Practical ways to let go of attachment?

[vtrader125]

When your in a middle of a emotional storm, is there anyway to put the idea of letting go of attachment in use?

 

I understand that should not deny what you are feeling in that moment, but how to you then move on to letting go?

 

I appreciate the power that letting go has, but that power only feels so when not in middle of the mental chaos. 

 

For example trying to apply for a job, but have a strong feeling of not being good enough, I know I don't have the skills or experiences for the role, this is like a heavy weight pushing me down. How do  I then move on?

Edited September 2, 2015 by vtrader125

[Silent Answers]

Understand that life is like a play...we're all acting along, some playing roles that we just sort of fell into. Most of us in fact, we haven't a clue what we're doing. You just have to take a leap of faith. Do what it takes.

 

Once you fully grasp how it all works, you can flip any situation around, if you truly want it. We often subconsciously choose to wallow, due to a certain set of experiences or lack of. These experiences can haunt us, but they don't necessarily have to impact who we are today. Develop your role.

 

Live for the right now and push into tomorrow, instead of living in the land of what could have been.

[AussieTrees]

Hi vtrader125,thankyou for you query.

 

"Emotional Storm,Mental chaos,letting go,how do you move on?"

If this is a relationship bust up,then only the passing of time will heal.

 

Chatting to a friend,he had a new girlfriend,so enquires how things were going.

 

"We broke up,it doesn't bother me though."

"Got a new system with girls so it doesn't bother me to much."

 

So what is your new system with girls?

"Catch and release,catch and release."haha

[vtrader125]

It's more persuasive then that, feel like have failed in this game of life, certain events, results remind of that failure.

I know that I should be grateful for being alive and having shelter and food etc, when surrounded by people who look like they are more successful it does not help. It would be easier to be grateful if I were in middle of a war zone, but Im not, I'm surrounded by people who are living a good life at least on the outside.

[thelerner]

Hard exercise.  Really.  When in an emotional turmoil few things clear the mind like long bouts of exercise.  Excess energy gets into the mind and causes all these thoughts that circle around.  Get rid of the energy and often the craziness ends and clarity begins. 

 

That or trying out think thinking. 

[wilfred]

it's the same feeling that comes up every time. so when it passes, strengthen your resolve by telling yourself that it passed and that's all it was - a feeling that you let push you around. also try and become aware of where it's resonating in the body, there's an underlying energetic charge to these things. hopefully the next time around you can hold onto that truth and sit through it a bit better, secure in the fact that it will ultimately pass. bit by bit, you get more comfortable with these feelings.

[Bud Jetsun]

Impermanence realization. 

 

Pick some wise beings poetry on the subject and meditate on the implications of the meaning beyond the words until impermanence becomes an unshakable awareness of your reality. 

 

Attachment then crumbles to dust like everything else. 

 

Unlimited Love,

-Bud

[Bearded Dragon]

+1 for exercise. It's hard when things are too intense. While doing that just try and remain in emptiness. It's sort of like that the empty state absorbs it. You still have the shitty feeling but the fuel is taken away. Then a good night's sleep helps.

 

I think you can do the same for love. If you dissolve it fully by letting it get sucked into your empty state then you can clear out anything false about the situation, and if the connections are true then it should in theory come back fresh. Still working that one out .

[Karl]

When your in a middle of a emotional storm, is there anyway to put the idea of letting go of attachment in use?

 

I understand that should not deny what you are feeling in that moment, but how to you then move on to letting go?

 

I appreciate the power that letting go has, but that power only feels so when not in middle of the mental chaos. 

 

For example trying to apply for a job, but have a strong feeling of not being good enough, I know I don't have the skills or experiences for the role, this is like a heavy weight pushing me down. How do  I then move on?

 

I discovered mental chaos is all about holding two opposing concepts. These are often sneakily subtle and will keep morphing into new arrangements. They lie in the shadows that your mind casts over them.

 

'Letting go' or 'accepting' are two sides of the same coin. The bush whacker in this little parlour game is 'letting go of the idea of letting go' or 'accepting that you won't accept something'. Instead of 'letting go/accepting' helping it simply adds an additional dimension to the internal turmoil. Best then not to add it, because effectively what you are saying to yourself is that you wish to feel 'other' than you are feeling. That if you could only let go, or accept things then it would be better, but then you wonder at your inability to let go and accept things and see that as the new feeling of not being good enough.

 

Better, when the little nagging voices come, to treat them as the voices of your own internal idiot or child. Like when you are trying to do some very involving task and someone is calling your attention 'yeah, yeah, I hear you but I've got things to do first'. Then set out the task and do it. The voices won't ever go away, but neither pander, ignore, accept or try and dis-attach from them because you cannot-they are you. The turmoil can then go into a nice holding pattern whilst you sort out what you need to get sorted.

 

 

[vtrader125]

One of the truest moments of when I have felt no attachment was when a bigger calling would knock my out of my ego, that feeling of higher purpose. 

I know that somewhere exists a sublime universe size truth which destroys fears and egos, that releases a sense of eternal freedom.

Can't remember how to get there though.

[ChiForce]

Kill the ego.  Kill the system of thoughts or social paradigms embedded in this ego.  Not only your emotional attachment would be gone.  So as other emotional attachments.  We are talking about relationship, right?  Why you were in this relationship in the first place?  Social pressure?  Social expectations?  Go from there.  If you don't kill this system of thoughts, it will manifest itself again with another person.  You are trying to seek healing in another person, which is as same as switching your attachment to another person.  Nothing changed. 

[PLB]

When your in a middle of a emotional storm, is there anyway to put the idea of letting go of attachment in use?

 

I understand that should not deny what you are feeling in that moment, but how to you then move on to letting go?

 

I appreciate the power that letting go has, but that power only feels so when not in middle of the mental chaos. 

 

For example trying to apply for a job, but have a strong feeling of not being good enough, I know I don't have the skills or experiences for the role, this is like a heavy weight pushing me down. How do  I then move on?

The best thing to do doesn't always feel powerful at the time.

I suffer the feeling of inadequacy you speak of during job interviews despite over 35 years of experience in my trade. I have come to realize that I won't ever be the master of those moments. But I have learned to not accept the corner I been placed in when I am placed in a corner. It has become more important to approve of what I am saying to myself than prove it to other people.

This quality has a power in situations that one can't own in the moment. So one lets go of something by taking hold of another thing. In other words, the other people are pretending to be more attached than they can possibly be. One doesn't have to challenge the force of that directly to bring it into question.

Edited September 3, 2015 by PLB

[vtrader125]

thanks for the responses.

 

Not specific about relationships, but I am rubbish at that, it's a more general feeling of being a failure, loser in everything. Not good enough for anything. I am stopping the habit of complaining about it unless it has some context that could be helpful. I can;t pretend that I have not had huge failures that would be just trying to hide from it as I am living in the consequences of them. 

As a result I know that I am going to always have to work a lot harder, even if the result ends to nowhere. People judge like crazy.

Look I know that most people will always measure you from your past success and failures, be it professional or personal settings. 

 

The idea of letting go of attachment is to free my self from the emotional bondage that keeps my spirit down, and the release my self from the mental blocks of creating options. 

[Silent Answers]

Most of that bondage is from judging yourself, and fear of the judgement of others (you're probably quite judgemental of others' faults, too). Save that energy up for something more useful. Stop standing in your own way, blocking your own path.

Edited September 6, 2015 by Silent Answers

[seekingbuddha]

One of the truest moments of when I have felt no attachment was when a bigger calling would knock my out of my ego, that feeling of higher purpose. 

I know that somewhere exists a sublime universe size truth which destroys fears and egos, that releases a sense of eternal freedom.

Can't remember how to get there though.

 

OK - these words imply that you have seen it.  But since you  "Can't remember how to get there",  I suspect that you got a glimpse....using wrong methods/practices/experiences.   If you truly did see it  using the right way/efforts,  you would remember it.   So, if needed take up right way/right efforts  as the first step towards reaching your goal of  "letting-go".  

 

These things are not accomplished overnight,  just using words/thoughts  obtained from a forum.   Sorry to sound so brash, but i felt  like  giving it to you  straight.   It also sounds like you need to take a break - a good one, not using an unwholesome indulgence.

Edited September 6, 2015 by seekingbuddha

[vtrader125]

OK so I have recently been reading a book about the power of surrender and letting go. The idea is you become aware of the negative feelings and let it complete its job. The idea being once you stop trying to resist it the quicker it will turn into something else.

Also you start moving up the emotional scale with apathy/depression on the low end to love on the upper end.

It says once you get to the anger stage, this where the motivation to do start doing things will come back.

 

The thing with these books is that they don't have a type of 1,2,3,4 steps guide, instead it's just vague "feel the emotion and let go" advice.

There must be a more powerful way of doing this?

[seekingbuddha]

If the book is suggesting  to  "aware of the negative feelings and let it complete its job",  then i would throw out that book.  Does this mean that as  long as  a  killer can become aware of his need for a kill, he can let it go to completion ?  Perhaps the book is being  misunderstood ?  Letting go is great, but like everything else, it must be done in the  RIGHT  WAY. 

 

Going back to your original post....perhaps you have understood  that it is not the right job for you, because it will make you feel inadequate and unskilled.  It maybe a signal from your inner self that you need to  "Let-go"  of that job  even it means more money  and comforts.  Slowly, over time, when "letting-go" is practiced,  it leads to the development of other wholesome factors of the mind.  Give  mental effort,  to develop  wholesome factors of the mind, and live the moments of your day-to-day life, feeling the presence of this  "Right effort".

[Jetsun]

In reality there is nothing you can do to make letting go and surrender happen, all you can do is become open to the possibility of it happening. The rest is down to God, or Tao or readiness.

 

But in terms of becoming open to the possibility meditate on impermanence and death. Try to see directly how attachment causes suffering.

Edited September 12, 2015 by Jetsun

[manitou]

Having just finished a few Tolle CD's - I think he would recommend that you embrace the is-ness of the situation without judgment.  To wallow in the idea of, for example, not being able to keep a partner by comparing yourself to others is to be caught up in the 'play', as somebody mentioned above.

 

Good advice here, but awfully hard to put into action when you're going through it.  Very best wishes to you as you go through this painful present.  You will have more to give others after you've gone through this experience.

[gendao]

When your in a middle of a emotional storm, is there anyway to put the idea of letting go of attachment in use?

I will veer from the other advice given here. It is actually difficult to consciously release subconscious tension. That's like consciously stopping a muscle cramp or willing a boner on demand. Or mentally relaxing your muscles enough to suddenly do the splits or get into full lotus.

 

It doesn't hurt to try, but that approach is just not likely to be effective...

Edited September 12, 2015 by gendao

[doc benway]

When your in a middle of a emotional storm, is there anyway to put the idea of letting go of attachment in use?

 

I understand that should not deny what you are feeling in that moment, but how to you then move on to letting go?

 

I appreciate the power that letting go has, but that power only feels so when not in middle of the mental chaos. 

 

For example trying to apply for a job, but have a strong feeling of not being good enough, I know I don't have the skills or experiences for the role, this is like a heavy weight pushing me down. How do  I then move on?

 

I think that awareness is the most important and most practical way of letting go.

It is what allows us to see what is happening.

Awareness is facilitated by openness and absence of judgement. 

My teacher often uses the words hosting and making or giving space - which is like observation.

 

This is key because it is not the situation or even the feeling that is the problem, it is the one feeling it - the one who is resisting.

In this context, it's the one who trying to let go.

What is that exactly? It is an identity that is manifest in it's relationship to the situation and the feeling. 

That identity is a product of conditioning and circumstances (one could use the word karma).

 

If the situation relates to a lover or spouse, it is the identity(ies) of husband, lover, man, etc...

If professional, it is the lawyer, doctor, artist...

If family, the mother, brother, and perhaps most powerful of all - the spiritual seeker, any of those.

 

We look at that identity, of what is it composed?

How to pin it down, grasp a hold of it?

When we see the lack of substance in that identity it loses its grasp on us.

That's the level where the work of letting go is done for me. 

[scribe]

Has anybody had any experience with practice? ie. Deliberately make yourself angry when you're not, and use the controlled experience to watch where it comes from, where it goes, and how to balance it?

 

I'm realising that practice is the only thing we really have available to us. Seems practical, seems sensible. Tips?

[thelerner]

Has anybody had any experience with practice? ie. Deliberately make yourself angry when you're not, and use the controlled experience to watch where it comes from, where it goes, and how to balance it?

 

I'm realising that practice is the only thing we really have available to us. Seems practical, seems sensible. Tips?

Watch Fox news . 

 

Some yoga nidra (Indian guided meditation) scripts go into understanding opposites, ie feeling angry, now give it up, repeat..  Or feel hot, now cold, repeat..

[vtrader125]

Some times having no attachment is bad as having attachment?

What I am trying to say is sometimes experiencing new things is part of life, and that sometimes requires striving towards it. As long as this forwardsness towards an experience is done without wanting/lacking state of mind, instead just out of playful curiosity and the joy of life is a just as calming state as complete no attachment. 

For example owning a nice house, car, wearing high quality clothes, eating high quality food, making love to beautiful women, earning good money from a vocation that you enjoy etc, etc. While I don't need them, from a calm state I feel a wonderful experiences that they could be to add to life.

However the reality for me is the complete opposite, I guess that is why I don't experience any of those things, they don't even seem like a possible reality for me.

[manitou]

We look at that identity, of what is it composed?

How to pin it down, grasp a hold of it?

When we see the lack of substance in that identity it loses its grasp on us.

That's the level where the work of letting go is done for me. 

 

 

This is beautiful, Steve.

 

We look at that identity, of what is it composed?  It's composed of all the false teaching that well-meaning people have given us. Parents, teachers, friends.  It is composed of fear, the opposite of love.....fear of not having enough, not being the best.  It's composed of self-loathing, the suspicion that we are not as good as others.  It is composed of warped concepts of what it means to be a man or a woman in today's society.  It's composed of the ridiculous belief that 'stuck energy' (money) has any bearing on our happiness.  It is composed watching out for me and mine, and disregarding others.

 

How to pin it down, grasp a hold of it?  I suspect it can't be done.  To pin down our supposed identity (or what we have become as a result of our life's achievements) would be to stop time and stop growth.  This would be to set our thoughts in cement, our view of ourself as permanent and everlasting.  We change, moment to moment.  Life changes, moment to moment.  The ones who make it through with the most serenity are the ones who embrace the change; who haven't pinned down their identity or the identity of anyone else, for that matter.

 

When we see the lack of substance in that identity it loses its grasp on us.  And this is the illusion, right here.  That we have a separate identity from each other.  Whereas,  we are all part of each other, and all part of the grander picture.  We are most powerful when we act from the perspective of the One Life that we are all a part.  It is the old trickster Ego that makes us feel that we are separate.  When we do what we can to diminish Ego, then we can see the forest through the trees.

 

That's the level where the work of letting go is done for me.  It is in the losing of our specific identities, our Ego-driven characteristics, that need to fall away.  When the artificial personality is gone, the real human being can emerge.

 

Beautiful, Steve.  Thank you!