What happened to the extinguishing the sex drive thread?

[rex]

This was an interesting thread. Will it ever be released from where it has been consigned?

 

Edit: tpoys

Edited February 18, 2015 by rex

[Michael Sternbach]

I am wondering, too! I was following it with interest. Hopefully it will be back soon.

Edited February 18, 2015 by Michael Sternbach

[C T]

This move to hide the thread in question without any explanation is out of order. 

 

I am guessing Flo hid the thread for whatever personal reasons, and if this is the case, it brings into scrutiny his or her position as part of the admin team. 

 

Abusing privileges should not be a practice here. 

[Michael Sternbach]

Absolutely, CT.

 

Hiding a thread disrespects both the Bums who contributed to it as well as all the others who took an interest in it. Even though I understand that the posts might have touched on sensitivities.

 

I suggest that whoever is responsible quietly brings the thread back, and that we forget the anomaly then.

Edited February 18, 2015 by Michael Sternbach

[dawei]

We accept OPs requests to discontinue or hide a thread when it is of a highly personal nature.

 

I have done this for regular members and I gave the 'ok' for this one.

 

I hope members can respect the need for privacy more than the need for public display to remain intact.

[rex]

Thanks for the explanation, the reason is understandable but the method totalitarian. Given the level of interest and effort required for people to respond an announcement with a reason would have been welcome. Couldn't there have been the possibility of expunging the thread of all of the original poster's entries, including quotations in responses, and just leaving the thread to answer a general non-personalised question?

[C T]

This, Dawei, would be one of the rare occasions where i'd have to disagree with your call to 'vanish' this particular thread in its entirety. As Michael said above, it shows a disrespect to those who have made the effort and for others who took pains to contribute to it, precisely due to the rather 'sensitive' nature of it.

 

While it may have been started by the OP, i dont think he or she 'owns' the whole thread, and his or her impetuousness and indecisiveness post-OP should at the very max see certain 'too personal' parts be edited out, or at the very least, have the courtesy to pm the various contributors in consultation, and to seek understanding in allowing the whole thread to be obliterated. 

 

Moreover, i have no recollection of any content within it that appears to be 'highly personal', and if there was, it begs the question, 'In whose eyes'? 

 

Such a practice as this (by Flo) is totally inappropriate and unbecoming of a member of the admin team.

Edited February 18, 2015 by C T

[dawei]

The request came in the normal manner as any member might request.  I reviewed it and decided as the OP wanted to have the issue taken 'off-line', I agreed.   The OP got the response they wanted and wants to move on without this a public display.

As I said: I've done this for regular members too...  it is done on a case by case basis.

 

Folks are not going to see all the requested reasons for the removal as I consider that part of the communication which is private.  

[C T]

Well, like i said, you made an erroneous call this one time, Dawei. 

[Vanir Thunder Dojo Tan]

if anyone is upset about "losing their contributions" could the thread not be split and thus preserve said contributions?

[dawei]

if anyone is upset about "losing their contributions" could the thread not be split and thus preserve said contributions?

 

I'll look into it.

[phore]

If the thread could not be split, is it possible for the people who responded to request our posts be messaged to us?

[soaring crane]

Ah, I think I found it ... here you go :-)

[Flolfolil]

dawei can do whatever he sees fit.

 

It made me uncomfortable to continue having that thread up, so i asked him if i could move it to the hidden board.

 

i thoroughly read the thread, and appreciate the contributions.

 

That said, if any of the people whining about it care about me at all, they'll get over it.

[dawei]

~~~ ADMIN MESSAGE ~~~

 

Here is my final decision after reviewing the thread and the reasons for the request for taking it off-line:

 

It will remain hidden.

 

Any attempt to split it up, edit it (which I am generally against editing anyone else's posts without permission), will make it unintelligible and it will still remain rather personally directed at someone who asked for help.

 

TDB is a place where folks not just ask for help but do get help... and that has happened in this case.

 

But along the road of getting good answers, the intentions of posting such personal issues suddenly becomes akin to a trigger point too...  The public nature of the thread can now trigger in unexpected ways.  I've seen this in previous requests to hide certain posts and I don't doubt that will drive future requests of a similar nature.   This is all my opinion based on the consistency of why these kinds of posts get requested by an OP to be hidden.  It is healthier and helps the healing to get it removed.

 

That being said, the members who responded helped in this and I do understand the desire for such topics to remain viewable.   In this case, the needs of the many are mostly having some angst over it, while the one in need, needs it gone.

 

I have to side with the one originally in need.   That has been my consistent approach and will be when the next person makes such a request which I deem is appropriate to extend.

[C T]

All threads can trigger in unexpected ways. That was quite a weak reason to employ as a justification. 

 

I wish there was more honesty here, and less feeling sore-arsed for being called out for chopping an entire thread on a whim. 

 

And seriously, i dont appreciate being called a 'whiner'. 

 

 

from Flofolil: That said, if any of the people whining about it care about me at all, they'll get over it.

Edited February 19, 2015 by C T

[DreamBliss]

I know I got very personal and raw in that thread. I was thinking about it later and I had doubts I was a loving as would like to be. I am only just learning that it is not up to me to change, convince or persuade anyone.

 

I am apologizing for any offense. I can not take responsibility for your being offended. You have to choose to be offended or not. But if I said anything that caused anyone to take offense, I am truly and deeply sorry.

 

I hope Flo received the information they needed, wanted or not. I can understand her wanting the thread hidden or removed. I agree that a moderator should not abuse their power. But I also agree that a poster, moderator or otherwise, should be allowed to have a thread closed, hidden or removed.

 

I think the main motivation behind any action of any forum member, moderator or otherwise, should be love. At this moment it seems to me it is more loving to allow Flo to have this thread hidden. The subject was indeed very private and sensitive.

 

However Flo should have been aware of that when she started the thread. If the material could logically progress to where it is too private and sensitive, perhaps she would have been better off hesitating for a bit on that post button. But this is only my opinion, and I do not mean to criticize or judge.

 

I have saved the thread up to page 6 and my last posts if any individual poster wants to PM me and request their material by name. I will give them only the words they posted and nothing else. I will keep the thread, as much of it as I have, for archival purposes in case it ever needs to be referred back to. Pretty much though I am going to respect Flo's request here.

 

Flo, my offer to be here if you need or want to talk, or have someone listen, stands.

Edited February 19, 2015 by DreamBliss

[rex]

A wry observation - members posts are sacrosanct and cannot be edited by the mods but they can be made to quietly disappear without so much as a 'by your leave'.

[Flolfolil]

they can be made to quietly disappear

if you could see The Abyss you'd be thanking us that the majority of the stuff there got hidden

 

(my wry observation)

[rex]

It's not really about why the posts were removed; it's about how they were removed and the casual disregard of the moderators towards ordinary posters revealed in the process.

[C T]

if you could see The Abyss you'd be thanking us that the majority of the stuff there got hidden

 

(my wry observation)

Yet another unnecessary justification, which is to be expected, given the basis and momentum of the less than ethical move to obliterate the thread and now whatever is said points to nothing but attempts at covering up and weak explanations. 

 

Prime example of being stuck in pride and unable to lower it enough to apologise for messing up, as though all that matters is your own well-being, two fingers to all the whiners who should just shut up and get on with it. 

 

What utter disregard for goodwill and integrity. 

[soaring crane]

It's not really about why the posts were removed; it's about how they were removed and the casual disregard of the moderators towards ordinary posters revealed in the process.

Not really. That thread was started by someone who was/is obviously going through a very rough period. The whole purpose of that thread was to help someone in need. And now you're all given a chance to actually help that person by granting a little peace and quiet, and what do you do? You cling to some silly lines of text you posted in the internet. Many of you are clearly far more interested in projecting your views and beliefs on other people than you are in actually helping those who need it. It's shameful behavior from individuals who should, given the amount of wisdom and insight they purport to embody, act a bit more respectfully to someone who has real problems.

 

Think about it. If your posts were so profound and valuable, you would remember what you wrote and not need to have a record of it here to remind you and the rest of us of your wisdom.

 

And there's nothing stopping any of you from simply starting up a new conversation based loosely or strictly on what went on in Flo's thread.

 

edit: I want to make explicitly clear that my feelings on this have absolutely nothing to do with Flo's status as a moderator. If anything, I'd probably use even sterner language if it were a regular member. And that is the final word. Thread locked.