help with clearing energy blocks and moving forward.

[Taoway]

Hello all, I am going to explain my story in hopes that some of you can help me relieve my self from the suffering I cause my self. I really have alot of faith in you all because your words and even just your presence and love for the tao have helped me so much so far.

 

So currently I am 21 years old and I have come to understand many things that seem to be rare at my age or more so rare for any individual because as we know the followers of tao are sometimes very few unfortunately.

 

I grew up very curious and loving but had terrible anxiety and attachment to my mother. I was so anxious that my parents knew it wasnt normal. I would constantly ask. What if what if this happens what if that happens. Which is a positive in the way that it has also fueled my wonder to question life and the way things work and are. 

But my parents had no other option but to rely on doctors to perscribe me to zoloft when I was 7. It may have helped a bit back then but I think being on such a pill is not good for the body especially as young as a 7 year old. 

 

My anxiety continued and wasnt as strong at certain parts of my life. A year ago i moved to another state to live with a past girlfriend I met online. I talked to her on skype and phone for 7 or 8 months then finally met her. Then a month after I got back from visiting she needed help so I moved in with her and her kids. It was difficult for me and overwhelming because I was not so experienced with independence. I left 2-3 weeks after. But I gave her the rest of the saved money I had. The experience of leaving was very painful and I was fighting terribly with a girl I just basically met. Even though I spent all my money and energy on moving her into a new place from her moms I still to this day felt like a failure. An emotionally weak beta male who cant stick to something I commit too.

 

After leaving we stayed together long distance but broke up 6 months ago. She ended up some what replacing me with someone because I simply was deteriorating as a person. I dont blame her and she needs to look out for who will be trusted to help her create a family for her kids again. 

 

Since then I have been trying to find love for my self. But I have been obsessing about such egotistical things that make me "not good enough" I used to meditate with such enthusiasm. I would practice yang taiji form everyday sometimes twice. I would paint and skateboard and smile and connect with my mom. But even now as my mom helps me get past this. I cant even feel any energetic charge from a hug from her. I have become numb.

 

I am going to try something new and go to a reiki healer my mom met in yoga. And hope that she understands how to remove energetic blocks. If that is even possible.

I reach out to you amazing people who remind me of my truest self.. I ask how does one pick them self up from this? 

Most days I spend so much energy dwelling on an emotion that I am lacking and that I lost the chance to be connected with a girl and her beautiful children because I am so weak. And even look at my self as a child who will never grow up. She was 5 years older and I wanted so much to be able to step into thwt world of maturity. 

 

I have plans made to move back to my home town 2 hours away for a tattoo appreniceship. And I see it as thestart of my whole life. But I cant find the momentum! i got so close with most of my things moved down

But I want to clear pain and blockage enough to do it confidently

 

Im sorry for who reads this for how long it is

But thank you so much for anyone who lends a hand

I am so lost and my own internal therapy can only do so much sometimes. 

 

Thank you

[Aeran]

That doesn't sound like a problem with a specific energy blockage(s) so much as some deep seated psychological issues with anxiety and self esteem.

 

Energy healing etc. certainly can't hurt (if done properly), but going off what you've said I think what you really need is to find a good therapist and talk through your issues, maybe get some cognitive behavioral therapy as well.

[AussieTrees]

Eat well,get regular exercise,drink plenty of fluids.

Emotions are very taxing physically.

Try concentrating on your breathing,this focus will help with sleep.

As well as give you a break from obsessive thoughts.

Passing of time will be helpful in gaining maturity as well as reducing these repetitive processes.

[Perceiver]

I had problems with anxiety in my twenties too. I was cured by a psychologist. Can warmly recommend to take up therapy.

[manitou]

Incredible honesty you display, Bodhidharma.  Please know that our paths take a very long time - a lifetime, in fact.  Your willingness to look within and discover your own shortcomings and fears places you way ahead of the game, IMO.

 

But know that we're not running a race.  Life is 'long' for a reason, and you are young.  I'm so glad you're here with us in this crazy lapidary of ideas.  The truth in you will emerge because your mind is open.  Just try to enjoy the moment, and try not to come to conclusions about things, whether good or bad.  Embrace the Is-ness of the moment rather than rush it.  Be gentle on yourself as you move forward.  It sounds like you are at a place in your life where a serious gulp of self realization can occur.  This is the reward of emotional pain, if we are willing to go within and look at what we are attached to.  Growth never seems to happen when everything is going just right - it's the pain that brings us awareness.

 

Much love to you.

[SonOfTheGods]

Hello all, I am going to explain my story in hopes that some of you can help me relieve my self from the suffering I cause my self. I really have alot of faith in you all because your words and even just your presence and love for the tao have helped me so much so far.

 

So currently I am 21 years old and I have come to understand many things that seem to be rare at my age or more so rare for any individual because as we know the followers of tao are sometimes very few unfortunately.

 

I grew up very curious and loving but had terrible anxiety and attachment to my mother. I was so anxious that my parents knew it wasnt normal. I would constantly ask. What if what if this happens what if that happens. Which is a positive in the way that it has also fueled my wonder to question life and the way things work and are. 

But my parents had no other option but to rely on doctors to perscribe me to zoloft when I was 7. It may have helped a bit back then but I think being on such a pill is not good for the body especially as young as a 7 year old. 

 

My anxiety continued and wasnt as strong at certain parts of my life. A year ago i moved to another state to live with a past girlfriend I met online. I talked to her on skype and phone for 7 or 8 months then finally met her. Then a month after I got back from visiting she needed help so I moved in with her and her kids. It was difficult for me and overwhelming because I was not so experienced with independence. I left 2-3 weeks after. But I gave her the rest of the saved money I had. The experience of leaving was very painful and I was fighting terribly with a girl I just basically met. Even though I spent all my money and energy on moving her into a new place from her moms I still to this day felt like a failure. An emotionally weak beta male who cant stick to something I commit too.

 

After leaving we stayed together long distance but broke up 6 months ago. She ended up some what replacing me with someone because I simply was deteriorating as a person. I dont blame her and she needs to look out for who will be trusted to help her create a family for her kids again. 

 

Since then I have been trying to find love for my self. But I have been obsessing about such egotistical things that make me "not good enough" I used to meditate with such enthusiasm. I would practice yang taiji form everyday sometimes twice. I would paint and skateboard and smile and connect with my mom. But even now as my mom helps me get past this. I cant even feel any energetic charge from a hug from her. I have become numb.

 

I am going to try something new and go to a reiki healer my mom met in yoga. And hope that she understands how to remove energetic blocks. If that is even possible.

I reach out to you amazing people who remind me of my truest self.. I ask how does one pick them self up from this? 

Most days I spend so much energy dwelling on an emotion that I am lacking and that I lost the chance to be connected with a girl and her beautiful children because I am so weak. And even look at my self as a child who will never grow up. She was 5 years older and I wanted so much to be able to step into thwt world of maturity. 

 

I have plans made to move back to my home town 2 hours away for a tattoo appreniceship. And I see it as thestart of my whole life. But I cant find the momentum! i got so close with most of my things moved down

But I want to clear pain and blockage enough to do it confidently

 

Im sorry for who reads this for how long it is

But thank you so much for anyone who lends a hand

I am so lost and my own internal therapy can only do so much sometimes. 

 

Thank you

 

Just advice- Don't use Reiki, unless you're getting it for free

 

I have some members on my forum, very similar in nature to what has transpired in you

 

I'll be glad to help you, always free

 

Either way, hope all goes well for you brother

Edited October 11, 2015 by SonOfTheGods

[dawei]

By any means possible... get to a university... start some study towards something... your world will turn around and heal you.

[Taoway]

By any means possible... get to a university... start some study towards something... your world will turn around and heal you.

this means alot to me, and i have questioned if that is the path i should take right now. Mainly pursuing my dream of being a chinese medicine practicioner / healer.   But the stages in my life seem to take me to learning the trade of tattoo art first. To learn independence. From there it will be a bridge to what ever else i hope to achieve since it will give me the money to pay for college and a place to live on my own. 

 

But as for studying towards something, this can be done outside of a university. And i have often thought that if only i directed this excess energy toward gaining knowledge consitently then it will find balance. But i find it hard to be consitant. But with your advice i will be more diciplined with it . Knowledge is a gateway to life experiences. 

 

I want to learn japanese so i can connect with japanese people. thats one gate way. And i will take out more of my books and dive further into my studies . thank you 

[dawei]

Any growth path towards life employment takes money...

 

this means alot to me, and i have questioned if that is the path i should take right now. Mainly pursuing my dream of being a chinese medicine practicioner / healer.  

 

Acupuncture? Or what healing method?  The former will require 4 years study... and your behind those who have studied it a long time.  

 

 

But the stages in my life seem to take me to learning the trade of tattoo art first. To learn independence. From there it will be a bridge to what ever else i hope to achieve since it will give me the money to pay for college and a place to live on my own. 

 

I get this but this is linear thinking... A leads to B leads to C.. 

 

If you want to pursue university study, jump in and find the financial obligations and means.  The poorer you are the more they help.... in a sense.

 

But as for studying towards something, this can be done outside of a university. And i have often thought that if only i directed this excess energy toward gaining knowledge consitently then it will find balance. But i find it hard to be consitant. But with your advice i will be more diciplined with it . Knowledge is a gateway to life experiences. 

 

My 'feeling for you' is that you need structure of learning.   This is a pathway you can embrace.

 

I want to learn japanese so i can connect with japanese people. thats one gate way. And i will take out more of my books and dive further into my studies . thank you 

 

Good... You've got so many stimulus and directions.   Your juggling them all.  I"m asking myself, "why does he want to learn Japanese"... from a destiny point of view... I do feel something strong for you in that direction.   But I feel your not going to get there without a journey.   and that may be your destiny in the end.  

 

But as Laozi said, a journey of a thousand miles beings with one step...  you've got to take each step.

[Taoway]

Any growth path towards life employment takes money...

 

I know this but ive cultivated skill in art so why not use it on a trade like tattooing. I also just would enjoy doing it as a profession. But wouldnt stop there.

 

 

Acupuncture? Or what healing method? The former will require 4 years study... and your behind those who have studied it a long time.

 

By other healing method I meant just being able to offer qi gong classes and what ever else I can learn to go with it. When I do attend TCMS I would want to go for the 7 or 8 years to learn chinese medicine along with accupunture.

 

I get this but this is linear thinking... A leads to B leads to C..

 

If you want to pursue university study, jump in and find the financial obligations and means. The poorer you are the more they help.... in a sense.

 

I agreebut at the time that i was going to enter a school .. the fact that id have 60 thousand in debt turned me off of it. I think for me at least I wantto learn how to support my self first and then joina school later on when I can some what comfortably pay for the tuition. I also can always continue to read about tcm in the books I have which are great for aomeone who even just wants to better his health and the health of people around him. The yellow emperor's classic of medicine is amazing for what it contains.

 

My 'feeling for you' is that you need structure of learning. This is a pathway you can embrace.

 

By structure I completely agree. But learning can be done in many places beyond a university. The structure I am wanting to build is.. a regular taiji practice everyday again. Deeper meditation practice. More hours to art. More reading. More helping others.

 

Good... You've got so many stimulus and directions. Your juggling them all. I"m asking myself, "why does he want to learn Japanese"... from a destiny point of view... I do feel something strong for you in that direction. But I feel your not going to get there without a journey. and that may be your destiny in the end.

 

I want to learn japanese simply because I enjoy the culture. For example I also want to learn chinese because I believe it will assist me in seeing the world in a more harmonious way. Since by learning a new way of labeling the world in a more taoist way since chinese culture and language is based off of taoist and Confucian thought. English can be limiting with it rigid view of the world. Learning new ways to see things opens up horizons and breaks boundaries. Sex in english is just a dirty word. But in chinese it means flowery combat haha.

 

Well it isnt necessarily a dirty word. But ive grown up thinking it was a taboo of some sort. Making it more appealing and thus making my body snd mind compulsive toward sex. Something I want to go beyond.

 

 

But as Laozi said, a journey of a thousand miles beings with one step... you've got to take each step.

 

Laozi also said. The scholar learns something everyday. The follower of tao unlearns something everyday.

 

Edited October 12, 2015 by bodhidharma

[dawei]

Thanks for sharing more of your position.    I don't doubt your potential skills in tatooing... that may be your most immediate passion (?).  I loved the cable show 'Ink Master' and was really amazed at the skill.

 

And yes, there are many ways to gain structure and learning.  It is sometimes hard to know if we're following a natural way or just a more comfortable way (our own comfort zone).   Testing that zone often results in horizons opening up.

 

You have many ideas which can all be reached and fulfilling and I wish you the best in your path

[SonOfTheGods]

I was a tattoo artist years ago- I did much of my own work on my body

 

Good skill brother to aquire, meditation @ gong

[Taoway]

Thank you friend your words have clear meaning and guidance. Best to you on your path as well!

 

Thanks for sharing more of your position. I don't doubt your potential skills in tatooing... that may be your most immediate passion (?). I loved the cable show 'Ink Master' and was really amazed at the skill.

 

And yes, there are many ways to gain structure and learning. It is sometimes hard to know if we're following a natural way or just a more comfortable way (our own comfort zone). Testing that zone often results in horizons opening up.

 

You have many ideas which can all be reached and fulfilling and I wish you the best in your path

[Taoway]

Ah really! Small world! I want to be involved with something that helps people. And although it draws unnessecary blood.. I know that it helps many people to feel confident in their own skin! So I look forward to helping people with that.

 

I was a tattoo artist years ago- I did much of my own work on my body

 

Good skill brother to aquire, meditation @ gong