...

[Perceiver]

I recently changed my sexual drive.

 

I am now only interested in a meaningful interaction with women with whom I truly connect.

 

I no longer have much desire for "conquer-sex" with women that I don't know. And that's good. I wasn't getting much of it anyway.

My interest in porn is gone too. Neither do I feel a need to masturbate. I still have my sexuality though. It's ready for when I meet a woman that I find interesting. But the need - and frustration - about unfulfilled sexual desires is gone.

 

How did I accomplish that? - By being brutally honest with myself: Why was I masturbating? Why did I watch porn? From what level did these desires come?

I realized they were based mostly on frustration - and from a non-love perspective. That made them altogether irrational. I decided to cut porn and masturbation completely. A couple of weeks into it now and I've never felt better.

[allinone]

I recently changed my sexual drive.

 

I am now only interested in a meaningful interaction with women with whom I truly connect.

 

I no longer have much desire for "conquer-sex" with women that I don't know. And that's good. I wasn't getting much of it anyway.

 

My interest in porn is gone too. Neither do I feel a need to masturbate. I still have my sexuality though. It's ready for when I meet a woman that I find interesting. But the need - and frustration - about unfulfilled sexual desires is gone.

 

How did I accomplish that? - By being brutally honest with myself: Why was I masturbating? Why did I watch porn? From what level did these desires come?

 

I realized they were based mostly on frustration - and from a non-love perspective. That made them altogether irrational. I decided to cut porn and masturbation completely. A couple of weeks into it now and I've never felt better.

 

what about the mornings where you are halfsleep halfawake state? And what control you have over it in dreams?

[thelerner]

Beware throwing out the baby maker with the bath water.

 

The 'You' right now is not the you that will always be. The sexual drive is a two edged sword, one linked to our life source. Be wary of getting rid of it, rather consider sublimating and controlling through skillful means.

[Josama]

what mind is, is self. Whatever we look we see our selves. Its possible to form an idea about other people but its formed in the mind also the sense of self is formed.

 

I wonder what Hawkins got to say about self, is it permanent or not, does it have inherent existence?

Hawkins makes the distinction between self and Self. The self derives from the animal world and consists of the Ego, it's a primal instinct. The Self is the divine within or the buddha nature.

 

Our mind is made up of 99% "thoughtless" thoughts while the other 1% are thoughts. Thoughts are created in the empty mind, but they are not us. He makes a clear distinction between the Ego I and the real I.

 

Here is one of my favourite quotes:

 

"More important is not the nature of the ego, but the problem of identification with it as the me, the I, or myself. The ego was inherited as an it, and is actually an impersonal it. The problem arises because one personalizes and identifies with it. That it of the ego structure is not unique or individual, and it is relatively similar (with karmic variations) in everyone. What really varies from individual to individual is the degree to which one is enslaved by its programs. The degree of dominance is therefore determined by the extent to which one identifies with it. Inherently, it has no power, and the power to decline the egos programs increases exponentially as one progresses spiritually. That is the real meaning of the Map of Consciousness. What the majority of people think to be truth is, in reality, opinions."

 

Here is a quote from Sifu Jenny which correlates perfectly with Dr Hawkin's teachings

 

Meditation and Clarity:

 

"One meditator asked me why he meditates. He has been doing meditation daily for quite some time because of being unsatisfied with himself. Yet, he did not see any benefit from this action and feels it is meaningless.

 

To have clarity of purpose and understanding of the method is helpful for not wasting time and energy in wandering. The purpose of meditation is to know oneself. To know that I can calm the mind, I can differentiate the mind with the productions of the mind, so that I will not take thoughts and feelings to be myself and to make it easy to let go of all attachments and cravings. When all unreal subsides, the real (wisdom) arises. You are no longer living in darkness, but filled with light."

Edited February 14, 2015 by Josama

[Bubbles]

I have mastered complete control over my sexual drive, but i don't know how to share my method with you because its a very intricate process, and also a very Buddhist one.

 

Basically, I'm at a stage where i can turn on and turn off my impulse at will, and also able to transmute sexual energy into mindfulness, creative pursuits and meditative absorptions.

 

But you are not open to this path, so thats why its difficult to point you in the direction you are seeking to go.

 

Is this mastery part of the Vajrayana teachings you have received ?

[nickyro]

IMO kidney jing drained from food has to turn into libido at the sexual center before we can process it into bliss and ecstatic conductivity:

This is what is meant by the first part of the MCO diagram.

Pure jing running into the body is useless for spiritual transformation, and damaging for the health.

 

Chemical (finasteride) or physical castration will make MCO or ecstasy impossible.

From a Tantric or Taoist perspective, this is madness.

Edited February 14, 2015 by nickyro

[rex]

There may be some help within goddess/women's mysteries.

[Flolfolil]

...

Edited March 5, 2015 by Flolfolil

[rex]

elaborate please?

Women's mysteries will contextualise the dignity, power and essential sacredness of female sexuality and give perspective on how the creative force of the libido can express itself through various forms of eros. Nice wikipedia article on eros here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eros_%28concept%29, the first paragraph says it all in a nutshell. Here's an example (not recommendation) of women exploring the sacred feminine: http://www.aditidevi.com/newonlinepujabloodofthegoddess.html

[C T]

Is this mastery part of the Vajrayana teachings you have received ?

Very much so, Bubbles... specifically, finding and forming an auspicious affinity with a yidam (tutelary or meditational deity) and allowing it to work on transformation from within.

[Bubbles]

Very much so, Bubbles... specifically, finding and forming an auspicious affinity with a yidam (tutelary or meditational deity) and allowing it to work on transformation from within.

 

_/\_

[Seth Ananda]

I have to wonder if its not the drive itself that is the problem, but your attitudes around it that need examination and possibly 'correction'?
Do you have expectations or some sense of what 'should' be happening?

 

Where does the suffering start? You meet someone and at some point start feeling attraction to them? At what point does it get bad? What exactly happens?

 

I have an immense drive also, but it really doesn't bother me. I can go long periods without sex, or have sex many times a day, without much thought about it.

[Yasjua]

Your somewhat unusually high libido has roots in psychology, genetics, and the nervous system, not to mention the very essence of nature itself. You can't change your genetics or nature, and you can only somewhat influence the psychological and nervous system elements. Some of the advice given may be helpful, or it may not be, you'll have to experiment for yourself. But it's more likely that you'll just have to give yourself time - years or maybe decades - and just observe as nature changes you. As long as your body is operating properly it will generate these appropriate feelings that you're having.

 

The thing is, you don't really belong completely to yourself and you don't get to make executive decisions on how you behave. You belong in part to the cosmos, in part to this planet, and in part to society and to other people. As you walk, drive, cycle around, as the planet spins, changes from night to day, alternates seasons, undergoes radical climate shift, etc. the extremely complex system of your body responds automatically to things according to its neurobiological and psychobiological and biochemical programming. The fine-tuning of your body is also the fine-tuning of the entire cosmos. Physicists have often spoken about how precisely articulated the laws of the universe are, so much so that some hundred thousandth of a degree of difference would have resulted in an empty, non-working physical universe - presumably; i'm no physicist. Nevertheless, understand that you are part and parcel of nature and that you are also finely tuned to operate as best as nature can articulate a conscious being. You are not only an articulation of physical, chemical, biological and conscious processes, but an articulation of the interactions of those processes between other beings. Every time you walk by another person, there is something like a synaptic response that occurs between your body and theirs. Their nervous system and consciousness connect, however briefly or subtly or imperceptibly, to your nervous system, you feel the other person and your body stores the information it collected from them and moves on. Everything is interconnected - absolutely everything - and the result of that fact is that you are always picking up on and giving off these natural energies. You are not an isolated or fragmented partition of the totality that can be individually isolated and changed. You and everything else on this planet are a single unit of operation appearing to coordinate and express and interact independently, but in actuality it is all a single operation conducted under very precise and intelligent laws.

 

Consider also that your society may be dysfunctional, and not you. We have a highly sanitized, sexually confused, and libidinally self-repressive society where very few people are properly in touch with the fullness of their sexual feeling and love. What you are feeling will in time develop and change, and in particular your mind will come to a more holistically cognizant understanding of all things human, physical, emotional, historical, biological, cosmic, and more. The intention you are holding to destroy your sexuality is just part of a phase of your psyche reacting somewhat violently against the conditions that nature and nurture have dealt you.

 

Finally, realize that your sexual feelings are not unrelated to everything else in your life. Begin to educate yourself about the human body in ways that you have previously not been open to. Study your anatomy, think deeply on the nature of blood, fluid, nerves, the relationship of the skin and muscles and tendons to the brain and to your awareness of things. If you are a female (as your profile says you are) contemplate what arousal is on a physical level - blood engorging the vulva, hormones and biochemical creating synaptic connections that set off emotional and psychological processes - we tend to get into psychological chaos regarding ourselves when we think everything is an emotional or mental phenomenon, rather than knowing that psychological and emotional processes are part of phenomena. We take mind and emotion very personally, but raw physical facts help us gain equanimity and distance from that personalization, which is deeply tainted by conditioning. Think deeply on these things, think deeply on everything everywhere.

 

I may be overstating some of my points, but they're observations I've made and principles that legitimately operate in our world. I have said this often and in many threads where people are struggling with their sexuality: I absolutely love rubbing one out and I do it as often as I need to with no guilt, no major exhaustion of energy, and no psychological reverberation or suffering after the fact. I have always been one to rub one out, and I love healthy sexual relationships. But I have not always had a healthy understanding. I was full of guilt, nasty perpetual fantasy, and a serious inability, like you, to perceive anything or anyone non-sexually. What solved this crisis? Nothing. Things just change. You're not permanently going to feel or think this way. I attribute my change in attitude to time and experience and my inclination to bend to nature's will rather than fight it.

 

A P.S. I know CT has said that he has conquered his sexual impulse, but he also said that he's at least in his 40's and struggled with sexual desire for the better part of his probable lifespan. Don't take his word as a promise that you can train yourself out of it. It's quite possible that he's an egotistical kumquat and didn't take note that nature did half the work just by making his body old and less sexually fertile. And I do hope that if he reads this he has a sense of humor as I mean him no offense.

Edited February 15, 2015 by Yasjua

[bax44]

Exactly.

 

Wrong. Saw palmetto is an "anti-androgen"..meaning it cuts off 5 alpha reductase and smashed DHT into the ground. I wont bore you all with the gory details, saw palmetto may in the very beginning boost libido by freeing up some tesosterone, but kept at long enough its tantamount to chemical castration. easy enough to research this on the web. Its been claimed through marketing hype to be "good for the prostate" but in the end it seriously reduces male DHT levels and lets estrogen run rampant.

[Perceiver]

what about the mornings where you are halfsleep halfawake state? And what control you have over it in dreams?

 

My sexuality overall has changed. I'm simply not that interested in sex, unless there is an emotional connection. So I don't have any sex drive in my dreams either. If I get drunk it changes though - then it feels like I've been degraded a couple of levels spiritually, and for a few days I will feel more need for "conquer-sex".

[Wells]

.

Edited May 10, 2016 by Wells

[phore]

Have you tried Vitex castus/ Chasteberry/ Monks pepper. 

 

Its a herb that has traditionally been used to reduce libido.  The name chasteberry refers to its ability to help preserve chastity.  The name monks pepper comes from the extensive use of this herb by monks to reduce sex drive. 

 

Greek women were said to sleep on this herb when their husbands were away at war. 

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vitex_agnus-castus

 

http://www.herbwisdom.com/herb-agnus-castus.html

 

Its known to increase progesterone.  If progesterone levels are significantly higher than estrogen it tends to turn off the sex drive in women.  High progesterone levels tell the body that it is pregnant and should be preparing to give birth, not having sex.

 

I would try chasteberry before resulting to anything unnatural.  

 

That aside the best method for reducing sex drive, is to bring your self to full-bodied, kundalini activating, orgasms until fully satisfied.    This practice will reduce the energy concentration in the lower chakras and spread the kundalini energy to the other parts of the body.  A lower energy concentration in the root and sacral chakra will greatly diminish sex drive. 

 

If you are practicing any energetic techniques that focus energy in the root chakra, discontinuing this practice will diminish the sex drive considerably.  Minimizing the cultivation of energy in the sacral chakra will aid this effort as well. 

 

The key is to circulate the energy either through microcosmic orbit, or tantric orgasm.

 

Love and light

Tony

[Gerard]

title says most of it.  will resort to the most extreme method i can find if a more practical, non surgical or chemical one does not present itself soon.  just saying "now im celibate" and not thinking about it while occupying myself with productive or spiritual affairs doesnt solve my problem.

 

Also, comments on how it may affect energetic ability?  giving up magic for loss of desire is a completely fair trade.  i am just curious, as always.

 

This one works very well:

 

Photos and letter emerge from Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche's ascetic retreat.

 

 

No more visual/mental pollution, no Internet, nothing...roam alone and free in the mountains/wilderness.

 

Best cure for sexual cravings, for sure.

[KenBrace]

Uhh... completely eliminating sex drive? Sounds like an awful idea to me. Why would you want to do that? I think people give their sex drives a bad wrap too often. Sex is awesome and you shouldn't wish to eliminate one of the greatest pleasures available to you.

[liminal_luke]

Loved the link Gerard.

 

As extreme measures go, one could do worse, in my opinion, than an intensive silent Buddhist retreat in a natural setting.  One need not even be overtly dedicated to Buddhism per se to benefit from something like vipassana.  A willingness to confront oneself deeply in a quiet beautiful place while paying excruciating attention to the breath for hours on end is, in my admittedly limited experience, the only requirement.  

 

Less painful than getting ones balls cut off, though I´m sure some retreatents might beg to differ.

 

Liminal

Edited February 16, 2015 by liminal_luke

[C T]

Loved the link Gerard.

 

As extreme measures go, one could do worse, in my opinion, than an intensive silent Buddhist retreat in a natural setting.  One need not even be overtly dedicated to Buddhism per se to benefit from something like vipassana.  A willingness to confront oneself deeply in a quiet beautiful place while paying excruciating attention to the breath for hours on end is, in my admittedly limited experience, the only requirement.  

 

Less painful than getting ones balls cut off, though I´m sure some retreatents might beg to differ.

 

Liminal

Isn't it wonderful that to really practice Buddhism it can come down to something as simple as a resolute dedication to nothing other than one's breath? Just this one practice alone is sufficient for attaining the fruit of the path, yet many naysayers who plain refuse to acknowledge its profound efficacy. Just anapanasati, with no other supplementary practice, for 10 or 15 years, and enlightenment is there for the taking. Seriously? get outta here.... 

[Andrei]

http://www.tcmwiki.com/wiki/rehmannia-root

 

http://www.livestrong.com/article/32667-herbs-decrease-libido/

Edited February 17, 2015 by Andrei

[Rara]

I am im agreement with those that talk about this being a mind issue. Maybe not self-control but commitment to not actually allowing the sexual desire to win over rationality.

 

May I ask, where the part of you is that empathises with other people's feelings? From what I'm reading, it all looks very "I have these sexual impulses that I must control." And "Therefore,I must find a way to fix myself".

 

What this really should be about is the other people that come in to your life. Start practicing how you can be of service to friends' needs instead. Over time, you own feelings will become less important and the unsatisfactory desires will diminish.

 

"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them." - Albert Einstein

Edited February 17, 2015 by Rara

[phore]

Once you really get the hang of raising the Kundalini energy on an at will basis,  through circulation and tantric orgasm, sexuality can be difficult to maintain. 

 

Gleen morris and Mantak chia both have observed this in their books.

 

Glenn morris makes a joke that these techniques "are nore than effective as a means to birth control."  and refers to "the softening of the hard" (forgive me if the quotes arent exact my copies of pathnotes are currently in hiding) This refers to the control of the ejaculatory response and the fact that when the kundalini energy is sucessfully raised then arousal may be difficult to achieve.

 

Mantak Chia notes in one of his Taoist love books that a multi-orgasmic woman may only be interested in having sex once per week or less.  This also refers to the redistribution of the sexual energy into the rest of the body.

 

Once the energy leaves the sexual centers the feeling from the sexual standpoint is similar to the feeling of achieving a downwards energy expulsive genetal orgasm.  The sexual centers will become inactive and people tend to lose interest in the sexual act.  The difference is that while a genetal orgasm will lead to overall energetic depletion, the tantric orgasm will kick the higher ceners into overdrive.  Its the difference between fallin asleep and having a ecstatic, heart-mind expanding, experience of pure love.

 

There is a tendency to scatter the energy in the higher centers once the energy reaches those points.  This scattering is a very philosophical process, and if not halted then will result in the person losing interest during the sexual act, while experiencing visionary and intuitive states.

 

If the person manages to redirect this energy back into the sexual centers, the sexual act becomes a gental, healing and loving experience, as opposed to a driven and compulsive one. 

 

The redistribution of the enrergy through this process is one of the most pleasurable practices you can adopt.  It will lead to consistant and easy to achieve results, as opposed to sporadic ones.

 

Love and light

Tony

[Trunk]

The idea that every/anyone can completely sublimate their sexuality ... through mindfulness, mystical progression etc... just doesn't hold up to observation.

For instance, in the last several decades there have been any number of *extremely* developed mystics who haven't eliminated their sexuality, but played it out ... sometimes notoriously (Muktananda, Chogyam Trungpa, Rama), sometimes more discretely and respectfully (Kalu Rinpoche).

People vary.  Sexuality has a reputation as a very stubborn area to change.  Long term incremental progress towards integration and a satisfying life is reasonable, healthy.  Counting on an extreme absolutist outcome, quickly isn't realistic nor healthy.