When working becomes difficult

[Nikolai1]

Hi all,

 

In a different thread, Spotless mentioned briefly that working and everyday functioning can be difficult in the aftermath of an awakening episode.  I asked him to elaborate and he answered with this:

 

It depends on the nature of your particular awakening but for the most part several things occur:

The entire world that the "you" has been involved with is no longer "involved". It becomes as distant to you as being a pig rancher 4 centuries ago. It is a time wherein at least for a good while you could get on a plane and fly away and leave it as though it had never happened, a chapter in a book that is now on your bedside in the done pile.

You suddenly have no inertia - projects, new inventions, existing inventory that needs marketing (I make and sell things) - it's like stuff in a drawer that you have not opened in a long time. 

It is no trouble to do something but you actually have to have a calendar with alarms because you do not plan for and you do not remember futures so you do not have anything to do until it must be done and you do not know it must be done because the only things that need doing come to you when they do - and they do but it definitely takes time to settle into this.

If you need to pick up your son at school then you need someone or some thing to tell you because it is not in your mind - you do not carry a schedule in your head. The time to pick him up is presented to you when it is time - not hours and hours before and in between.

For part of the time you might sit for quite some time having no idea any time has passed and in the middle of speaking with someone unless they have a question you are simply not there for them. Small comforting talk drops from your nature for a good period of time.

At stop lights you might want to close your eyes because of the incredible feelings that are taking place - and you will wake up to the sounds of honking - nothing reminds you that you are in a car waiting at a light with others behind you. In elevators you might do this and find you have traveled many floors unintentionally - opening your eyes to a full group of people where there were none before.

Sometimes it is impossible not to fill with tears of joy and thankfulness - while you are buying a cup of tea.

My son will ask why I am staring at him - it is because he is brand new and beautiful.

If you do not allow this transformation to settle in it will walk away from you in the most simple and quiet way. Even in the midst of it you are on your own - nothing you read prepares you for it and so it is not familiar to any set of fall back positions you have ever thought of.

Even if you have had many profound awakenings - they are nothing at all compared to this and yet it is natural and continuing and amazing - but profoundly un chartered territory - if it becomes scary because you are faced with big outside pressures - then you lose - it will not take much for you to relinquish it. If it goes to your head then you lose and the shrinks will take you into their arms because you can go mad.

You could easily go to work, start a task, be distracted by someone asking you a question and suddenly it is time to go home and you have done nothing since being asked a question. You will need to deliberately move from one toy block to the next because their is no calculating "you" "involved" with what you are doing - their is no plan of action, no future, no inertia.

At the outset it may appear you are losing your mind, or have early onset Alzheimer's while at the same time some will also be experiencing ecstasy. 

Ecstasy is very different from the experience of what I have stated above - they intermix and can be separate and successive parts to the process.

Sleep patterns if you still sleep at all are completely disrupted - it is fun to be awake while your body is asleep but it is very different. 

I would love to hear if anyone has experience of this or further reflections. Many thanks.

Edited June 8, 2015 by Nikolai1

[Nikolai1]

Please tell more!!

[C T]

I see some Buddhist practitioners who experienced an ever-deepening insight of reality actually become more engaging with life in a positive, contributory way. 

 

The way i see it, awakening without mindfulness is only half the fruit. 

 

Mindfulness means presentfulness. Presence to thoughts, to deeds, to each word spoken.. that is the aim. 

 

Present to others, to what is immediate in each moment.

Present enough to be able to practice kindness. 

 

If you have basic kindness in your heart, nothing is difficult. 

 

Awakening is not an amazing experience, at least not one for the experiencer to say. 

Awakening only becomes meaningful where others are relieved of their anguish and misery thru your stepping over the threshold. If its only you who see delight in your own wonderful deeds, its not real progress. 

[Jetsun]

I was hearing a talk by Mukti recently who talked about this issue, she says that after her first significant awakening she went through a stage where doing small things was difficult. She worked as a receptionist where she had to do two things: collect the money and book a new appointment, but even that was difficult for a time and she had to write it down on post it notes on her desk and would occasionally have to phone up customers having forgotten. It is only a stage though, those faculties to navigate the world kick back in at some point.

 

Another example is Eckhart Tolle who went through a stage where he sat on a park bench for a few years doing nothing.

[C T]

I was hearing a talk by Mukti recently who talked about this issue, she says that after her first significant awakening she went through a stage where doing small things was difficult. She worked as a receptionist where she had to do two things: collect the money and book a new appointment, but even that was difficult for a time and she had to write it down on post it notes on her desk and would occasionally have to phone up customers having forgotten. It is only a stage though, those faculties to navigate the world kick back in at some point.

 

Another example is Eckhart Tolle who went through a stage where he sat on a park bench for a few years doing nothing.

I would count then such experiences as having failed to complete the experiencer.

[Jetsun]

I would count then such experiences as having failed to complete the experiencer.

I'm not sure what you mean, its no completion its more like a beginning. I would describe it like a stage like when a caterpillar turns into a butterfly, a completely new world needs time adjusting to.

[C T]

I'm not sure what you mean, its no completion its more like a beginning. I would describe it like a stage like when a caterpillar turns into a butterfly, a completely new world needs time adjusting to.

then dont label it 'awakening', call it something like 'adjustment period', or 'spacing out'. 

 

Acknowledging experiences or stages of uncertainty for what they are truthfully could help save one from wasting years sitting on a park bench unsure what to do. 

[Jetsun]

then dont label it 'awakening', call it something like 'adjustment period', or 'spacing out'. 

 

Acknowledging experiences or stages of uncertainty for what they are truthfully could help save one from wasting years sitting on a park bench unsure what to do. 

 

It is an awakening because you awaken out of your previous sense of self , that is what can cause the confusion because most of your previous motivations were tied into that sense of self which is now gone.

[Nikolai1]

As you've probably realised from my interest, in the last 1-2 years this has become quite a big challenge in my life.  A concrete example from 2 weeks ago.

 

My wife had an email from our son's teacher to please arrange an end of school year chat.  As I was collecting him that afternoon, and I would be having the chat, she passed the email to me.  Miraculously I did remember to arrange it, I agreed a time the following afternoon: in less than 24 hours time.

 

Then there was not even the remotest further cognition relating to this until 4pm the next day, 2 hours after the appointment, when my wife asked me how the conversation went.  The look of surprise on my face showed that the conversation hadn't happened.

 

I was shocked by the appointments total absence from my consciousness, but something interesting did happen.  I remember having a very, very, very faint cognition about 15 minutes before the appointment to check my diary.  No reason was given, but I was required to check my diary.  I didn't do it, because the voice to too faint to take notice of, but there was something very faint there.

 

Anyway, I have a few explanations for this phenomenon in general:

 

1) For me the main reason is about motivation.  A huge amount of what happens in the everyday world is unimportant to me now.  Most human activity is based on desire or fear.  I have hardly any desire or fear for the things that other people desire or fear.  Their agenda is no longer my agenda. I'm like Spotless at the traffic lights. I say to my wife: I carry a bubble bath and a glass of champagne wherever I go.  Any time I want, I can just slide right in.  So, some things I am disengaging from because I don't need them  any more.  This level of functioning won't ever return.  I don't fret about earning money in order to buy real life bubble baths.

 

2) Inability to hear the quiet voice of intuition.  To the pre-awakened the voice of intuition is very loud and booming, but narrow and conventional: it is deaf to new, creative possibilities.  To awaken is to lose the booming voice of convention and enter silence.  But it takes a while to tune your ears both to the calls of the necessary conventional and to the creative.  Awakening seems to temporarily silence everything, and that is inconvenient - I left that poor teacher waiting for me!

 

3) So these two taken together means that some of the functioning will return as your hearing returns, but a lot will not because old motivations do not return again.  To think that we'll just get over it and go back to normal is wishful thinking.  We wlll forever remain too useless to perform a lot of the duties that the world considers important.

 

Sad but true!

Edited June 8, 2015 by Nikolai1

[C T]

The point i would like to put forward is that true awakening, in my understanding, enlarges one's field of awareness, not narrow it in such a way as to segregate between mundane and extraordinary activities. 

 

Is it helpful to have left the teacher waiting? 

 

What is the impression left on your son's mind thru such an oversight? 

 

While it may seem insignificant to you, it raises the question: Does awakening allow one to make more space for peripheral activities, or narrows one vision to such an extent as to ignore the state of other beings' welfare, and mistaking that for non-attachment? There is a big difference between the two. 

[Nikolai1]

Acknowledging experiences or stages of uncertainty for what they are truthfully could help save one from wasting years sitting on a park bench unsure what to do. 

I'm sorry CT but this is a ridiculous and vulgar statement.  Sitting on the park bench is not time lost.  Its like saying that learning to ride a bike is time lost that could have been spent just riding it.

[Boy]

I advise you to really wake up, Nikolai1.  You know what you're doing is wrong, and soon enough your son will too. What will you tell him then? Daddy's a saint?

[Nikolai1]

The point i would like to put forward is that true awakening, in my understanding, enlarges one's field of awareness, not narrow it in such a way as to segregate between mundane and extraordinary activities. 

 

Is it helpful to have left the teacher waiting? 

 

What is the impression left on your son's mind thru such an oversight? 

It was unfortunate, that's for sure.  But it was one event in a life where I am having to make deliberate effort to remember things that once came naturally.  But don't worry I am not drifting off into space, life never lets you anyway.  Just saying that awakening brings the need for re-learning.  A process of sorting the wheat from the chaff, which until now you've never done because you've always had convention to follow.

[C T]

I'm sorry CT but this is a ridiculous and vulgar statement.  Sitting on the park bench is not time lost.  Its like saying that learning to ride a bike is time lost that could have been spent just riding it.

Im sorry too, Nikolai. 

[Jetsun]

I think there are different ways to have a benevolent presence in the world, if one just sits on a park bench and radiates peace and contentment they may have a more beneficial effect than a charity worker who feeds the poor while being full of conflict and anguish, it can be a matter of what you radiate and put out into the world. Many of the ways we are taught we "should" be in the world are based upon social conditioning often rooted in fear, often it is based upon us trying to win love like good boys and girls, to awaken may bring all the ways we are in the world into question, including what it really means to be loving and benevolent.

[C T]

What are you alluding to, about the examples shared in this thread?

 

Awaking without mindfulness, huh?

Awakening without basic kindess of heart, you say?

In my understanding, awakening will only be complete where there is an overflowing of compassion arising from, and not limited to, an amplified recognition that others are just as in need of the freedom (& the resulting fruits thereof) that one has glimpsed, and realising the immediacy of this, one will swiftly engage, rather than disengage and withdraw, from those things that one considers 'mundane', because the reality is, 'mundane' and 'extraordinary' are not two things. When one can bring 'magic' to the mundane, so that others who are experiencing it can sense the extraordinary in their mundaneness thru your realisation that is the mark or yardstick of a truly awakening process. 

 

Does it make sense to say one is experiencing awakening when others, being honest, will say they are not being supported by it? There is a level of refinement of the senses in the awakening process, where awareness becomes more inclusive (self) and expansive (others) simultaneously, and not just 'inclusive'. It is definitely not a dullish process. 

[Nikolai1]

Does it make sense to say one is experiencing awakening when others, being honest, will say they are not being supported by it? 

What you are saying, CT, is absolutely right.  I'm not talking about myself as a perfected, awake person.  Maybe you would prefer I used different terminology?

 

I'm talking about the time when peace and love are a daily reality, but there is not the high level of skill which can feel the peace and at the same time heed the voice telling us to stay bang on top of our lives.

 

On balance, though, I am absolutely definitely a more benevolent force in my family and in life in general.People most certainly are supported by my awakening, most of all my wife and kids. I think to forget appointments is a trivial omission when compared to what I bring.  Nothing is a bad situation any more.  I don't avoid anything.  Just being with my kids, just being with them,  is perfectly wonderful.    I don't notice the toilet needs cleaning, but if it does, I do it and I don't mind.  None of this "I cleaned it last time, its your turn nonsense." I just clean it. And if my wife feels its her turn, then I let her clean it---no problem.  Hope and love and confidence, that's what I have.

 

Inner peace is the basis of ethics.  The inner bubble bath means you never need to strive for others for a place in the bubble bath.  You just need a bit of time to get used to the peace.  You need to learn a new skill.

Edited June 8, 2015 by Nikolai1

[C T]

What you are saying, CT, is absolutely right.  I'm not talking about myself as a perfected, awake person.  Maybe you would prefer I used different terminology?

 

I'm talking about the time when peace and love are a daily reality, but there is not the high level of skill which can feel the peace and at the same time heed the voice telling us to stay bang on top of our lives.

 

On balance, though, I am absolutely definitely a more benevolent force in my family and in life in general.People most certainly are supported by my awakening, most of all my wife and kids. I think to forget appointments is a trivial omission when compared to what I bring.  Nothing is a bad situation any more.  I don't avoid anything.  Just being with my kids, just being with them,  is perfectly wonderful.    I don't notice the toilet needs cleaning, but if it does, I do it and I don't mind.  None of this "I cleaned it last time, its your turn nonsense." I just clean it. And if my wife feels its her turn, then I let her clean it---no problem.  Hope and love and confidence, that's what I have.

 

Inner peace is the basis of ethics.  The inner bubble bath means you never need to strive for others for a place in the bubble bath.  You just need a bit of time to get used to the peace.  You need to learn a new skill.

Thank you, Nikolai. 

 

I can relate to what you are sharing here. There is value in even the smallest transformation. 

 

Please don't misunderstand my motive - i am merely putting forward thoughts for consideration. 

Its not my intention to undermine anybody's process. 

[Aetherous]

I'm of the school of thought that says true awakening is about becoming more capable and useful in the world. There should be more clarity of mind, not forgetting to do important things, being apathetic, etc. Sorry to go against the grain here, of people sharing their meditation related experiences, but lets not lead each other down fruitless paths, or insist that we are personally an exemplar of the desired end result.

[cheya]

This is very interesting, hearing how many opinions we have about what waking up involves and, especially, how it should look!

 

This probably isn't relevant, but I am reminded of something I read about raising kids.

Sometimes they are just standing there, staring off into space, and a parent will scold them, "Wake up! Stop daydreaming! Pay attention!"

And the text I was reading, advised that this is a critically important process in the development of their brain, that we should support this process whenever posssible, do not disturb them, as they are forming vital connections in their brains. Interrupting them will stunt or limit their growth!

 

I tend to think that applies here!

 

I look forward to hearing how this process of distraction (my sorry label  ) develops for people so affected.

Sure do appreciate where Spotless has come to!

Edited June 8, 2015 by cheya

[Jeff]

Hi all,

 

In a different thread, Spotless mentioned briefly that working and everyday functioning can be difficult in the aftermath of an awakening episode.  I asked him to elaborate and he answered with this:

 

I would love to hear if anyone has experience of this or further reflections. Many thanks.

 

As others have said, what is being described is not awakening in the classic sense, but is something that is very common as one opens to a deeper level in consciousness. If one thinks in chakra terms, each "higher" chakra is like going deeper into consciousness (or subconscious) and is kind of like a new level/layer. Often when a new layer is opened, one does not yet have the clarity (or energy flow) to support the layer at a full conscious level. It is like one does not have the mental energy to even support conscious thinking or normal activities. Similar to one that goes deep sea diving and does not has the richer oxygen supply to support the greater depth.

 

This type of situation points to the need to clear subconscious issues, fears and karma at the relative "depth of mind". As things are freed up, energy flow increases and more normal mental operations return.

[Jetsun]

Ultimately everyone wants to be fully capable in the world, but what many people report on the path of waking up is that they go through a stage where they are useless. It is just a passing phase, whether we think it is good or not isn't really that important because once you are in it that is your experience, there is no point telling yourself that it is wrong or that it shouldn't be happening as that will just prolong it and increase your suffering.

 

It is caused by the realisation that you are not the person you thought you were your whole life, a shift in identity or rather a key element of your identity falling away. Like cheya says there is probably some rewiring going on as well as a lot of emotional and energetic reharmonisation. In the book "Awakening through the Veils" by Rick Weinman he talks about working with a Doctor who had a awakening out of who he thought he was and as a result he stayed in bed for six months because he realised that all his motivations to be a doctor arose from social and parental conditioning and the person who that was all tied to was seen through as illusory. If your whole world is turned upside down like that it is reasonable to think that it may take time to adjust.

[vonkrankenhaus]

Re:

-----

"I'm of the school of thought that says true awakening is about becoming more capable and useful in the world. There should be more clarity of mind, not forgetting to do important things, being apathetic, etc."

-----

 

Yes.

 

The quote in the OP reads not so much like "enlightenment" so much as "disillusionment" in things that had previous been followed or believed.

 

So looking more like coming to grips with the fake culture, the brainwashing, and just stopping from assumed motivations.

 

As if someone see through the modern fantasy, and let the modern fantasy just fall away.

 

And it look like the pause just after that, before reality start to become apparent. Before the true dream of one's life starts to become obvious after the modern junk is rendered unbelievable.

 

Life is play, not work.

 

Normal thing like raising children shows that our Play is not in vain, but our "works" can easily be, and win/lose is just a game.

 

 

-VonKrankenhaus

[Silent Answers]

I wasn't going to say anything, but as there are 2 camps forming...

 

Firstly, I think there was some misunderstanding of CT's point. He wasn't saying that sitting on a park bench is a waste of time. But if we sit there oblivious, not knowing the beauty of what's around, that is the waste. He's just too humble to bother explaining.

 

One of greater consciousness, while understanding their place, still employs individual ego to some degree, to appreciate the unfolding live-art. Emptiness is great for meditation, but don't forget that meditation is a tool....enjoying and interacting with life in a simplistic way is the reward gained.

 

I agree that you should be getting more clarity of thought, as you tidy things up inside that head. Work and life in general should become easier to handle, eventually you may even enjoy the most mundane tasks.

 

If you feel fatigued and forgetful, something is in your way...probably yourself. I mean this in general and not to anyone specifically.

[Nikolai1]

I wasn't going to say anything, but as there are 2 camps forming...

 

The two camps in this thread are:

 

1) That the forgetfulness is a basically pathological state.  That something has been misunderstood and you've been led down a false path.  Or that there is some energetic blockage that you have noticed and now must deal with.  Or that, morally, you have allowed yourself to get side-tracked by emptiness to the detriment of your everyday life.

 

2) That the forgetfulness is a natural, even necessary consequence of the awakening process.  Just as it is impossible to go from summer to winter without autumn in between; it is impossible to move from egoic to awakened consciousness without a period of adjustment.  The forgetfulness is annoying, but tolerated because of all the wonderful changes that are also happening.

 

I must admit, it hadn't occurred to me to think of the forgetfulness in the first sense and I've been quite surprised by the moral objections that have come up.  Forgetfulness, for me, eludes moral judgement.  You can't deliberately forget something that you fully recognise is important.  Your forgetfulness is because you have entered a state of being where the former concerns quite literally don't exist.

 

In the quote from the OP, Spotless said:

 

At the outset it may appear you are losing your mind, or have early onset Alzheimer's

In the Seth Material there is a chapter about how the dementia or senility we see in the elderly is actually due to the same reasons as awakening.  These people are spontaneously entering an enlarged state of being and have left their former egoic concerns very suddenly and very completely behind.

 

In our society we think about dementia as nothing other than neural degradation.  We do not suppose that the neural changes are simply mirroring a cataclysmic spiritual shift.  We pathologise the process; we try to fight it with cognitive enhancing medication; but what we do not do is recognise the benefit of the process.  The elderly person interprets the early signs as something wrong and fearful, we all cling on to their times of lucidity and nobody is able to trust the process and welcome it.

 

If we had the wisdom to welcome the process we would suffer less from it.  Senility first arises in a gentle way in most people in their fifties.  This is when the fear surrounding it subtly begins. If at this point we could welcome it, I would suggest that dementia as a phase could be entered, dealt with, and left behind within a decade.  What would follow would be an old age of a lucidity that the young would envy.  

 

It is a well-known fact that dementia rates vary hugely across nations.  The Japanese in particular are protected from it.  It is often thought that the high Omega-3 diet is playing a role.  I would suggest that Emptiness is a concept intrinsic to the Japanese psyche, and so when emptiness strikes it is not pathologised to the same degree.

 

Some food for thought!