Wielding my celibate energy gently

[AlmostThere]

I'm a male vegetarian in his mid-30's, who got into celibacy without knowing there was a real technique behind it, and confused by the general barrage of anxiety and GI symptoms that initially accompanied it, but I've largely stabilized now and reached a continuous streak of a couple years, as I explained in a recent thread.  However, I think this was only possible due to my ignorance, my faith, and my extreme focus on creative work in a nearly hermitic lifestyle.

 

I didn't even know whether it was reasonable to hypothesize that celibacy, or energy build-up, would be making it difficult for me to interact with others, but something certainly is.  Among the observable parameters are: whether I get zone out a bit and get blurred vision; whether people start coughing wildly around me; whether a female I'm meeting gets a sudden urge to go to the bathroom.  I don't know whether to address the problem by reconsidering my celibacy, or taking anti-anxiety medication, or learning more balancing exercises, or what.

 

Today I was shopping for a pen, and had to step into a narrow aisle where there were two eligibly-aged young women.  I didn't even look at the women, but I realized I had to be careful.  Sure enough, as the decision of which pen to purchase proved more complicated than expected, I felt a bit of tension in my perineum, and there was soon wild giggling behind me.  One of them exclaimed something I didn't quite understand, followed by「他也不知道」, which was true enough.

 

The day before, I was bashfully asking a woman at the grocery store for a free sample and asking about the food.  I had a bit of the enamored kind of zone-out again, and the woman and a nearby cashier both left their posts for the restroom after that.  My only consolation was, "Ha ha, at least I didn't have to go!"

 

Besides such incidents, I regularly have tingling feelings or perineal tension that it seems others can sense somehow.  I wonder if I'm now used to the energy of multiple micro-orgasms per day, without knowing it.

 

I can't really prove that any of this isn't just my age-old bashfulness and lack of companionship manifesting itself, and I really don't want to give up my streak.  I feel so much calmer, consistently energized, and level-headed than before, and I'm learning new things about how to manage my energy every day.  But I can say that I never had problems with these basic encounters before I tried celibacy, and if I can't get past these basic encounters, I'll never be able to meet my higher social objectives.

 

I'm actually reluctant to try any exercise that would further energize me at this point.  In this regard, I have to wonder whether certain yoga or qigong exercises would actually be counterproductive for me.  I also know that I can only sense my qi at an elementary level and am in no position to accomplish things like the microcosmic orbit.  The yoga I do consists of a "sun worship sequence" including a simplified horse stance, uttanasana, chataranga dandasana, upward dog pose, downward dog pose, and hero pose.  Sometimes I do bharadvajasana for the kidneys.

 

I've read about daoyin posture, rapid-fire breathing, and coordinating anal movements with breathing.  That might be helping a little but it isn't solving my problem.  I can't even predict when my problem is going to arise.  Maintaining my intention helps a little bit - for example, if I go to the park, I remind myself that I'm only trying to gather qi from the trees and the dogs - and that keeps me from disturbing other people a little bit, but not 100%.

 

As I explained in the other thread, besides urinary urgency and chronic perineal tension, I don't have many physical problems with the celibacy mysefl.

 

Do you have any advice?  I read posts by TTB users such as Conspirachi saying that he couldn't get near women for two years after he started celibacy, so I guess it's not totally crazy to ask about this.

[EmeraldHead]

I think some kegels will help with the mini orgasms. It helped me  I also had 'mini ejaculations'. 

 

I find working out helps me with extra energy. And I mean hardcore muscle building stuff not running or such things. Horse stance is good but try some dynamic tension and really get your muscles sore. My body always feels like a more 'spacious' vessel, which helps. Other than that, I don't know...chill and breath, you got a lot of fire, you need some cold water and earth to calm it. Try feeling your bones more throughout the day <- I think it has a similar effect as white skeleton (emptiness practice), but never tried that.

 

Luck with you!

Edited April 11, 2016 by Arramu

[rex]

Just some suggestions and from an outside and uninformed perspective of your situation, perhaps wield the power of your celibate energy to explore issues of masculinity and what it entails to be a man in modern western society. This is something all men face. Robert Bly and David Deida are worth checking out. Learning qigong - grounding, refining and circulation of energy would be well worth investigating too.

 

With all best wishes.

[RiverSnake]

Exercises such as chi kung circulates and alchemizes sexual energy. This makes it easier to handle the excess, also working with trees allows a healthy outlet.

Edited April 11, 2016 by OldChi