Opposite energy of Rejection

[vtrader125]

I'm thinking a big drain of energy comes from the feeling of rejection. 

What would be the opposite?

Is it detachment from the outcome?

 

[RiverSnake]

Choosing to be a winner. 

[vtrader125]

Whats a winner mean?

[de_paradise]

Its detachment from outcome. More succinctly, the problem starts from the projected value you put on acceptance because it creates the polar opposite: less value of non acceptance. You create the trap yourself by the thoughts and emotions that you will be better off with the getting accepted, which immediately creates the position of not better off of the present moment . So really, you just mindfu**ed yourself, and put a veil of dissatisfaction over the "now" because you've created the box where well-being is contingent on gettting accepted by that person.  Not to mention the emotional failure state of getting rejected.

 

The answer is not "not caring", its more like stopping your emotional-cognitive narrative from setting value on comparative outcomes. You have to watch your mind and body feelings as you create the emotional representation when you ponder about getting accepted.

[RiverSnake]

Whats a winner mean?

 

To win....isn't that self explanatory? Put that energy into whatever context you like. 

[Daeluin]

Does wining imply that someone else loses?

Or can we all be winners?

Aren't we all winners already, simply for being?

 

Dissolve expectation. Expectation is a sword - melt it down into something that can nurture growth rather than latching onto others and then snapping back to cut at you when that expextation is betrayed. Or use it! Grasp ahold of something and go with it, and if it snaps back at you be prepared and move on - that's what many do, anyway.

 

But what is betrayed expectation? What is rejection? Even a punch is a gift. Stop attaching to the rejection or the punch and the pain it caused and the restriction from achieiving your desire - instead acknowledge the direction you are pointed. Usually these things come when we aren't taking consideration for ourselves first - when we become more whole, more healthy, we develop more love for ourselves, more confidence, and then others are naturally attracted to us. When we are only focused on what we can get from the outside world, we actually push it away by depleting our inner power.

 

So... just beleive in yourself more and let go of desire more. It can take a lot of strength and patience, but we usually start changing to cultivate what serves us - how we take care of ourselves, and the service we give to others, and all of these things help us to become people that others want to build relationship with.

[RiverSnake]

Does wining imply that someone else loses?

Or can we all be winners?

Aren't we all winners already, simply for being?

Not necessarily, depends on the context. However, life is a game meant for winners. You were the fastest sperm, the rest dyed outside the egg. The slowest gazelle gets eaten by the lion. The only point in losing is so that you can learn from your mistakes and become a better winner.....if your whole life all you do is lose....then i'd say thats a pretty terrible life. If every single women you ever courted in your life rejected you....it would be hard to swallow saying that your a winner. Saying your all winners after you lose the soccer game is something your parents told you to make you feel better...but in reality it sucks to lose if you put in the hundreds of hours of practice...but if your strong enough you learn and do better next time.

 

IME, behind the masculine drive there is a burning force of creativity, the existential and ceaseless drive to Win, succeed, refine, grow, expand and merge into deeper and deeper states of ecstasy and bliss. This is why sexual energy is so powerful...IME. From a spiritual perspective, yes we are all winners, we are all equal...but when you get soaked up into creation things naturally get divided.

 

In my opinion, if your not living a joyful life then your a loser no matter how it may appear on the surface (Money, Women, cars....etc), but that's not a permanent state you have to be in...you can choose to be a winner....you can learn from your mistakes and grow beyond them and live a deeper more fulfilling life. Losing has its place...but its not a place you want to stay your whole life.

Edited June 8, 2015 by OldChi

[Daeluin]

Not necessarily, depends on the context. However, life is a game meant for winners. You were the fastest sperm, the rest dyed outside the egg. The slowest gazelle gets eaten by the lion. The only point in losing is so that you can learn from your mistakes and become a better winner.....if your whole life all you do is lose....then i'd say thats a pretty terrible life. If every single women you ever courted in your life rejected you....it would be hard to swallow saying that your a winner. Saying your all winners after you lose the soccer game is something your mom told you to make you feel better...but in reality it sucks to lose if you put in the hundreds of hours of practice...but if your strong enough you learn and do better next time.      

 

The right sperm for that moment in time.

The right gazelle for the survival of the herd.

 

Why isn't being the first to die and the first to transform into something new considered winning? We consider heroes to be winners, even when they die, simply because they saved the princess or kingdom, or accomplished whatever goal they needed to. The gazelle that lagged back with a lame leg enabled the survival of his family.

 

In the grand scheme of things, we are all one. What can be lost except attachment to ego?

 

If always rejected by women, perhaps life has a different purpose for this individual - evidence of loss on one level is usually indication of gain on another level. Up to us to listen to the messages and change to embrace our gifts. If we only focus on living by the standards of what is attached to by our peers, we will blind ourselves to the truth hidden within.

[RiverSnake]

Daeluin, it is important (IMO) to have a healthy respect for suffering and the role it plays in the lives of others.

 

An example:

 

Let's say your best friend just walked in on her husband plowing another women (a common situation that happens daily) . She's heartbroken and is on the verge of a mental breakdown and getting a divorce. Do you think it would be appropriate to sit down with your friend and say "Hey, this situation doesn't really matter. You just need to detach from your ego and take it as a gift from the universe, it was destined to be in the grand scheme of things, so don't worry about it, or put any effort into remedying the situation." This excerpt is very similar in theme to the post you just made previously.

 

IMO, that would be an inappropriate sentiment for the situation and an asshole thing to say, in that hypothetical situation. Furthermore, it reaks of a sense of unavoidable "destiny" in that we have no control or influence over our lives. IME, some situations and patterns within are lives are "fated", but at the same time we can actively influence and tango with our karmic patterns. Buddha said that realization comes through "self-effort" and human striving....I am a fan of that school of thought more than the school of fixed destiny.

 

When I see you use terms like "the greater scheme of things" and say that it was "destiny" that a guy gets rejected by women his whole life.....I feel that's a terrible and ineffectual way to argue a point, terrible advice and also (IMO) a terrible way of approaching life. Living with intent and purpose is important....versus just saying it was all "part of the plan" and it's just ego attachment/illusion so who cares anyway?

 

Hope that clarifies my perspective. Blessings.

Edited June 8, 2015 by OldChi

[Daeluin]

Daeluin, it is important (IMO) to have a healthy respect for suffering and the role it plays in the lives of others.

 

An example:

 

Let's say your best friend just walked in on her husband plowing another women (a common situation that happens daily) . She's heartbroken and is on the verge of a mental breakdown and getting a divorce. Do you think it would be appropriate to sit down with your friend and say "Hey, this situation doesn't really matter. You just need to detach from your ego and take it as a gift from the universe, it was destined to be in the grand scheme of things, so don't worry about it, or put any effort into remedying the situation." This excerpt is very similar in theme to the post you just made previously.

 

IMO, that would be an inappropriate sentiment for the situation and an asshole thing to say, in that hypothetical situation.

 

Yes, I agree. I like the vinegar taster approach to suffering - being happy that people choose suffering and not letting it weigh us down.

 

So my advice to this person would be to listen to herself, to use what she feels inside to change, and to trust herself to change in the way that is needed, and to be patient, allowing the change the right amount of time to mature. And to let her know that I trust her ability to do this, and support where-ever she is in this process.

 

Furthermore, it reaks of a sense of unavoidable "destiny" in that we have no control or influence over our lives. IME, some situations and patterns within are lives are "fated", but at the same time we can actively influence and tango with our karmic patterns. Buddha said that realization comes through "self-effort" and human striving....I am a fan of that school of thought more than the school of fixed destiny.

 

Oh, I agree. Whatever karmic patterns at play are those we created, for the most part. So certainly if we had the ability to shape our relationship to the fabric of reality, then too we have the ability to change that relationship.

 

To find our way back to the heart of things I feel is best done by resting upon our existing momentum and being creative within that flow, rather than trying to control the life-forms around us to help with manipulating our past momentum, keeping those lessons just out of reach, always one step ahead.

 

When I see you use terms like "the greater scheme of things" and say that it was "destiny" that a guy gets rejected by women his whole life.....I feel that's a terrible and ineffectual way to argue a point, terrible advice and also (IMO) a terrible way of approaching life. Living with intent and purpose is important....versus just saying it was all "part of the plan" and it's just ego attachment/illusion so who cares anyway?

 

I suppose I see running one step ahead of the influence of karma as avoiding the inevitable, in the grand scheme of things. Perhaps in another sense it isn't avoiding anything, but simply creating and ever moving forward. So there's nothing wrong with that. Just if we want to also cultivate peace and stillness, it probably requires letting some of that past momentum to catch up to us and understanding how to deal with it.

 

Personally, I was always attracted to the opposite sex. I am not ugly, I am fit, and have a very sensual touch, etc. Yet mostly the lesson has been in letting go of that desire, as rarely am I able to find a mutual connection with someone in terms of cultivating a relationship. It has definitely happened, but usually felt like I was forcing the relationship to form, and it never lasted, despite being beautiful and loving. In time I began to realize that I am changing, and am becoming someone who doesn't truly desire to merge myself with another to forge a whole, but I am someone who wants to become whole unto myself, and I am walking that path. It took a while to realize and accept that this has always been underneath the surface of who I am. And so naturally my intention doesn't match up with what others are looking for, although I set my intention to be open to connection and sharing. The main lesson has been to let go of expectation, as what do I really know? This is how things are now, and I am happy and content with where I am, and I endeavor to euqally embrace where I will be tomorrow, though I know not who I will be tomorrow or how I will relate to my environment tomorrow.

 

Hope that clarifies my perspective. Blessings.

 

Yes, and thank you for your perspective! I hope I do not come across as attacking your perspective - I think it can be very valid, and I feel we should all trust ourselves to follow the path that is in front of us. Blessings.

[vtrader125]

I get the idea of a winner, a common problem I've had is like finding work. 1 job, few hundred applicants, there will only be one winner. The quality of the competition is beyond me, I can never keep up and end up with a job way below the hard work put in previously.

 

I know that there is always going to be someone who is more smarter, successful, better looking, richer, more intelligent, popular, on and on. There is no way I can keep like, and I know that wanting to be someone else rather myself is not good.

So how does a winner become, knowing that?

[Yasjua]

The first sperm to reach to egg is not necessarily the strongest or best fit for procreation. If a man releases 250 million sperm per ejaculation and only one gets to fertilize the egg, the 249.999.999 million sperm that die off were not necessarily losers. They all worked together to ensure on behalf of their producer, the male, that the egg would get fertilized, and get the girl pregnant. There's a lot of chance that goes into determining the 'victor,' relative position within the emission etc. But who knows, maybe the genes encoded in that 'winner' really did have a superior vibe - that could also be supported by the fact that the egg has a kind of membrane surrounding it and actually rejects suitors it doesn't like from getting in. So the first to get there may not be the most charming or the one to actually penetrate - the egg also has a say in it.

But anyway... I think for a human being, being a winner is not compatible with the mentality of comparing to others. I see no disharmony between there being other people winning at the same thing I am winning at, and I don't see myself as being in the same league or the same playing field as so-called "losers," simply because winners and losers don't play the same games. It's a totally different vibrational level. Winners don't mind other winners. And I don't think winners try to beat anyone to win, it's just who they are. 

 

I think a weak mentality which defines success very narrowly is susceptible to hurt and loss and rejection. The Winner (kind of an archetype) turns many situations to his/her advantage by bringing great energy, great expectations, great focus, and great value to situations. They bring the win to life, rather than allowing (and sadly even pursuing) feedback (a grade, a particular outcome, or something which has had its value externally defined and imposed on the person) guide his/her measure of their value. I think winners are creators. They aren't necessarily good creators, but they have a creator mentality and hopefully are dreaming of good things, bringing good and value into the world.

 

This is all very theoretical. I can't begin to comprehend the complexities of different personalities and their various needs and marks and measures of success that make sense to them. But anyway, I think I'm cool with the opposite of rejection being "Being a Winner." I think it's a lot better than spiritual bypass explanations for things..

[de_paradise]

The mentality of the winner is to see losses as merely temporary setbacks or learning experiences. He has not let go of the desire to win; he has the desire amplified, and has trained his mind to create the most efficient mindset for winning (seeing losses as some kind of positive experience, or just ignoring them) But he is emotionally associated in the loss nevertheless, he merely uses mental gymnastics. This mentality could describe pretty much everyone on the planet in some way, because we have all won in some form or another, even if its merely:"feeding ourselves" or "walking." 

 

The mindset is pernicious when a person sees every piece of the entire experience as something to be won or loss at, which I will call samsara, because no sooner you have won something, there is another thing to win at, or another situation which would be even better, which just casts a pall over your recent victory. Take for example, a fight to get onto the subway train, then a contest to get a seat, a contest to get a good seat. Have you won when you've gotten a good seat, is there something even better, more pleasant, like a taxi or helicopter?

 

Good thing "spiritual bypass" was mentioned because if you don't have the personal realization that desires or comparisons are undermining happiness, and you pick up a book on spirituality you might use it to rationalize failures. All the while still associated into the past failures, just using the mantra "non-attachment" as a cover-up. You can't fake your way out of the box, just by attaching new labels to the same emotional-congnitive processes, it only gets more tangled and harder to detect later when the time arrives you do make the realization. 

Edited June 9, 2015 by de_paradise

[DreamBliss]

I'm thinking a big drain of energy comes from the feeling of rejection. 

What would be the opposite?

Is it detachment from the outcome?

 

It is ACCEPTANCE. You must first love and accept yourself. Then you will be able to love and accept others. If someone rejects you, first love and accept yourself, then you will be able to love and accept them.

 

Any energy drain comes from negative feelings around the rejection. All negative feelings will suck your vitality right out of you. Be authentic and honest about how you feel. Be with your feelings. When you are ready, forgive them. Admit, Accept and Allow. Embrace the pain, open your arms, release it and let it go.

 

Detachment is impossible, because rejection hurts. It's like someone reached into your chest and pulled out your still-beating heart. Try being detached if someone physically did that to you! You could no more be detached from the physical experience than you can the emotional experience.

 

Detachment is also seperation, which means it is ego based. My feelings hurt, I have been hurt, I will detach from my feelings. That would be like detaching physically from the nerevs in your body. Sure, you wouldn't feel pain anymore. But physical pain tells you that there is something you need to address. So does emotional pain. It is a guide and an indicator.

 

Abraham has much to say about this, I will try to summarize. But essentially you feel bad when you are rejected because it doesn't line up with who you know really are. Choosing to be hurt this way brings you into misalignment with Source. Who you really are (Source) loves and accepts you unconditionally.

 

I haven't gotten much further with this myself at this time in my life. I have been rejected a lot, even recently. Somehow this last rejection didn't really bother me. I saw that this was a person that I didn't want anything to do with. It didn't feel good to talk to them, and it probably wouldn't feel good to be around them. There is no hatred here. Only a clarity that this person makes me feel bad, so I would rather not talk to them or be around them.

 

Now it worked in the natural flow of my life to simply leave this person out of my life. Because they wanted to meet me, then canceled. I could make the effort to re-establish the just-starting relationship, but this person would be desiring my friendship. How could I see them as my friend? What kind of friend leaves you feeling bad when you talk to them or are around them?

 

It is out of love for myself that I leave things as they are. It didn't flow in the natural course of my life for us to be friends, leave it at that. No critism, hatred or judgment. I have no negative feelings towards them. I have forgiven them for the negative way they affected me. I love and accept them as they are, and I have asked the Source to bless and be with them.

 

I am free of any negativity from this as a result. But I would not have been able to come out of this as I did had I not been loving and accepting of myself, demonstrated by the realization that it would hurt me to be with this person, and caring enough to not bring them into my life.

 

Also I had to be able to forgive them, realizing that they probably weren't conscious of what they were doing and how what seems to me to be fear was influencing them. Not a judgment, just what I observed, what seemed apparent to my perception, but I claim no more than that. It is much easier to forgive someone when you realize that they probably just don't know any better. Lastly I could forgive them and bless them. By leaving them blessed and forgiven, there is no negativity influencing either of us coming from me.

 

I don't know about all this energy stuff. Just groping my way along here, same as everyone else. But what I have shared with you are my expreriences. May they lead you to your own realization of the truth you need concering this matter at this time.

 

Blessing and Love!

[dust]

I get the idea of a winner, a common problem I've had is like finding work. 1 job, few hundred applicants, there will only be one winner. The quality of the competition is beyond me, I can never keep up and end up with a job way below the hard work put in previously.

 

I understand this very well. I've managed to skirt this issue in a couple of ways.

 

1. Don't (only) apply for jobs. You need to know people. The majority of vacancies are never advertised; people hire someone they know, or the kid of someone they owe a favour to, or their own family, etc (cronyism and nepotism are very much alive and well throughout the world), or they headhunt (or of course they fill the position from inside the company). Obviously many people do find jobs through recruitment agencies and job applications, but if you can find a way in by other means, do that. Of my last 4 jobs, I found 3 by knowing people (and one by just walking in and asking for a job).

 

2. If the competition is too much, make it less. Look for something else to do, get a new qualification, look elsewhere (in the country/world), etc

 

3. Lower your standards for a while. Not everyone can "be a winner" all the time (and I really think that looking at the world in terms of "winners" and "losers" is silly and damaging). I've worked a few fairly 'shitty' jobs; if you can accept it, be humble, and think clearly about how you can go about changing your circumstances...you eventually will.

 

 

I know that there is always going to be someone who is more smarter, successful, better looking, richer, more intelligent, popular, on and on. There is no way I can keep like, and I know that wanting to be someone else rather myself is not good.

So how does a winner become, knowing that?

 

Well please stop thinking about the world like this. One can define life in terms of winning and losing, but it's basically meaningless. Read the Zhuangzi some time.

Edited June 15, 2015 by dustybeijing

[Lataif]

In Sufi psychology, rejection is understood to be an energy of "separation". 

 

The "opposite" energy is understood to be one of "merging".

 

These are two primary energies of childhood developmental psychology: a child wants to remain "merged" with mother . . . but also wants to "separate" into its own individuality.

 

It's pretty much the story of our entire life . . .