How to become more honest with oneself?

[Perceiver]

How does one become more honest with oneself?

Over the years i have become more honest with myself; what i think and feel, what i really want out of life, and what my fears are. I'm feeling better and better as that journey progresses. It seems to me that part of growing in life is simply to become more honest to your own truthful inner voice.

My qigong exercises have accelerated this journey, something for which i'm very grateful. But i'd like it to deepen even more.

I still sometimes find myself not being able to act on my real emotions.

Let me give an example:

 

I am in my early thirties and single. I don't have a girlfriend currently, and one of the things I want out of life is to find a woman I love and start a family. When I walk down the street I see lots of interesting women, and often make eye contact with them. A couple of years ago I thought "why not go over and say hi?" So I started doing that from time to time, and it's going well. I have been on dates and had a relationship that way. Even when I don't get the girl's number they still comment me on my bravery and we usually depart with a smile.

So that's all great. But here's the problem: I'm not as honest with myself as I would like. I still chicken out of situations where I could go over to a girl, and I notice that I do it because I lie to myself. I tell myself that "well I'm not so interested" or "well I might meet another girl another day". I have missed out on a lot of interesting opportunities that way. Been doing this for two years and I still have this inner blockage.

Does anyone know any qigong methods that help to reduce the ego, and awaken more to one's inner voice? Perhaps I will eventually come across those exercises, but knowing them now would be interesting .

thanks

[thelerner]

Keeping a journal and in one section of it, writing out the facts and just the facts. With a bit of time in between, seeing your actions in black and white print can be very revealing.

[Rara]

Hehe, I started a similar thread a while ago, but more geared towards objectivity.

 

I can't speak for qigong but general mindfulness meditation always leads to the realisation of what it really going on. You've spotted something very key here, so simply practice this mindset in day to day living.

 

Day by day, you will change (or return) to a less fearful "you" because you "get it". Because you get it, your confidence will grow and nothing will "matter" anyway.

 

And you will transmit these vibes...people will pick up on them. Then you'll get the girl for good

[Marblehead]

I have missed out on a lot of interesting opportunities that way.

Reminded me of an old Country song: "I overlooked an orchid while looking for a rose."

[wilfred]

i am the same brother and it seems much of the fear is rooted in the very reaction you get when you feel you've 'chickened' out or so forth, that uneasy regretful feeling in the stomach, self-doubt. it's a tough one, most of us suffer some form of social anxiety in some form or another, especially around certain people.

 

i'm not sure there's an easy way out but this is certainly the right path to be on. enough meditation and purification of the mind, letting go of past negative reactions and our ability to enter fully into those moments of opportunity will only increase. better yet, the faculty to directly perceive the right moments and people to interact with should also become stronger

[C T]

Some of my friends, and friends of friends, have had the good fortune of meeting their partners at Buddhist retreats. Wonderful setting for connecting with like-minded individuals and sharing stuff that is actually mutually relatable. Im not advocating that you attend Buddhist retreats just to hook a potential life partner - all I'm saying is that there is no need to feel despondent. Instead try to be more open, be more creative, more cheerful, more relaxed - anxiety only compounds your view and make you feel as if you are contracting. When you feel this way, imagine what other people who cross your path will feel.

 

Note though, that if you are considering going for a retreat, with a little hope of meeting someone like-minded, make sure that it does not specify 'silent' ok?

[子泰]

if you're willing to dedicate some time and energy towards learning a qigong method to help empower you to do the things you want, you might as well just use that very dedication itself to actualize your goals as opposed to using a roundabout way like learning a qigong method to do it

[doc benway]

How does one become more honest with oneself?

 

Over the years i have become more honest with myself; what i think and feel, what i really want out of life, and what my fears are. I'm feeling better and better as that journey progresses. It seems to me that part of growing in life is simply to become more honest to your own truthful inner voice.

 

My qigong exercises have accelerated this journey, something for which i'm very grateful. But i'd like it to deepen even more.

 

I still sometimes find myself not being able to act on my real emotions.

 

Let me give an example:

 

I am in my early thirties and single. I don't have a girlfriend currently, and one of the things I want out of life is to find a woman I love and start a family. When I walk down the street I see lots of interesting women, and often make eye contact with them. A couple of years ago I thought "why not go over and say hi?" So I started doing that from time to time, and it's going well. I have been on dates and had a relationship that way. Even when I don't get the girl's number they still comment me on my bravery and we usually depart with a smile.

 

So that's all great. But here's the problem: I'm not as honest with myself as I would like. I still chicken out of situations where I could go over to a girl, and I notice that I do it because I lie to myself. I tell myself that "well I'm not so interested" or "well I might meet another girl another day". I have missed out on a lot of interesting opportunities that way. Been doing this for two years and I still have this inner blockage.

 

Does anyone know any qigong methods that help to reduce the ego, and awaken more to one's inner voice? Perhaps I will eventually come across those exercises, but knowing them now would be interesting .

 

thanks

 

Some ideas -

At least based on what you wrote above, you already hear the inner voice.

Are you being truthful with yourself in this very post?

Are you not talking to these people because you're lying to yourself or because you're insecure?

Certainly qigong and such practices may help center and balance but I think one thing you could try to further cultivate is awareness.

When you don't do something and tell yourself an excuse, simply notice that, as you did above.

No need to try to change it, simply take notice as it is happening.

Pause for a moment, watch what you are doing and then ask yourself if that is what you really want to do.

If not, that is your opportunity to take a different action - having the courage to do that is where the qigong may help but I think that awareness, recognition, and taking a moment to see how what you are telling yourself compares to what you want in life or what your values would have you do - that's the secret.

Just making this post shows that you are already somewhat aware of what's going on - no better first step, follow it through.

Good luck

[子泰]

A beneficial component of a moving qigong form is that it helps to center you. With increased awareness on your body, your spirit becomes increasingly settled. And that centeredness can assist you in actualizing your goals.

yeah, but it seems that the OP is already doing qigong exercises. i think he wanted another one with said goals in mind, but his current ones should probably do the trick if he takes the steps to deepen this practice as well as additional application, as opposed to learning a different method and starting from scratch again

[Rara]

Alternatively, start watching Elliot Hulse videos on youtube. That beefcake has some great yang energy and no nonsense advice to become the "strongest version of yourself"

[mYTHmAKER]

How does one become more honest with oneself?

 

Over the years i have become more honest with myself; what i think and feel, what i really want out of life, and what my fears are. I'm feeling better and better as that journey progresses. It seems to me that part of growing in life is simply to become more honest to your own truthful inner voice.

 

My qigong exercises have accelerated this journey, something for which i'm very grateful. But i'd like it to deepen even more.

 

I still sometimes find myself not being able to act on my real emotions.

 

So that's all great. But here's the problem: I'm not as honest with myself as I would like. I still chicken out of situations where I could go over to a girl, and I notice that I do it because I lie to myself. I tell myself that "well I'm not so interested" or "well I might meet another girl another day". I have missed out on a lot of interesting opportunities that way. Been doing this for two years and I still have this inner blockage.

 

 

Do you not say hello out of fear of rejection or some other reason. Before you even approach a girl - as soon as she sees you she has determined at some level - consciously / unconsciously whether or not she likes you. In a sense it has nothing to do with what you say or how you look unless of course you say or do something gross.

Be in the present moment and say hello. With repetition it gets easier.

Amazon has a book Qi Gong for Picking Up Girls LOL

Seriously meditation will help - doesn't matter which kind.

[Perceiver]

Thanks for the advice guys.

 

I think I'll start a journal - starting from today. Think it will help in making my thoughts more clear, and it forces me to relate to them in a more conscious way every day.

 

I wrote down some of my limiting beliefs yesterday on paper, and I think it helped. When I think about the scenario I feel impeded today..

Edited February 9, 2015 by Perceiver

[Spotless]

Fasting was always a way for me to recalibrate to more of my original essence and see just how much fidgeting I did otherwise.

 

Raging hormones were a complete battle at all times making progress on honesty nearly impossible - diet helps a great deal with that.

 

Socrates: The only thing I know is that I know nothing

Finding this ended my search for wisdom - one does not search for wisdom and you will forever transcend what you "know" so clutching it is only an anchor.

 

At best your relationship will not be love - it will be an agreement not to hide from someone close to you - and bare with that into your souls. Love comes later and is not isolated towards anyone.

 

You will each have your square pegs that will not fit into the others round holes - when this wrenching experience has peaked and passed hopefully it will not have ceased because of walls you have built up but in walls you have seen disappear.

Edited February 12, 2015 by Spotless

[eye_of_the_storm]

Fasting was always a way for me to recalibrate to more of my original essence and see just how much fidgeting I did otherwise.

 

Raging hormones were a complete battle at all times making progress on honesty nearly impossible - diet helps a great deal with that.

 

Socrates: The only thing I know is that I know nothing

Finding this ended my search for wisdom - one does not search for wisdom and you will forever transcend what you "know" so clutching it is only an anchor.

 

At best your relationship will not be love - it will be an agreement not to hide from someone close to you - and bare with that into your souls. Love comes later and is not isolated towards anyone.

 

You will each have your square pegs that will not fit into the others round holes - when this wrenching experience has peaked and passed hopefully it will not have ceased because of walls you have built up but in walls you have seen disappear.

 

Did you end up trying the apple fast?

 

Fasting does bring clarity.

 

What type of fasts do you practice? water, dry and so on?

 

Edited March 11, 2015 by eye_of_the_storm

[Spotless]

My first fast was a water fast - I believe it was eight days.

Very profound.

 

For many years I then took up Juice fasting - usually 23 days.

 

Recently I returned to the water fast and that is probably all I will do from now on though that might change.

 

All fasting included enema - I would not consider fasting without this aspect - it would be repugnant to me without this.

 

I have never had a bad experience fasting - I find it pleasant, uplifting, energizing and equalizing - as well as often facinating.

 

I have never tried a singular food diet - I do not know enough about the proper balancing act to trust myself with a singular note (I consider water neutral - if alkalizing)

Edited March 11, 2015 by Spotless