Can't get relaxed enough for meditation

[vtrader125]

For some reason I can't just relax enough to meditate, it feels more like a stamina challenge, also get some strange back pain. Have tried from sitting in a chair to cross legged on the floor. Feel more irrated during the process.

 

any tips on how to get relaxed enough?

Tried taking supplements, like magnesium, l-theanine, drinking relaxing tea. But nothing.

 

I have had one or two instances where I managed to get relaxed enough where I could meditate and feel the benefits.

 

But just can't get past the first 10 minutes.

 

The feeling I would describe is as I if I am stuck in the awake beta frequency,can't move down the scale to alpha/theta.

 

 

 

 

 

[Nikolai1]

I think the most crucial thing is to get your posture right. If you've got back pain it means your weight of your trunk isn't supported by the pelvis. You'll go nowhere unless you get this right because the pain is too distracting. You need to be able to feel weightless. For me this was sorted with a quite high cushion to sit on and legs crossed in Burmese position.

[Bud Jetsun]

Recognize it's only your mind to tame, nobody else can tame it for you, and be thankful of this, as it also means nobody else can untame it for you. 

 

Extruded discs and a broken neck that healed creatively caused many traditional meditation positions to be incompassionate to body.  

 

The right posture for you is the one in which you choose to embrace experiencing the unlimited wonders that await looking inside.  For some this is laying prone in a bed or a comfy recliner chair etc.  Once awareness of mindfulness is cultured, then any position and any place becomes a welcome option for meditation. 

 

Unlimited Love,

-Bud

[DreamBliss]

I get back pains as well. For seated meditation, find a way to raise your pelvis above your legs, such as sitting on a thick pillow or blanket with your legs on the floor in front of you. Don't try the lotus position unless it is comfortable. A loose crossing of the legs is sufficient.

 

Another form of seating is something slightly slanted. Outside I have a thick board over a small rock, gives it about a 15-20 degree slant, the back is higher than the front. You don't want so much of a slant that you start to slide down, very distracting. Just enough to alleviate discomfort. It is one of my favorite spots to meditate, but I can't use it very much because there is a half feral cat that has adopted me, and he seems to enjoy distracting me when I am out there.

 

I sit with my back against a wall when I meditate inside, but that may not be advisable. To strengthen your back you need to learn to sit straight, as if there was a rod going straight down your back from the crown of your head and being pulled upwards. But I use the wall, sitting as straight as I can, for support.

 

A chair should work very well for you, get something with lumbar support i needed, best if it is like a cushion that can be remove, and give yourself some padding on the seat. Feet flat on the floor in front of you.

 

Meditation should be practiced in loose clothing, no jewelry. Barefoot is best. Sometimes, if you can do so without disturbing yourself or others, naked is best. Allows you to tune in to what is gong on with your skin.

 

Hand position, as I just learned today:

 

The general rule of thumb is to be comfortable. Don't try to quiet your mind or relax. Allow these to happen all on their own. All you need to do, if you want to meditate, is show up. Sit down as comfortably as you can, observe your breath or count, gentry return to observing your breath or counting if you get lost in these thoughts of irritation. No criticism or judgment.

 

Your mind is like a puppy your are training. It may want to wander all over the place at first. Yelling at it, at yourself, will not be beneficial. Better to gather that puppy up, again and again, and bring it back to where you are training it to be. Just smile, accept and love yourself, enjoy the process. It really is sort of like a game.

Edited August 19, 2015 by DreamBliss

[liminal_luke]

A lot of people try meditation and give up, perhaps prematurely, because their experience doesn´t jive with what they think meditation should feel like. They think they should be relaxed, or shouldn´t have pain, or even that they shouldn´t have thoughts at all. When they try it and find their minds and bodies aren´t relaxed or calm or pain-free they give up.

 

I suggest finding a class or teacher (if you don´t have already) who can offer support as you go through these experiences and put them in perspective.

 

Liminal

[Seeker of Wisdom]

I can suggest are a few things you might find helpful. Most important is to see this as a process. What you've got now isn't 'bad meditation'. In the same way someone who has just started running may not be able to run that far or fast but they aren't running 'badly', because the body strengthens over time with the exercise.

 

One tip: Lie down and pay attention to your body, as you breathe in try to release physical tension, as you breathe out feel like the tension is oozing out. As any restlessness or thoughts arise, breathe them out very gently, and go back to the breath and body.

 

Another tip: guided meditations may be easier to stay with, because there's something to listen to. Try this one: http://alohadharma.com/2015/04/22/guided-metta-meditation-audio/

 

Also: a more mobile practice may help getting past this initial restlessness. Hatha yoga, qigong and tai chi are all options. Do one of those for a while, then sitting meditation will be easier both physically and mentally.

[Bud Jetsun]

Your mind is like a puppy your are training. It may want to wander all over the place at first. Yelling at it, at yourself, will not be beneficial. Better to gather that puppy up, again and again, and bring it back to where you are training it to be. Just smile, accept and love yourself, enjoy the process. It really is sort of like a game.

 

Realize the disobedient puppy is illusion, and perfect domain over your thought never could have lost.  What departs is your perception of reality being ignored in trade for giving rise to illusions that someone/something else runs your thoughts for you.

 

Unlimited Love,

-Bud 

[thelerner]

Meditation:  Beginner Cheats-

 

Putting a zafu/cushion against the wall so you can lean back which makes it easier to sit short term.

 

Meditate laying down.

 

quietly listen to music you connect to.

 

quietly listen to bi-aural rhythms.  Find some on internet

 

Listen to a self hypnotic session.  Find'em on the internet or as a free podcast.

 

Listen to a breathing app.  Timed breathing is excellent practice.

 

Count your breaths, from 1 to 10 or like I do up to 100 then begin again. 

 

In each case afterwards, give full meditation, sitting in silence a try afterwards.  Its likely you'll find it easier then.

 

<hmnn instead of treating your mind like a disobedient dog, you can treat it like a cute baby seal and you are a furrier.    jussubf

Edited August 20, 2015 by thelerner

[idiot_stimpy]

Stop trying

[AussieTrees]

Is it possible to meditate without the classical sitting mode?

[idiot_stimpy]

For sure. I very rarely sit in classical style

[doc benway]

For some reason I can't just relax enough to meditate, it feels more like a stamina challenge, also get some strange back pain. Have tried from sitting in a chair to cross legged on the floor. Feel more irrated during the process.

 

any tips on how to get relaxed enough?

Tried taking supplements, like magnesium, l-theanine, drinking relaxing tea. But nothing.

 

I have had one or two instances where I managed to get relaxed enough where I could meditate and feel the benefits.

 

But just can't get past the first 10 minutes.

 

The feeling I would describe is as I if I am stuck in the awake beta frequency,can't move down the scale to alpha/theta.

 

You don't have to be relaxed or comfortable to meditate, you just have to be willing to notice that you are not relaxed and comfortable and spend some time with that feeling. It's fine to start with shorter practices, just try to do it more frequently. If you're having trouble with the sitting you could try standing or walking. 

 

I would second liminal luke's suggestion - a good teacher can make all the difference and a stable meditation practice is worth the investment, IMO.

[Kubba]

noone said it is easy . Can try on chair also. I myself practiced lying down for some time, but it is easy to fall asleep.

 

Sometimes when your mind is occupied by pain etc, just  put earphones and tur on some leaded meditation by an enlightened being. For some it is easier to sustain longer this way in the beginning

[Michael Sternbach]

Meditation is an umbrella term that covers a lot of different approaches and methods. Some are more suitable for a particular individual than others.

 

A method that generally helps one relax is to sit in an upright but comfortable position or even lie down flat. Then pay attention to each area of your body and consciously completely relax them. I recommend starting from the head ("I relax my scalp; I relax my eyes", etc). Inhale and exhale deeply but softly. Take your time.

 

To achieve a deeper state of relaxation, you can use "stacking". That means you use more than one method. You may start with muscle relaxation, then imagine you are in some beautiful, calming place, then slowly count from ten to one, with each step going deeper.

 

When you feel very relaxed, you may commence some visualization exercises, depending on the aim of your meditation.

 

Meditative music, candles, fragrances may be useful as well. And I too recommend using guided meditations as they keep your mind focussed.

Edited August 20, 2015 by Michael Sternbach

[Michael Sternbach]

For a good systematic training program to reach the alpha and theta state, I recommend the Silva Method:

 

http://www.amazon.com/Silva-Method-Home-Study-Course/dp/B000EVIDKO/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1440100647&sr=8-1&keywords=The+Silva+Method%3A+Home+Study+Course

 

http://www.amazon.com/RARE-11-CD-INSTRUCTIONAL-PROGRAM-Instructional/dp/B001A7GNIA/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&qid=1440100501&sr=8-6&keywords=silva+ultra

[Ell]

There's a lot of good advice here. Certainly take any and all of the elements that work for you. My two cents would be to just not stop doing it - even if you don't feel like you're "getting" anything out of it at first, even if you shift around, even if you break position to itch your head 150 times. Just get through the twenty minutes (or whatever you set out for) consistently. Build the habit.

 

When I was a teenager, I had a mentor who use to tell people who were hesitant about joining a gym or starting a weight program, "Just go in. Go in in your work clothes if need be. Just go in and start moving stuff around. Move the benches from one side of the floor to the other..." I thought he was nuts. It wasn't until years later I realized how helpful that advice was. People underestimate the power of just starting. No matter what the pursuit, you will begin to figure things out on your own and then you can build from there....and that's certainly a more rewarding place to be than not having the habit whatsoever.

 

All the best to you. You'll get it.  

[Fate]

I'm surprised no one has mentioned dynamic meditation yet.

 

No one said meditation had to be sitting quietly in Zazen, this is a very Yin form of meditation that allows you to deepen into stillness. I personally went this route and for about 6 months was building from 5 minutes to 20 to sometimes doing an hour (when I cheat and use music). I don't know if the foundation I built with this contributed, but when I shifted to doing Chi Kung and Taiji, I found myself being much more relaxed and my mind being calmer (I then incorporated sitting meditation after these practices for greater results).

Other options are Yoga, Sufi dancing, etc. All of this thought comes from Osho and he has a few guided dynamic meditations described for free on his foundation's website.

 

 

There are as many people as stars in the sky, so there will be as many methods too. Open your mind to what meditation really is. If you're just trying to build mindfulness or relax the mind, then there are plenty of options available (here's a hint on the path: Eventually everything you do becomes a meditation).

[gendao]

For some reason I can't just relax enough to meditate, it feels more like a stamina challenge, also get some strange back pain.

Because you are too tight and got a loooonggg ways to go...!

And sure, you can meditate in any position for some benefit, but FULL LOTUS is the only one that really simultaneously opens and grounds your huiyin both at the same time. Which is why it is the best position in ALL traditional Chinese neidan (from Longmenpai to Mopai), if not gentrified New Age derivatives (who never really understood its actual functions - and therefore say it "doesn't matter," or even suggest counterproductive modifications that defeat its intended purposes!)..

Edited August 21, 2015 by gendao

[DreamBliss]

It is certainly easy to instruct people to sit in full lotus.

 

It is much harder to actually take the time and develop a program that will gently bring people into the place where they can sit that way.

 

I have big, muscular legs. Getting my hips raised above them when I sit to meditate is hard enough. Even in a loose cross-legged position blood flow is restricted, my legs tingle and eventually fall asleep, which is very counter-productive to meditating, probably more so than using a non-traditional position.

 

Instead of telling us that full lotus is better, there is a reason for it, and we should use that, try giving us some free video tutorials taking us through the process of sitting in full lotus, some sort of training program for the average American.

 

I hate to say this but most of the Indian people I have seen are stick thin and weigh about half as much as the average American citizen. No surprise, they are seriously malnourished and starving over there. I imagine it is fairly easy for someone who looks like a Holocaust victim to sit in full lotus. Not so easy for a 6' 2" 280 pound man with legs about the diameter of telephone poles.

 

Better to encourage people to meditate and worry about their positioning later. If it truly is important, give them the resources needed so they can learn proper seating technique. I for one wouldn't mind learning how!

 

Getting people to meditate is primary. Nobody will want to if you tell them they have to sit in full lotus! Allowing them to come as they are, with their physical capabilities at the present moment is the best approach.

Edited August 21, 2015 by DreamBliss

[Ish]

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Edited April 4, 2018 by Ish

[Ish]

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Edited August 21, 2015 by Ish

[thelerner]

Another route is meditating after hard exercise.  For some people that is the perfect time, when the body mind are exhausted. 

Finding the timing may be the key.  For some its first thing in the morning when the mind is calm, or late at night when things are calm. 

 

Extremes aren't always bad either.  I've found at my local pool, with screaming kids and lots of talk all around is strangely conducive for me to meditate.  There's so much random noise and movement around me that it aids letting go.  Similarly so does sitting on a beach.  Thinking of my lower body as earth, my belly as the water being held by the earth, my lungs above like the sky, my head beaming down like the sun. 

[Michael Sternbach]

In response to Gendao and DreamBliss:

 

I agree with you, DB.

 

During the years I was doing Zazen, my preferred posture was indeed the Lotus. It is in fact something like an ideal posture, however, not everybody has the prerequisites to assume it, much less comfortably for a prolonged period of time. And it's NOT simply a matter of their being too tensed. If you can't do a full Lotus (yet), don't worry, there is a lot more going on in meditation. The best posture FOR YOU is one in which you can relax, yet remain aware. Any force will be detrimental. Remember, you are in no contest, and if anywhere, in meditation, the way is ever the goal.

Edited August 21, 2015 by Michael Sternbach

[DreamBliss]

I wish to publicly apologize to gendao. I think their advice is excellent, definitely a worthwhile goal, to work towards sitting in full lotus. If there is indeed reason for the posture then it will be of great benefit to be able to sit in it for long periods of time.

 

I do not feel my post was motivated by love. I guess one of my buttons, so-to-speak, is when someone tells you what you should do, or what the ideal is, or what is best, but that's all they do. Like a doctor in a town with no organic food stores and fast food joints every block telling a patient who works 12 hours a day to eat healthy. "Uh, sure, doc. How am I supposed to do that?"

 

For now, I will do the best I can with my physical capabilities at the moment, and advise others the same. I will allow myself to gradually fall into, in the natural flow of my life, any sort of practice or training that would bring me to lotus and finally full lotus posture. But for now that is well beyond what I am willing or able to do. I will certainly instruct others to try it, as it would be of benefit to them. but I would also let them know it is OK if you are unable to sit that way at present.

Edited August 22, 2015 by DreamBliss

[gendao]

I wish to publicly apologize to gendao. I think their advice is excellent, definitely a worthwhile goal, to work towards sitting in full lotus. If there is indeed reason for the posture then it will be of great benefit to be able to sit in it for long periods of time.

 

I do not feel my post was motivated by love. I guess one of my buttons, so-to-speak, is when someone tells you what you should do, or what the ideal is, or what is best, but that's all they do. Like a doctor in a town with no organic food stores and fast food joints every block telling a patient who works 12 hours a day to eat healthy. "Uh, sure, doc. How am I supposed to do that?"

No offense taken and no need to apologize, but good self-inquiry.

 

Also, you can take my post with a grain of salt as I myself have neither achieved a relaxed "

" full lotus, much less later stages of attainment contingent upon that yet. Therefore, I am not speaking completely from personal, field-tested experience. I just wanted to add a theoretical "pearl of wisdom" and counterpoint to the other extreme viewpoint more widely-presented here.

 

 

 

What I have slowly realized now is that in the old days, students likely did not start off just learning neidan in China. They probably typically started off with years of basic gongfu training, particularly including opening the kua and rooting, etc.

During this hard training, they probably also gradually crossed over into self-healing. To heal their own bumps and bruises, as well as energetic blockages. This probably took another good number of years using a variety of methods.

Finally, once they had attained a requisite degree of flexibility and cleared meridians, they could begin more "passive" meditation and "deeper Yin" spiritual arts.

This is probably why neidan doesn't provide a how-to manual for attaining full lotus - because it assumes you already achieved that through prerequisite foundational training by the time you started.

Of course here in the New Age West of instant gratification, most such foundational training is relatively obscure and considered entirely separate, unrelated, and so often omitted. Adepts want to jump right into the advanced stages of training, but then are left clueless when they can't even assume the most basic fundamental forms presumed in them.

Edited August 23, 2015 by gendao