bluewonder Posted February 7, 2016 Hi, I read a post on this site and I think it is very spiritual. Growing up I think I was a very spiritual due to high awareness and loneliness. I don't know if it is my imagination but once time when I was young I would hold my breathe so long that I can see color of rainbow like river flowing down the street. It was very startling and made me feel afraid but the color was very pretty. I only did this once. I was able to memorized a love novel word by word for 18 pages that I read that day. I used to hate life but was to scare to violently kill myself but always tried to hold my breathe to kill myself. I was able to hold it longer and longer until that happened. In my teen my anger loneliness and sexual urge was at it's highest. I didn't have money to eat at school so I make my body feel warm to relief the hunger pain every school day. I then got to the point where i can make it fell like a warm waterfall streaming down from my head to my lower belly. The stream flow downward became bigger and faster as i practice everyday until it become very rapid and my body feels like it's on fire and I was no longer feeling hunger pain. This opened the door for my body to do a lot of supernatural things. I don't know if it is my memory but I will just stop here. What next is a little too weird and I think I had amnesia a few times since I can't remember all the incredible thing I did in my life clearly, so I sometimes feel it's just my imagination going wild. I want to practice abstinence, something that I can't do ever past 28 days after I past the age of 22. It is probably the hardest challenge in my life and also me can't stop smoking mj. I hope I can stop it for as long as possible until I find what I am searching for in the life. I know I will be stronger if I can resist these two biggest temptations. I have a huge heart and believe in god extremely. I still feel lonely. I don't think I'm weird but I haven't found someone who sees things like me yet, so that makes me feel weird. I only say it here because people seems very open minded here. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Marblehead Posted February 7, 2016 (edited) Hello bluewonder, and welcome. Your membership is approved and we're happy you found your way to us. We look forward to accompanying you on some of the way that you still have to go. Please take the time to read the two posts pinned at the top of this Welcome page and take a look at the forum terms and rules. This covers all you need to know when getting started. For the first week you will be restricted to ten posts per day but after that you can post as much as you like. Also, until you’ve posted fifteen times in the forums, you’ll be a “Junior Bum” with somewhat restricted access and will be allowed only two private messages per day. Good luck in your pursuits and best wishes to you, Marblehead and the TDB team Edit to add: Hi bluewonder, Yes, you have one hellova search in progress. I am sure you will find many who will be willing to discuss it with you. To get a better response you might want to start a thread in whatever sub-forum you think would be best and pretty much repeat what you have said in your above post. You will get many more readers, and therefore many more responses this way. The "Welcome" sub-forum isn't read by too many members. Best wishes with your journey and search for answers and may you enjoy your time here. Marblehead Edited February 7, 2016 by Marblehead 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
