I'm so extremely lost

[Shroom Cat]

It's distressing. The anxiety, the feeling of loneliness and the fear of never becoming spiritually enlightened (not the same as the Enlightment, just a better sense of self is what I mean here). Is anyone else in my same spot? I've been trying to follow my path but I'm just so lost and lately I've "lost touch" of my spirituality and it's been highly distressing and anxiety-inducing.

 

I feel I need a guru or teacher of sometime to help give me a little push towards the right direction but Taoism is so personal and non-conventional (which is good!) that it's so easy to get lost in.

 

I don't even know where to start anymore, even with the I Ching and Tao Te Ching. I just don't think I'll ever be where everyone else is here.

 

/vent, I guess?

[Jadespear]

It's all good Shroom Cat.

 

If you feel the need to explain things to yourself in light of others, than fret and fear not.  This is the very reason to it's core of what real spirituality is all about- learning from each other, and being honest with oneself, so as to illuminate that which is not understood.

 

Now, through the many people who speak here on this site, as well as the many people who have been cited throughout written recorded human history, a longing for deeper understanding of all things has been expressed.  This essential curiosity and deep yearning expresses itself through all that life is and every question that we can ask about it.  Said in many ways, "the meaning of life".."The search for truth.".." The search for all knowledge."  The quest to understand oneself."  It is all at it's most simplest form a search for answers, is it not?

 

" Why are we here?" " Why this? " Why that?"  

 

People have taken many different approaches to find the answers or things that they are looking for.  Hence you have all the different ways of expressing these expressions... philosophies, religions, science, mathematics, energy practices, etc. etc. that go back as far as anyone can remember.

 

Some people find the answers, some do not.  Some people make things up that sound good to themselves, some people stop looking all together, some people forget and forgive, some people love to hate, and some people hate to love, some people love to love...  some people don't believe in hanging onto things, some people do.  It's endless.  There are too many people living the life they want to live to be able to have time to give you whatever it is that you are trying to get, that somehow you do not think you can get by yourself.   But that's just it.  No one can live your life for you, you are here as the outcome of some previous action, you have a free-will to live and to believe in what you want,  you have your own time to do whatever it is that you like.  That's where I would start.

 

I would start in understanding the questions that I want to have answered, I would write them down.  I would write down what I want to achieve in my life and let it be the biggest dream that I have ever dreamed.  I would not let anyone tell me how or what it is to be, or why.  

 

Since this is a taoist website, I leave you with the beginning of the Tao Te Ching, or ( Way of Change )

 

"The tao that can be named is not the eternal tao.

The way that can be followed is not the eternal way."

 

If you like philosophy- dissect the inferences in those two lines.

 

And remember that words express only valid meanings that have become through time engrained in our lexicon, but words are not true.  Not true in the sense that they convey a reality of what something is.  You have a name, but is the name you?  We have names for everything, but are the names really what things are?  No. Written Language is simply a symbolic expression used to communicate entirely made up, and most often relative meanings to one another.

 

Your mind lives in these meanings to explain things to itself so that it can feel that it is at peace.  This is the very crux of spirituality and life and everything....  all of the meanings, beliefs, identities that enshroud your true child-like awareness of life block the true understanding of what is really there, what is.  Do they not?   This is a fact to be true to everyone.  Also true, is the law of karma or cause and effect.  Everything that happens causes an effect or a consequence.  

 

In short, there are universal laws that operate through all levels of the universe that we cannot change.  There are things in life that you have to take a stance on, that you have to decide how to feel about at some point so that you can move on from that point and flow on with life.

[silent thunder]

I have many times felt similarly. 

Here is what comes from me now when I consider this...

 

At no point, in no manner are you, I, nor anything, ever separated from source.

The one impossibility, is to be even a fraction of a millimeter away from it.

 

Fear, not fear.  Exercises, not exercises.  You are never separate from source.

Everything is the process and there is nothing wasted, lost, nor broken.

These feelings are feelings.  Like clouds they come and go.  Let them.

 

Allow yourself to just be. 

[Junko]

Have a faith in your life.This is the key to finding the way in life. If you don't understand the meaning of 'to have a faith', you won't get anywhere.

Edited April 13, 2016 by Junko

[Bearded Dragon]

If you want a guru maybe watch some of Mooji's videos on youtube.

 

Otherwise just get out in the world and live life. Learn the difference between spiritual practices and spirituality. A musician isn't going to just learn theory their whole life. They need to, at some point, forget about it and start jamming. If I had to do scales for the rest of my life it would indeed be a sad existence.

 

Life itself is a spiritual practice. An opening to life is an opening to the self. Meditation sometimes is reclusive in comparison. A closing. You might be able to do some cool shit with your energy or have all sorts of interesting visions, but all it is is entertainment. Nothing else. If you find that you're closing down rather than opening up then perhaps you're not doing proper spiritual practices, hmmm? Just putting it out there.

 

Get out in the world, find something you are too scared to do, and then do it. You wouldn't believe how beneficial that is for releasing stuck energy. Most people have so many ordinary things that are blockages for them. Get them out of the way first by using ordinary methods. Then if you find there's nothing left then perhaps do some meditation. I have never really done any meditation other than maintaining subtle concentration on what Bankei calls The Unborn. This is my whole practice. It works really well. You don't get special powers (adding stuff), but the emptiness generated is quite profound (releasing stuff). The emptiness I talk about is a freedom to be or do whatever I want without anything bothering you.

[Marblehead]

I have used the following statement a few times before:

 

Question everything.

 

However, this time I will add a limiter:

 

Establish the question.  Now first, before wasting any of your life force, ask yourself:

 

Will knowing the answer make any difference as to how I will live my manifest life?

 

If you think the answer will make no difference then throw the question in the trash can.

 

I think that if you can find contentment with your manifest life you will naturally flow into a spiritual peacefulness.  You will rest with the Spirit of the Valley.

[doc benway]

It's distressing. The anxiety, the feeling of loneliness and the fear of never becoming spiritually enlightened (not the same as the Enlightment, just a better sense of self is what I mean here). Is anyone else in my same spot? I've been trying to follow my path but I'm just so lost and lately I've "lost touch" of my spirituality and it's been highly distressing and anxiety-inducing.

 

I feel I need a guru or teacher of sometime to help give me a little push towards the right direction but Taoism is so personal and non-conventional (which is good!) that it's so easy to get lost in.

 

I don't even know where to start anymore, even with the I Ching and Tao Te Ching. I just don't think I'll ever be where everyone else is here.

 

/vent, I guess?

 

For me, when I am feeling disturbed, confused, lost... whatever, I find it helpful to first recognize what is happening.

The thinking mind is creating all of this disturbance - the anxiety, the desire to find something, the sense of "lost touch," all of that. 

In actuality, there is absolutely nothing wrong and there is absolutely nothing missing.

 

Please don't try to apply that same thinking mind to figure out what it means that nothing is wrong and nothing is missing.

Just recognize that the thoughts are the problem and will never be the solution.

With proper guidance they can be helpful on the path but where you are now they are not.

 

So I would suggest that you simply look at all of these thoughts, desires, confusion, and disturbances, and simply let them be as they are.

Let them come when they have to and let them go when they're ready.

Don't add to them and don't wrestle with them. Don't suppress, follow, or analyze.

 

It may be helpful to get involved in a practice that integrates mind and body, this can be very stabilizing (taijiquan, qigong, yoga, tsa lung, trul khor). 

It probably would be very helpful to find a guide, if you can find someone with experience and credibility. 

There are lots of options out there.

 

Most of all, just be aware of what is going on inside and outside and let it be as it is.

Enjoy a cup of tea thoroughly, enjoy the company of a friend or loved one, spend some time in nature.

For me, spirituality is connecting with the natural world and connecting with myself.

There are lots of ways to accomplish that but awareness and not struggling against the way things are is the foundation.

 

Good luck!

[thelerner]

We're in the middle of winter.  It's cold, we're not as active and not getting as much sun.  Beyond existential crisis's being melancholy is pretty common right now. 

 

Spiritualism can be as problematic as materialism if we're always looking for better and more.  Seems to me Taoism is about adapting to your environment, accepting it, when its cold, your cold, when your sad, your sad.  Its okay.  Like the seasons this too will pass. 

 

Do your work, expand the aspects your life that will take you on the path you've chosen. 

[liminal_luke]

I I just don't think I'll ever be where everyone else is here.

 

 

This is the line that stuck out at me. I know the feeling well; nothing can get me down so fast as comparing myself to others and feeling like I come up short. The thing is, it´s just not true. It´s so easy to read posts here and think that everybody else is ahead of you...spiritually, emotionally, whatever. But the truth is that us bums are all over the place in terms of our development. Some are really on top of their lives, and others are struggling big time.

 

I´ll bet you´re just like me: ahead of the game in some ways, and a bit behind in others. If so, welcome to the bums -- you´ll fit right in.

 

Liminal

Edited January 23, 2016 by liminal_luke

[ilumairen]

I wash the floors, with a bucket of warm water, and a wash cloth. It's simple, but I find that by connecting with the everday life I am living without pushing thoughts away, or adding to them, as the floors get cleaned the clouds in my mind drift away on their own as well.

 

A cup of hot cocoa is enjoyable afterwards.

 

[RiverSnake]

In order to get better at basketball you need to practice daily. Spiritual growth is no different. Here's a great exercise, practice daily, the more you practice the greater results you will achieve.

 

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gr5MkMLyoeI

Edited January 23, 2016 by OldChi

[Gerard]

It's distressing. The anxiety, the feeling of loneliness and the fear of never becoming spiritually enlightened (not the same as the Enlightment, just a better sense of self is what I mean here). Is anyone else in my same spot? I've been trying to follow my path but I'm just so lost and lately I've "lost touch" of my spirituality and it's been highly distressing and anxiety-inducing.

 

Care to share here what are your current practices? I can give you a good advice if you like. However you must put considerable effort and sacrifice a lot in order to experience significant progress.

 

[Shroom Cat]

First of all, thank you EVERYONE who replied. I got a lot more than I expected, but I promise I've read each and every reply

 

Second, my spiritual practices are currently limited. I meditate (as much as my  condition can allow me uninterrupted) and participate in Tai Chi. A lot of my 'practices' are just application of Taoism in my daily life and verses from the Tao Te Ching. I let things be as much as I can and I treat every walks of life with respect and equal importance (including plants and insects). So I suppose the third practice could be the application, if you consider that a practice. Another thing I REALLY want to do and am going to do once I have the money is to build an altar for Laozi and that'll help keep me grounded and focus on what matters/serves as a reminder to frequently meditate and do my spiritual obligations.

 

A lot of these questions flood my mind on the daily, and I realize I should just let them go, but it's harder for me than the average person (again due to some... 'unconventional' condition that I'm too paranoid to post publicly, but if anyone here is interested for details please feel free to PM me and you'll understand why). That doesn't mean I can't overcome this condition and be spiritually sound, it's just an extra step I need to take that others may not is all. Also thank you all again for the help and any recommendations that some of you had (especially the Mooji's lectures, I'm going to look into that)

[RiverSnake]

Lao-Tzu is actually an important patron of this site. If you lite a candle as an offering to him and say a prayer of assistance he may be forthcoming.

Edited January 23, 2016 by OldChi

[LazyChuan]

You seem to have struck a chord with many people here

 

Anyone who touches the deeper aspects of themselves becomes well acquainted with suffering, the inverse curves and coils of our nature,

 

Here is something I have found, thats relevant to me, maybe you can see if its relevant for you?

 

When resistance is high, trying to connect, be present or practice can amplify the resistance.

 

Sometimes practice, meditation or 'trying' to drop into presence is a way of attempting to control or change our experience. 

 

Ionically the fastest way to change things, is to stop trying to change things.

 

The easiest thing in the world, is letting the world be as it is.

 

As far as thinking you'll never be where everyone else is, this place is called 'taobums' for a reason

Edited January 23, 2016 by LazyChuan

[Wu Ming Jen]

It's distressing. The anxiety, the feeling of loneliness and the fear of never becoming spiritually enlightened (not the same as the Enlightment, just a better sense of self is what I mean here). Is anyone else in my same spot? I've been trying to follow my path but I'm just so lost and lately I've "lost touch" of my spirituality and it's been highly distressing and anxiety-inducing.

 

I feel I need a guru or teacher of sometime to help give me a little push towards the right direction but Taoism is so personal and non-conventional (which is good!) that it's so easy to get lost in.

 

I don't even know where to start anymore, even with the I Ching and Tao Te Ching. I just don't think I'll ever be where everyone else is here.

 

/vent, I guess?

I would not worry about it. Enlightenment is not something to achieve. Trying to archive things creates desire and cravings lots of trash. If you can accomplish a peaceful tranquil mind that is a good place to start. Just remove all thoughts of spiritual traditions and be your self. Remember you are complete at this very moment and do not let things steal your peace or take your power away.

[Daeluin]

It is common for such pressures to come to a head near the waxing of the full moon. Observing such patterns is also "daoist."

 

When feeling like this my Sifu recommends reading some dao. One needs not understand, and may remain feeling lost. Yet I find it helps me calm down and relax.

 

One I'd particularly recommend is Ni Hua Ching's The Uncharted Voyage Toward Subtle Light.

 

When studying the pairs of hexagrams, we might find this polarity:

53: ䷴ Gradual Progress (wind over mountain)

54: ䷵ Making a Young Girl Marry (thunder over lake)

 

In Liu Yiming's commentaries on the yijing, translated in Thomas Cleary's Taoist Classics Volume 4, The Taoist I Ching, in the section on pair hexagrams, this polarity is examined.

 

Gradual Progress means going slowly, without hurry. In practicing the Tao it is important to go gradually, without hurry, so as to rest in the proper pace, calmly, without compulsion, proceeding step by step in an orderly fashion, refining the self and awaiting the proper timing. This is like the image of the hexagram, where the youngest son (mountain ☶) is paired with the eldest daughter (wind ☴) -- the woman waits for the man to go, and after that gets married. This is correct communion of yin and yang; eventually there is success, sense and nature are as one, the earthly and the celestial combine.

 

Making a young girl marry means haste. Practice of the Tao should not be hasty, for when one rushes one indulges in arbitrary guesswork and personalistic interpretation, recklessly forcing the issue without thoroughly investigating the true principles of the Tao, seeking to attain it all at once. This is like in the image of the hexagram, where the youngest daughter (lake ☱) is paired with the eldest son (thunder ☳) -- the girl is forcibly wed before her time. This is incorrect communion of yin and yang; eventually there is failure, and one winds up alone in solitary quietism.

 

The Tao of practice of reality is the science of discovery of truth, consummation of nature, and arrival at the meaning of life. It involves particular processes and courses of work; it requires gradual practice in order to reach profound attainment of self-realization. If you rush, eager for attainment, setting about impetuously, you may proceed quickly but will regress rapidly. How then can you corral the earthly and celestial energies into the center of your being, unite sense, nature, and intent in the original state? If you want to attain the Tao, there is no other way to do so save by the achievement of gradual cultivation.

 

I can attest to this in my own practice. Half-hazard bursts of commitment leading to temporary glimpses and achievements. Blindly going into something I did not understand without a proper foundation and mental stillness. These things made it all too easy to evade "resting in the proper place" in terms of stability in achievements, and ultimately to regress when the lack of a foundation led to a decline in practice.

 

Everything is an ebb and flow, a wax and wane. In daoism one focuses on a goal and intends to go all the way without regression. The way to do this is via gradualness. These things take time. Time to uncover the proper timing of things, so one knows when to still one's strength and wait, and knows when to put forth extra effort in one's work. Patience, simplicity, compassion, humility: all help one to maintain sincerity.

[Karl]

The tree which has no root penetrating deeply into the ground will find itself blown east, west, north, south by the lightest of breezes

[Gerard]

Second, my spiritual practices are currently limited.

 

If you have some spare time, maybe by reading this book excerpt (Bagua, life and the mind) you'll find some insight and hopefully inspiration in your current practice.

 

It took me 5 years of searching before I found a real teacher, I mean someone who will pass on a system that worked like a  miracle, a complete transformation of the individual.

 

Good luck

[Gerard]

The tree which has no root penetrating deeply into the ground will find itself blown east, west, north, south by the lightest of breezes

 

Yes, that's ordinary humans. Real Bagua works the root, the trunk and the branches, the whole thing.

 

We all start like weak saplings with no root.

[Silent Answers]

In short, it all happens very gradually. Forget about time all together, whenever possible. After all, time is simply a measure of the many processes going on.

 

The time it takes to travel around the sun (our daily measure of time) has no influence over our own inner processes. Instead, it is the actual process itself (orbiting the sun in this case) that may have electromagnetic relationships to our behaviour. So, what I'm saying is, judge yourself in relation to process rather than how much "time" you've used. Know that it's ok to take lifetimes to achieve what this particular process requires. It creeps up so slowly, it's like watching the moon move across the night sky.

Watching it, you'll never see it move, until it arrives.

[Trunk]

I feel I need a guru or teacher of sometime to help give me a little push towards the right direction ..

 

Check out the links in my signature.

[roger]

Shroom Cat,

 

For me, spiritual growth and healing are mostly about one's view of themselves. It's about aligning your thoughts and beliefs with your divine nature.

 

The real truth is that, as a manifestation and form of God/Tao/Reality or however you want to put it, you're entirely worthy, divine, beautiful, perfect, innocent (guilty of nothing), and completely OKAY and GOOD ENOUGH as you are.

 

When you really believe all that and see yourself in that way, something happens on a deep level of your being, a transformation takes place. Your identity becomes more in harmony with the actual truth, your REAL IDENTITY; you get in touch with it.

 

Having the kinds of problems you're talking about can be largely healed by seeing yourself in the way I described.

 

Try repeating affirmations like:

 

I am worthy.

 

I am guilty of nothing.

 

I am divine and beautiful.

 

I am good enough.

 

 

 

I hope this helps. Peace.

[dust]

It's distressing. The anxiety, the feeling of loneliness and the fear of never becoming spiritually enlightened (not the same as the Enlightment, just a better sense of self is what I mean here). Is anyone else in my same spot? I've been trying to follow my path but I'm just so lost and lately I've "lost touch" of my spirituality and it's been highly distressing and anxiety-inducing.

 

I feel I need a guru or teacher of sometime to help give me a little push towards the right direction but Taoism is so personal and non-conventional (which is good!) that it's so easy to get lost in.

 

I don't even know where to start anymore, even with the I Ching and Tao Te Ching. I just don't think I'll ever be where everyone else is here.

 

Second, my spiritual practices are currently limited. I meditate (as much as my  condition can allow me uninterrupted) and participate in Tai Chi. A lot of my 'practices' are just application of Taoism in my daily life and verses from the Tao Te Ching. I let things be as much as I can and I treat every walks of life with respect and equal importance (including plants and insects). So I suppose the third practice could be the application, if you consider that a practice. Another thing I REALLY want to do and am going to do once I have the money is to build an altar for Laozi and that'll help keep me grounded and focus on what matters/serves as a reminder to frequently meditate and do my spiritual obligations.

 

 

Apologies for this not being what you asked for, but... yes, your spiritual practice does seem somewhat limited. It sounds like you're limiting yourself to predefined "spiritual practice" and not actually allowing yourself to explore and grow.

 

It sounds like you're a little too concerned with an idea of "spiritual enlightenment" based in Daoist practice, and think that understanding Laozi and doing tai chi will eventually be a magical solution to your issues. It will not. I'd suggest that your current perspective is doing more harm than good.

 

Focusing so heavily on these ideas of becoming spiritually enlightened, trying to follow your path, maintaining touch with your spirituality, getting where everyone else is, etc... this is what's creating your anxiety. You need to let go, explore something else for a while.

 

It's analogous to an athlete becoming obsessed with being the best in the world, forgetting that the reason they love their sport is the way they feel when they play. The point of spiritual practice, of life, is play.

 

Don't get me wrong, 'Daoism' is lovely. For the last few years I've been going through a minor crisis of my own, and reading the Laozi and Zhuangzi (and studying them a little with people on here), and learning about Daoist and Buddhist and Hindu and Western philosophy, and science, has helped to keep me on an even keel. I've gained an insight into the self and my self, I've learnt how to be more content with where I am, etc. But this has been only a part of the picture. Without rigorous exercise, without getting outside and "being in nature", without one or two people to share conversation with (in person), without exploring a number of hobbies, and a number of other things, I'd be absolutely lost.

 

And this is entirely personal, of course, but building an altar to anyone, Laozi or Jesus or Ban Kenobi, would have been absolutely detrimental to me. Look around the world. Hindus, Christians, Buddhists.. Worshiping idols leads to false hope and idleness.

 

Again, apologies, I'm sure this isn't what you want. And I might have misunderstood you. But this is how I see it.

[JohnC]

Jenny Lamb is in Colorado.

 

She is a lineage holder to an amazing practice. 

 

I'd recommend you give her a check.

 

John