From loving and accepting myself to simply being myself - how?

[DreamBliss]

I have been slowly reading through Eckhart Tolle's, "The Power of Now." As what he teaches feels right to me I have decided to accept what he is saying in this book as truth, or a direct pointing to it.
 

Some years back, when I started this particular spiritual journey of mine I watched video from Louis Hay. I can't remember the title, I think it was, "You Can Heal Your Life." That video really spoke to me at the time. Learning to love and accept myself as I am. saying that to myself in a mirror. I needed that because, to be honest, I did not like myself or accept myself. I was not comfortable in my own skin.
 

But now, Tolle tells me that I should neither love myself or hate myself. That loving myself, having any relationship with myself, puts a duality there. I can't remember his exact words. But he instructs that I should just be myself. Be relaxed and comfortable with myself. Have no relationship with myself, then any relationship I have with another is one of love.
 

I always believed that I have to love and accept myself as I am before I could love and accept anyone else as they are. This is what I have taught. I only teach what feels right to me, what I believe in, what I myself practice. I practice what I preach in other words. Well now what do I do?
 

How can I apply mirror work, which I still think is a very good practice, to Tolle's instructions? What could I say to myself in the mirror that does not create a relationship with myself or entrench me in duality?
 

I don't think Louis Hay is wrong here. But it is possible that her instructions would block someone from becoming enlightened, if what Tolle is saying is true. It seems to me that if you hate yourself, then loving yourself is an improvement, isn't it? So maybe just being yourself is the next step. I just don't know how to take it.
 

It did occur to me, something that I had not seen until today, than in loving and accepting myself I create the opposite reality of hating and rejecting myself. You can not have love and acceptance without hate and rejection. I was aware of the concept of finding some state or place outside of duality, beyond it. Now I see that I need to apply it here as well.
 

There is no pursuit of enlightenment here. I have decided that I came here to live a physical life and have a physical experience, so this is what I intend to do. I have no intention of trying to escape this physical experience or supersede it. So the door to enlightenment, for me, is not closed, nor is it open. My focus isn't even there, it is on the physical experience, while I have a physical body. If enlightenment comes in that fine, and if it doesn't fine.
 

I do wish to experience the states beyond the physical that can be experienced while in the physical. So there is still an interest in Shamanic journeying, astral projection, lucid dreaming, projecting my consciousness, etc. But only as part of what I can experience as a physical being.
 

Just wanted to clarify this. The goal is to be comfortable in my own skin. I don't know any better way to put that.

 

Just before I was going to post this I realized something else. I was putting things in the way of being with someone. I had this idea that I had to love and accept myself as I am before I could be with anyone. That I had to be a certain state or way, become something above, beyond or more. Why didn't I see this? Putting obstacles in my path between myself and another.
 

So for the official record, especially to anyone I have said this to, there is nothing you need to be or have in order to be with someone, right now, in this moment, in your life. Don't make my mistake and put things between you and your desire, whether that desire be for someone to share your life with or something you want to have. Anything you put between you and the object of your desire will create resistance and keep your desire from you.
 

I guess that must be part of accepting yourself. True acceptance of yourself means you are OK with how you are right now, in this moment. Maybe that's what being yourself is as well. You stay as you are and feel no compulsion to be something else. You don't feel you need improvement or are missing anything. You assume you are complete and perfect as you are, but you give no thought to that.

 

 

[liminal_luke]

Dreambliss,

 

They may appear to contradict each other, but I don't think you'll go wrong following either Louise Hay or Eckhart Tolle.  Take your pick.  Loving and accepting yourself, as recommended by Hay, would certainly be very helpful.  Then again, nothing wrong with not having a relationship with yourself, just being yourself, relaxed and comfortable, as recommended by Tolle. They are simply speaking from different, although complementary, points of view.

 

A Buddhist monk might see all of reality (correct me if I´m wrong) permeated by the bliss and wisdom of the dharma, but that doesn´t mean he wouldn´t bother to feed the hungry.  Can you find a way to love yourself and not have a relationship with yourself at the same time?  Can you see everything as already perfect and complete and still work to improve it?  Your mind will tell you these things are impossible.  So go ask some other part of your being.

 

My two cents.

 

Liminal

[Bearded Dragon]

When you use the word Love you have to know what it means, and therein lies the problem. Tolle describes it in one of his videos. I wouldn't like to attempt to paraphrase from memory.

 

Being just is. You don't actually have to do anything to BE. How could you not be? The idea is so liberating in and of itself. The problem arises when you think you have to do something. The second problem comes when you feel "Oh man, I'm really being right now!" and you try to sustain an impermanent state that you misinterpret as 'being'. haha, it's a struggle to just go with things sometimes.

 

You're right to drop the idea of enlightenment. It's obvious but it has taken me a long time to shake it. The idea of enlightenment is no different from the faith-based delusions of any belief system or religion. One can deal with it if it arises in the present moment, but until then it's not worth the time of day.

[DreamBliss]

Thank you both for your thoughts on this.

[Michael Sternbach]

If you would hate yourself, how could you be relaxed and comfortable with yourself? If you are at peace and contentment, then you actually do accept and love yourself. All the better if you don't have to constantly remind yourself of it in the mirror!

 

So in my view, the exercise Hay is suggesting, and any other such practices, can be helpful if and when you need them. Once you don't need them any longer, it's best you let them go. Keep them in your toolbox though, so you can teach them to those who would need them. And there is nothing to keep you from returning to them temporarily whenever they would benefit you.

 

There is no one answer, no singular truth that fits all at any given time. On my own way, I explored many truths, followed many practices that were important for me at and for a certain time. Ever flowing with my inner guidance that speaks to me through my intuition, my impulses, my feelings of happiness and contentment. That is my lasting truth.

 

"The way that can be shown is not the true way." Says Lao Tzu.

[Michael Sternbach]

I like your thought on not putting anything between yourself and what you wish. Sometimes, there are naturally steps between you and the thing you desire, and you need to take them one by one. Nothing that you couldn't achieve then!

 

But very often, we create the steps ourselves, because in truth, we lack confidence and we are afraid to claim what we want. So we procrastinate and make things more complex than need be. Maybe we follow a program telling us stuff like: "In order to write a book, you must study literature first, and have many years of experience" - a belief a friend of mine seems to hold, and it's keeping her from writing a book, even though her writing is excellent and she has a lot to say. (I agreed to her and told her that she had done all the training she needs in her past lives already.)

Edited March 11, 2015 by Michael Sternbach

[Spotless]

Quote from the Original Post (OP) by DreamBliss:

 

"There is no pursuit of enlightenment here. I have decided that I came here to live a physical life and have a physical experience, so this is what I intend to do. I have no intention of trying to escape this physical experience or supersede it. So the door to enlightenment, for me, is not closed, nor is it open. My focus isn't even there, it is on the physical experience, while I have a physical body. If enlightenment comes in that fine, and if it doesn't fine.

 

I do wish to experience the states beyond the physical that can be experienced while in the physical. So there is still an interest in Shamanic journeying, astral projection, lucid dreaming, projecting my consciousness, etc. But only as part of what I can experience as a physical being.

 

Just wanted to clarify this. The goal is to be comfortable in my own skin. I don't know any better way to put that."

 

-------------

 

If you wish to Be in the physical and experience it fully then Enlightenment is what you seek.

 

Take care - a decision such as "I have decided" is not necessary. And who is the "I" that wants to round up other "I's" on its side, in this decision that moves your fingers to state such a decision / judgement of Enlightenment?

 

You can throw yourself into the flesh and parry with it for a lifetime - this appears to be immersion fully dipped - it is a long sleep in a lower vibration that is much duller and coarser than "the delightful journey" it might appear. You will come away with a great many things but in the end you will more clearly see the greater treasure is a path started early that is laid with gold - everything becomes visible and accessible - and you become accessible to a thousand thousand high spirits that will help you to Become again and again.

 

Their is not a fragment in a book that can express even slightly what it is like - you must come to know it even if briefly - and it is a thousand times easier started in youth than in old age.

Edited March 11, 2015 by Spotless

[GrandmasterP]

Is it just me or does anyone else find Tolle's spoken delivery soporific?

[Stosh]

Is it just me or does anyone else find Tolle's spoken delivery soporific?

Not me , but Jiddu Krishnamurti ..yes.

 

More on point though , Im not sure loving others doesn't still tend to support a dualistic mindset. 

There's you, and then there are others, regardless of what the sentiment is.

For instance,  ones anger at someone else , one feels personally  ,

they the other dont know it directly ,and so they really dont have much to do with the anger.

Same goes for unrequited love. 

Either sentiment is an outgrowth of a non-unified worldview, or not. 

A person could hate themself , couldn't they.

Which I am not promoting, but 

any sentiment one has is ones own , and while one can imagine a target of that sentiment 

the sentiment doesn't really involve anyone else.

Edited March 11, 2015 by Stosh

[DreamBliss]

Is it just me or does anyone else find Tolle's spoken delivery soporific?

 

When I first Tolle in one of his videos, it was off-putting. Even more so now, his eyes get so red. He just doesn't look like or come off as some sort of spiritual teacher. His whole appearance is just a guy sharing these truths. He takes his time to say what he is gong to say.

 

Now that I have watched him more I appreciate this about him. He never seems to be trying to sell me something when he is teaching. He isn't putting on airs of being some guru or even a teacher. I personally find him very engaging, and what he says feels right to me, at least at this time in my life.

 

I honestly don't find him boring or sleep inducing at all. The way he speaks seems to put me into a state where I have to be more aware and conscious while listening to him. That's been my experience anyway.

[the1gza]

This is a question only you can answer. You almost certainly will never learn it from another's philosophy, and while Tolle may have some techniques that are useful... try not to overanalyze something. If you got an idea, any idea, on how to do something, try it first, give it some earnest investment, and then see if it works. I cannot tell of the literal THOUSANDS of ideas I thought of in my teens that I never actually did myself. How silly do you think I felt when I came to read these various ideas and techniques in other books 5 or 6 years after I first thought it? 

 

While I respect many people who come into the arena of exploring human potential, I wouldn't let their words keep me from exploring myself how I feel. Tolle might say something that sounds true, but the question is whether or not that truth means anything to you? Just because it is a nice sounding theory doesn't mean it has anything to do with you. I mean, you said here yourself that you want a physical experience with your body... why on Earth would you care about non-dualism? I would personally disagree that love has to be balanced by hate, or in the idea that something must have it's opposite. Love is love, hate is hate, and an apple is an apple. That they seem opposite is completely based on observation, many people find themselves easily able to continuously feel good about themselves without ever having to address something like hate. But that's not the point, the point is that if you are interested in just being a physical being. why commit to teachings that would have you supersede a dualistic experience, which is the primary human paradigm of the time?

 

But if any of us were cool with who we were right now, would we even be here? I feel it's ok to want to create something new for yourself, and it's ok to say, "Alright, I don't like this about myself. I'm going to change it." If you wake up with stinky breath, you get to the bathroom and brush your teeth. If you are musty in the armpits, you go to the shower and, perhaps, apply some deodorant liberally. If you are hungry, you eat. There's nothing wrong with that, and hell if you don't do many of these things, life turns out screwy for you. I know plenty of people who should not be in relationships because they haven't been critical enough with themselves, and they invite new children, which they birth, into a mess they didn't pay enough attention to. So how can wanting to improve be so wrong when people make ridiculous errors because they become ignorant of themselves and possible flaws?

 

I'm not saying anything is wrong here, but rather saying that there is something you gotta find out by being true to what you feel. If you feel like you gotta approve, don't go read someone who doesn't know you and look to them as if they should have an answer to what you should do in life. Listen to yourself, and like you said, don't "put things between you and your desire". You are interested in things like Shamanic journeying, astral projection, lucid dreaming... go do those things. Don't read some philosopher who would honestly have you not pursue anything like that, why wrack your brain like that? But hell, if you want to lucid dream, or at least do it consistently, then you gotta be able to say, "I haven't garnered a skill for this before, I'm going to do it now." If you just BE, which many of us can't even get beyond our own brain to do (and I would bet Tolle is also in that group), then you shouldn't want that either. But if you honestly do, then go ahead and do that, and if you think that being in a relationship now is not a good idea, chances are it isn't. It's not really that hard, but trusting yourself is the way of "Being" that most people never get to doing. Tolle himself wouldn't have written that book if he had just "been", so you know... do you man.