The Tao Bonked me on the Head Today

[Yasjua]

How I Surrendered (Again)

 

I lay awake through the night frustrated by the repercussions of past actions. A little midnight video game session the night before, against my conscience, kept me up late, now I'm tossing and turning 28 hours later because I woke up at noon the day before. Responsibilities are piling up faster than I can manage. I decide to skip class. I need to conserve energy and time. There are projects and papers accumulating, I have to catch a flight in two days, and hardly have time prepare the presentation I'm going to miss. My sister's wedding is right around the corner. Must skip class. I sleep in until 9. Wouldn't have dreamed of missing a class a month ago when we started. Now I know better. Sometimes you skip class. It's the only way to restore order and balance.

 

I recall 8:00 - alarm went off for the third time. A familiar feeling came to me - that space between sleep and wakefulness where wisdom used to make profound and baffling words appear in my head. Today it makes a reappearance - a confirmation of my plan to skip school: "This isn't really about time, it's about identity." My dimly lit brain knows it didn't come up with that. I don't think in parables. I contemplate and fall asleep. When I wake up I can't remember quite what my muse told me at 8. I just know "it's about identity." Something rigid, determined, aggressive, and inflamed within me is absent - part of my identity, the false structure of my determination, the character I had to build up in my head to get myself to do anything with my life (start CM school in this case) has peaked and died and gone to Heaven. I feel relaxed. I don't care about anything all that much. I find this is okay. It has served me well.

 

I spend the morning studying. Meridians, their pathways, Chinese names, connections, the order and disorder. Graphs, pictures, charts, lists, diagrams. I go through them. I'm trying to form a comprehensive picture of the data without losing the details. I thought CM would be about the big picture, but it's a lot of detail, and then more detail. It's fun if I mix in some esoterica with it. But the books are just dry, heavy, and detailed.

 

Phone call

I've been dying to get out of this apartment. I found a student at another nearby TCM school. She has a nice place, needs a roommate. Calm. Mature. Doesn't trigger any projections. Doesn't entice my senses, but is admirably beautiful. Has the house covered in hand-drawn anatomy pictures. Spends her free time studying or running with the dog. Got her a job at my company. We're on the same page. Perfect situation. We decided on July. I inform my current roommate. It's settled.

 

Then I get a call today. She likes living alone too much. Gonna sublease her house and find a cheaper place to live alone. More affordable. Shit. What now? Another thing I have to do. I wonder if some subtle vibration, some private thought or energy form I held in my head rippled out and changed the course of reality. I failed to match the resonance of the situation. How is it that those little warnings of conscience, those teeny admonitions against certain modes of being and behavior always have a significant purpose. I ignore, I reap consequences. I have always felt that God/Spirit communicates with me this way. I have to heed the advice. Everything is synchronized. There is something higher. I have to honor the governing principle or deal with life on the basis of personal value judgments. There's no way. I'm laughing at the thought. I can't keep up that facade. I just make myself angry and stupid over time.

 

Anyway, I browse Craigslist for houses, roommates. Nothing appealing. I go back to studying and read something about a Taoist sage.

 

Chi Liang suffers from a mysterious ailment. One doctor diagnoses physical causes and says it’s curable. The next doctor traces the illness back to his birth and says it is incurable. The third, a divine doctor, says that Chi Liang’s illness is outside causation (existence) and so is its treatment (medicines and acupuncture have no effect). The ineffable Tao (Wu-ji or Non-Being) governs all things. Hence, the cure for the illness is as mysterious and unpredictable as the Tao.

Surrender
 

Suddenly I accept. I accept everything. I don't try to think why it's acceptable or why things are going as they are. The Tao knows best. I haven't the slightest clue what will happen next or why. What was averted? What is being schemed behind the scenes? Doesn't matter. I haven't a clue. The Way is just the Way it is. I plan what little I can and trust the rest will happen in alignment with the greater principle.

I have been coming slowly out of some personality stuff I needed to go into. I've been more into pragmatism and materialism for the past year, but I've been sensing how I need to rise out of it if I'm going to be a good doctor. I haven't really sensed the Dao in my life for the past year. It used to be all I thought about. I would just let things happen because I sensed and knew that that was how things are. I think it's time to embrace that coming out again. Interesting. That the Tao would bonk me on the head today.

Good morning!

Edited June 10, 2015 by Yasjua

[dawei]

Suddenly I accept. I accept everything. I don't try to think why it's acceptable or why things are going as they are. The Tao knows best. I haven't the slightest clue what will happen next or why. What was averted? What is being schemed behind the scenes? Doesn't matter. I haven't a clue. The Way is just the Way it is.

 

This is a key step... having no boundaries... this will always hem you in and force you to make a valued choice which is what clouds the voice of Tao from speaking from within

[Marblehead]

 That the Tao would bonk me on the head today.

 

 

Good morning!

Yeah, sounds a little like a wake up call.

[Kajenx]

I haven't been on here for a long time, and this is the first post I get to read when I come back, haha.  Good morning (well, evening now) to you.  Here's hoping you get bonked again.  Thanks for the read. 

[Stosh]

See rene? Like a baby harp seal. Doesnt know what will happen next or why. Doesnt care about anything. Trusts providence , the teat of tao...abandons pragmatism and the material..but theres still corneal reflex..

And if the ice melts, ?

Bonked again, this time he's done, neither sea nor ice will hold him up.

Edited June 13, 2015 by Stosh

[rene]

See rene? Like a baby harp seal. Doesnt know what will happen next or why. Doesnt care about anything. Trusts providence , the teat of tao...abandons pragmatism and the material..but theres still corneal reflex..

And if the ice melts, ?

Bonked again, this time he's done, neither sea nor ice will hold him up.

 

Thats your own either/or thinking, Stosh.

 

It's possible to not know what happens next or why AND care about things; trust the teat of Tao AND not abandon the manifest.

 

Now quit interrupting other peoples' threads ya silly man and start your own - or let it go.  

[gendao]

The Tao Bonked me on the Head Today

How I Surrendered (Again)

 

I lay awake through the night frustrated by the repercussions of past actions. A little midnight video game session the night before, against my conscience, kept me up late, now I'm tossing and turning 28 hours later because I woke up at noon the day before. Responsibilities are piling up faster than I can manage. I decide to skip class. I need to conserve energy and time. There are projects and papers accumulating, I have to catch a flight in two days, and hardly have time prepare the presentation I'm going to miss. My sister's wedding is right around the corner. Must skip class. I sleep in until 9. Wouldn't have dreamed of missing a class a month ago when we started. Now I know better. Sometimes you skip class. It's the only way to restore order and balance.

 

I recall 8:00 - alarm went off for the third time. A familiar feeling came to me - that space between sleep and wakefulness where wisdom used to make profound and baffling words appear in my head. Today it makes a reappearance - a confirmation of my plan to skip school: "This isn't really about time, it's about identity." My dimly lit brain knows it didn't come up with that. I don't think in parables. I contemplate and fall asleep. When I wake up I can't remember quite what my muse told me at 8. I just know "it's about identity." Something rigid, determined, aggressive, and inflamed within me is absent - part of my identity, the false structure of my determination, the character I had to build up in my head to get myself to do anything with my life (start CM school in this case) has peaked and died and gone to Heaven. I feel relaxed. I don't care about anything all that much. I find this is okay. It has served me well.

 

I spend the morning studying. Meridians, their pathways, Chinese names, connections, the order and disorder. Graphs, pictures, charts, lists, diagrams. I go through them. I'm trying to form a comprehensive picture of the data without losing the details. I thought CM would be about the big picture, but it's a lot of detail, and then more detail. It's fun if I mix in some esoterica with it. But the books are just dry, heavy, and detailed.

 

Phone call

I've been dying to get out of this apartment. I found a student at another nearby TCM school. She has a nice place, needs a roommate. Calm. Mature. Doesn't trigger any projections. Doesn't entice my senses, but is admirably beautiful. Has the house covered in hand-drawn anatomy pictures. Spends her free time studying or running with the dog. Got her a job at my company. We're on the same page. Perfect situation. We decided on July. I inform my current roommate. It's settled.

 

Then I get a call today. She likes living alone too much. Gonna sublease her house and find a cheaper place to live alone. More affordable. Shit. What now? Another thing I have to do. I wonder if some subtle vibration, some private thought or energy form I held in my head rippled out and changed the course of reality. I failed to match the resonance of the situation. How is it that those little warnings of conscience, those teeny admonitions against certain modes of being and behavior always have a significant purpose. I ignore, I reap consequences. I have always felt that God/Spirit communicates with me this way. I have to heed the advice. Everything is synchronized. There is something higher. I have to honor the governing principle or deal with life on the basis of personal value judgments. There's no way. I'm laughing at the thought. I can't keep up that facade. I just make myself angry and stupid over time.

 

Anyway, I browse Craigslist for houses, roommates. Nothing appealing. I go back to studying and read something about a Taoist sage.

 

 

Surrender

 

Suddenly I accept. I accept everything. I don't try to think why it's acceptable or why things are going as they are. The Tao knows best. I haven't the slightest clue what will happen next or why. What was averted? What is being schemed behind the scenes? Doesn't matter. I haven't a clue. The Way is just the Way it is. I plan what little I can and trust the rest will happen in alignment with the greater principle.

 

I have been coming slowly out of some personality stuff I needed to go into. I've been more into pragmatism and materialism for the past year, but I've been sensing how I need to rise out of it if I'm going to be a good doctor. I haven't really sensed the Dao in my life for the past year. It used to be all I thought about. I would just let things happen because I sensed and knew that that was how things are. I think it's time to embrace that coming out again. Interesting. That the Tao would bonk me on the head today.

 

Good morning!

You've still missed the point, literally...

 

The Big Picture is found even in the smallest details per holographic Feng Shui. But, you can't see it no matter where you look (big or small), because Governor 20/crown chakra on your head is blocked.

Really pulls things together, you have access to ancestors that have knowledge and wisdom, you can incarnate the wisdom and essence of the point. When someone is fragmented; weakness and depletion, this point can pull everything together and then you can go and do your regular command point treatment. Clears the mind and lifts the spirit. Summons all of one's resources in restoring the order of heaven's mandate to one's inner kingdom of being. Aligns us with the polestar to which “all lesser stars pay homage”. It is the power of intention of visualizing the spirits that allow summoning and transformation of them into one body, an assembly of all under heaven.

Thus you have no governing principle and don't even know who you truly are, and must construct a false identity/facade to save face for the one you've subconsciously rejected (likely, all parts of you that resemble your Dad?).

 

In Campbellian terms, you still lack "Atonement with the Father"...

this chakra shows our relationship with Our Father in Heaven. It represents our connection with our biological father, which becomes the model for our relationship with authority, and ultimately, with God. It's the level of the soul.

 

When one experiences a sense of separation from their father, they close the crown chakra, and experience a sense of isolation and aloneness, as if they are in a shell, and having difficulty with feeling contact with those around them. Thought processes tend to justify and maintain the sense of aloneness.

 

The view from this chakra includes seeing one's Self as the single consciousness creating all, and paradoxically, thus connected to all, like a dreamer dreaming a dream and realizing that all that is perceived is just an extension of their own consciousness.

Your new ex-roomy who bailed on you is likely also estranged from her father, and thus projected that onto you...thus getting cold feet & preferring aloneness. Perhaps as you do from your own father/heritage/background/etc?

 

While "surrendering" your false persona theoretically can help, it alone likely isn't enough to dislodge such blockages - which generally require active, targeted work (see CM).

 

Your goal of CM should be to learn such techniques to learn more about your own true identity...not to further pad the resume for your face-saving facade.

 

G'Day!

Edited June 14, 2015 by gendao

[Stosh]

Thats your own either/or thinking, Stosh.

 

It's possible to not know what happens next or why AND care about things; trust the teat of Tao AND not abandon the manifest.

 

Now quit interrupting other peoples' threads ya silly man and start your own - or let it go.  

1 , I am throwing one stone at two marks. My post was relevant to his thread, your solution ,could be his best solution. He should give it consideration.

2 you said 'as I wish' and im doing just that. The reason to post in this thread ,is that he has made those associations about not caring and abandoning the manifest, without my influence, and is typical. So these are not my own associations , not MY either / or thinking, these are the teachings of Laosmen. My challenge was to simply show the potentially impractical nature of the philosophy untempered by pragmatism. My task is done, nothing remaining undone.

 

[Yasjua]

Great creative post, gendao. Like what you are doing with the analysis.