I want to be a man now ;)

[Songtsan]

I've been a girl most of my life. On the inside. I've been right-brain dominant and receptive, empathic and sensitive. In the beginning it was out of envy of how females were encouraged to be expressive and beautiful, free to explore just about anything they wanted to.  Also, my mother always wished that she had had a daughter, and who knows what effect that might have had on me in the womb? I have seen within myself that my lack of drive is due to not wanting to be who i am. In fact, i have expressed this sentiment here before i believe! So, somehow, i need to change something. In diving deep within myself, i have noticed that i wanted to be a girl because it seemed  an easier lifestyle... You could play more, eat less, use all kinds of languorous flowey movements and sit pretty knowing you looked good doing it. Sociocultural genderfications , memes, and such all seemed to create a system in which women are valued more than men...if there was only one man left in a world of women, the population is still relatively safe from extinction and that man would be a 'busy beaver' and love it. If there was only one woman left in a world if men, that women would be hard pressed to repopulate the human race, not that she wouldnt enjoy it as much as her counterpart it could still be done, but might not be as easy-going as the reverse situation. Men seem to chase after woman more so than the other way around...We all have beauty and power, but beauty flairs higher in women and power flairs higher in men. Beauty is power and power is beautiful. [still in progress, not yet complete, my point has not been expressed yet]

Edited May 8, 2015 by Songtsan

[Marblehead]

Oops.

Edited May 7, 2015 by Marblehead

[Jetsun]

I guess a lot of men want to be more manly, whatever that means.

[Aetherous]

"manly, whatever that means"

 

To start, it can mean opposite qualities of these...

 

right-brain dominant and receptive, empathic and sensitive

 

So, masculinity is not getting rid of those listed qualities, but: rationality/logic taking a high precedence over being intuitive or creative, taking action in life or being proactive instead of just reactive or receptive/going with the flow...and not overly influenced by the external or other people, or one's emotions regarding those things, but having strength in one's own boundaries and general comfort in any situation. Imagine...someone who gets things done as they're supposed to be, without a fuss or any drama. A straightforward person.

 

It's actually a good thing to cultivate masculinity, if you're a man. Our culture is for the most part missing that initiation completely. It's also missing the one where women are taught how to effectively be women...so our culture is shown all sorts of examples in the media of women portraying masculine qualities and vice versa, despite it being entirely unnatural (in my opinion) to them. This is why we're confused and why some people can't even figure out what masculinity might be...we're not told the truth, and we're shown the opposite of the truth constantly for some reason.

 

Some people have woken up a bit, realized some things, and this is why a lot of men are wanting to be more manly these days...for instance with the beard gaining some popularity the last couple of years. It's a good thing. Masculinity is a very beneficial force in our world, despite what many people will say these days (post-feminism, and in spiritual circles especially). Just my views.

Edited May 7, 2015 by Aetherous

[Yasjua]

and this is why a lot of men are wanting to be more manly these days...for instance with the beard gaining some popularity the last couple of years.

 

I find the opposite is often true - beards make men more comfortably indolent to their masculine inadequacies. A beard says "I'm an artist, I do what I want, I don't have to shave, I'm different" - at least where I'm from. I think a man is indeed an artist, but an artist of life, and tends to have his shit together. He makes an art of his responsibilities to self and others. A man does do what he wants, but what he wants is the betterment of his world. His actions advocate and move justice, health, equality, and higher ideals through the world - he serves everyone by serving himself. He isn't selfish, but he knows that his existence is a blessing to others - therefore he remains true to himself. A man indeed doesn't have to shave, but he takes care of himself - he grooms, he wants the world to know he is serious. And finally, a man is different, but not because he eschews responsibility or occupies a fringe in society. He stands out because he is completely responsible, he uses his power within society, and his intentions encompass social infrastructure but never succumb to them. He doesn't need to run away from life, he wants to master it and he knows he is in a capable position to do so.

Edited May 7, 2015 by Yasjua

[Songtsan]

I'm sorry I started this thread and lost motivation...too bad there isn't a way to save a draft for a post. Y'all should wait till I finish the initial post, or not, I am flexible! I'll get her done though, I promise...

[Yasjua]

[under construction, please with old comments until I finish]

 

I'm sorry! I think you meant withhold comments - unfortunately I just registered this as "bad English" and didn't give it a second thought. I get it now.

[zanshin]

On 5/7/2015 at 5:16 PM, Songtsan said:

I'm sorry I started this thread and lost motivation...too bad there isn't a way to save a draft for a post. Y'all should wait till I finish the initial post, or not, I am flexible! I'll get her done though, I promise

Edited April 19, 2020 by zanshin
I want to be a space cowboy

[Stosh]

Lets see your new more manly avatar. ... I liked that old one you had with the curling teeth.

[Marblehead]

I'm sorry I started this thread and lost motivation...too bad there isn't a way to save a draft for a post. Y'all should wait till I finish the initial post, or not, I am flexible! I'll get her done though, I promise...

You set us up.  You know how difficult it is for us to remain silent when we feel we have something to say.

 

But sure, if you are working with those thoughts in your opening post then for sure follow through with your concerns.  There just might be someone here who can say something that will inspire you to do whatever.

[Stosh]

He has already been inspired by Something..you can read it between the lines of his posts of late. Question is though, what does he think this manliness means?

[Marblehead]

He has already been inspired by Something..you can read it between the lines of his posts of late. Question is though, what does he think this manliness means?

Well, yes, but I will suggest that manliness isn't all it's made up to be.  Being a Spirit of the Valley will give rest to many.

 

And besides, trying to change who and what we are will oftentimes create more problems than the effort resolves.

Edited May 8, 2015 by Marblehead

[Stosh]

I think he has mixed emotions about ,just what you are saying. The stereotypes folk have about the genders ,offers advantages and disadvantages,just as Zn pointed out.. but one privately and personally doesnt need to buy in to either, though physically, its probably best to pick the gender identity that fits your physical build.

[liminal_luke]

Hmmm.....I wonder if it would be more useful just to work on developing the qualities we´d like to develop and not worry so much which gender box to put said qualities into.

 

For instance....

 

I´d like to be more intuitive.

I´d like to be more compassionate.

I´d like to keep my place neater.

I´d like to be a better cook (including, but not limited to, grilling).

I´d like to be less irritable.

I´d like to procrastinate less.

I´d like to be less fearful about facing things that need facing.

I´d like to be physically stronger.

I´d like to be more emotionally resilient.

 

If I succeed in becoming who I want to be, will that person be more manly or more womanly?  Does it matter?

 

Liminal

Edited May 7, 2015 by liminal_luke

[Aetherous]

since I've failed just by existing and with the bar set so low I am free to be passive, yielding and capricious.

 

Femininity is far from undesirable.

[Yasjua]

Songtsan, when I was 16 I started to explore more of my femininity for the same reasons you described: women get to be more expressive and beautiful than men in Western culture. So I started wearing women's jackets, putting on some polish over my nails, even wearing make-up sometimes. Then one day, wearing something quite benign from my mother's closet, my dad approached me and angrily chided me for looking "gay."

 

I think today I would've laughed that off, but at that age I was vulnerable to his reprimands and I still believe that that moment was responsible for shutting down a very colorful, exciting, and glamorous facet of my psyche. I didn't stop what I was doing, but I never felt quite as fantastic about it again after that. I'll still wear a dress out maybe once a every year. It's pretty fun. I'm also really hairy, so it's funny too.

 

But anyway, I do think that being internally feminine, or leaning to excess introversion/yin/empathy can interfere with a man's orientation in life - these need to be balanced, particularly in men (or at least in my case), with powers of extroversion/yang/strong energetic boundaries/drivenness.

[Songtsan]

I don't know, now I am thinking back to my original plan, to try and hyperpolarize to being more rooted in one gender identity. It just seems more stable. Not only do I feel it in my gut, it makes logical sense. Those of mixed internal gender often seemed the most unhappy. There are higher rates of suicide among such people. I was born this way, it seems, so I am not sure how much path working is an option...I've seen the stress more, the lack of balance, in other posters on this board, such as Vanir or DB....I am not sure how to proceed honestly. Should I try testosterone supplements? I've never heard of any techniques on approaching hyperpolarization... It seems like many of the more stable members in the board are comfortably situated in their sexuality...

[blue eyed snake]

question:

 

would you think I'm one of the 'more stable members',

or not ? 

 

 

Edited May 19, 2015 by blue eyed snake

[Aetherous]

Should I try testosterone supplements?

 

Lifting weights works for testosterone. I was doing the Stronglifts program which worked really well, until I got a knee injury (due to not stretching).

 

I've never thought of you as being feminine at all, Songtsan. So perhaps you don't really need supplements to become who you already are...in which case, any issue you have here is likely just of the mind.

 

Besides lifting weights...I think it's also good to make sure you're getting really good sleep and balanced nutrition. If you can, go to bed at 10pm. Start reading a book so that you're not looking at a computer screen at that time, which is what keeps people up. Fiction books will help take you out of the real world and into your imagination, so it's a good preparation for sleep and dreaming.

 

And in addition to that, if you have a spiritual practice that normalizes or calms the mind, that can help. For instance just take a leaf from a tree, set a timer for 20 minutes, and just look at the details of the leaf as your object of meditation. When thoughts drift, bring your attention back to noticing the leaf's details. That particular meditation will really help make the mind function better...and when the mind is normal, then your natural expression of your true gender comes forward. You want the natural state of your being...not something unnatural like "becoming" more male through supplementation or any other kind of changing. It's not necessary to become what you already are...but it is helpful to heal what you already are, through rest.

[Songtsan]

I love staying up late, though I know it's 'bad' for me...I feel so feminine inside though, it comes out in my physical mannerisms though, which you guys can't see. I was walking down the street one time, and this one guy made fun of me and said 'walk like a man bro,' and there have been plenty of times that other guys have made remarks that I acted like a girl. Even on other forums...its difficult to explain...

[Songtsan]

@Blue Eyed: you seem relatively stable so far! But I don't 'know' you that well because you joined relatively recently. I like your energy though- you seem pretty relaxed and fun to interact with...

[Vanir Thunder Dojo Tan]

What songstan said sums up my own feelings.



I am at a similar point in my life where my psychology is rejecting the male/female personoa/biology integration (which i cant even accomplish by any natural means anyways) and demanding an embrace of my own natural masculinity i was born with (path of least resistence TBH).


I had for too long idealized the hermaphrodite perfection of unity and failed to cultivate my natural abilities and talents...



I need to make changes that coincide with my nature, rather than try to achieve an idealized one...  

[Aetherous]

Well, it could be that you are feminine "on the inside", Songtsan...if you really think you are that way, of course it's not my place whatsoever to convince you otherwise. You know yourself best, as well as what you want for your life. People yelling at you to "walk like a man" probably doesn't help with your self-image as a man at all...making suggestions like that can really screw with the psyche.

I personally have this impression from my experiences, that men on the inside are what women look like on the outside, and women on the inside are what men look like on the outside. That's not to say that within every man is a woman, or that men are actually feminine, by any means.

But for instance, there is the saying "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned". They can be strong, hard, and abrasive on the inside, like how a man looks. Think of a father teaching their kid things...is that not the spitting image of "gentle"?

Also, think of how women have friendships versus how men do...men can have best friends, and there is comfort and relaxation on a deep level for years, where you even pick up where you left off...but with women it's generally surface-level short-lasting filled-with-tension-walking-on-egg-shells fake-friendships. If you don't see this in your life take a look around, and you will...although of course there are exceptions to the rule.

So yeah, perhaps the genders are opposite on the inside and outside...although this doesn't mean that men normally feel like they are women.

[Songtsan]

My mother once said that I was a prima Donna when I was 16 or so...honestly, I like feeling girlish and dainty, LOL...its like I'm a blooming fairy...when I sublimate it gets even worse....what a strange life...When I was like 7 yrs old I would wrap a towel around myself and pretend it was a skirt...so interesting....

[Stosh]

My mother once said that I was a prima Donna when I was 16 or so...honestly, I like feeling girlish and dainty, LOL...its like I'm a blooming fairy...when I sublimate it gets even worse....what a strange life...When I was like 7 yrs old I would wrap a towel around myself and pretend it was a skirt...so interesting....

Compromise with a kilt. Nah, you wont carry it off, if you start swishing . But seriously , you don't really sound like a girl. ( but if someone was to pin me down to saying why that was,, I wouldnt be able to answer. right)

Edited May 19, 2015 by Stosh