Huge problem, please offer advice

[Arya]

Arya,

 

Far be it from me to be skeptical of your abilities, but about that condom. When you do find a girl who wants to have sex with you and a suitable place to do so (and I believe you will if this is what you truly want) I hope you won´t rely exclusively on your energetic control to avoid an unwanted pregnancy, not to mention possible disease. You might be truly accomplished in this area, but better safe than sorry.

 

Liminal

Liminal, I won't use a condom or any other prevention methods, thanks for concern.

[Arya]

on second thoughts, thinking on giving up sex & intimacy

 

cultivate the meditation states and die off as soon as possible

 

then I won't come back to this world for many aeons

[Arya]

This is so far outside of my realm of experience that all I can do is puzzle over the idea of being given a wife, as if it is completely natural for one human to make a gift of another that is not themself.

 

:feeling grateful that I live where I do, and have been given the opportunity to make my life whatever heaven or hell I choose:

just to clarify, you might know that (good) fathers save their daughter's for marriage i.e. keep their virginity.

 

It's not that alien of a concept. I mean, virgins are definitely of higher value when it comes marriage.

Edited December 5, 2015 by Arya

[liminal_luke]

I don´t know whether to laugh or cry. Think I´ll go with cry for now.

[ilumairen]

just to clarify, you might know that (good) fathers save their daughter's for marriage i.e. keep their virginity.

 

It's not that alien of a concept. I mean, virgins are definitely of higher value when it comes marriage.

 

In your culture they might be. In my world people choose to share moments and lives together for soo many different reasons. But it is two people choosing.

 

********

 

BTW I don't think there is anything loving or kind about spending all of this time contemplating devaluing a woman in your culture, and limiting her prospects for a good marriage.

[ilumairen]

on second thoughts, thinking on giving up sex & intimacy

 

If the choice to persue sex and intimacy will ruin a woman you have no intention of marrying's life, then please do consider giving up the pursuit.

[Arya]

mayhaps you guys are fine with women who neither keep their purity, nor have any virtue

 

but I see red flags for what they are

 

Though if I encountered a female who kept virtue and was beautiful, I'd be lovestruck beyond belief. These woman deserve literal Gods for husbands - powerful, handsome, intelligent, charismatic and all those masculine characteristics at their peak. 

[Bum Grasshopper]

I'm kind of scared to go to a girl's house. I don't live in a western country and people are kind of conservative here.My dad said the first thing he'd give me an apartment, when his business gets going again and my mom said she'd get me a wife at 25, if and when I get established by myself.

 

I wonder what the Taoist take on this practice. I know of no other life form that procreates in this manner. My understanding is that it was developed to gain social and/or political gain.

 

 

I know a lot of girls fancy me in my neighborhood and outside too if I....uhh..retain my seed.

This comment shows confidence

 

 

I'm kind of scared to go to a girl's house. I don't live in a western country and people are kind of conservative here.

This comment show lack of confidence.

 

 

Liminal, I won't use a condom or any other prevention methods, thanks for concern.

 

Not a problem if you are both committed to a long term monogamous relationship. If either one of you are having multiple sex partners, it is totally irresponsible.

 

 

what does this mean, if she can sing and dance beautifully then that's fine.

 

This comment is extremely shallow, and maybe even sexist. I pray that you really don't feel this way.

 

 

mayhaps you guys are fine with women who neither keep their purity, nor have any virtue

 

but I see red flags for what they are

 

Though if I encountered a female who kept virtue and was beautiful, I'd be lovestruck beyond belief. These woman deserve literal Gods for husbands - powerful, handsome, intelligent, charismatic and all those masculine characteristics at their peak.

 

This statement is entirely judgmental. Who defines what is pure, is beautiful or has virtue?

 

When everyone in the world sees beauty,

Then ugly exists.

When everyone sees good,

Then bad exists.

 

Therefore:

What is and what is not create each other.

Difficult and easy complement each other.

Tall and short shape each other.

High and low rest on each other.

Voice and tone blend with each other.

First and last follow each other.

 

So, the sage acts by doing nothing,

Teaches without speaking,

Attends all things without making claim on them,

Works for them without making them dependent,

Demands no honor for his deed.

Because he demands no honor,

He will never be dishonored.

 

[Arya]

I'm done, I don't feel like responding anymore.

[ilumairen]

I'm done, I don't feel like responding anymore.

 

That is your choice to make Arya, as it is my choice to respond. In the Christian tradition Jesus did see the pure heart in a scorned woman, lifted her up, and said 'sin no more'. And according to the interpretation of at least one Gnostic text he cherished this woman and 'kissed her often' on the mouth.

 

 

*******

 

 

There is also Thunder the Perfect Mind, another Gnostic text. This written from the feminine perspective that mirrors and expands the idea that all women are aspects of the mother.

 

 

*******

 

And then there is the experience that is beyond all these labels...

 

 

 

 

[ilumairen]

Though if I encountered a female who kept virtue and was beautiful, I'd be lovestruck beyond belief. These woman deserve literal Gods for husbands - powerful, handsome, intelligent, charismatic and all those masculine characteristics at their peak. 

 

Here men are allowed to fall, to be human, and divine - just as women are. Here being is enough.

[ilumairen]

 

This statement is entirely judgmental. Who defines what is pure, is beautiful or has virtue?

 

 

And the pendulum swings..

[ilumairen]

 

This comment is extremely shallow, and maybe even sexist. I pray that you really don't feel this way.

 

Praying for someone to feel differently than they do is not acceptance. Feeling sadness or sorrow over such things is natural. Drawing 'I see this in you, so I will cast you far away because I don't want to look at this' lines, I guess is also natural, but perhaps a little less beneficial.

Being able to look closely, and see that there have been many moments in my own life where I have been extremely shallow and sexist myself.. this feels better to me.

[KenBrace]

Hi friends, lately I've realized that I don't have a place of my own. I live with my parents.

 

This may seem trivial and mundane to some but it means I can't have sexual relations with girls. 

 

It is quite depressing, and my libido is very high.

 

That means I can't do the dual cultivation practice(no idea what that entails but I read it somewhere here). Images and videos on the internet don't satisfy me anymore. 

 

Now it seems I have to remain celibate for quite some time since my wages are low. Could take years to get a place of my own.

 

Can you please give me some hope, I'm only 22 years old. Thanks!

 

Why are your wages low?

 

Perhaps you should work harder to build a business or get a higher paying job as a skilled worker. If you have technical skills then look for work on Freelancer.com.

 

The road to independence can be difficult but it's not a lost cause. You just need hard work and determination.

 

If you really want sex then get a happy ending massage. They aren't very expensive.

[CodyWizard]

I can totally understand that living with your parents can be a bit of a thorn when you are single, or even when you are coupled, but you can still make it work! I remember always trying to keep one of my girlfriends moans down when I used to live at my moms, and our bedrooms were right next to each others. It sucked, but we still made it work. 

 

You said you had the whole top floor to yourself! If you find a girl that really likes you, she isn't going to care that you live at your parents, she is simply going to want to pounce you under any circumstance. Bring her to your room and just try to keep it down out of respect for the other people in the house. Sometimes its kind of sexy when you are almost sneaking, like sneak sex.

 

Its actually a lot more common for people in their early 20s to live at home now a days because of the rising cost of living. So work on getting a better job, dont wait for your Dad's business to take off so he can get you an apartment, or wait for your mom to somehow get you a wife (?), Go out on your own and make your own path. Its not easy, cultivating your own independance can be quite tough, and it takes a long time. I am 29 now, live in a great apartment on my own with a great job, and I just realized that was what I was struggling and stumbling around to achieve from 25 on without even really knowing it.

 

When I was 21-23 I was partying hard!!!  Didn't care for independance, I just wanted to party, have fun, and hang out with friends, and enjoy the opportunity to do so while it lasted. I understand the whole libido thing though, it is a drive, so use it to move forward!

[ilumairen]

I can totally understand that living with your parents can be a bit of a thorn when you are single, or even when you are coupled, but you can still make it work! I remember always trying to keep one of my girlfriends moans down when I used to live at my moms, and our bedrooms were right next to each others. It sucked, but we still made it work. 

 

You said you had the whole top floor to yourself! If you find a girl that really likes you, she isn't going to care that you live at your parents, she is simply going to want to pounce you under any circumstance. Bring her to your room and just try to keep it down out of respect for the other people in the house. Sometimes its kind of sexy when you are almost sneaking, like sneak sex.

 

Its actually a lot more common for people in their early 20s to live at home now a days because of the rising cost of living. So work on getting a better job, dont wait for your Dad's business to take off so he can get you an apartment, or wait for your mom to somehow get you a wife (?), Go out on your own and make your own path. Its not easy, cultivating your own independance can be quite tough, and it takes a long time. I am 29 now, live in a great apartment on my own with a great job, and I just realized that was what I was struggling and stumbling around to achieve from 25 on without even really knowing it.

 

When I was 21-23 I was partying hard!!!  Didn't care for independance, I just wanted to party, have fun, and hang out with friends, and enjoy the opportunity to do so while it lasted. I understand the whole libido thing though, it is a drive, so use it to move forward!

 

The smart people with the words might refer to this as 'culture shock'. CodyWizard our personal experience is completely inapplicable here. The urges of youth are shared, the societal context in which these urges manifest however is quite different. There is nothing you can pull from your memories (or I from mine) that can help Arya with what he is facing - no matter how much you may wish to help.

[Bud Jetsun]

just to clarify, you might know that (good) fathers save their daughter's for marriage i.e. keep their virginity.

 

It's not that alien of a concept. I mean, virgins are definitely of higher value when it comes marriage.

 

 

Spoken with a confidence only ignorance can sustain. 

 

A virgin wife only holds appeal to the fear-filled and unaccomplished.  All life experiences offer opportunity for realization and enrichment of perspective.  

 

Over a decade ago a friend got a mail-order-bride from Ukraine who used to be a prostitute, complete with scars on her from being pistol-whipped and where people used her body to extinguish cigars and cigarettes.  What an incredibly strong, kind, appreciative, wise, and mindfully disciplined beautiful wife.  She has also been an amazing mother to his children, perhaps one of the most strong and loving mothers I've ever had the pleasure of meeting.  Almost immediately after she joined the family, his kids never skipped school again and started getting A's, his house is always spotlessly cleaned and she shops for fresh produce and makes amazing home cooked meals for the family.  They never fight, and live in a peaceful Love filled home together. 

 

He had been married twice prior to american raised 'good girls' (beings of limited life experiences) who would choose to fight and choose a state of discontentment over appreciation, the last one pointlessly killed herself through abusing pain pills.  

 

When I was ~16yo, I would only consider marrying a virgin wife (by my own choosing to suffer indoctrination induced delusions).  By the time I was 20yo and had tried out plenty of them, all being pathetic, I wanted a mostly 'good girl'.  By the time I was 25yo, I just cared that a woman consciously chooses to remain positive and wants to enjoy amazing life experiences.  Years later when I met who became my wife, she was definitely the most fearless and bold intensely wild experience seeking woman I had encountered who had already gained a ton of wisdom as a result of empirical adventurous life enriching experiences.  We explored the indescribable together too many times to count, got married, and every day together is exactly as good as we chose to make it (fantastic).  She has done more than any other human to shine light on ways to improve aspects of myself and embrace Love and compassion for all living beings, and continues to offer me experiences that enrich and deepen my life experiences as I do for her.  

 

My wife is roughly the opposite of what I would have said I wanted in a wife 20 years ago.  Thank God I eventually stopped listening to what others had indoctrinated me into believing I wanted for a wife, and instead found my soulmate. 

 

Unlimited Love,

-Bud

[Arya]

I was watching a video of a female dancing yesterday and then I saw her rib cage poking out, so I felt disgusted.

 

So the bliss I feel when I am near women, it's them lusting after me. There's nothing much on my part.

 

When I see veins on women, it always disgusts me but when I look at such things in my own body, then I don't feel anything.

 

What gives?

[Arya]

Correction, the bliss is initiated by me since I'm still attracted to the female form.

 

Why would I think it would be so easy? Apparently the perception of disgust and foulness vanishes completely or is heavily suppressed from my mind because the sensations are so strong.

Edited December 8, 2015 by Arya

[Arya]

 

Spoken with a confidence only ignorance can sustain. 

 

A virgin wife only holds appeal to the fear-filled and unaccomplished.  All life experiences offer opportunity for realization and enrichment of perspective.  

 

Over a decade ago a friend got a mail-order-bride from Ukraine who used to be a prostitute, complete with scars on her from being pistol-whipped and where people used her body to extinguish cigars and cigarettes.  What an incredibly strong, kind, appreciative, wise, and mindfully disciplined beautiful wife.  She has also been an amazing mother to his children, perhaps one of the most strong and loving mothers I've ever had the pleasure of meeting.  Almost immediately after she joined the family, his kids never skipped school again and started getting A's, his house is always spotlessly cleaned and she shops for fresh produce and makes amazing home cooked meals for the family.  They never fight, and live in a peaceful Love filled home together. 

 

He had been married twice prior to american raised 'good girls' (beings of limited life experiences) who would choose to fight and choose a state of discontentment over appreciation, the last one pointlessly killed herself through abusing pain pills.  

 

When I was ~16yo, I would only consider marrying a virgin wife (by my own choosing to suffer indoctrination induced delusions).  By the time I was 20yo and had tried out plenty of them, all being pathetic, I wanted a mostly 'good girl'.  By the time I was 25yo, I just cared that a woman consciously chooses to remain positive and wants to enjoy amazing life experiences.  Years later when I met who became my wife, she was definitely the most fearless and bold intensely wild experience seeking woman I had encountered who had already gained a ton of wisdom as a result of empirical adventurous life enriching experiences.  We explored the indescribable together too many times to count, got married, and every day together is exactly as good as we chose to make it (fantastic).  She has done more than any other human to shine light on ways to improve aspects of myself and embrace Love and compassion for all living beings, and continues to offer me experiences that enrich and deepen my life experiences as I do for her.  

 

My wife is roughly the opposite of what I would have said I wanted in a wife 20 years ago.  Thank God I eventually stopped listening to what others had indoctrinated me into believing I wanted for a wife, and instead found my soulmate. 

 

Unlimited Love,

-Bud

what do I look for in a wife then, besides beauty? You tell me. Asking earnestly here.

 

my personal preferences are - kind, attractive, generous, young,

 

doesn't drink, never lies, doesn't kill or want anyone to be killed(even insects), no gossip, cares for parents and doesn't argue with brothers & sisters, addresses those elders to her with respect. Isn't one for talking needlessly and just for the sake of it. Does not anger, get jealous or bear any grudges. Can do housework diligently and with care. Subordinate to me, not equal.

Edited December 8, 2015 by Arya

[Arya]

Spoken with a confidence only ignorance can sustain. 

I'd still like a virgin wife, thanks. 

 

Also, I'm not one for Amazing Life Adventures.

 

What will my family think if I bring home a prostitute or one who has slept around before. They'll think she's easy and not to be trusted.

 

You can't just sleep around as a girl w/o any consequences. Would you let your daughters have intercourse with any and every bum she comes across in order to 'explore' herself or have 'life experience'. 

 

And I've seen it in pornographic videos just how degenerate and animal-like American women are. Spoiling away their merit as beautiful people.You can't control your daughters and women at all. What a waste.

Edited December 8, 2015 by Arya

[ilumairen]

And I've seen it in pornographic videos just how degenerate and animal-like American women are. Spoiling away their merit as beautiful people.You can't control your daughters and women at all. What a waste.

 

Porn isn't an accurate template to guage American women by, just as romance novels aren't an accurate template to guage men by. They're just more constructs we unknowingly pick up, and try to fit ourselves and others into.

 

[Bud Jetsun]

what do I look for in a wife then, besides beauty? You tell me. Asking earnestly here.

 

Fear-less. 

 

Fear is the antithesis of Love.  

 

While a being chooses to have fear-thought, this being is not at peace, not Love filled, and not capable of Love (just capable of it's delusions of love which are not Love). 

 

The rest is inconsequential details if you are fortunate enough to find a being who has mindfully chosen to cease fear-rooted-thoughts.  The aspects of a being or body or whatnot that you see yourself as 'not liking' is your own purposeless choice to suffer, is unneeded, and concludes entirely and instantly when/if you find peace inside yourself. 

 

Unlimited Love,

-Bud

[thelerner]

Put too many conditions on what your mate will be has a couple of problems. 

 

One you end up knocking the vast majority of woman, a couple of who might be perfect soul mates, except the fail one or two litmus tests, ie fight with a brother or sister. 

 

Two, you find a woman who fits your standards, thus putting her on a pedestal setting her up for a big fall.  There is no such thing as perfect.  We all have flaws.   Thus your woman who cares for her parents spends more time with them, then you and your virgin wants to stay highly virginal. 

[Michael Sternbach]

So, assuming your mother gives you your Virgin Mary, I just hope for you that she will also be a creative and imaginative bed mate. If not, you may find yourself longing for one of those "virtueless sex Goddesses" you watched in videos sooner than you think...