Life Skills

[Daeluin]

Perfection is interesting.

 

I like to nurture people to increase their acceptance and trust, of themselves and of their environment. But what does that really mean? Should we just stay in bed the next time we wake up and accept and trust, without moving? No, that's not really what I mean...

 

Perfection might be at the opposite end of the spectrum. I see it as a type of arousing energy into movement, gathering it, shaping it, flowing with it, improving it, refining it, until it achieves ignition, creation. Out in the wild, starting a fire by natural means is no easy task - first one takes the right combination of resources, brings them together and with persitance and patience is able to shape a single spark into a sustained flame. This is like striving for perfection - one perseveres, trying again and again and again until that source of heat transforms.

 

But if one is constantly working, constantly striving, constantly arousing energy into motion and burning it, well, that isn't perfection either. Eventually everything would burn up.

 

Hence the importance of understanding balance. The cycle of five elements is subtle, deep, profound.

 

We have a source of energy, and we arouse it into motion, and shape it into something that has the potential to transform into emotion, feeling, bliss.... but if we allow this bliss to simply scatter, we lose it, so we need to understand how to receive it back inside, fully accept and allow it to settle without judgment or bias, to return, to condense, and come back to replenish the source from whence it came, so that it may begin again.

 

And holding it all together, so that one phase within this cycle does not dominate, leaving no room for the others, is the center, is sincerity, is integrity - that which integrates all within the whole.

 

When dominated by feelings of the need for action, for creation, for striving, for accomplishment - often we would do well to be mindful of the return. When slow, sluggish, lazy, unmotivated - often we would do well to remind ourselves to strive, to reach for a goal, and to accomplish it. And, mysteriously, as we come to balance the extremes of each of these, we find that they merge into something that is all at once - preserved, yet active, burning, yet still.

[SonOfTheGods]

I'd add, if they don't have a special interest in any particular art they'd want to explore indepth, then I'd highly recommend Model Mugging, Chimera or something that's specific to woman's self defense which is a different set of skills then whats learned at most dojos. 

 

Plus keep a small can of pepper spray on your keychain.  Unfortunately woman are bigger targets then men for robbery and rape. 

 

Periodically I teach a woman's self defense class at the local gyms for free.

 

Just a basic one hour course:

 

Awareness of your surroundings.

 

Then easy to learn/employ techniques such as: eye gouge, ear slaps, kneecap and groin kicks- small joint manipulation and pressure points.

 

A couple of techniques to get free from holds and escape

 

Enough tactical training that they can continue at home (maybe practice on their husband or boyfriend lol)

[Taomeow]

My understanding of perfection is consistent with its place as the first of the Three Treasures of taoism.  (Taoists like to group their treasures In threes.)  A perfect treasure is non-negotiable.  It is not a treasure because someone appoints it as treasure.  It just is -- by itself, ziran.

 

I have little first hand experience of personal perfection.  Perhaps my command of my native tongue, and my coffee, and that's about it.  But once you know perfection in even one small thing, it engenders a longing for more.  Perfection begets perfection, much as disorder begets disorder, sloppiness begets sloppiness, clutter begets clutter, and poverty attracts poverty, not money, and chickens lay eggs, not bricks.  We are always told that "opposites attract," but similars attract stronger.  Look at any tree.  Leaf, leaf, leaf, leaf, leaf, leaf...  not leaf, needle, brick, rock, paper, scissors.  Once the tree has mastered the perfect way to be what it is -- leaf, leaf, leaf, leaf, leaf, leaf -- it doesn't want to experiment with any which imperfect way to be what it is.  It is satisfied with being perfect -- for hundreds of millions of years.

 

Taoists emulate that.  Taoist(ish) parents might want to teach their kids that.  What can beat a life skill that remains useful for hundreds of millions of years?  If you are a tree, along the way you will invent animals to carry your seeds around (as Terence McKenna put it), begetting more perfection.  Maybe it's just me, but when I was fourteen and someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up, I said, "I want to be the inventor of the cat."   

[dwai]

I'd say I'd put the following in order -

 

1) surviving in the wild - this includes navigation skills, hunting, gathering, building shelters, swimming, rock climbing, martial skills 

2) settling in for the big haul - planting and growing food, this includes growing, tending to and harvesting crops and cooking. This includes being able to leverage skill set #3 to grow medicinals etc.

3) understanding of being - the physiology, psychology and energetics of the living beings (at a more earthy level) and be able to treat others and heal themselves with energetics and herbs etc.

4) being aware of death - how everything that is born must go and that this life is a gift - to cherish it and make the most of it to the best of their abilities.

5) arts - music, painting, literature, poetry - what ever is their predilection, let them learn one art.

 

In essence, make them beings of the five excellences.

Edited May 30, 2015 by dwai

[thelerner]

I'd say I'd put the following in order -

 

1) surviving in the wild - this includes navigation skills, hunting, gathering, building shelters, swimming, rock climbing, martial skills 

2) settling in for the big haul - planting and growing food, this includes growing, tending to and harvesting crops and cooking. This includes being able to leverage skill set #3 to grow medicinals etc.

3) understanding of being - the physiology, psychology and energetics of the living beings (at a more earthy level) and be able to treat others and heal themselves with energetics and herbs etc.

4) being aware of death - how everything that is born must go and that this life is a gift - to cherish it and make the most of it to the best of their abilities.

5) arts - music, painting, literature, poetry - what ever is their predilection, let them learn one art.

 

In essence, make them beings of the five excellences.

well good luck with all of that.  I'm still working on clean your room. 

 

I'll push the kids to do and excel in areas that interest them.  But its hard, often not worth the battle to try to mold them against there wishes.  I've known some terrific martial artists who dreampt of having their kids become young prodigies and it never happened.   Maybe the blame is on American culture and its lack familial duty and all the distractions but the kids wanted no part of there parents art and it ended up pushing them away. 

 

Before you have kids its easy to make ambitious plans, years later, you kind of throw them away and go with the flow. 

[zanshin]

Me too for the bedrooms, but we have Kondo-ed most of our clothes this weekend so I am optimistic. I don't think the others are that unreasonable. 1) No mad mountain man skills but we go camping, fishing, hiking etc. regularly and both kids take Scouts. I feel happy they like these things. I know other parents who do like outdoors and kids don't. J takes jujitsu which never interested me although I do other martial arts. It's his thing. 2) J cooks about once a week picks what he wants to make needing much less supervision. Neither likes to garden with me or try to eat wild plants. 3) not much interest and pretty healthy not sure how to do this one. 4) part of life especially when you have lots of pets 5) they both play an instrument. S has some really creative ideas for art projects and even decorating his room but no props from school art teacher she does more regimented projects.

 

Sort of started thread to think about summer activities since we have more open ended time. So much school stuff seems a waste of time. They both like friends and social aspect of school and seem appalled by idea of home schooling even though there is lot they grumble about too. Probably a topic for another thread.

Edited May 31, 2015 by zanshin

[Daeluin]

I started playing this weird game recently. Whatever it is on the surface... I'll let you decide. But beneath the surface, I've found myself exploring the city I live in on bike a whole lot more, and discovering little murals and historical signs I never managed to take notice of before. More than simply visiting these murals, the game has turned them into places I care for in other ways, and has cultivated a desire to find the hidden spots around the county that I'm not aware of, that others have identified. There's the game layer, but really the game is just a fun excuse to explore and develop fondness for my town.

 

If you like exploring and live in a place where walking or biking would be a safe means of transportation/exploration, this could be a fun family game, as everyone can share in the fun. And it can be pretty social too, as indevitably you'll run into others who play... enjoy!

[thelerner]

You mostly have to be a parent, responsible, draw lines, have expectations, even punish.  There is room to be a friend too.  This summer I have a 'date' with my daughter to do a photo safari at the zoo, and get a chocolate fondue.  With one son its going out to see 3D Hero movies at the Imax and a road trip to see his perspective college.  With the youngest who acts, its to see a few plays this year.  So far this year we've seen Carousel (which he'd been in) and Mr. Burns. 

 

So making sure you do occasional special events together, be it a movie, or taking a walk with cameras,  or a special dessert.. its good to make memories.  Though some of our best times are on the couch making fun of reality TV.   We love Finding Sasquatch and a few other shows.  We talk and make wise cracks through them.  When they were young the nanny reality shows would start good conversations. 

[Perceiver]

Philosophy.

Logical thinking

Social skills.

Seeing through bullshit.

Meditation.

Entrpreneurship.

Self-coaching.