How do you deal with a strong, recurring desire?

[DreamBliss]

I have a desire to do something. I know that if I do it, the desire to do that particular thing will go away. Until I do it, the desire will keep coming back to me. The desire recurs, over and over again, and it is very strong.

 

I am afraid to do this thing I desire to do. In this case it is a healthy fear. I know some recommend doing those things of which you are afraid, but in this case I suspect I am better off not doing it.

 

My question is very simple... Other than doing this thing I desire to do, is there any other way for me to be rid of this desire? I can tell you right now that meditation does not, and will not, work. Also one I leave this physical location for good and am somewhere else, the desire will stop, as it is location-specific.

 

I never feel regret for not giving into the desire. I won't look back and have any unresolved feelings over not doing this thing I desire to do. At least as far as I know. The desire will leave me when I have left this place. It may re-emerge at the new location in some other form specific to that physical location.

 

I am certain the desire is the stalk of the plant, but there are roots, and in order to remove this unwanted growth completely I must pull it out by the roots. But how do I dig down to the roots and dig it out?

 

If you had a strong, recurring desire that just wouldn't leave your mind, it would always be there, no matter what you did, how would you handle it?

 

Yes, it is a thought, and going into a deep meditation will, during the time of meditation, keep the thought from you. But the moment you stopped meditating, or a short period of time afterward, the desire would be back. Certainly a person could just go into permanent meditation, but there must be a better way to handle it!

 

Meditation deals only with the stalk, not the roots. It is a temporary, not permanent, solution. There is a root to this desire, other growths from that root, that give me other desires and urges. It is at the root level I wish to work through this.

 

I will not tell you what this desire, or these desires and urges, are. All you have to know is that it is strong and it is recurring.

 

As always I appreciate your help.

[Nikolai1]

I have a desire to do something. I know that if I do it, the desire to do that particular thing will go away. 

There is only one desire of this nature and that is the desire for death.

 

All other desires will return in either the same or different guise...and I mean ALL desires.  Desire is life itself and only stops with the terminal desire.

[Jonesboy]

Here you go.

 

None of this is really fast but the methods do work and they are powerful.

 

http://thedaobums.com/topic/39271-practical-ways-to-let-go-of-attachment/?p=646786

 

Hope this helps,

 

Tom

[ilumairen]

So you are conflicted, and want someone else to make the decision for you?

[futuredaze]

Yes, it is a thought, and going into a deep meditation will, during the time of meditation, keep the thought from you. But the moment you stopped meditating, or a short period of time afterward, the desire would be back. Certainly a person could just go into permanent meditation, but there must be a better way to handle it!

 

Meditation deals only with the stalk, not the roots. It is a temporary, not permanent, solution. There is a root to this desire, other growths from that root, that give me other desires and urges. It is at the root level I wish to work through this.

 

I don't think there is a better way of handling it.  Meditation doesn't mean just the practice of sitting meditation.  It involves the awareness we have throughout the day.  It is always fluctuating, we cannot control it.  We can, however, guide it through skillful action (i.e. meditating, not doing lots of numbing drugs, eating well, exercising, connecting with others, etc.) -- these things will help nourish our awareness.  If we can observe ourselves with clarity, and be able to let go of our thoughts, no matter how strong our desires may be, no matter how fucked up and negative our thoughts may be, we can regard them like an annoying gnat in the face - they are there and real, but not a big deal.  With meditation, we learn to re-focus our perception from the annoying gnat in the face to the beautiful forest in the background, the textures of the passing clouds, the color of the sky and the presence of the sun.  The gnats only have as much power as we give them.

 

From my experience, meditating DOES deal with the root, it just takes a long time and lots of practice.  At first, it may not seem like its doing much but that is because it is hard to see what is happening with roots because they are underground.  We may assume nothing is happening deeply, which may be true, but it is also equally plausible that change IS happening at a deeper level, we are just not conscious of it.  Besides, "as above, so below" - things that are deep manifest on the surface, and things on the surface often trickle down and influence the depths.

 

All the Best,

Futuredaze

Edited December 8, 2015 by futuredaze

[Kar3n]

Until you are willing to dive in deep to ask and answer the questions you are asking others, you will find no solution you find relevant to your specific situation.

 

Meditation does get to the root of the matter if you allow it to. Futuredaze summed it up nicely. Do not let the gnat distract you from the big picture.

 

Much love...

[NotVoid]

Dreambliss, you are going to have to be more specific about what desire, amigo. 

 

When a person has no goals which they are actively pursuing, they could possibly fall into stasis and an unhealthy state of mind. If that is the case, then the solution is to start the process of getting out of such a stasis. If the desire is truly there to start improving things, then such a person might want to proceed as follows. They can affirm that they really have reached a point that they truly want to start improving their situation. If they can say that and truly mean it, then they can start out slowly by setting some very simple and easily achievable goals of one sort or another. An example of a fairly easily achievable goal might be to resolve to go for daily long walks, for example. If they choose a goal that requires much more effort at first, it is easier to say well, it is just too difficult to maintain, and end up stopping putting effort in towards that goal. By starting with more easily achievable goals, it is easier to stick with it and to persevere.

 

Once a person has stuck with one or two easier goals for say six months or longer, and have therefore achieved those goals, they could possibly look at starting to add one more goal that is perhaps somewhat more of a challenge. The secret here is not to try to take on too much at first. Start with small and relatively easily achievable goals and stick with them for quite some time before attempting to move onto something  more challenging. If a person in the sort of stasis I am talking about here can do the above, it will start to give them a sense of purpose in pursuing some goals, and then later a sense of accomplishement in achieving these goals, even if it is only a very simple goal or two at first. This should help to lead a person out of stasis and into healthier states of mind. I think there does have to be a genuine desire in such a person first to truly want to start improving their situation however. Without some real motivation to start improving things, then I think there may not be much persistence and effort put in.

 

Best wishes...

Edited December 8, 2015 by NotVoid

[ilumairen]

I spent a great deal of time working out what the people around me would consider the 'perfect' lasagna recipe. It gave my mind something to put together that was other than thinking about what may have been lacking in my life. People's bellies were filled, and much joy and laughter was shared - filling hearts too.

 

Since you shared that you have a gift for cooking, why don't you find creative ways to share that gift with others? As people share in the gift you have to offer maybe they'll end up sharing other things of benefit to your path as well. And even if they don't full bellies and shared smiles are a gift to be savored all on their own.

[Daeluin]

Habit momentum can be very strong.

 

Ultimately, if we want to stop the desire to do something that no longer serves us, we need to drain its encapsulation of our energy. Resisting it and going with it are opposite sides of a polarity. One is like putting the brakes on one's momentum, the other is like speeding up.

 

Often it is advised that one change direction. Instead of heading toward the old goal, change the goal. This can be healthy, and yet as long as that old pattern is not dealt with, we are just covering it up. As soon as we allow our other momentum to rest, the old desire may come back. It just depends on how strong it was/is.

 

To dissolve that momentum, we can meditate every day, drawing our momentum into stillness - this is like putting on the brakes. This can help us find stillness. Similarly, we can do qigong, and reshape our energy. Yet unless we discover what creates that old desire to begin with, we will always need to maintain that reshaping of our energy. Conversely, if we consistently and sincerely maintain that reshaping of our energy for long enough, I believe we can eventually reach a place where it becomes permanent. So there is a choice, but both ways are similar. The changes in our energy need to reach deeper than the trauma that created the patterns we are healing from.

 

Many momentums come from emotions, and especially early emotional traumas. These can be exacerbated by the emotions of people around us as well. Looking back to discover the source of these emotional traumas can help us identify where that pattern came from, connect that history to how the pattern exists today, face it's entire lineage back to the beginning, like one who might face off against a monster in the dark, with great courage and awareness, and thus pierce through it to drain the entire encapsulation, and the need to allow future encapsulations.

 

Other momentums come from the nature of our bodies. We cannot easily undo the sexual organs that ebb and flow with energy that naturally wishes to express for the sake of the species. And frequently there are emotional momentums on top of these natural momentums. When we find clarity in the emotional momentums, we can also learn to look at where these sexual energies come from, and do qigong or physical, or emotional activity to help sublimate them so they do not overwhelm us by becoming an extreme influence.

 

Other momentums come from the planets and the cosmos. They ebb and flow like the moon and the seasons. When we are sensitive enough to tune into these more subtle momentums, we can learn how to adapt and adjust ourselves toward greater balance before something becomes extreme. Just like we know how to brace ourselves when a car turns around a corner, rather than allowing ourselves to be tossed around blindly.

 

Do without doing,
Act without action.
Savor the flavorless.
Treat the small as large,
the few as many.

 

Meet injury
with the power of goodness.

 

Study the hard while it is still easy.
Do big things while they are small.
The hardest jobs in the world start out easy,
the great affairs of the world start small.

 

So the wise soul,
by never dealing with great things,
gets great things done.

 

Now, since taking things too lightly
      makes them worthless,
and taking things too easy makes them hard,
the wise soul
by treating the easy as hard,
doesn't find anything hard.

 

daodejing 63 Ursula K Leguin

[Andrei]

https://aeon.co/essays/the-dopamine-switch-between-atheist-believer-and-fanatic

https://aeon.co/essays/if-the-internet-is-addictive-why-don-t-we-regulate-it

 

 

Dopamine is called the "desire hormone" or "motivational hormone". So for whatever your mind desire, in the brain the dopamine receptors are reinforced every time you activate the "desire". The fact is that the desire grows every time you recall it, which is the reason why people get addicted to whatever (internet, facebook, shopping, work, porn, religious devotion, food etc.).

The only way the desire is satiated is to fulfill it, but it will be reactivated later cyclically so you need a constant supply of fulfillment. This will happen until you get bored and the mind moves towards other interests. In my opinion and experience, when you can't afford to fulfill your desire, the only option left is to create other interests that build other "desires" which will be reinforced by other dopaminergic neural pathways. Which basically translate to occupy your mind with other activities. Meditation by itself does not do nothing, it even gets worse because you recall the already grown "desires" so you kind of reinforce them. This is how Tantric meditation work. But if you do other activities or hobbies you occupy your mind and in time the brain is rewired. If you do meditation while doing this rewiring I think the meditation will accelerate  the process because is like a mind shower, you cleanse whatever you have in the mind on a daily basis. But still I believe the only way to erase the desire is doing something else and keeping the mind occupied while the time is passing and the brain rewires. It is like any addiction recovery, either it is alcohol or drugs, it is actually your own dopamine in your own brain.

Edited December 9, 2015 by Andrei

[Junko]

Why don't you make more Youtube video and even speak about the desire?!

[thelerner]

I'm reluctant to give advice since you might be up to something that could be .. destructive.?  So I'd recommend spending time to double check the possibilities of negative outcomes that could occur with the 'thing' you plan.  Seriously consider worst case scenarios.  I assume you're not giving full information because they may be significant.

 

That being said, there is a martial art dictum.  Do the thing on your mind quickly and with full attention then relax completely, knowing it is done.

[Maddie]

The Buddha said in the Four Noble Truths that desire was the reason for all suffering. He also said there was a way out of suffering. This way out is the Noble Eightfold Path.

 

Like someone else already mentioned meditation does work but you're not going to let go of your desire especially a strong one in just a few meditation sessions. Also if you're meditating to stop desire this is never going to be permanent as its only suppression. The kind of meditation that lets go of desire is seeing things as they truly are. Not fighting it not suppressing it not denying it but knowing it as it truly is as you experience it in the present moment. Whatever it is you desire you can note it with labels. The goal should not be to make the desire go away but to see what you desire isn't what you thought it was in the first place. This takes time and requires patience.

[DreamBliss]

The desire is not destructive, in the sense that I am not cutting myself or considering killing myself. But it is also not really constructive either,

[cobrien]

As someone who has dealt with something similar the key is owning it. You can not change what is not yours. If you really don't prefer to desire something first understand why you do. How is the desire teaching you about yourself. Learn that lesson and the desire will cease.

[grabmywrist4]

Is it a sexual desire? If it is you can try contemplating the foulness of the body.

 

"Investigate the various repugnant aspects of the body, beginning with the

fact that the body is a conglomeration of all sorts of things. In other words, it’s a

burial ground, a national cemetery, filled with the corpses of cattle, pigs, ducks,

chickens, sour, sweet, greasy, salty, gathered and aged in the stomach, filtered

and distilled into blood, pus, decomposing and putrid, oozing throughout the

body and coming out its various openings: this body, which all of us in the

human race care for without ceasing—bathing it, scrubbing it, masking its

smell—and even then its filth keeps displaying itself as ear wax, eye secretions,

nasal drip, tooth tartar, skin-scruff, and sweat, always oozing out, filthy in every

way. What it comes from is filthy, where it stays is filthy (i.e., in a cemetery of

fresh corpses, or even worse—we’ve probably buried hundreds of different

kinds of corpses within ourselves). If you look at the human body, you’ll see that

its characteristics are ill-matched and incongruous. Its smell is something really

offensive. "

 

 

Is it something else? You can check out Ajahn Thanissaro's talk on the antidotes to clinging here. 

[johndoe2012]

Many methods.

 

Just sitting with it until it dissolves - the sensation will disappear.

Asking "why am I manifesting this?" waiting for an answer.

 

Asking "what does this point to?" will reveal an answer also.

 

Clearing the blockage continously by stating your intention to do so. Until there is no trace of it left.

[Kubba]

Meditation helps, one day you will just notice why you were doing it and let go automaticly. Fighting against the desire never helps, it can only make it hidden and when it is hidden it is worse to work with it.

 

Tantric approach says that all desires are manifestations of particullar Shakti. Thsee that seem to be destructive belong to Kali. So it is not your desire, it is just energy that needs to be worked out.