Not knowing who you are, or what you want...

[Edward M]

Edited February 10, 2015 by Edward M

[Jetsun]

It sounds like you are suffering from dissociation, likely as a result of trauma. I don't know if the drink could directly cause such a thing but the rush from it can trigger issues which are likely to be pre existing, but could exist in karmic, childhood or even pre natal areas cut off from conscious awareness. Its common for those energy drinks to trigger panic and the fight flight response, then our brains try to make sense out of what is going on. I might be able to try help you out in a few weeks if your interested, send me a pm.

[Edward M]

Thanks Jetsun, i'll send you a pm...

 

Peace

[Songtsan]

Oversleeping is linked with depression. In fact, sleep deprivation has been shown to help treat depression in some people (but could lead to depression in others). You should see about keeping your sleep controlled.

Edited February 11, 2015 by Songtsan

[Nikolai1]

Hi Edward,

 

I think there's a few perspectives that you might find useful:

 

 

It started around nine years ago, when i had a second psychotic episode, which was a mix of real spiritual phenomena and unreal delusions

 

There is no such thing as 'real spiritual phenomena', nor 'unreal delusions'. All experience is the same, ALL experience. It is neither unreal nor real. Just a fleeting moment soon gone forever. Believe in nothing - neither your psychotic delusions nor the lucid reality you share with others. All of it is unreal to the wise right seeing mind. Just stay firmly in the present.

 

 

that ended with me drinking a just released energy drink called relentless after being forcefully persuaded to by the staff in sainsburys

 

 

The women did not 'forcefully persuade' you to drink the energy drink. They were just promo girls doing their job. The language you are using, and the way you are remembering the event is paranoid and itself psychotic. The way you tell the story to yourself is causing you grave problems.

 

 

went into inner vision mode and saw a green vine with different coloured stars on in line with the centre of my body... the vine slowly crept downwards as if going back to its root and one by one, each star pulsated and then closed up and disappeared.

 

All the wisdom traditions must become psychotic if they are to share the message. This image, of the kundalini channel and the chakras, is nothing more than a story you have read somewhere and which has then presented itslef to you as a reality.

 

It is not real! The only real thing is the NOW! Nothing else!

 

 

I've felt profoundly different ever since, unable to meditate or feel at peace... i just don't know who i am anymore, and really honestly don't know what i want..

 

Existential crisis like this is extremely common, particularly prior to times of personal growth. You will find many people here who relate to it as being one of those episode of life.

 

Please do not relate this current state to the energy drink. By doing so you isolate yourself uniquely. You view it as something that has happened only to you, by malevolent forces, and is perhaps irreversible.

 

The notion of kundalini energy retreating and going dormant for a period is nothing other than a clever metaphor for the state of mind that you are going through and which is common to the spiritual search. But thats all it is - a metaphor.

 

You have a very strong tendency to reify what is unreal. This is the tendency of psychosis and all human beings have it to a greater or lesser extent. The great worldviews: Big bangs, gardens of Edens, chakra systems are shared psychotic delusions and the task of the spiritual seeker is to transcend these and become whole.

 

It isn't easy, but the method and the solution are the same. Stay present, and allow thoughts to be nothing other than meaningless passing wisps of nothingness.

 

For yourself, be the immense presence that witnesses all this nonsense.

 

Best wishes, Nikolai

[Rara]

Nikolai has some great points in there. I have experienced some similar things with someone very close to me - she will do whatever it takes to varify things that she wants to believe. In her case, it's being followed or harrassed...but it is merely her perception, it isn't actually happening. She is unhappy where she lives so therefore sees everything as an attack on her.

 

Please don't be scared by words like "psychosis"...I've been there many times and there are plenty of ways out. It doesn't seem extreme in your case in any sense and if you begin work on yourself now, you will certainly become much healthier and be able to make your own decent decisions yourself.

 

I recommend daily meditation on breath, ignoring any distractions. Recognise these feelings you get during, and let them pass. In other words, stay on track...when the mind wanders, catch yourself. Bring it back.

 

Joining a martial arts academy 5 years ago was the best thing I ever did too. Even if I didn't want to go, I really feel the benefits now of sticking with it. Just belonging, learning something new and having a group of supportive guys around you helping you to move forwards will help bring your sense of purpose back!

Edited February 10, 2015 by Rara

[soaring crane]

Please send me a PM, in five years. That'd be the 10th of February, 2020 :-)

[Edward M]

oh man, i was hoping no one else would reply so i could ask for this to be deleted haha, embarrassing, was at a particular low point yesterday, but feel fine today!

 

Songstan, that's great advice , cheers! i've been meaning to sort that out for a while now! will do bro!

 

Nikolai1, thanks dude, actually i had a dream the other night where i was given a box with the label, 'knock from the unconscious' that when opened was a broken record or ekhat tolle reading the power of now... i have to take note of this!!!

 

haha actually it wasn't women, it was a big bearded muslim guy at the checkout. I had no knowledge of kundalini at that time, it was only later i heard about all the esoteric stuff. I agree with your main message, to stay in the present thanks! about the drink, i did see a shaman about this... she came back with showing that it was me who sent a thought form into the drink which i drank back into myself... i've just had a hard time believing it... probably out of wanting to play the blame game etc and not being in the present!

 

Rara, thanks mate! i've got a good support team right now, spiritual friends, tcm doc, etc etc am working with them to get grounded... have yin yang separation apparently.

That was the thing, i ws supposed to go to a martial arts class yesterday,, until this massive downer hit me.

 

Ok Soaring Crane, will do bro!! lol

 

Thanks for help everyone... i'm still very embarrassed by my original post yesterday... i'm one of the lucky ones, shrinks =found nothing wrong with me last time, just a low mood...

 

Peace out!

[Rara]

oh man, i was hoping no one else would reply so i could ask for this to be deleted haha, embarrassing, was at a particular low point yesterday, but feel fine today!

 

Songstan, that's great advice , cheers! i've been meaning to sort that out for a while now! will do bro!

 

Nikolai1, thanks dude, actually i had a dream the other night where i was given a box with the label, 'knock from the unconscious' that when opened was a broken record or ekhat tolle reading the power of now... i have to take note of this!!!

 

haha actually it wasn't women, it was a big bearded muslim guy at the checkout. I had no knowledge of kundalini at that time, it was only later i heard about all the esoteric stuff. I agree with your main message, to stay in the present thanks! about the drink, i did see a shaman about this... she came back with showing that it was me who sent a thought form into the drink which i drank back into myself... i've just had a hard time believing it... probably out of wanting to play the blame game etc and not being in the present!

 

Rara, thanks mate! i've got a good support team right now, spiritual friends, tcm doc, etc etc am working with them to get grounded... have yin yang separation apparently.

That was the thing, i ws supposed to go to a martial arts class yesterday,, until this massive downer hit me.

 

Ok Soaring Crane, will do bro!! lol

 

Thanks for help everyone... i'm still very embarrassed by my original post yesterday... i'm one of the lucky ones, shrinks =found nothing wrong with me last time, just a low mood...

 

Peace out!

Don't be embarrased dude, otherwise I'll have to be for many of my previous posts!

 

The mind is silly.. use this forum to unleash its silly ways. Will do a great deal in the long run.

 

Glad you're back up and functioning!

 

Edit: also, by keeping your original post up, you can use it as something to look back on to mark progress. Or even to help someone else in a similar position. No pressure of course, just an idea for next time (if there is one!)

Edited February 10, 2015 by Rara

[Edward M]

Cheers mate! had a realisation today, that may or may not be accurate.. that when we meditate we are using he conscious mind to go to the unconscious mind and observe it.. we initiate spiritual growth with the conscious mind. But with some forms of psychosis, when the unconscious floods the conscious mind, the same process is happening, but in reverse. The unconscious goes looking for conscious mind by flooding the conscious mind with unconscious mind stuff. In a sense, the unconscious mind is initiating spiritual growth in psychosis rather than the reverse in non psychotic people sitting down to meditate.

 

Peace

[Rara]

Cheers mate! had a realisation today, that may or may not be accurate.. that when we meditate we are using he conscious mind to go to the unconscious mind and observe it.. we initiate spiritual growth with the conscious mind. But with some forms of psychosis, when the unconscious floods the conscious mind, the same process is happening, but in reverse. The unconscious goes looking for conscious mind by flooding the conscious mind with unconscious mind stuff. In a sense, the unconscious mind is initiating spiritual growth in psychosis rather than the reverse in non psychotic people sitting down to meditate.

 

Peace

You're from England, aren't you? Snap!

 

Yes, I always say there is you and then your thoughts. Only a weak, lazy or untrained conscience can allow the madness to override "you".

 

Hence the grounding/mindfulness advice

[Rara]

I didn't view your original post. I have had some strange co-occurences, though. So perhaps there is something floating around in the ether. Who knows.

 

A number of strangely synchronous events have led me to information about panic attacks and it appears that I had my first a few days ago. That triggered a series of things that set me off-stride for a few days. The particular situation where it happened, though, could possibly set more things off kilter for a while longer.

 

Since I don't want to feel compelled to delete things, I'll end the account of things that happened right here.

 

Regardless--things happen; we eperience and we learn and we move on.

As long as you feel like you're being helped or are learning and moving on, then all is good That post of yours was vague, but I trust you know what you mean.

[Daeluin]

In addition to the sleep advice, along the same lines I find it helps to make sure I'm getting enough sunlight, and to avoid eating past 75% or so full. Sometimes I want to eat way past full, and it just bogs me down. The sleep, sunlight, and not eating to full help the hun shen to integrate better in the body, while the opposite tends to unbalance the po shen. For me, same with thinking instead of acting. When I think about, well pretty much anything, I never want to get up. When I just let go an move, I amaze myself by how much I can accomplish, without even thinking about it!

 

Also, as you found, some days are just challenging, but the next day tends to be better. On days like that I find it helps to put extra effort into taking care of myself, especially in the ways I don't want to. Usually if I don't end up going to class I feel worse, but when I summon up the courage to just get there, afterwards I feel completely different, and much better.

 

Best wishes!

[Edward M]

Apeiron and peiron, thanks, yes moving on is key!

 

Rara, nice one mate! i agree whole heartedly, and i'm guilty of being lazy lately, hence getting overtaken the other day! yep, from england, london

 

Daeluin, thanks dude, i appreciate your advice, gonna sort the sleeping out, get out more, and would cut down on eating but i'm way underweight right now..like severely!

 

Peace

[Daeluin]

Yes, of course - you know what's best for you!

[RobB]

Ed,

 

Cheer the fuck up mate! You need to get out of London. Are you coming up to Cantabridgium for Alex's one day meditation/neigung thing in March?

 

Cheers

 

Rob

[Nungali]

Energy drinks suck ! What the fuck is taurine anyway ! ?

 

One touch of them on my lips and my body knows something isnt right ... the same as artificial sweetners and other chemical capola in food.

 

You know it used to be part of the negative confession ( in the Egyptian afterlife) 'I have not adulterated food.'

 

Interesting idea about the unconscious rising up to flood the consciousness.

 

If unconscious 'creative soul expression' isnt acknowledged . Yep , the 'soul realm' does seem to do that. It will force the unconscious to acknowledge it, one way or another. If one is that type, before long they may have a weird 'daimonic' experience UFO, fairy realm, 'strange beings', ghosts, 'disparate entities', pet budgies channelling messages from God, lake monsters, ... take your pick.

 

Like the sex instinct, the 'creative soul' / unconscious doesnt like suppression and will find a way, by hook or by crook, to reveal itself and demand acknowledgement

 

 

.

[Edward M]

Cheers for the advice Rob mate!! i'm fine now, it was a one day downer thing lol... to be honest i didn't know about the meditation/neigung thing in march.. very much doubt i'd be able to afford it anyway... i'll give alex a shout and see what the score is!

 

Nungali, cheers to you too! very interesting what you say... my psychosis is solely based on 'false memory's' much like a powerful lucid dream...

 

Peace

[Songtsan]

What you should question then, is your black and white thinking - all or none attitude you took towards it. You posted as if it was a more than one day thing. Just see your OP. You traced things back to nine years ago. You used language that suggested that it was an everyday thing.

 

What this means, most likely, is that you project, from the way you feel in a current moment, and make it into far more than it is. Just try to be more wary of doing that....if you find that you have noticeable and significant ups and downs, see about tracking what you did surrounding the ups and downs and find a pattern to it.

 

Otherwise you are just adding to the issue by having knee jerk reactions

[Edward M]

Thanks Songstan,

 

Well, i hear you, yes i was particularly down that day, but lets just say i haven't been the same since nine years ago.

 

I'll pm you instead of writing here.... i'm hoping this will die down (the thread)

 

Peace

[Rara]

Nungali, cheers to you too! very interesting what you say... my psychosis is solely based on 'false memory's' much like a powerful lucid dream...

 

Peace

I'm so happy this thread came up. I got so tired of lucid nightmares...thankfully it's nearly been a year.

[Songtsan]

I like lucid nightmares personally

[Vanir Thunder Dojo Tan]

oh man, i was hoping no one else would reply so i could ask for this to be deleted haha, embarrassing, was at a particular low point yesterday, but feel fine today!

 

Songstan, that's great advice , cheers! i've been meaning to sort that out for a while now! will do bro!

 

Nikolai1, thanks dude, actually i had a dream the other night where i was given a box with the label, 'knock from the unconscious' that when opened was a broken record or ekhat tolle reading the power of now... i have to take note of this!!!

 

haha actually it wasn't women, it was a big bearded muslim guy at the checkout. I had no knowledge of kundalini at that time, it was only later i heard about all the esoteric stuff. I agree with your main message, to stay in the present thanks! about the drink, i did see a shaman about this... she came back with showing that it was me who sent a thought form into the drink which i drank back into myself... i've just had a hard time believing it... probably out of wanting to play the blame game etc and not being in the present!

 

Rara, thanks mate! i've got a good support team right now, spiritual friends, tcm doc, etc etc am working with them to get grounded... have yin yang separation apparently.

That was the thing, i ws supposed to go to a martial arts class yesterday,, until this massive downer hit me.

 

Ok Soaring Crane, will do bro!! lol

 

Thanks for help everyone... i'm still very embarrassed by my original post yesterday... i'm one of the lucky ones, shrinks =found nothing wrong with me last time, just a low mood...

 

Peace out!

 

Ups and downs, my friend...

 

I have some of the worst of them around TTB but i try to keep the downs in check...

 

~

Take care!

~

[Source]

I haven't been able to sort out the thread here but some things to look at for sadness.


1. Our guts produce 95% of the body's serotonin, some probiotics in your daily regimen would solve this.

2. If this has been a long term problem you should look for other symptoms such as a toxic body.

3. A good book :

How to Stop Worrying and Start Living

4. Another one :

The Undiscovered Self

[Carl Jung was big on 'individuation' - talks about the mindfucks in society, herd mentality etc. Food for thought!]


Edit:

If you are actively drawn to sugary, adrenaline boost type drinks like coffee and other to keep you functional. Point.2 is definitely something you should look at. The problem is that a toxic body today is the norm in society. If your emotional perspectives go away during a 3 day water fast it is definitely something physical.

Edited February 13, 2015 by Source

[Edward M]

Source, thanks that is some good advice there... just got me a prebiotic and a probiotic ....  have done fasting before and always felt great after!

 

i have the book, the undiscovered self, never got around to reading it fully, will do bro, thanks!!

 

Peace