How to relax and let go?

[KundaliniLinguini]

I have been meditating for a couple of years and feel all kinds of energy sensations. Some people tell me my "kundalini" has awakened. Well, ok, but I still can't really relax completely. I can't get into jhana or experience bliss, light, piti, sukkha, etc... in plain old shamatha meditation. This is my goal, to just get good a shamatha. Now, I know some have success with concentration, but concentration does not relax me. It revs me up. It makes me very tense. I always have a tension in my head, I think specifically because I am controlling my thoughts on a subtle level. I can very easily sit and have absolutely no thoughts for a long period of time, but it is because of this clamping down on the head tension. I would like to release this tension. Sometimes, when I am falling asleep, I feel it release and my mind and imagination goes wild and all of a sudden angels and demons are playing weird games in dimensions where the laws of physics don't apply in my head. I think I use tension to hold back my imagination during the day because I am afraid of going crazy and the fast swirling wild imagination which makes no sense has been detected as a threat by my amygdala and so it tightens down on the brain in a way to suppress this activity. But this causes depression. I have meditated with no agenda, letting go of the mind, allowing it to do whatever it wants, and this is nice, but still not making much progress. Another meditation which kind of works is to just feel the "self" who thinks it can "let go" and ask "what is that" or "who am i" etc... I know when the tension does let go a wave of relaxation comes over me and my energy comes down out of the head into the body. What really gets the tension to let go is sex, especially if I am able to just lay back and have it performed on me of course. But this can make me a selfish lover if that is all I ever want to do. I need to learn to relax myself and let go of control of my mind and stay grounded. Does anyone have a similar experience and learned to let go of their control or suppression of their mental formations?

Thank you.

 

Another way to think about is is like spirituality 101: How do I "disidentify" from my mind so that I see it as just something that is there and of no concern to me and so therefore not something I need to or can control? How is emptiness even able to control or identify with thoughts? I guess if I knew that I would know the cause of suffering and be liberated.

Edited January 16, 2016 by KundaliniLinguini

[Seeker of Wisdom]

Completely forget about concentration for now.

 

One thing that may help is metta practice, especially cultivating metta for yourself.

 

Another trick is to label your mind states. Say to yourself 'anger', 'boredom', 'imagining', etc. Simple one word labels. If you're not sure what label to use, use 'uncertainty' or even just 'thing'. If it can be labeled, it isn't you.

 

Try qi gong or gentle hatha yoga. Try lying down and relaxing your muscles with each exhalation. Or just lie down and don't do anything in particular.

 

If shamatha makes you tense, I think you've missed something about it. It's about relaxed concentration. You learn to be calm and relaxed first, and then you focus on the object without tensing up, gently releasing any distractions. The concentration builds gradually, as you calmly return to the object over and over. Relaxation is the tree's roots, stability its trunk, vividness its leaves.

 

Spend a good long while just learning to relax. I know that's a bit boring and it doesn't feel you're making progress, but it saves you a great deal of time and issues later on. When you are ready to return to shamatha, that relaxation will make it a completely different experience. Seriously.

[Aetherous]

This has a lot to do with the Wood element in Chinese medicine.

[wilfred]

just let go

 

sounds like you may have too much awareness concentrated in your head, very common. it's great that you can silence your thoughts but this isn't great if it's through tension. i would look into doing qigong or more physical exercise in order to get more grounded, you said that yourself and it's totally on the money. also watch out for technology use as it's very stimulating and sends energy up to the head. things are far easier to let go of and there's naturally more equanimity when your energy is better organized. it's like a totally different reality when you get grounded, you can more easily 'absorb' the feelings that trigger, it's like having a big trampoline to land on instead of a rock.

[AussieTrees]

Hi KL,

 

Grab a camp chair,take it over to a tree of your choice,sit in chair under chosen tree and keep an open mind of communicating with that tree.

Breathing in energy from above at the same time energy in from soles of feet and palms of hand.

Breathing out energy to ground through the feet,recycle with your tree,great for calming,if you are lucky the tree may choose to heal you physically.

 

Or just sit looking away from the tree and enjoy the shade or shelter,still very calming,best wishes.

[KundaliniLinguini]

This has a lot to do with the Wood element in Chinese medicine.

Would love to hear more.

[Aetherous]

Would love to hear more.

 

The Wood element consists of Liver and Gallbladder organs. I'll highlight some things you said and what it could possibly mean...

 

feel all kinds of energy sensations

 

Energy sensations are the opposite of a "smooth flow of qi" (which a healthy Liver ensures), smooth flow is something a person really doesn't feel...they just feel normal or free. They're capable of feeling their body and its sensations, but it's not something distracting like "energy sensations" is. Sensations are like internal wind, which relates to the Liver...in fact, I think the Tibetans also call it wind/rlung. To me, feeling energy sensations indicates stagnation of qi in general, which is the opposite of smooth flow.

 

I still can't really relax completely

 

Stress is associated with the Liver and Gallbladder. I think the Wood element is also related to what we in layman's terms call the "nervous system"...being unable to relax is just having nerves.

 

concentration does not relax me. It revs me up. It makes me very tense

 

To me, this revving up is akin to "hypervigilance" or the fight or flight reaction of the sympathetic nervous system. Concentration is fueling that alertness, that which could keep you up at night...rather than simply putting attention on something. If you're already awake, you're already alert, and there's no need to increase that...but it can help to increase the ability to choose what we put our attention on, and to increase clarity in attention.

 

For the record, in my view, it helps to meditate gently on external objects for short periods. It helps to be relaxed during it and to "take in the view" of the object, noticing interesting things about it, rather than extending your vision out to it and attempting to increase focus. If you meditate on the body or the breath or visualizations, it can tend to contribute to fight or flight issues, more so than external objects can.

 

Tension might be related to stagnation of the free flow of qi. It might also have a relation to the Pericardium, which is the Liver's jueyin pair.

 

I always have a tension in my head, I think specifically because I am controlling my thoughts on a subtle level.

 

The Liver and Gallbladder channels go to the head, although other ones do as well. They could be contributing to that tension. "Control" would relate to qi stagnation, since it implies some sort of restriction on pure freedom.

 

The sense of self, and the sense of control, are both related to the throat in some esoteric systems of correspondence. Do you ever get into situations in life where you really don't want to be there, feel really strongly, and you notice your throat tightens or has some strange thing occur?

 

"The conscious mind is like a violent general of a strong fiefdom controlling things from a distance, until the sword is turned around."

- Thomas Cleary's translation of The Secret of the Golden Flower 

 

It's interesting that the Liver is said to be the "general" in Chinese medicine (a concept that may or may not be related to that passage from the Golden Flower). The Liver's spirit, the hun, deals with planning and having vision...in a sense that could be akin to "controlling things from a distance". This is not a bad thing, but it can be thought of as a spiritual practice to have times of rest from such duties. Constantly attempting to control things isn't very freeing.

 

I can very easily sit and have absolutely no thoughts for a long period of time, but it is because of this clamping down on the head tension. I would like to release this tension.

 

Having no thoughts because of tension isn't so good...to me it means that too much qi is getting stuck in that area, and the mind is being diverted to there. It's better if the body doesn't have any hang ups, and you just feel normal, of course.

 

Sometimes, when I am falling asleep, I feel it release and my mind and imagination goes wild and all of a sudden angels and demons are playing weird games in dimensions where the laws of physics don't apply in my head. I think I use tension to hold back my imagination during the day because I am afraid of going crazy and the fast swirling wild imagination which makes no sense has been detected as a threat by my amygdala and so it tightens down on the brain in a way to suppress this activity. But this causes depression. I have meditated with no agenda, letting go of the mind, allowing it to do whatever it wants, and this is nice, but still not making much progress.

 

These things are mainly why I started thinking of Wood element. The Liver has the hun spirit, which deals with imagination, dreams, visualizations or visions...and it corresponds to the head, especially when overactive and not rooted in the body. I think that the blood helps root the hun, and getting good sleep at night helps the Liver to store blood. Going to bed by 10pm helps this, as a general lifestyle tip.

 

How do I "disidentify" from my mind so that I see it as just something that is there and of no concern to me and so therefore not something I need to or can control?

 

I don't know if it's a good idea to "disidentify". That's very conceptual, and implies psychological disorders down the road. But relaxing and giving the sense of self a rest might be a good approach. And by relaxing, that's not necessarily some kind of forced relaxation on a cushion where thoughts are stopped. Really just do what you enjoy, which brings relaxation and rest. Find what brings you some sense of relief.

 

In terms of Buddhism, since this thread is in that subsection, it helps to be taught the correct way. Not through books or the internet only. It's less about concepts of selfhood and emptiness, and more so about practicing what you're told to, with the right motivation, which causes the effect you're after, to happen, if done well.

 

For these Wood element issues (if that is what is truly causing it), try Chinese Medicine. Who knows, perhaps you'd feel some normalcy, and then could make more progress with shamatha and whatever else you like. These are all just my ideas, not a diagnosis or necessarily truth.

[Mark Foote]

You could try this:

 

"As (one) abides in body contemplating body, either some bodily object arises, or bodily discomfort or drowsiness of mind scatters (one's) thoughts abroad to externals.  Thereupon... (one's) attention should be directed to some pleasurable object of thought.  As (one) thus directs it to some pleasurable object of thought, delight springs up in (one's being).  In (one), thus delighted, arises zest.  Full of zest (one's) body is calmed down.  With body so calmed (one) experiences ease.  The mind of one at ease is concentrated.  (One) thus reflects:  The aim on which I set my mind I have attained.  Come, let me withdraw my mind [from pleasurable object of thought].  So (one) withdraws (one's) mind therefrom, and neither starts nor carries on thought-process.  Thus (one) is fully conscious:  I am without thought initial or sustained.  I am inwardly mindful.  I am at ease.

 

Again... (one) contemplates feelings... mind... (one) abides contemplating mind-states in mind-states, ardent, composed and mindful.... As (one) so abides contemplating mind-states, either some mental object arises, or bodily discomfort or drowsiness of mind scatters (one's) thoughts abroad to externals. Thereupon... (one's) attention should be directed to some pleasurable object of thought.  As (one) so directs it, delight springs up in (one's being).  In (one) thus delighted, arises zest.  Full of zest as (such a one) is, (their) body is calmed down.  With body calmed (one) experiences ease.  In one at ease the mind is concentrated.  (One) thus reflects:  The aim on which I set my mind I have attained.  Come, let me withdraw my mind therefrom.  So (one) withdraws (one's) mind therefrom, and neither starts nor carries on thought-process.  Thus (one) is fully conscious:  I am without thought initial or sustained.  I am inwardly mindful.  I am at ease.

 

Such is the practice for the direction of mind.

 

And what... is the practice for the non-direction of mind?  (First,) by not directing (one's) mind to externals, (one) is fully aware:  My mind is not directed to externals.  Then (one) is fully aware:  My mind is not concentrated either on what is before or on what is behind, but it is set free, it is undirected.  Then (one) is fully aware:  In body contemplating body I abide, ardent, composed and minful.  I am at ease.

 

And (one) does the same with regard to feelings... to mind... and mind-states.  Thus (one) is fully aware:  In mind-states contemplating mind-states I abide, ardent, composed and mindful.  I am at ease.

 

This is the practice for the non-direction of mind."

 

(SN V 154-157, Pali Text Society SN V pg 135-136)

 

 

"My mind is not concentrated either on what is before or on what is behind, but it is set free, it is undirected"- gotta love that.

 

I find I let go of thinking more readily when I recall that the senses have their boundaries, and look to extend good will out beyond those boundaries-- I also need to recognize that senses that are less well-known to me are at play, as in this piece I wrote earlier today:

 

"That I could be alert to the location of my awareness as I was falling asleep, was probably due to the fact that I had awakened too early in the morning and was trying to get back to sleep.  Looking for the motions of pitch, roll, and yaw in connection with the location of my awareness and staying alert to the sense of weight in connection with any fleeting consciousness of muscle, joint, or ligament helped me to realize a freedom of movement in "the place where I find myself to be"." 

 

That last is a reference to Dogen's "Genjo Koan", where he says:  "When you find your place where you are, practice occurs, actualizing the fundamental point".

And here's the neuroscience:

"Bodily self-consciousness (BSC) is commonly thought to involve self-identification (the

experience of owning ‘my’ body), self-location (the experience of where ‘I’ am in space), and first-person perspective (the experience from where ‘I’ perceive the world).

 

... BSC stems from the integration of visual, tactile, proprioceptive, and vestibular signals."

 

("Visual consciousness and bodily self-consciousness", Nathan Faivre, Roy Salomon, and Olaf Blanke, http://infoscience.epfl.ch/record/203878/files/reprint.pdf)

Edited January 20, 2016 by Mark Foote

[RigdzinTrinley]

Who is your teacher? Listen to him or her

 

Who told you meditation is about relaxation? (Its not about tension either of course)

 

And last but not least: I love your daobum name - its great!!!

[silent thunder]

I stopped trying.

I have to keep things very, very simple, or my unbelievable active monkey mind just kicks right in again and I'm right back in the mix of shit and tension.

 

I don't try and relax. 

I don't set out to relax anymore.

I can get myself to let go though. 

 

Trying anything, for me is an oxymoron, it's impossible.  For me, TRY is an acronym that stands for To Resist Yourself, 'trying' just gets in the way of any process, it adds an unnecessary level of mind.

 

But I can let go...

Like dropping a heavy bag at the top of the stairs.  I can drop stuff, mental stuff usually, then relaxing is natural.  The result of no longer using effort.

 

 

Couple things that help me let go:

1: i no longer ever, ever, ever try.  fuck trying anything, that's effort, the opposite of relaxing

 

2: i put my entire awareness on the sensations in the soles of my feet as i inhale, really feel them, then exhale and feel myself dissolve, for me, the feet work really well, not sure why... but settling awareness into body sensations, helps me to interrupt the carrier signal of my monkey mind.

 

3: i lie down and tighten up my entire body, every muscle as tight as i can, for as long as i can, i squeeze the fuck out of my old nordic self until i can't possibly hold it and then...

 

4: i will sometimes (late at night usually) get these seemingly random anxiety rushes.  Where i am awakened by a hot energy spike of anxiety/panic energy that race up my spine, that bring a deluge of fear based thoughts.   In these cases, i use my monkey mind and have a mantra that i scream in my mind so loudly that nothing else can endure in its presence.  The mantra is one that came to me instinctively as this was occurring one night and is not special or particular, it's just another form of noise to drown out the ridiculous, useless fear based stupidity.

 

 

[Shroom Cat]

You've received some quality help here, but I'd like to throw in some two cents too that worked for me:

 

For letting go, I literally let my mind flood itself with whatever it is it wishes. I don't worry about focusing on letting go or even focusing on anything in general. I view my thoughts as constant, just like a river. You cannot stop a flowing river and your mind is one, so instead of worrying about that just let it be. Eventually, your mind will exhaust itself and you'll finally get to let go.

[Mark Foote]

“But tell me, is it better to let go, or is it better to hold still?”

 

(Yuanwu, from the Blue Cliff Record, 4th Case)

[Mark Foote]

KundaliniLinguini, my experience may not match yours, but here's one more specific to concentrative states and letting go:

Shikantaza and Gautama the Buddha's "Pleasant Way of Living"

 

by yours truly.  I may revise this, but I think you can get the gist.