Finding purpose in life.

[carbonbreath]

How do you find purpose? Do you have a purpose?

 

I have been on the "seeking" path for nearly a decade now, after having an initial "mystical experience".

 

I've gone through many ups and downs since then, having had several successes (and many more failures!), many more heavenly and hellish experiences as well, I am now somewhat dissilusioned with my life.

 

I'm in the middle of a seasonal funk, which tends to happen nearly every winter. I mostly kick back into high gear in spring-time, when internal energy, libido and will suddenly return on their own.

 

Alas, I cannot sit around here idly and do nothing! I want to get started right away, as I clearly have the capacity to "take action".

 

Yet, it dawned on me that I still have no "purpose" other than chasing higher and higher luxury "thrills", even of it is the noble thrill of attaining some goal, which always leaves me with a hangover.

 

I have no belief or faith in any conventional values or ethics. I am not immoral or amoral, but I have personally found that striving for a more virtuous life simply amounted to another one of my thrills, albeit of a more sophisticated kind.

 

I don't believe that I, as a human being, I have the duty or capacity to "make this world a better place". I think that's merely an illusion. Who am I to attempt to relieve the world's suffering, or increase it's personal pleasure??  I am all too aware of the inter-connectedness of everything, so who am I to try and mingle in it's delicate net?

 

I want to try something different this time, something with dare I say, a longer-term vision.

 

Right now, everything and everyone, to me, is equally important and unimportant. Everything happening has the same relative significance, so I am not really compelled to do... anything.

 

I have lots of energy, but zero ambition or drive.  When I trace back my motivation or drive to do anything, it always stems from a selfish desire to be "better" in some way, so I don't pursue it, until of course, that desire becomes too great!

 

Of course, no one can give me a clear answer, but what is the ultimate purposeless purpose, and how can one use it in today's society where you need to work and have a career in order to survive?

 

I am just completely jaded by all the conventional moral, virtuous and ethical systems, I have no personal conviction to follow any of them other than the pressure of conditioning, but that is obviously no way to go.

 

I have no desire to "improve" myself, because I have done enough of that, and it has lead to exactly nowhere.  I have nothing left to prove to myself or to others.

 

I have been told by many to simply "grow up", and "just get a real job" and join the rat-race. I have attempted that many times as well, and although I am clearly dramatizing, it was pretty horrible... although, financial circumstances are such that I am finding myself in a position where I don't have much choice but to plunge in again.

 

I am clearly not "taking responsibility for my life", right? If I did, by now, surely, I would not be asking this question.

 

Yet if I don't start from the fundamental root, the very essence, the purpose, I feel I have nowhere to begin, or if I do, it will be another revolution around an imaginary center, leading me right back to where I started.

 

Then again, that's what life kind of is, right? You do something, for a while maybe, and then you do something else... there, I answered my own question.. HAH!

[Aetherous]

It helps to cultivate a lot of real honesty with yourself...regarding what you feel is right or wrong in relation to other people (or animals, or the environment, or whatever else), and also what you are willing to accept for yourself, or not. That tells you what's important in your life...and acting on that information is where you find your purpose. Lets say you don't like it when your best friend gets sick...so you decide to become a doctor. It's especially more purposeful when you find something about other people, rather than simply focusing on making yourself happy (which is fine, too).

Also, in your cultivation of honesty, it helps to let go of being overly "philosophical". Actual philosophy is good most of the time, but not to lukewarm type of overthinking that nullifies everything, and disconnects us from the truth in our hearts. Your concepts have been blocking you...they are useless! All wise people see through our attempts at being intellectually clever for our ulterior motives...it's a waste of time, in comparison to focusing instead on other more useful things.

Honesty.

Edited February 20, 2016 by Aetherous

[carbonbreath]

"Awakening is not always love and light and eternal bliss. One can be condemned to living as a ghost trapped in a body that forgot to die when the personality itself made the transition, albeit prematurely. It is a living death, not so tragic but certainly quite aimless. The cosmic carrot has been caught. Without this hidden, transcendent goal, life becomes quite empty indeed. Be careful what you wish for."

 

^^The source of inner resistance to life. Yet surprisingly, I still have plenty of energy, so it is very scattered, unfocused, and indeed "ghost-like".

 

Wow... in all these years that's how I would best describe it, like my energy is like the energy of a ghost!

 

Also, thank you Aetherous-  but what if I still am too deeply affected by my outside conditioning? What if what my heart desires is prevented from actualization because of what some remnant of conditioning is saying?

 

I mean, what if my heart really really wants to be super egoic, and a larger-than-life personality?  Along with the larger than life persoanlity, a larger than life belief system which may sustain itself on a feeling of superiority?  

 

It is in direct conflict with some other part of myself, which feels it is wrong on some level. I am not sure whether this "other part" is really part of myself or part of my conditioning.   For instance, part of me feels it would be "better" to act "humbly".

 

edit: re-reading what I wrote, I am sorry to say it doesn't have much to do with the original question on "purpose", but rather the existential funk that is driving the need to question it..

Edited February 20, 2016 by carbonbreath

[Karl]

Your aims are in conflict. That is why you say there are two parts. It's like beginning in the middle of a ball of wool, you neither know where it began, nor can you see any clear future.

 

I was like that for a very long time. A confused mess of what I thought I should be vs what I might be. It leads to a kind of paralysis which had me bumping along hopelessly in order that some kind of direction would suddenly become apparent. Many people don't fret over these things, they just get a job, marry, have a family and get on with life without seeming to care about the big picture-they are absorbed in the the everyday munitae of life and seem completely satisfied.

 

Unfortunately for you I suspect you are a big picture thinker. You are a philosopher struggling to see the truth and your place in the universe. I described it in my book as a 'square peg in a round hole'. The feeling that if only you could cut down the edges you could comfortably fit, but then it's clear that it is quite impossible.

 

I would suggest you begin by finding out where you are. That can be accomplished by finding out from where, when and whom your concepts are derived. You will discover in time that philosophies ancient and modern have been absorbed without comprehension. That these philosophies are at odds with each other and that you instinctively know there is something 'off' with the things you have absorbed. They don't integrate together and you know it, but you can't figure out which bits are wrong, or why.

Edited February 20, 2016 by Karl

[Marblehead]

Hi Carbonbreath,

 

Best Wishes to your search for "purpose".

 

Most of us have to create our own.

[Nikolai1]

Hi Carbonbreath

 

Right now, everything and everyone, to me, is equally important and unimportant. Everything happening has the same relative significance, so I am not really compelled to do... anything.

I think you have reached a point where you have 'seen through' the normal programs of activities. This is not something that often happens to people.  They don't ever reach the carrot, and so they stay in the state of assuming that the next thing is really worth having.  And because some carrots don't ever get reached (like, say, massive wealth) most people stay assuming that massive wealth is a worthwhile goal.

 

Your intellect has played a huge role in this rare discovery, and has been your major tool.  But the trouble is, the intellect has become overbearingly powerful.  It is able to see, in advance, that everything that can be achieved in this world will not satisfy your particular need.

 

The solution, as boring as it sounds, is to start living like so many people already are.  With a certain amount of pain and mortification, we have to come off our high horse and see that all the people aren't just chasing carrots - a great many of them are doing what they love...and they are doing this seemingy pointless stuff for the sheer pleasure of it.

 

It's time therefore to change gear.  You need to honour and worship where your intelligence has brought you, and yet learn to live by a faculty that has been quite smothered in the process.  It can be quite hard to rediscover what we actually love to do, in that simple purity.  We may need to go back to our childhood to remember natural inclincations before our intellect started to dismiss them as stupid or pointless.

 

But don't worry, you will discover your way.  It sounds like you have no real choice as this static place is quite unbearable.  Like you said, your libido compels you on and must win through over reasonable sounding objections.

 

Another source of mortification comes when we realise that we often used to dismiss as pointless those things that deep down we actually wanted to do, but didn't have the confidence.  Again, when we hear the voice of our heart clearly, it gives us the confidence to tackle what we want and what we love to do.

 

Good luck!

[3bob]

besides,  - standing in appreciation on the good green earth is a simple joy that is often taken for granted, - and frankly not found in the tormented depths of hell which is waiting with open arms to devour us while we sit on a self made fence.  

Edited February 20, 2016 by 3bob

[Silent Answers]

Being a decade deep, you've probably heard this kind of advice before..but sometimes we need reminding.

 

Get back in the mindset of play, but not for any real purpose. Contemplate what you can build and be part of for the simple joy of being there. Look through eyes of discovery for what's been going unnoticed. Redefine your subconscious filters to let more in.

[vonkrankenhaus]

"Purpose" is a relative concept.

 

In modern society "puspose" is like "role" or "job".

 

Relative to the objectives of the corporations used to create an entire false culture.

 

Programmed into people by education and media.

 

So it is like asking "what should I be doing for the corporations right now"?

 

They are the ones who need you to do something.

 

If you don't, they are stuck in a dream.

 

So they have a purpose for everyone.

 

To do and be and act as they are programmed.

 

To do the work.

 

To accomplish.

 

The subjugation of Life and defeat of Nature.

 

To render these, and you, unto private use by a few.

 

 

 

 

 

-VonKrankenhaus