How to bring forth hidden emotions?

[KundaliniLinguini]

I have a coping mechanism called dissociation whereby I fragment my mind into multiple pieces to prevent myself from feeling my own emotions. I invented this in childhood as a result of severe trauma both in and outside of the family. It works really well. Too well. Because now all I am aware of is a very tiny slice of life and subconscious defense mechanisms are constantly pushing anything I might not like out into the ether. I am trapped inside my own fortress of defenses. Holding up the walls to the fragments takes a lot of energy, and so I am very tired. Also, since most of the emotions are pushed away, I feel like a robot a lot of the time. How do I bring the walls down and fire the wall builders and let the emotions flow? I have felt it occasionally and it feels like the central channel becomes available and like my "self" is a constantly changing flow rather than a rigid numbness. Please help me get my emotions flowing. I want to cry like a baby. I can't cry with these defenses protecting me. It sucks not to be able to cry.

[liminal_luke]

I´d suggest any method where you simply stay with what is. Vipassana or something in that vein. Be aware of your emotions. If all you´re aware of is how robotic and disassociated you are, stay with that sense of disassociation. How does disassociation feel in your body? Chances are it feels pretty rotten so you´ll like want to get away from this (un)feeling. But if you keep at it I think things will eventually open up.

Edited January 19, 2016 by liminal_luke

[Marblehead]

I think there are actually a lot of people in the same condition you are in but at least you have recognized what you believe is a problem in your life.  Most people would never recognize there is a problem.

 

Rather than trying to break down the walls how about retro-fitting a couple doors and windows?  That way when you are is a secure environment you can open the doors and windows but when you need the security you can close and lock them.

 

I have no idea what to suggest in order to accomplish this except for trying to relate more with your everyday experiences all the way to the emotional level.  You see a rose, you smell the rose, you become the rose, but only for the moment.  Then back to reality.

[子泰]

Get out of your comfort zone in your daily habits, that'll always bring up new discoveries. The thing that you depend on and withdraw back to at the end of the day usually blocks a lot of your awareness. Maybe it's time to shed some bad habits if you have any.

Edited January 19, 2016 by 子泰

[Seeker of Wisdom]

You asked about metta recently - that should help. Focus especially on cultivating metta for yourself, using the advice you've been given on that.

 

Like others have said, try to really feel whatever you're feeling, even if you're blocking out a lot of it. Your subconscious should gradually learn it's OK to feel, if you keep trying to engage fully with whatever you are feeling. Neutral feelings are also feelings you can go deeply into.

 

Maybe you need to find a way to give yourself permission to be angry. Punch something (soft) over and over like you mean it, and see if the physical act unlocks emotion. Chop an onion (yes, go get an onion) and see if onion tears unlock some sad tears.

 

You might also consider going to a therapist, if possible. Having someone who really knows their stuff help you figure out what your mind is doing and how to change it is probably worth a shot.

 

And open up to someone in real life about everything that happened, if you haven't already.

 

Best wishes, KL.

[silent thunder]

Over the last three years, I have witnessed the process of seemingly spontaneously re-emerging, repressed memories in two people who are very close to me.  For one of them, the memories were terrifying, debilitating and paradigm shifting.  In the other, they were not.  Both had specific triggers.

 

Having spent hundreds of hours talking to them both, it occurred to me that many things happen to us in childhood that we simply cannot process.  Even if adults take the time to try and explain, some things are simply beyond our ken.  I suspect, after these experiences that many events of this nature are repressed and emerge later in life, when we have arrived at a place where we have the wisdom and tools to process them, painful though it may be...

 

For one person, the memories were opened up, upon listening to a rather hateful voicemail, in the other, it was while seeing a film that dealt with the subject.  In both cases, resolution and calm have been restored, through some very open, honest and at times, painful talk.  In neither case, did they seek out professional help.  They merely sat with things as they came up, refusing to hide from them and spoke with people they loved and trusted when they felt the urge. 

 

As for specific ways to resurface memories that you suspect are hidden, I witnessed on several occasions, while in advanced acting classes people release emotions that were deeply embedded in muscle and organ tension.   We were doing sincerely, intense extended periods of Grotowski inspired yoga and exercise along with intense, deep tissue massage to induce exhaustion that would render our normal behavioral patterns inert.  In most cases, it was simply an emotional burst with no accompanying memories, or specific thoughts.  In one case, the young woman had a similar release of many, traumatic and specific memories.

 

In each case, my response has been the same.  When asked, I advised them not to run, or hide from it.  To share what they wanted, with someone they trusted and loved, and most of all, to remind them consistently, that this is not happening any more, take stock of your life now and allow these waves to wash over you, but not consume you.  The greater the storm, the quicker it will dissipate.  Constantly re-anchor yourself in the present and while accepting and processing what you remember, don't feed it, or fuel it into something more than a memory.  The past is gone and other than bringing clarity, or release of energies better spent other places, memories have little use. 

[redcairo]

I had a lot of this problem when I was younger. I practiced self-hypnosis for many years, simple progressive relaxation tapes I made with suggestions that were positive and healing, and it was surprisingly helpful. I'm convinced I got more therapy done on myself in a few years than a lifetime could ever have accomplished through normal means.

 

Any "mindfulness" technique that forces you to refocus on "here, now" instead living 20 minutes into the future as Max Headroom put it, is also good.

[KundaliniLinguini]

Thanks for the advice about the onion!!

[KundaliniLinguini]

Those acting classes sound intense!!

[seekingbuddha]

Kundalini,  what you are asking  is  easier said  than done.  This kind of deeply buried childhood  emotions take lot of energy and time  to deal with.   You also need lot of mental fortitude to forge ahead, when these emotions surface - the typical response of mind  is the usual....it will try to say that you can not yet deal with these emotions that are strong.  So,  take steps, knowing fully well that this is very time consuming and long process.  When you are ready,  you need to get committed to a spiritual path.  My  wisdom is that you will find more help in THE PATH,  rather than  trying numerous  modern psychologists or western therapy approaches.  After full commitment to a spiritual path with full faith, things will automatically start revealing.   

 

The fastest way to accomplish this probably not feasible for a lot of people. It would  be to retreat into nature, surrounded by nature's beauty and solace, and spending time in contemplation for many months or years.  This is typically not possible for a lot of people. So, the next best course is to take your time, and settle down for a long journey (in comfort) with your buddies who are hiding inside your mind :-)   They will eventually resolve, since you seem to have started the initial steps already. As they say..... "Time heals".

Edited January 21, 2016 by seekingbuddha

[Aetherous]

Here's an idea. Rather than attempt to break down mental walls, reintegrate fractured pieces of the psyche, uncover the repressed aspects...perhaps it's good to just find mental and emotional peace in your current life, and move forward. Feel new things now, rather than attempt to feel things that were stuffed down. Get some stability. Then, when you are peaceful and feeling new things capably, sooner or later the mind naturally reintegrates. It needs that stability and calmness first beforehand...can't force the fractured and repressed psyche to heal immediately. With past trauma, perhaps you will suddenly get a flashback of the situation, or will suddenly feel something for no reason...that is the stuff resurfacing to be dealt with. I suggest dealing with it by letting it go and moving forward, enjoying what you can enjoy in your life. It falls away on its own.

[Sebastian]

I would do this, my friend.

 

1) Forgive yourself. Don't judge yourself for what happened. You did the best you could with the information you had at the time.

 

2) Forgive the situation. Any person in your situation would react the same, cope similarly or worse.

 

Forgiveness is the first step towards acceptance, what you need here I sense.

 

If you can't forgive yourself you're in resisting mode.

 

You've resisted this for so long and it's made things worst.

Remember that what your resist persists, so let it go, and accept everything, the situation, the emotions, even the resistance.

 

Then you'll feel better, you can open your heart and go help other people that carry traumas from childhood.

[Orion]

Dissociation is a normal coping mechanism. If humans didn't do it, we would decompensate into raving animals. When people are tortured or experiencing major distress, those are really the only two ways they go. They "check out", which then makes them pliable to the torturer, or they completely lose all cohesion and they're lost forever. Most people fall into the former category.

 

A smaller percentage go the opposite way on the spectrum, toward schizophrenia. Their nightmares become experiences projected externally. Either way, they are no longer connected to the experience. It has been artificially separated from the primary personality.

 

The extreme form of dissociation is multiple personalities. Not only does the event get fragmented off, but over time it becomes a separate ego who governs the experiences. I've had the privilege of meeting and working with some high level spiritual people who have MPD and they were utterly fascinating individuals. I could write pages and pages about these people, but I digress...

 

There are a couple schools of thought about how to deal with this. One is that you'll never be whole unless you unlock the dissociated parts of yourself and reintegrate them, which means directly re-experiencing the memories to some degree. There are many ways to do this, like through dream work, "soul retrieval", hypnosis, etc. You can also just ask to be shown. Seriously, it can be that simple. Set the intention within yourself to start experiencing the missing parts of your life. Over a period of time you may get glimpses. It will unlock at the rate you can handle because your own neuropsychology will not want to be bombarded. For myself, I used dream work, since my dreams are always florid and they're playing out my traumas anyway -- plus it's the direct link to the subconscious.

 

The other school of thought is that this direct re-experiencing isn't necessary. The dissociated parts can be overwritten with a stronger programming of a different kind, kind of like how when you delete a file from a computer, you can write another file over it to the degree that the previous file "ghost" underneath is essentially non-existent. If there's utility in remembering, then you'll eventually remember regardless. Our psyches have innate intelligence about what needs to happen and what is superfluous -- nature wastes nothing. Some things aren't meant to resurface. What you're dealing with is a fragmented ego only. You can still experience true mind, true awakening, true essence without the need to reintegrate everything. The basement level present awareness never changes, and it's this that you can delve into to either bypas or re-access dissociative aspects. Every dissociated part of you comes from that present awareness -- it's the ultimate back door. All you need to do is focus on pure consciousness and the spiritual path. Either the dissociated parts will dissolve and release of their own accord, or they will surface of their own accord. It's organic. One person I knew used psychedelics to reintegrate her many fragmented personas. (She chose LSD.) There are neuroplastic aspects to psychedelics which allow for these disparate ego fragments to communicate through a sense of "oneness", without having to delve into the specifics of the experience. She became aware of 17 separate personalities this way, and made her peace with them.

 

KundaliniLinguini, the tiredness you speak of... it's a natural process. You can only maintain resistance to the truth for so long until something gives... either physically, mentally, or emotionally. The fact that you are directly identifying the need to process these things means that they are closer to the surface than you might think, which means you may have a breakthrough experience impending. What that looks like is different for everyone person. A colleague of mine totally trashed his office when he remembered a childhood abuse, and then he went home and trashed his apartment. Then he cried for a week, then he was despondent for a while, and then he became a happier person than I ever saw him. It's hard to predict... but the most important thing is to practice allowing.

 

How do you practice allowing? Well, when the breakthrough starts to happen, your own reactions may disturb you on the surface, but underneath you'll feel a great sense of bliss and relief that the essential energy is decompressing. All that stagnation, all that holding on, all that resistance... it begins to whither. On some level it will feel good so you follow that feeling.

Edited January 20, 2016 by Orion

[centertime]

Wuji Zhang Zhuang seems to be bring up things slowly, reconnect to old stuff. One needs energy to face some things. If you cannot face things, bring down walls, you do not have the energy. You can get the energy to face things from other persons if you find one or by Chinese reflexology (e.g. massaging the zones where you carry some tension and always finish with kidney and liver zone). These are the methods I have tried.

Of  course, there are others.

 

 

If your situation is not bad, you can just wait. There is an automatic integration going on in everyone according to Carl Jung. The built-in integrator may not work well for everyone though.. That is when some other method can be done too.

Edited January 20, 2016 by centertime

[idiot_stimpy]

Fasting and celibacy. Be careful though, it might be overwhelming and not for the faint of heart.

[Kubba]

Fasting and celibacy. Be careful though, it might be overwhelming and not for the faint of heart.

Why do you suggest that to him? Its just telling to him to replace one thing with another. Thats insane

[roger]

KundaliniLinguini,

 

The only person we ever really forgive, ultimately, is ourselves. It's never the other person we're really upset with.

 

I feel strongly that you need to know that your emotions, thoughts, and feelings are 100% OKAY.

 

You might have a tendency to be afraid of them, or to block them out because of feelings of guilt and shame.

 

Know that, as a manifestation of God/Tao, you're entirely WORTHY and GUILTY OF NOTHING.

 

Your emotions are OKAY and are RIGHT FOR YOU, given where you are and what you need to learn.

 

Paul Ferrini, who channels Jesus, says that all negative emotions are because of guilt and shame.

 

You're innocent of wrongdoing, because, ultimately, wrongdoing is only an ILLUSION.

 

Everything is happening as it should, therefore mistakes are made only relatively speaking, but not in actuality.

 

I hope this helps.

[haedon]

There are lots of training or teaching that can teach you how to flow your emotion. Those trainings/teachings are useful too but, in my opinion  the best way to flow your emotion is do not suppress it. If you feel mad then let it. However, you must know the reason why are having that emotion and how will you express it without doing bad things that you will regret. You can cry if you want or go somewhere else where no one else on that place and shout. Some wrote it in journal. And when your emotion is calm. Ponder the situation. Put yourself in whoever involve shoes then ask yourself. 

 

"Will you do the same? If not. What will you do?" You have to take the big "I" when pondering situation.

Lastly, you need to forgive and move on when you understand the whole scenario.

To tap it all

 

Don't suppress your emotion

Look for an outlet for your emotion that will not harm yourself and other

Ponder the situation

Face whoever is involve

Forgive and move on

 

I hope this is also work for you.

[idiot_stimpy]

Why do you suggest that to him? Its just telling to him to replace one thing with another. Thats insane

 

Why is that? 

 

If you want to release repressed emotions on a physical level this is the best I have found. Mentally, Zen mediation is good also.

 

I am sorry that I am insane. It is something I have to live with.

[Kubba]

Why is that?

 

If you want to release repressed emotions on a physical level this is the best I have found. Mentally, Zen mediation is good also.

 

I am sorry that I am insane. It is something I have to live with.

Well, I meant that these kind of practices are for more devoted and advanced practicioners. What works for you not necessary will work for other and can even cause harm in the body if he will follow your advices. So add just some sensitivity and don't put yourself in a position of a victim of insanity - whose normal anyway, what is normal? Edited January 21, 2016 by Kubba