Arya Posted December 4, 2015 Hi friends, lately I've realized that I don't have a place of my own. I live with my parents. This may seem trivial and mundane to some but it means I can't have sexual relations with girls. It is quite depressing, and my libido is very high. That means I can't do the dual cultivation practice(no idea what that entails but I read it somewhere here). Images and videos on the internet don't satisfy me anymore. Now it seems I have to remain celibate for quite some time since my wages are low. Could take years to get a place of my own. Can you please give me some hope, I'm only 22 years old. Thanks! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Stosh Posted December 4, 2015 One picks their poisons Arya. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Miffymog Posted December 4, 2015 (edited) ummm - what about her place??? (there are many girls who actually prefer this as its in an environment they're familiar with and so more comfortable) (there also seems to be more going on than what you say in the OP) Edited December 4, 2015 by Miffymog 5 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Michael Sternbach Posted December 4, 2015 (edited) Let's try to clarify the problem. Do you mean that you don't even have a sleeping room of your own?! Or it doesn't have any door? Or is the issue that your parents don't allow you to engage in "dual cultivation practice" with a GF at home? Or what else? Edited December 4, 2015 by Michael Sternbach Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dawei Posted December 4, 2015 The problem is HAVE (reality) vs HAVE NOT (want/desire). This is normal... at 22, this should be a passing fancy of an issue... something you almost laugh off. For some reason, it has escalated to a Huge Problem. If this were a see-saw, your sitting on the ground looking up at the HAVE NOT side... Yes? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
soaring crane Posted December 4, 2015 You need a car, dude. And not one of those little Asian jobs either ;-) Also, it's quite possibly those images/videos on the internet, and not your parents, that are causing your problems. 4 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
liminal_luke Posted December 4, 2015 (edited) If there´s a "huge problem" here it´s that somehow what seems on it´s face to be a simple logistical issue has become a huge problem in your mind. I agree with Miffymog that perhaps there´s more going on here than is apparent in your OP. Here in Mexico, where I live, people commonly live with their parents until they are married -- even into their 40s --and I can assure you that young people are still finding ways to have sex. Liminal Edited December 4, 2015 by liminal_luke Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
3bob Posted December 4, 2015 (edited) A big problem you mentioned are the videos on the internet which I imagine are of a very low level of seeing women as sexual objects... is that so? If so quit such sites which will only misguide and also poison you further. Another big problem or question that may be of note is whether or not you appreciate your parents for supplying a roof over your head? If not join the Army, the Coast Guard or something and earn the roof over your head. And forget this excuse about "dual cultivation" which is done under the teaching and supervision of someone that knows what the hell they are doing... which is obviously not out there for the general public in its true form that is beyond our passionate and romantic adventures and imaginations fueled by twisted media and in cultures. One hope of yours is to see women as souls and human beings 1st and then also as friends, although tending to be of different talents and nature compared to most of us guys who often think with our little heads instead of our big heads. (which brings about all sorts of problems and complications that don't have to be) Every time you think about sex also think about spending the next 20 years of your life working 60 hrs. a week at some job you may not like - to support a baby, a kid, a teenager and a young adult that needs college - who can result from following an over-powering thought or urge... Nothing wrong with babies if you are ready and committed to the responsibly, I sure in the hell wasn't at 22 and got into all sorts of trouble and complications. Good luck (btw I was a child of the wild 60's of "peace and free love" and no prude in finding out its high cost) Edited December 4, 2015 by 3bob 4 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hod Posted December 4, 2015 I will start with a question: Is there a girl in your life who you want to do it with, or is this a hypothetical problem for when there is a girl in your life? If the answer is that there no girl yet, then that is your big problem. Find the girl and the place for sex will come. If there already is a girl and you two just can't find a place to be alone, then this problem is not so big. Almost everyone I know has had sex in their parents house while their parnets are home or at girl's houses while their parents are home. It's no deal, just lock the door. If you can't bring yourself to doing it with parents around, tell them to go out for a dinner and a movie. Tell you parents you want to invite a girl over and cook her a dinner and you don't want them around - they will leave if you care about you. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
3bob Posted December 4, 2015 (edited) isn't it nice to know that those that have offered offered dubious advice here will each be sending you $3,000.00 to help cover the costs for pre-natal care, birth and follow up visits to the hospital if you bring a child into this world along with trips to Wal-Mart to buy baby food and diapers - or your cost to pay doctors for STD's treatment - they are here to support you no matter if there is an "accident", just private message them with your address and the checks should be on the way. Edited December 5, 2015 by 3bob Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jetsun Posted December 4, 2015 Who has offered dick-head advice? 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bud Jetsun Posted December 4, 2015 (edited) The only 'problem' is ones choice to imagine a problem. If ones quality of life is so blessed as to perceive this concern as an issue, I recommend shouting praises of thanks to the universe for being so kind to you. There is no dual cultivation beyond what individuals choose to do, together or not together. At 22yo, most of the waking/thinking hours of my life were spent chasing tail. It turns out there is no amount of girls to lay that results in anything beyond wasting your time and looking for the next one. Sex is an attempt to complete a whole through physically interlocking, but no matter how many times with how many girls of how many styles the whole is not completion-capable through external physical body related actions, no matter what one's reproduction drive hormones may be dangling as mind-bait. The moment another is involved in your path, simplicity is replaced with compromises of what would otherwise be simple available options (like just going into the woods or mountains indefinitely.) Rich man has rich man problems. Poor man has poor man problems. Celibate man has celibate man problems. Gigolo man has gigolo man problems. Social butterfly has social butterfly problems. Solitary monk has solitary monk problems. Somewhere, likely less than a mile away from you there are men currently in the company of girlfriends right now who chose to make themselves bothersome life annoyances and those men are choosing a state of wishing they had your situation of being a man free to do as he pleases with his day. Simultaneously there are others like yourself imagining the inverse of whatever is the missing link between themselves and happiness. Happiness remains a choice made in Now, it's free and requires nothing more than mindful awareness. Unlimited Love, -Bud Edited December 4, 2015 by Bud Jetsun Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
3bob Posted December 5, 2015 off topic but why is there a Bud Jetsun and a Jetsun, would one of you change your handle? 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bud Jetsun Posted December 5, 2015 off topic but why is there a Bud Jetsun and a Jetsun, would one of you change your handle? Another perfect example of choosing to imagine a problem and then manifest it from nothingness as a mechanism to for-fill ones own intent to purposely suffer. Let go of the clinging to a personal idea of how reality needs to be, and instead embrace the Now that is. Unlimited Love, -Bud 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
3bob Posted December 5, 2015 (edited) oh well maybe my brain isn't that old, although too much coffee can lead to transposing of names Edited December 5, 2015 by 3bob 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bum Grasshopper Posted December 5, 2015 One thing I learned later in life that I wish I knew when I was 22, is to wipe all expectations of sex as motivation when seeking a relationship with women. Women can see this as clearly as a neon light on your forehead I WANT SEX. Unscrupulous women will use this to their advantage to scam you. Good women will reject you knowing that all you want them for is for sex. Don't chase. You chase, they run away. Be completely open and honest. Pretending to be something your not is also projected to others. If they can't accept you at face value, then this person is not for you. Get involved socially in areas that interest you. Your passion will show, and if your intentions are pure, you will form many rewarding relationships. The benefits of such relationships may net you a lot more than just sex, such as a better job and more independence, 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
4bsolute Posted December 5, 2015 (edited) Hi friends, lately I've realized that I don't have a place of my own. I live with my parents. This may seem trivial and mundane to some but it means I can't have sexual relations with girls. It is quite depressing, and my libido is very high. That means I can't do the dual cultivation practice(no idea what that entails but I read it somewhere here). Images and videos on the internet don't satisfy me anymore. Now it seems I have to remain celibate for quite some time since my wages are low. Could take years to get a place of my own. Can you please give me some hope, I'm only 22 years old. Thanks! This body here is 29 years old in a few days, I live with my parents. I am in the process Self-realisation. You do not need an isolated monastery or far off island to perform all of this. There is no hold up to anything what you want to do, other than in your own mind, it's ideas and their limitations Actually it is a gift to be able to live with your parents and be supported by them It is also a wonderful opportunity to start to live your own life while you have individuals around you that want to see you living to what ideas they hold. But you continue to live your life and find agreement with them These are all necessary qualities that you need on your path. Ultimately to self-realisation Edited December 5, 2015 by 4bsolute Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ilumairen Posted December 5, 2015 Hi friends, lately I've realized that I don't have a place of my own. I live with my parents. This may seem trivial and mundane to some but it means I can't have sexual relations with girls. It is quite depressing, and my libido is very high. That means I can't do the dual cultivation practice(no idea what that entails but I read it somewhere here). Images and videos on the internet don't satisfy me anymore. Now it seems I have to remain celibate for quite some time since my wages are low. Could take years to get a place of my own. Can you please give me some hope, I'm only 22 years old. Thanks! Arya, if you have no idea what pretty or cool sounding words mean, then maybe the time hasn't come for you to worry about them yet. If you want to have sex, perhaps it would be best to just acknowledge that as a fact of your momentary experience without the added baggage of words and ideas you don't understand. And, as 3Bob wisely pointed out, keep in mind that choices can have very far reaching consequences. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
liminal_luke Posted December 5, 2015 (edited) Not having a place to have sex -- not a huge problem. Not having a condom -- (potentially) a huge problem. Liminal (Of course, Arya didn´t mention concerns about birth control or STDs so I think it´s safe to assume he´s got those areas covered. I just wanted to say...) Edited December 5, 2015 by liminal_luke 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Arya Posted December 5, 2015 (edited) friends, I almost forgot that I made this thread, lol! I wanted to delete it as soon as I made it since I felt embarrassed. But it is a dilemma. To answer some questions, I know a lot of girls fancy me in my neighborhood and outside too if I....uhh..retain my seed. My house is two floors and with a terrace which has small room in the corner. Basically like a storage shed. I live on the second floor alone, two bedrooms there. I'm kind of scared to go to a girl's house. I don't live in a western country and people are kind of conservative here. About using protection....that's not much of an issue. Thanks to my breathing practice(in and out breathing), I have good control over bodily energies. IF you read my older threads...you can know. Right now though, I feel I can have lucid dream sex quite easily because my body mindfulness is unshakable. I feel I'd have to wait indefinitely(to get real life sex). Might as well just become a monk than forcefully trudge through the household life in hopes for a females love. My dad said the first thing he'd give me an apartment, when his business gets going again and my mom said she'd get me a wife at 25, if and when I get established by myself. thanks for responses Edited December 5, 2015 by Arya Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ilumairen Posted December 5, 2015 (edited) My dad said the first thing he'd give me an apartment, when his business gets going again and my mom said she'd get me a wife at 25, if and when I get established by myself.This is so far outside of my realm of experience that all I can do is puzzle over the idea of being given a wife, as if it is completely natural for one human to make a gift of another that is not themself. :feeling grateful that I live where I do, and have been given the opportunity to make my life whatever heaven or hell I choose: Edited December 5, 2015 by Des Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ilumairen Posted December 5, 2015 Arya, if you are ever 'given' this wife you want, please be kind to her, and find enough room in your own heart to give her some space to be her own expression. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
4bsolute Posted December 5, 2015 (edited) Arya, if you are ever 'given' this wife you want, please be kind to her, and find enough room in your own heart to give her some space to be her own expression. Where I come from, most individuals learn this by what is known as 'loss'. Over and over again until the individual understands that EVERY occasion will at some point present itself as "normal" and not "special" anymore and still then appreciate it. Not from a point of "Oh god, what if it leaves - what if it is no longer?" That is completely and utterly false appreciation, having the fundament of fear And here I am writing these words and grasping that this very fact is normal to the mind. It can no longer see what he has once claimed to be special. So it yet again has to create a condition inwhich it lowers itself so it can see again difference In reality there is no appreciation. It is as it is - can you still feel it? Yes you can, but it does no longer hold more or less value than everything else Edited December 5, 2015 by 4bsolute Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
liminal_luke Posted December 5, 2015 (edited) About using protection....that's not much of an issue. Thanks to my breathing practice(in and out breathing), I have good control over bodily energies. IF you read my older threads...you can know. Arya, Far be it from me to be skeptical of your abilities, but about that condom. When you do find a girl who wants to have sex with you and a suitable place to do so (and I believe you will if this is what you truly want) I hope you won´t rely exclusively on your energetic control to avoid an unwanted pregnancy, not to mention possible disease. You might be truly accomplished in this area, but better safe than sorry. Liminal Edited December 5, 2015 by liminal_luke 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Arya Posted December 5, 2015 Arya, if you are ever 'given' this wife you want, please be kind to her, and find enough room in your own heart to give her some space to be her own expression. what does this mean, if she can sing and dance beautifully then that's fine. and I'm kind, I practice loving-kindness. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
