My experience of Xingyi quan so far

[vtrader125]

Like to share my current experience with this so far.

Have been taking lessons for 4 weeks, plus practising at home.

This for sure gives you a good leg workout, on the physical side.

After each lesson I do have a lot more swagger in my walk and sense of freedom of movement, like if I wanted to do some free running.

 

But my emotional level feels strange. I've always had a feeling of being invisible to the world, people and especially women. Now I am not expecting that after a few lessons that I will have a magnetic personality alluring energy , but I though I might start feeling slightly better.

Instead this feeling of being invisible feels more validated. Feel disconnected with everyone, can sense their connections with each other but not me, but at the same a sense of freedom. Maybe xingyi is turning my into a ninja, confidently move past people with being noticed.

 

I don't know, is this normal?

 

 

 

 

[RiverSnake]

There are so may different ways that internal work can influence the practitioner. My only recommendation is that you start some kind of journal log so you can keep track of your experiences. Also if your instructor is skilled on the internal aspects you may want to ask him what results he got from the discipline. 

[johndoe2012]

Vtrader,

 

Work on your conditioning around connecting to others.

 

Xing yi is a martial art and defense / attack is its purpose so use another tool work on your feeling invisible.

[soaring crane]

Four weeks is just too short a time to draw any kind of conclusion (about any kind of practice, really). But it seems to me that your self awareness has been enhanced. I'm assuming that you're practicing quite diligently, with beginner's enthusiasm.

[vtrader125]

hmmm, I'll need to start writing down my thoughts in a journal as suggested.

 

So far one thing i've noticed is that my home practise lacks the energy jump I get when with a teacher, also I don't get that swagger feeling. I feel more exhausted and lazy after training at home compared to with a teacher.

 

Another thing I am begining to notice after xingyi session is that a feeling that my lack of success in life is down to more to do with my spirit not being as alive, if this makes any sense. I'm lacking that feeling of authentic self expression as Bruce Lee said.

I am seeing more clearly how depression is pushing this spirit in my down. 

 

Also is there a such thing as over training in xingyi, as somedays my san ti times are a lot less then my best?

[lifeforce]

Xingyi creates, or reinforces a particular mindset. That of boldness, extreme confidence, not fearing failure, win at all costs. A kind of reserved, controlled aggressiveness.

Xingyi smashes its way through defenses. Not caring if it takes hits on the way, it will keep on, relentlessly attacking.

Whereas taiji is often described as 'steel wrapped in cotton', xingyi is 'cotton wrapped in steel'.

Therefore, it doesn't surprise me that you are already noticing changes, both on the physical plane and within the mind. Xingyi brings results much quicker than the other two 'famous' internal martial arts.

I'm glad for the time I practiced it and it prepared me for the next level in my martial art journey.

I now practice xinyiliuhequan which is on a different level altogether. Xingyi x100. The results are immediate and give you such supreme confidence that you feel you could beat any adversary easily. It is an extremely powerful martial art.

Brutal, cruel, and designed for one purpose only :

to completely destroy your opponent causing maximum damage and death.

A killing art, invented in a time where defending yourself and your family was a matter of life and death. The art has been kept alive and pure, secretly, through the cultural revolution, passed down through generations of Hui Muslim families and communities. Easy to learn, especially if you have prior experience in xingyi or are coming from an external martial art background. It's still reasonably rare in the West.

[vtrader125]

Strange experience in my san ti practise at home. Normally after 2 minutes every second after  feels like discomfort, but today something else happened. I managed to hit 10min on one leg today, but I also experienced some intense leg shaking. It feels like my legs were vibrating so hard that I was going to take off into the air. At the 6min mark it did not feel like painful discomfort, it felt as long as I kept my mind clear I could go on for ever, the shaking felt more like a massage then discomfort.

 

Is this what you guys experience?

Do you guys have any tips on how to cultivate more of that feeling that lifeforce has described?

[GreytoWhite]

I'd recommend learning something like the Sedona Method or B.K. Frantzis' water meditation to counter the rising swagger feeling you get from the art. Something very yin, calming, Feldenkrais might be a good complement; your teacher might even have a qigong set to help you calm down.

 

Pay little attention to sensations as these are mile markers on the highway. Not all of them are significant - remember that. Every new thing you feel will change given more practice and just because a sensation is new doesn't make it important. Each system does something a little differently and your teacher will be giving you instruction as you need it. It's fine to ask questions of your teacher that are pertinent but for now I recommend just shut up and keep practicing for now.

 

Do you have other experience with internal arts or is this your first? If it's your first I'd recommend just keep going to lessons and listening to your instructor for now - you'll only confuse yourself with other stuff at the moment.

[vtrader125]

So far my self awareness feels like is growing. Most important, my feeling of social rejection is lessening. Don't get me wrong I still find myself being invicible but this time I am caring less about it. 

It feels like my inner energy/strength is of more value then the opinions of other people, as long as I am strong within I don't care if the world rejects me.

I feel my authentic self expression trumps the expectations of the outside world. Now the challenge is getting rid of all the years of bs to get at the authentic self expression(any ideas?).

 

On the physical side, I feel more assertiveness and assurance in my movements, I wonder what I will be like in several months time?

[thelerner]

Sounds like you've really found an art that connects with you.   I certainly felt that way when I first started doing Aikido.  A certain euphoria; I think many get this when they find the right art.  As weeks turn to months I found the 'highs' leveled out.  And as months turned to years to a decade plus.. I gained more perspective, seeing the good and bad.  A mellowing out.

[vtrader125]

Yesterday after my training with the teacher, I had some very core beliefs I guess pop up. I had a very intense whole body feeling of rejection. Walking home from the training session with many people I had a feeling of not only being invisible but also of seeing people enjoying themselves made me feel like everyone would reject me. I really wanted to scream out to everyone to f&*k off. 

I don't have these reactions when I am just exercising normally or practising at home, its only after a long training session.

While I did feel rejected I also realised now is a opportunity to focus inward and truely build an iron steel inner strength. And take a step toward self actualising(Marslow?).

I also feel comfortable embracing my faults and short comings without any doubt.

I also felt I like I can assertively tell people NO without hesitation of trying to find reasoning. 

If I can only stop the mental noise of bs/distraction I think I can make much deeper and longer progress. Any ideas???????

 

Thanks

Edited August 16, 2015 by vtrader125

[Miffymog]

I've had practices that result in me having more extreme emotional reactions to other people too. They will smooth out as you work through your emotions and you'll get more centred in time. A warning though, given that you've had this feeling of isolation for some time, it will take a quite bit of time for you to become yourself.

 

Keep at it, and it will help, but you've most likely got a lot of slightly miss-aligned attitudes to both your self and others (which actually are the same thing). A slight increase in confidence will high light one of these, you'll then be able to change/improve it, and then move on to the next. The journey can be long, but it sounds like you doing ok.

[vtrader125]

Another interesting thing happened, in the chaos of the emotions I felt a genuine feeling of what feels right true for me, like what type of people I want to be surrounded by, the type of character I truely am, the type of purpose my life connects with. But I don't have specific answers to them, just a deep inner feeling, sense. like the job I am doing at the moment is not right for me, I don't just mean the same level of complaints that a lot people have about their jobs. But a more intense feeling of my true self has a more important purpose in the bigger world. Difficult to explain. 

Same thing with people, now I am not the type to ignore people but at the same time I feel more empowered by finding people with the more energy that is empowering.

Its like sensing the noise and distractions from the truth?

 

Does this make sense?

[liminal_luke]

Yes, it makes sense. I have no particular advice to give, but I´ve enjoyed reading your account of your process.

 

Liminal

[vtrader125]

I don't know but I think maybe I stop practising. After another session had another core belief rise, or should I say exploding realization. I intense feeling of how much I have screwed up my life. I know it's al relative and should be grateful for life, but it does not stop the obvious ways and results of how I have messed up and the intense feeling of regret, shame end of the road feelings. 

 

Maybe my feeling of not connecting with anyone has something to do with feeling a failure within, who wants really be around failures.

 

Xingy is feeling like having a band aid ripped of with a knife slicing into the top layer of bs excuses and showing what truely is the real issues.

[Aetherous]

I think what you're doing is good.

Sometimes (not all the time) a practice seems to make us feel more negative, when in actuality it's showing us what was hidden beneath the surface. What was really there. Something to remember is that the first step of healing is becoming aware there's a problem. Without doing the practice, perhaps you would stay the same way...as you described, invisible to other people. But now you're acutely aware of that issue and are dealing with it consciously and painfully.

Also, when negative emotions surface, it's not felt as normal...it's felt like "wow this is unpleasant, I want it to stop". That's because those emotions are not part of your normal experience: they aren't part of you. The healing has really already taken place. What was always an minor issue for you, feeling invisible, is now felt as a major issue, to the point of thinking about stopping the practice. So the awareness has intensified, due to the fact that you've already changed away from who you were. Before being invisible felt more normal, whereas now it feels more bad.

For instance, you said that your movements are more free and fluid as a result of the training. The body has already healed of these issues to some extent. Perhaps it could be said that even the subconscious mind has already healed from these things, and it's just passing through the conscious experience now, on its way out.

 

A way to consider intense negative emotional states, is to remind yourself "this too shall pass". Think of them like dark clouds in the sky, and think of yourself as the sky. Of course there are cloudy days, stormy days, clear sky days, pleasant puffy cloud days...the emotions will eventually go away, just like clouds do. Because emotions are not part of your true nature; they're just something we experience.

What can you do to get rid of them faster when they're really unpleasant? Actually, nothing really works, because the more you try to get rid of them, the more energy you feed into them. You really just have to experience it, and let it happen...surrender...eventually they finally pass. Or you can not surrender, and try to fight them...still, they will pass after some time. Then, hopefully in good times you remember that dark times happen too and that everything changes, and vice versa. This should bring you into more of a calm state of equanimity...non attachment to the ups and downs. Acceptance of life.

 

Also, regarding your experience of other people having fun and you feeling left out...remember how I said everything changes; well, this too will change. There will come a day when you don't feel rejected, and when people seem to want to be around you. Just pay attention to it. Pay attention to times when people are including you or otherwise talking to you, just as much as when they are not. Pay attention to how you feel at both times. Think of how people seem when they're having fun and you're looking from the outside...feels as if they're rejecting you...and remember that you're the same as them, when you're talking to someone and laughing about something. Perhaps someone else is looking from the outside, but you're just not aware of them in the moment. Eventually, you'll get over the rejection feeling, the more you think about it, and you'll pay more attention to being accepted and loved.

In terms of something practical which can help you feel more accepted by others...it can help to have good posture...do not slouch if sitting in a chair, or lean forward into a fetal type position while sitting down, or have your shoulders forward, or look downward or have your chin low, or have your legs close together when standing. Instead, you should always have your legs slightly further than shoulder distance apart, in a relaxed way, while also keeping your shoulders back and your chin level or slightly up, so that it feels like the front of your neck is more open. Look people in the eye and appreciate something about them on the inside...take a second to notice something you like in them...that will help your gaze to feel really good to them when you're looking at them. Sit straight when in a chair and take up more space in general, rather than making more space for others...be unapologetic about your space, and be more open to others slightly invading your personal bubble. Have an attitude of you being there in order to provide a good time for other people. Those things will help people be more aware of your presence, and therefore more attention will be paid to you.

[Brian]

I've just read this thread from beginning to end and the thing which strikes me is that you make no mention of what your XingYi teacher has told you about these feelings and experiences. This is disturbing because it suggests that you haven't been discussing these things with your teacher and it also suggests that you are putting more faith in the opinions of a bunch of Internet strangers than you are in your own teacher.

 

Your teacher is not just the person who demonstrates mechanical techniques -- or shouldn't be, anyhow.

 

The things you describe seem reasonable within the context of your practice but not discussing these experiences in detail with your teacher (or at least a senior student) is, in my opinion, foolish.

[GreytoWhite]

Hear! Hear! Brian speaks truth.

[vtrader125]

Keep forgetting to mention as usually dive in to training, but the teacher said will add some qigong warm ups to future training. 

 

On a more practical note, for those who have broke that 20min wall of san ti shi, what benefits/magic do you get/feel?

How do I get past my plateu of 10 minutes?

Edited August 29, 2015 by vtrader125

[vtrader125]

Had an interesting session of san ti shi. Was in a angry state so decided to do san ti shi, put the last of the mohicans soundtract on.

Wow, within minutes in my pose I think I got in to a meditative state, because I started to feel where the uncomfortable pain was just an observation, my vision became the fuzzy sharp, even though I had thoughts, they felt more in the background like the outside street noise.

I could feel this fearless presence within my wanting to express itself.

I felt like I was on top of a mountain and large thunderbolts striking around me, I felt I could take anything that was thrown at me.

OMG if this is what it feel like when the you lead with your energy and not your concious thoughts, imagine what could be possible?!

I wish I could experience this for much longer then several minutes.

The feeling lasted for a few minutes after I finished, however it start to go away quicker as soon as I started to think about writing this post. 

[quiethawk]

The basics are the most important part of the practice.once upon a time people would learn 2 3 moves or things and practice these until you just got tired of them and you began to question why you weren't moving on to bigger and better things.patience is a key here as well as the faith to believe something is going on whether you know it or not.someone told me when Chen man ching was asked why his students none of them were up to his level he said ==none of them have faith.Faith in themselves,faith in the arts,faith in the teacher ,faith in the wind the more you practice earnestly correctly you will know what this means,peace and blessings

[sillybearhappyhoneyeater]

Hi there,

I'm glad to hear you are starting to have interesting experiences based around your Xingyi.

Make sure that you emphasise posture, uprightness, roundness, and clear transfer of relaxed power early one.

The emotional benefit of practicing Xingyi for a long time is that it makes you more brave, so if you have invisibility issues, correct practice of xingyi can make you confident to show up more in public.  This is a real treasure for people who have a hard time making themselves heard.   Good luck with the practice and remember to emphasize vitality and dynamic movement in your practice!!!  :)