but vivid emptiness,
Nothing concrete there to be taken as real.

It is present and transparent, utter openness,
Without outside, without inside –
An all pervasiveness
Without boundary and without direction.

The wide-open expanse of the view,
The true condition of the mind,
Is like the sky, like space:
Without centre, without edge, without goal.

By leaving whatever i experience
Relaxed in ease, just as it is,
I have arrived at the vast plain
That is the absolute expanse.

Dissolving into the expanse of emptiness
That has no limits and no boundary,
Everything i see, everything i hear,
My own mind, and the sky, all merge.

Not once has the notion arisen
Of these being separate and distinct.

In the absolute expanse of awareness
All things are blended into that single taste –
But, relatively, each and every phenomenon is distinctly,
clearly seen.

Wondrous!

 

~ Shabkar ~

[C T]

looks like a good movie

 

[manitou]

 

Shabkar sings it much, much better than me..

 

Relaxed in ease, just as it is,

 

 

 

 

 

How very simple, once Realized.

 

And to know the purpose of suffering is ultimate liberation.

[C T]

Five Ways to Rest the Mind in Meditation

 

 

 

Rest in a natural way like a small child

 

Rest like an ocean without waves

 

Rest within clarity, like a candle flame

 

Rest without self-concern like a human corpse

 

Rest unmoving like a mountain 

 

 

~ Milarepa ~ 

[C T]

This mind, through endless kalpas without beginning, has never varied. It has never lived or died, appeared or disappeared, increased or decreased. It's not pure or impure, good or evil, past or future. It's not true or false. It's not male or female. It doesn't appear as a monk or a layman, an elder or a novice, a sage or a fool, a buddha or a mortal.

 

It strives for no realization and suffers no karma. It has no strength or form. It's like space. You can't possess it and you can't lose it. Its movements can't be blocked by mountains, rivers, or rock walls… No karma can restrain this real body. But this mind is subtle and hard to see. It's not the same as the sensual mind. Everyone wants to see this mind, and those who move their hands and feet by its light are as many as the grains of sand along the Ganges, but when you ask them, they can't explain it. It's theirs to use. Why don't they see it?

 

Only the wise know this mind, this mind called dharma-nature, this mind called liberation. Neither life nor death can restrain this mind. Nothing can. It's also called the Unstoppable Tathagata, the Incomprehensible, the Sacred Self, the Immortal, the Great Sage. Its names vary but not its essence.

 

 

~ Bodhidharma ~ 

[C T]

How Rigpa is the Three Kāyas?

"Remaining genuinely is the Dharmakāya, Accompanying awareness is the Sambhogakāya, Stillness and movement, non-dual, is the Nirmāṇakāya. This is what we call the “Three-Kāya Rigpa.”

Commentary: The first line refers to remaining genuinely in the uncontrived wisdom mind of primordial purity, in which phenomena dissolve, the natural state of the ground, beyond confinement and liberation. When this 'ordinary' state of awareness is recognized just as it is, without 'changing its form' or 'altering its colour', then, as it is untainted by apparent objects externally and unspoilt by the clinging mind within, that is direct realization of the wisdom of Dharmakāya, Rigpa-Emptiness.

The fact that the spontaneous radiance, which is unceasing and the ground out of which saṃsāra and nirvāṇa unfold, is not blocked, but arises, while we are aware of it, is what we call the Sambhogakāya.

Even though the expressive power (rtsal) of compassionate energy arises as objects, if thoughts vanish without trace, so that there is no opportunity for habitual tendencies to form, and arising and liberation occur simultaneously, then we come to master the great wisdom in which there is no division between stillness and movement. The ceaseless arising of the display from the king-like Dharmakāya beyond transference is said to be the Nirmāṇakāya. The “three-kāya rigpa” is what we call the inseparability of these qualities.

How this is spontaneously present?

"While remaining at ease, there's no clinging to experience. Vivid movements of mind are freed, ungraspable. Liberated in vivid clarity, there's no post-meditative state of mind. This is what we call the “spontaneously present three kāyas.”

Commentary: When the mind's 'knot' of dualistic grasping is released and undone the essence of the primordially pure ground is beyond labelling or identification. It is unfathomable by the conceptual mind and inexpressible by words. It is beyond any objective reference that could be described, and the one who might describe it is no longer present. Even if one were to remain in this experience of all-penetrating, unimpeded dharmakāya, the wisdom that is beyond the limiting confines of hope and fear, uninterruptedly day and night, still it would not feature the slightest thought of attachment to itself.

(Commentary on two Vajra Verses on the Natural State from JIGME LINGPA by Yukhok Chatralwa Chöying Rangdrol)

 

 

 

late edit to add a missing 'm'

Edited November 22, 2016 by C T

[C T]

No Time to Waste

"This precious human body, supreme instrument though it is for the attainment of enlightenment, is itself a transient phenomenon. No one knows when, or how, death will come. Bubbles form on the surface of the water, but the next instant they are gone, they do not stay. It is just the same with this precious human body we have managed to find. We take all the time in the world before engaging in the practice, but who knows when this life of ours will simply cease to be? "

~ Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche, A City of Dreams

[C T]

The Correct Negation of 'Self.'

 

Today when we talk about the Buddha’s teaching of selflessness or the not-self or Shunyata, people mostly cannot comprehend the real connotations of these teachings. And they always fall into the error of negating the relative self. When you speak of selflessness, they take it to mean that they are completely devoid of self, that self does not exist at all.

 

It is only in Buddhism and in some non-Buddhist Indian traditions that the Truth is classified into two levels: the Ultimate Truth and the Relative Truth. And these two need to be understood at their respective levels. They are two sides of one coin, yet they differ vastly. The key point is that, if you deny the relative truth, then you cannot realise Shunyata, but will fall into nihilism instead: the negation of everything.

 

The Buddha does not negate the relative existence of anything, but teaches that whatever exists in the relative or conventional sense, exists interdependently and the common-sense of the interdependent nature of things cannot be denied by anyone. It is truth; it is a fact. Things do not exist as we view them in this moment, we who do not realise the true nature of existence. The ordinary person views phenomena as existing by their own nature, complete and independent in themselves. They impute the quality of inherent existence to these phenomena, as they do to the self. But the fact is that relative phenomena, including the self, exist in interdependence on each other and on a myriad bases. This quality of interdependence does not imply that relative phenomena simply do not exist at all, but only that their existence is not inherent to themselves. In simple terms, if you remove the interdependent factors of which phenomena consist, the phenomena themselves would disappear because they have no inherent existence of their own, or from their own side. So unless you clearly recognise what is to be negated and what is to be affirmed, there is every chance of descending into nihilism. In this case, what is to be negated is the notion that relative phenomena exist absolutely. On the other hand, it is equally important to affirm that they exist relatively or conventionally. It is important to take care and be very cautious about this; that you should not negate the relative existence of self. But the self which we conceive of now as an absolute entity having independent existence from its own side is to be negated.

 

So, unless you very profoundly see how you conceive yourself, you will fall into the error, either of absolutism or of nihilism. But if your understanding of self is profound, then you can very easily negate the notion of an inherently-existent “I,” and that negation is Shunyata.

 

The simple negation of inherent or independent existence is Shunyata. The way we conceive of self, the way we conceive of phenomena, need to be very precisely and clearly recognised. Then you will realise that it is completely different from the real nature of the existence of self. So, it is quite a difficult process of analysis. But unless and until you realise what is to be negated, it is very dangerous to negate anything. You might negate the whole thing, and then you would fall down into nihilism.

 

This is not easy to verbalise; but through meditation, through observation, you will realise how you conceive the self. It is not yourself which you negate, but that self of which you have formed a conception: that conception is to be negated.

 

At this moment, if somebody calls you or addresses you, you immediately conceive a self which is almost identical with body, mind, and speech: the gross combination. But you never conceive of self as something very subtle or very different than your conception of it.

 

Somebody hits you, and you feel that he has hit you, he abused you, he oppressed you: and at that time your conception of “I” is so gross, so monolithic, and so singular. There is the perception of the singularity of “I” which comes forward—a sense of the singular existence of “I,” and that is a misconception, and that misconception is to be negated.

 

After negating that mode of existence, then you will automatically understand the transitory and interdependent existence of the relative self — and when you realise the relativity of self, it will cease to create attachment or hatred — and it will see, since it is in the right view of self-existence, and it will automatically give you the right view of the existence of others, and then compassion arising from that profound understanding of the equality of all beings will come out naturally.

 

So, the negation is not negation of the relatively existent self, but the negation is the negation of how we view ourselves right now. That view is to be negated.

 

In the Canon and in the teachings the self as a whole, as an entity per se, is negated — but at that time the teacher is addressing you directly, attacking, as it were, the way you perceive yourself. It is a method for finding that which indeed is to be negated. So it sometimes seems as though the teachings are negating the total relative self. But we need to separate the teaching technique from the object which it seeks to accomplish. We need to separate these two and identify the object which is to be negated. Only then can the reality of selflessness be real.

 

                                                 ~ Lobsang Tenzin ~

Edited November 22, 2016 by C T

[manitou]

For some reason, the above quote of Lobsang Tenzin reminds me of the fisherman alone in a boat, who sees a much larger ship coming right at him, not veering one way or the other.  The fisherman is irate and hollering, his ego all afluff, until he realizes that the ship has no captain.  At which point he merely gets out of the way and lets the driverless ship pass.

[Brian]

The Correct Negation of 'Self.'

 

<snip>

Thank you. I was struck upon reading this how the thing I've mentioned a few times about "self" slowly expanding and dissipating is just a description of my personal and unrefined/unguided version of this same process.

[doc benway]

"When you have found the Nature of Mind, that is the root of the mind. When you have realized this Nature, maintain it without delusion. This is perfect Buddha-Mind or meditation, the Nature of Buddha. When you have found this state seek neither to alter nor monitor it; doing nothing to it, simply leave it as it is. This is Great Perfection. Since there is nothing which can be said to exist, there is no particular way to focus your mind or anything on which to meditate. Once you have realized this Nature, simply remain there."

 

- heart teaching of Darma Sherab, 7th Master of the Zhang Zhung Nyengyud

Edited November 23, 2016 by steve

[C T]

Don't hate the arising of thoughts or stop the thoughts that do arise.

Simply realize that our original mind, right from the start,

is beyond thought, so that no matter what, 

you never get involved with thoughts.

Illuminate original mind,

and no other understanding is necessary. 

 

 

~ Bankei ~

Edited November 28, 2016 by C T

[C T]

The ultimate truth of the Great Perfection to appear in your mind

is dependent upon the preliminary practices. 

 

This is what Drigungpa meant when he said,

"Other spiritual teachings regard the main practice 

as being profound. We regard the preliminary practice as being profound." 

 

~ Dudjom Rinpoche ~ 

 

 

Edited November 29, 2016 by C T

[C T]

What is important to understand is that the view you have of yourself and the view you have of your environment are based on your own mind: they are a projection of your mind and that is why they are not reality.

 

I will give you a good example. When a French man or woman looks for a girl or boyfriend, there is this research energy from both sides and when suddenly they see each other they make up an incredible story. 'Oh, so beautiful! Nothing wrong inside or outside.' They build up a perfect myth. They push and push, the mind makes it all up. If they are Christian they say, 'Oh, he looks just like Jesus.' Or 'She looks just like and angel. She is so nice, so pure. I wish always to hear her!' Actually, they are just projecting their own fantasies onto each other.

 

If she is Hindu, then he would say, 'Oh she looks like Kali, like Mother Earth, like my universal mother. I hope to always be near her. She will teach me who I am and where I am going. Each time I see her, my whole body shakes. I am sure that it must be incredible karma! And because it is our karma I have to serve her, to accept!' You understand? Actually, you are making the karma at that moment, you are inventing it. Of course, you do have some connection, but....

 

And if you are Buddhist you fold your hands and say, 'Oh, she is a dakini and she is showing me the true nature of all things.' You understand? 'When I am near her she gives me energy, energy. Before, I was so lazy, I couldn't move, I was like a dead person. But now whenever I go near her I can't believe my energy!' I tell you, all this is superstitious interpretation. You think that she is your spiritual friend and that before you were not so clear and that now she speaks to you about dharma and everything becomes clearer. And all she does is really perfect, even her kaka and pipi is so pure! Excuse me, perhaps I shouldn't talk like this—I'm a Buddhist monk! But when we speak about Buddhism, about reality, then we have to speak practically from daily life, about what is earthy, what we can touch and see, not just get caught up in concepts.

 

What I mean is this: you should recognize how every appearance in our daily life is in fact a false projection of our own minds. Your own mind makes it up and becomes an obstacle to touching reality. This is why, our entire life, no matter what kind of life we have, it is a disaster. If you have a rich life, your life is a disaster. If you have a middle class life, your life is a disaster. Of you have a poor life, your life is even more of a disaster! You become a monk and your life is a disaster. You become a nun and your life is a disaster. If you become a Christian, your life is a disaster. If you become a Hindu, your life is a disaster. If you become a a Buddhist, your life is a disaster. If you become a Muslim, your life is also a disaster.

 

Be honest. Be honest with yourself!

 

Even if you go to a cave, disaster! You can stay in a mountain cave, in the snowy mountains, and still you carry your ego with you. You carry your entire world with you and all your fantasy clothing doesn't help.

 

I'm not talking about religion here, I'm talking about personal things, who we are, what we are, where we are going, what we are doing! I am disaster, my mind is making it. Everything is always with me, always with me, my attitudes poison me. That is what I am talking about.

 

All this religion you follow... as long as you don't touch reality in yourself, as long as you don't eradicate your fantasies, you are a disaster. (Now I am disaster hot!)

 

In fact, reality is very simple. The simplicity of the mind can touch reality, and meditation is something that goes beyond the intellect and brings the mind into its natural state.

 

~ Lama Yeshe ~ 

Edited November 29, 2016 by C T

[Brian]

What is important to understand is that the view you have of yourself and the view you have of your environment are based on your own mind: they are a projection of your mind and that is why they are not reality.

 

I will give you a good example. When a French man or woman looks for a girl or boyfriend, there is this research energy from both sides and when suddenly they see each other they make up an incredible story. 'Oh, so beautiful! Nothing wrong inside or outside.' They build up a perfect myth. They push and push, the mind makes it all up. If they are Christian they say, 'Oh, he looks just like Jesus.' Or 'She looks just like and angel. She is so nice, so pure. I wish always to hear her!' Actually, they are just projecting their own fantasies onto each other.

 

If she is Hindu, then he would say, 'Oh she looks like Kali, like Mother Earth, like my universal mother. I hope to always be near her. She will teach me who I am and where I am going. Each time I see her, my whole body shakes. I am sure that it must be incredible karma! And because it is our karma I have to serve her, to accept!' You understand? Actually, you are making the karma at that moment, you are inventing it. Of course, you do have some connection, but....

 

And if you are Buddhist you fold your hands and say, 'Oh, she is a dakini and she is showing me the true nature of all things.' You understand? 'When I am near her she gives me energy, energy. Before, I was so lazy, I couldn't move, I was like a dead person. But now whenever I go near her I can't believe my energy!' I tell you, all this is superstitious interpretation. You think that she is your spiritual friend and that before you were not so clear and that now she speaks to you about dharma and everything becomes clearer. And all she does is really perfect, even her kaka and pipi is so pure! Excuse me, perhaps I shouldn't talk like this—I'm a Buddhist monk! But when we speak about Buddhism, about reality, then we have to speak practically from daily life, about what is earthy, what we can touch and see, not just get caught up in concepts.

 

What I mean is this: you should recognize how every appearance in our daily life is in fact a false projection of our own minds. Your own mind makes it up and becomes an obstacle to touching reality. This is why, our entire life, no matter what kind of life we have, it is a disaster. If you have a rich life, your life is a disaster. If you have a middle class life, your life is a disaster. Of you have a poor life, your life is even more of a disaster! You become a monk and your life is a disaster. You become a nun and your life is a disaster. If you become a Christian, your life is a disaster. If you become a Hindu, your life is a disaster. If you become a a Buddhist, your life is a disaster. If you become a Muslim, your life is also a disaster.

 

Be honest. Be honest with yourself!

 

Even if you go to a cave, disaster! You can stay in a mountain cave, in the snowy mountains, and still you carry your ego with you. You carry your entire world with you and all your fantasy clothing doesn't help.

 

I'm not talking about religion here, I'm talking about personal things, who we are, what we are, where we are going, what we are doing! I am disaster, my mind is making it. Everything is always with me, always with me, my attitudes poison me. That is what I am talking about.

 

All this religion you follow... as long as you don't touch reality in yourself, as long as you don't eradicate your fantasies, you are a disaster. (Now I am disaster hot!)

 

In fact, reality is very simple. The simplicity of the mind can touch reality, and meditation is something that goes beyond the intellect and brings the mind into its natural state.

 

 

~ Lama Yeshe ~ 

 

I understand what Lama Yeshe is saying here (and I recognize that he is making this next point, too) but I would point out that the perception that "life is a disaster" is just as much a projection of mind as is the projection of positive fantasy. Life is -- we imagine it as we wish. The "disaster" is not seeing this.

[C T]

I understand what Lama Yeshe is saying here (and I recognize that he is making this next point, too) but I would point out that the perception that "life is a disaster" is just as much a projection of mind as is the projection of positive fantasy. Life is -- we imagine it as we wish. The "disaster" is not seeing this.

Well observed, B. 

[C T]

Patrul Rinpoche was lying stretched out on the ground, doing a special Dzogchen practice. He called Nyoshul Lungtok over to him, saying: "Did you say you do not know the essence of the mind?" Nyoshul Lungtok guessed from his tone that this was a special moment and nodded expectantly.

 

"There's nothing to it really," Patrul Rinpoche said casually, and added, "My son, come and lie down over here: be like your old father." Nyoshul Lungtok stretched out by his side.

 

Then Patrul Rinpoche asked him, "Do you see the stars up there in the sky?"

"Yes."

 

"Do you hear the dogs barking in Dzogchen Monastery?"

"Yes."

 

"Do you hear what I'm saying to you?"

"Yes."

 

"Well, the nature of Dzogchen is this: simply this."

 

Nyoshul Lungtok told us what happened then: "At that instant, I arrived at a certainty of realization from within. I had been liberated from the fetters of 'it is' and 'it is not.' I had realized the primordial wisdom, the naked union of emptiness and intrinsic awareness. I was introduced to this realization by his blessing. As the great Indian master Saraha said, "He in whose heart the words of the master have entered, Sees the truth like a treasure in his own palm."

[C T]

If we want to cut the root of Samsara, we must cut the root of the mind that has created it; otherwise there would be no way of becoming free of Samsara. If we want all the suffering and hindrances arising from our negative actions to dissolve, we must cut the root of the mind, which produced them. If we don't do this, even if we carry out virtuous actions with our body and voice, there will be no result beyond a momentary fleeting benefit. Besides, never having cut the root of negative actions, they can once again be newly accumulated, in just the same way that if one only lops off a few leaves and branches from a tree instead of cutting its main root, far from the tree shrivelling up, it will without doubt grow once again. If the mind, the King that creates everything, is not left in its natural condition, even if one practices the tantric methods of the 'Developing' and 'Perfecting' stages, and recites many mantras, one is not on the path to total liberation.

Therefore, because the continuation in the presence of the true State is the essence of all the Paths, the root of all meditations, the conclusion of all spiritual practices, the juice of all esoteric methods, the heart of all ultimate teachings, it is necessary to seek to maintain a continuous presence without becoming distracted. What this means is: don't follow the past, don't anticipate the future, and don't follow illusory thoughts that arise in the present; but turning within oneself, one should observe one's own true condition and maintain the awareness of it just as it is, beyond conceptual limitations of the 'three times'. One must remain in the uncorrected condition of one's own natural state, free from the impurity of judgments between 'being and non-being', 'having and not-having', 'good and bad', and so on.

 

If one recognizes one's own intrinsic State as pure from the beginning and only temporarily obscured by impurities, and if one maintains the presence of this recognition without becoming distracted, then all the impurities dissolve. This is the essence of the Path. Then the inherent quality of the great original purity of the Primordial State manifests, and one recognizes it and becomes the master of it as a lived experience. 

 

~ Namkhai Norbu Rinpoche ~ 

Edited November 30, 2016 by C T

[manitou]

I understand what Lama Yeshe is saying here (and I recognize that he is making this next point, too) but I would point out that the perception that "life is a disaster" is just as much a projection of mind as is the projection of positive fantasy. Life is -- we imagine it as we wish. The "disaster" is not seeing this.

 

OMG.  How this hen is coming home to roost for me.  It's becoming real, so very real to me, that we truly are a projector, projecting out the film from the inside to the outside.  I am realizing how very dead my movie has been, how delusional.  How I have not allowed myself to be Free to be Me.  How I have been hiding behind the screen of another, not wanting to hurt his feelings - for years.  How unhappy I am and don't even realize it.  And that I have done this to myself out of lack of courage, out of convenience. 

 

I am currently listening to some Chopra CD's that are really driving this nail home.  The fact that these particular passages are being offered up by CT on this thread - at this time in my life - are nothing short of miraculous to me.

[manitou]

If we want to cut the root of Samsara, we must cut the root of the mind that has created it; otherwise there would be no way of becoming free of Samsara. If we want all the suffering and hindrances arising from our negative actions to dissolve, we must cut the root of the mind, which produced them. If we don't do this, even if we carry out virtuous actions with our body and voice, there will be no result beyond a momentary fleeting benefit. Besides, never having cut the root of negative actions, they can once again be newly accumulated, in just the same way that if one only lops off a few leaves and branches from a tree instead of cutting its main root, far from the tree shrivelling up, it will without doubt grow once again. If the mind, the King that creates everything, is not left in its natural condition, even if one practices the tantric methods of the 'Developing' and 'Perfecting' stages, and recites many mantras, one is not on the path to total liberation.

 

Therefore, because the continuation in the presence of the true State is the essence of all the Paths, the root of all meditations, the conclusion of all spiritual practices, the juice of all esoteric methods, the heart of all ultimate teachings, it is necessary to seek to maintain a continuous presence without becoming distracted. What this means is: don't follow the past, don't anticipate the future, and don't follow illusory thoughts that arise in the present; but turning within oneself, one should observe one's own true condition and maintain the awareness of it just as it is, beyond conceptual limitations of the 'three times'. One must remain in the uncorrected condition of one's own natural state, free from the impurity of judgments between 'being and non-being', 'having and not-having', 'good and bad', and so on.

 

If one recognizes one's own intrinsic State as pure from the beginning and only temporarily obscured by impurities, and if one maintains the presence of this recognition without becoming distracted, then all the impurities dissolve. This is the essence of the Path. Then the inherent quality of the great original purity of the Primordial State manifests, and one recognizes it and becomes the master of it as a lived experience. 

 

~ Namkhai Norbu Rinpoche ~ 

 

 

 

I feel like I have 'known this but not gnown this' for years.  What a crossroads, and how disastrous that it comes late in life.  What wasted time.  I want to cry.  I am crying.

[Brian]

I feel like I have 'known this but not gnown this' for years.  What a crossroads, and how disastrous that it comes late in life.  What wasted time.  I want to cry.  I am crying.

No, Barbara -- think of how wonderful it is to have finally come to this understanding. That time hasn't been wasted any more than Gautama wasted time sitting under a tree. Thomas Edison said he didn't fail, he found 10,000 ways that didn't work. Barbara deAngelis said when you make a commitment to a relationship, you invest your attention and energy in it more profoundly because you now experience ownership of that relationship. Judy Collins said experience is how life catches up with us and teaches us to love and forgive each other. Mark Twain said the person who has had a bull by the tail once has learned 60 or 70 times as much as a person who hasn't. Don't regret lessons learned.

[manitou]

What a cockamamie thing life is, lol.  Thanks for your thoughts, Brian.  I do realize that you're absolutely right.  I'm suspecting there are plenty of folks that don't get down to their bottom truth in this lifetime at all.  I actually do feel fortunate to some degree.  Hopefully more so as my physical circumstances evolve, as they must.  I really do need to listen to my heart - but very slowly, as it's fickle and not yet trustworthy.  This will be done with baby steps.  but it will be done.  Unknown what the end result will be.  It amazes me how a person can be so strong in some areas and so weak in others.  No getting away from imprints, methinks.  But just to see them for what they are, acknowledge that they're there, and have the courage to go in a different direction. And to turn my back on the past, accept new knowledge and wear it anew, integrating it into my thinking.

 

I do know that 'rebelling' against a situation has never worked for me.  It never works to 'run away from', as that thing you're running away from is always a ball and chain around your ankle.  It must be acknowledged, faced and seen in its entirety, and replaced with different thinking, different actions.  It only takes a moment to see it.  And I am seeing it. The Catastrophe story above was like a knife in my heart.  Truth hurts.

 

At the risk of TMI - I will be going to an AA meeting tomorrow night here in Ocala - a meeting I've never been to before.  I have told Joe that it's a women's stag (the best meetings are men and women's stags in which a much deeper level of character is discussed).  What I haven't told Joe is that it's an LGBT meeting as well.  Lesbian women in the AA program.  I haven't found the courage yet to tell him, yet I've told him in the past of my attraction to women.  But this is so imminent and I can't seem to muster the courage.  I suspect I'll tell him after the meeting because I know I will come back from the meeting with a more comfortable mindset, hearing other women's stories.

 

The name of the meeting is Freedom to be Me.  I have been using this as my mantra for several days now, and it is greatly empowering.  Just knowing that the meeting is there.  I can't wait, really looking forward to just listening and learning.

 

Hope I'm not overstepping this thread with my personal concerns.  But those last selections of CT's were just too powerful to let slip by.  thanks for your indulgence, I have no one else to talk to.  Too much a loner.

 

God, I love all of you.

[C T]

Actually its walking in the opposite direction of reality that seems to perpetuate repeats of being emotionally pounded deeper into the ground with each resurfacing of uneradicated old habits. Ignorance, so talked about in Buddhism, is simply this - knowing, yet repeating harmful habits. Wisdom, on the other hand, means knowing, and repeating antidotes to harmful habits. Mindfulness is the process for actualizing the process to replace ignorance with wisdom at each moment harm is detected. 

[manitou]

Well, it sure explains 35 years of depression, once the coping mechanism of alcohol was removed...