A Taoist approach to bad habbits

[galloway87]

Hi all, 

 

I am looking to get a bit of advice on a topic that has had my head spinning in circles for some time now! - What would the Taoist approach to overcoming bad habits?

 

I have a number of habits that I consider to be 'bad', in the respect that they cause me some degree of internal conflict whenever I indulge in them. I have come to the conclusion that the main problem underlying all of these habits is my lack of willpower. I always find myself falling back into old routines. Here's an example- 

 

From the age of roughly 17 (I'm 28 now), I have smoked cannabis. When I was younger I used it heavily pretty much every day with friends. As I've grown older the usage has declined massively. I now only smoke at the weekends and don't generally touch it during the week. But recently I have started to feel as if I am just smoking for the sake of it, and that it sabotages my ability to get things done and just generally makes me lazy and eat too much etc..

 

I was discussing the issue with my partner to get her thoughts on it, and she feels the same way- that the enjoyment factor has started dropping away and we are just doing it because it's what we have done for so long in the past. So I came up with the idea of just smoking occasionally only when friends come and visit, say every 2-3 weeks, and that we wouldn't do it when we are alone.

 

We have recently returned from a holiday in India, so haven't touched anything in 2 and a half weeks, but now that I'm home I can feel the pull of the bad habit creeping back in. I always seem to crumble and then just end up mad at myself for giving in. 

 

Another example is meditation practice- something which I do thoroughly enjoy, but never manage to stick to for more than 3-4 weeks. These habits just go around in continuous cycles.

 

Is self improvement just some kind of mental trap? I'm not sure if I should just allow things to run their course and stop trying to improve/strive for these ideals that I dream up for myself. 

 

I look forward to hearing from you guys and getting your insight on this situation  

 

Kind regards. 

 

 

[dust]

I'm sure a number of members have had similar experiences. A bit surprised nothing has been offered yet. I'd like to try, though don't expect too much. (I don't know if there's a 'Taoist' approach to it... though I'm sure others will correct me. I'll just go by experience.)

 

To answer your last question first: yes, I think 'self-improvement' is a trap. But this does not mean that one cannot change the way one lives. If you want to quit toking, you can. It will likely make you happier in the long run (I enjoy life a lot better without it, though if you'd told the 17-20 year old me that, he'd have laughed at you).

 

I'll start with some presumptions (mostly evident in your post): you live in the same country, probably the same area, that you did when you started toking; you're on good terms with at least one or two dealers; you have a number of friends who toke.

 

The first time my dog experienced snow, she went nuts. Out in the back, running around jumping in the air trying to catch it. She gets so excited in that little garden she can't be let out without supervision, regardless of snow. In my grandparents' old garden, she had a fixation on one particular tree. She'd run in a big loop, jump and try to catch the branch. To this day we have no idea why, but it was hard to get her to stop. Put her in any other garden, she'll be fine -- until she reacts to some stimulus or other, and develops another pattern. Easy to break a bad pattern if you catch it early, but not so much later.

 

Humans are the same. When I'm in my hometown, there are all sorts of stimuli that I'm both aware and unaware of, and that I am consciously and unconsciously reacting to. It puts me in a certain mood, a certain way of doing things, that is often not conducive to happiness. When I'm in Beijing, the same happens, though I react to an entirely different set of stimuli, and my behaviour changes dramatically. My friends from back home travel to Beijing to visit, and my behaviour becomes a mix of the two (can bring quite a bit of anxiety, actually).

 

I'm not saying that you have to emigrate and cut ties with all your friends (though it couldn't hurt to lose your dealers' numbers). That might be an answer, and it works for many, but it might be that you can start working to recognize and eliminate some of the stimuli that cause you to toke when you're at home. If you and your partner agree that it's becoming detrimental, or that you're getting bored of it, why not agree to stop completely? Find other things to pass the time with, make some new friends, change up your diet...

 

Apologies if I'm totally wrong about you. Hopefully more advice is forthcoming.

[RyanO]

What I'm about to write is a stream of consciousness response because I'm procrastinating on work and is in no way a well thought out, formulated response which is my usual MO.  I am simply replying because I am interested in this topic.  Also, keep in mind this is general advice for habit change and not necessarily a response to your particular situation.

 

Here are some important factors:

 

1)  Intensity.  You have to want to change and you should have good reasons for doing so.  It can help to feel this desire as intensity, which is your "change" fuel.  It may be helpful to visualize (or actualize) a sun blazing in your solar plexus to feel intensity.

 

2)  Let Go and Smile.  When you are trying to let go of a habit, it may seem easy for a bit but when the habit strikes, you may give in unconsciously, which is why mindfulness is important.  Or, if you try to resist, you may feel tension somewhere in your body.  The trick is then to be able relax this tension and smile.  I find the Inner and Secret Smile meditations very helpful in this regard.  A quick Google should help you out if interested.

 

3)  Persistence.  This is perhaps the most important factor.  Most attempts at habit change will initially fail.  Those who succeed are the ones who persist over and over again even if it takes years and years.

 

This isn't necessarily from a Taoist perspective, but one could see it as an alchemical process involving #1 Fire and #2 Water and #3 Earth being the ground.  

 

I don't think self-improvement is a trap, though it certainly can be when it becomes an obsession.  Like many things in life, self-development vs self-acceptance is a balancing act which plays out in our paradoxical, dualistic reality.

 

Anyway, I'm back to work, hope this helps a little.  Good luck!

[wilfred]

i'm totally with you on the cannabis stuff. used it regularly for years, still use it from time to time to be honest, though it's negative effects are more strongly pronounced, to put it mildly.

 

i used it recreationally through university and continued to use it until i had somewhat of a breakdown and fell chronically ill. various factors at play and the cannabis didn't help. i continued to use it to support my health as it relieved various symptoms i was struggling with, but i was ultimately looking for a cure and the root cause the whole time. i've now found that through teachings, an understanding of energy/karma stuff, a powerful practice and am working through the issues, slowly but surely.

 

it sounds like you are naturally waking up. late 20s seems to be a significant time for us energetically, where we're fully maturing and coming into the heart energy. for reference i'm 30 and had my big breakthroughs at 29, through meeting a teacher, learning meditation and receiving dhamma transmission. makes perfect sense that you're feeling less like cannabis as it's constantly disturbing the heart/consciousness when you're on it. i find it overeggs the pudding, sends energy upward (when you want to be balanced/grounded) and it's effect linger around for days. it's far worse than alcohol in that sense, at least for infrequent use.

 

in terms of the meditation, discipline, crumbling, bad habits in general. you need a good reason. you need to feel the feel the effects at an energetic level or have some context (teaching) as to just might be going on here. better motivation i guess is what i'm saying. a taste of how things are when we're truly settled has been the strongest motiviation personally. a million times better than any intoxicated high and something to aspire to, without chasing too much (hard!). sounds like you naturally reached a better place having been away, seems to be a common thread when people go somewhere new or more natural for a while. there's the idea that whatever life is presenting us is our perfect lesson if we embrace it. the fact you're aware of any of this and having such introspective thoughts is significant in itself.

 

so good luck! and feel free to get me to expand on anything that could be helpful or interesting

[galloway87]

I'm sure a number of members have had similar experiences. A bit surprised nothing has been offered yet. I'd like to try, though don't expect too much. (I don't know if there's a 'Taoist' approach to it... though I'm sure others will correct me. I'll just go by experience.)

 

To answer your last question first: yes, I think 'self-improvement' is a trap. But this does not mean that one cannot change the way one lives. If you want to quit toking, you can. It will likely make you happier in the long run (I enjoy life a lot better without it, though if you'd told the 17-20 year old me that, he'd have laughed at you).

 

I'll start with some presumptions (mostly evident in your post): you live in the same country, probably the same area, that you did when you started toking; you're on good terms with at least one or two dealers; you have a number of friends who toke.

 

The first time my dog experienced snow, she went nuts. Out in the back, running around jumping in the air trying to catch it. She gets so excited in that little garden she can't be let out without supervision, regardless of snow. In my grandparents' old garden, she had a fixation on one particular tree. She'd run in a big loop, jump and try to catch the branch. To this day we have no idea why, but it was hard to get her to stop. Put her in any other garden, she'll be fine -- until she reacts to some stimulus or other, and develops another pattern. Easy to break a bad pattern if you catch it early, but not so much later.

 

Humans are the same. When I'm in my hometown, there are all sorts of stimuli that I'm both aware and unaware of, and that I am consciously and unconsciously reacting to. It puts me in a certain mood, a certain way of doing things, that is often not conducive to happiness. When I'm in Beijing, the same happens, though I react to an entirely different set of stimuli, and my behaviour changes dramatically. My friends from back home travel to Beijing to visit, and my behaviour becomes a mix of the two (can bring quite a bit of anxiety, actually).

 

I'm not saying that you have to emigrate and cut ties with all your friends (though it couldn't hurt to lose your dealers' numbers). That might be an answer, and it works for many, but it might be that you can start working to recognize and eliminate some of the stimuli that cause you to toke when you're at home. If you and your partner agree that it's becoming detrimental, or that you're getting bored of it, why not agree to stop completely? Find other things to pass the time with, make some new friends, change up your diet...

 

Apologies if I'm totally wrong about you. Hopefully more advice is forthcoming.

Thanks for the reply Dustybejing. To start with all of your assumptions are correct pretty much! One thing I will point out is that I am not looking to quit smoking completely at this moment in time, although I think this may change in the future as I start thinking about settling down more and starting a family. One of my favorite pass times is sitting down and watching films (my favorite is 2001 A Space Odyssey ), and this is when I like to have a smoke. Not because I need it to enjoy the film, but rather it makes me see it in a different way, usually being a lot more drawn in to the story. I suppose this situation is one of the stimuli that you mentioned. I have quite a small circle of friends that I am really happy with at the moment, and most of them do smoke. The person I buy cannabis from is also a lifelong friend that I would hate to lose touch with. I have started this weekend to test out the method of only smoking when friends come to visit, as more of a social activity rather than something that I depend on every weekend. I'm going to give this a fair trial and see if it makes any difference in how I feel, and then I will make any other adjustments. In reflecting on what I've said I can see how my use of cannabis has changed over the years, and perhaps it is slowly but surely naturally coming to the end of it's cycle

 

What I'm about to write is a stream of consciousness response because I'm procrastinating on work and is in no way a well thought out, formulated response which is my usual MO.  I am simply replying because I am interested in this topic.  Also, keep in mind this is general advice for habit change and not necessarily a response to your particular situation.

 

Here are some important factors:

 

1)  Intensity.  You have to want to change and you should have good reasons for doing so.  It can help to feel this desire as intensity, which is your "change" fuel.  It may be helpful to visualize (or actualize) a sun blazing in your solar plexus to feel intensity.

 

2)  Let Go and Smile.  When you are trying to let go of a habit, it may seem easy for a bit but when the habit strikes, you may give in unconsciously, which is why mindfulness is important.  Or, if you try to resist, you may feel tension somewhere in your body.  The trick is then to be able relax this tension and smile.  I find the Inner and Secret Smile meditations very helpful in this regard.  A quick Google should help you out if interested.

 

3)  Persistence.  This is perhaps the most important factor.  Most attempts at habit change will initially fail.  Those who succeed are the ones who persist over and over again even if it takes years and years.

 

This isn't necessarily from a Taoist perspective, but one could see it as an alchemical process involving #1 Fire and #2 Water and #3 Earth being the ground.  

 

I don't think self-improvement is a trap, though it certainly can be when it becomes an obsession.  Like many things in life, self-development vs self-acceptance is a balancing act which plays out in our paradoxical, dualistic reality.

 

Anyway, I'm back to work, hope this helps a little.  Good luck!

Hi RyanO, thanks for your input! I can definitely agree with the second and third points in your comment. When I do try to resist the calling of a habit I can usually feel some degree of tension in my body! I will be sure to check out the Inner and Secret Smile meditations. Do you have any experience using these techniques? I read a lot of places that these practices should mostly be learned from teachers instead of internet articles, but I don't believe I would be able to find a teacher anywhere in my area unfortunately  

 

And yes, persistence is something I feel I should become more aware and accepting of. Looking at the bigger cycle of things, whenever I mess up I always have the persistence to try again or look at the problem from a different angle. Instead I am usually focused on being mad at myself for making a mistake! A shift in focus will be a welcome change I think. 

 

i'm totally with you on the cannabis stuff. used it regularly for years, still use it from time to time to be honest, though it's negative effects are more strongly pronounced, to put it mildly.

 

i used it recreationally through university and continued to use it until i had somewhat of a breakdown and fell chronically ill. various factors at play and the cannabis didn't help. i continued to use it to support my health as it relieved various symptoms i was struggling with, but i was ultimately looking for a cure and the root cause the whole time. i've now found that through teachings, an understanding of energy/karma stuff, a powerful practice and am working through the issues, slowly but surely.

 

it sounds like you are naturally waking up. late 20s seems to be a significant time for us energetically, where we're fully maturing and coming into the heart energy. for reference i'm 30 and had my big breakthroughs at 29, through meeting a teacher, learning meditation and receiving dhamma transmission. makes perfect sense that you're feeling less like cannabis as it's constantly disturbing the heart/consciousness when you're on it. i find it overeggs the pudding, sends energy upward (when you want to be balanced/grounded) and it's effect linger around for days. it's far worse than alcohol in that sense, at least for infrequent use.

 

in terms of the meditation, discipline, crumbling, bad habits in general. you need a good reason. you need to feel the feel the effects at an energetic level or have some context (teaching) as to just might be going on here. better motivation i guess is what i'm saying. a taste of how things are when we're truly settled has been the strongest motiviation personally. a million times better than any intoxicated high and something to aspire to, without chasing too much (hard!). sounds like you naturally reached a better place having been away, seems to be a common thread when people go somewhere new or more natural for a while. there's the idea that whatever life is presenting us is our perfect lesson if we embrace it. the fact you're aware of any of this and having such introspective thoughts is significant in itself.

 

so good luck! and feel free to get me to expand on anything that could be helpful or interesting

Thanks for the reply Wilfred! I can certainly agree with the negative effects being more strongly pronounced than in my younger years. I often wake up the following morning after smoking feeling quite groggy! A sort of cannabis hangover? I think you could be right in saying I need better motivation- a taste of how things could be! I don't believe I have yet had a taste because my mind has been so clouded in my youth by things that are detrimental to clear-headedness. I would love to get some proper instruction from a teacher but at the moment I don't think this would really be possible because of money and location. So I suppose for now I will just keep on keeping on and see where I end up. I have a subtle sense of reassurance that things may be moving in the right direction because like you mentioned- my introspective thoughts on the matter, and my continued feeling of wanting to change the situation. It will be interesting to see how things progress from here!

[子泰]

Have you read Allen Carr's Easyway to Stop Smoking? If you're already thinking about quitting, it should help you convince yourself to look at smoking a different way. It helped me a lot too. That's not to say I still had to put in the work afterwards, but I was for the most part, glad to stick to my decision through the process.

[galloway87]

Have you read Allen Carr's Easyway to Stop Smoking? If you're already thinking about quitting, it should help you convince yourself to look at smoking a different way. It helped me a lot too. That's not to say I still had to put in the work afterwards, but I was for the most part, glad to stick to my decision through the process.

This is not a book I have head of! Is it in regards to smoking cigarettes or cannabis? I see the two as being very different, as I never smoke tobacco, only pure cannabis. How did you find the quitting process just out of interest? I want to get as much insight into kicking habits as possible  

[子泰]

The book is for cigarettes, but it does teach you about embracing a mindset that helps you quit strong addictions (I don't know how strong you feel your habit is, though). I never smoked cannabis for extended periods of time, and it wasn't really much of a big deal to stop. However, the mental dependence is still similar in terms of both plants. You'll definitely recall the good ol' times that you had with weed after stopping; I definitely did with cigarettes.  I found that replacing the habit with something like overeating, biting your nails, or games to pacify my withdrawal did not help, as I was just projecting the anxiety. Therefore, it's generally a good idea to just go about your day as usual, whilst simplifying your habits and catching any creeping thoughts. I spent quite some effort in the first week, but afterwards I mostly forgot that I was a smoker in the first place. Don't worry about relapsing, think of it as a way to experiment with what works for you. The Taoist approach is just the normal approach, working at things throughout the day as opposed to relying on a meditation or qigong practice.

[RyanO]

Thanks galloway, you're welcome!

 

It is generally agreed that both the inner and secret smile meditations are very safe for most people, even without a teacher.  They are different meditations with different purposes but are both variations on the theme of the smile.  Check them out and see if you like them.

 

Michael Winn has a great ebook on the inner smile, you can get it for free if you sign up for his newsletter.  Here is a sample of the first chapter:

 

http://www.healingtaousa.com/pdf/innersmile_ch01.pdf

 

And here are instructions for the secret smile, right here on the Dao Bums!

 

http://www.thedaobums.com/topic/9719-dr-morriss-secret-smile-breathing-basic-kap-1-giri-for-the-tao-bumbs/

Edited April 20, 2016 by RyanO

[noonespecial]

Why not incorporate cannabis into your regimen, if you have one. Make it scientific and ritualistic, compare how you progress with cannabis, and without, compare a cultivation session with and without, note the differences and similarities, gauge and adjust. IMO if you quit cannabis, you would just replace it with something else, usually a certain meditation or something else and the last thing we want is use our exercises to get high, so why not just keep using it medicinally, if not abused it's no different than taking lemon balm tincture or valerian root or fennel.

[roger]

Hi Galloway.

 

Well, this isn't necessarily a Taoist approach, although it certainly doesn't go against it in my opinion.

 

Let go of the guilt. Forgive yourself.

 

They say that guilt and shame, and the emotion-backed judgment of things as "bad", keeps us stuck in attachments.

 

I'm not meaning to imply that you, personally, feel guilt and shame about your habits, but many people do, and if you do, an effective way to overcome them is to forgive yourself.

 

Another thing is that, many people don't THINK they feel guilty, but that's because they've suppressed their guilt, they're just not consciously aware of it.

 

No one is guilty in my opinion. Everyone is doing their best and there are reasons people do what they do.

 

The verdict: NOT GUILTY!

[galloway87]

Why not incorporate cannabis into your regimen, if you have one. Make it scientific and ritualistic, compare how you progress with cannabis, and without, compare a cultivation session with and without, note the differences and similarities, gauge and adjust. IMO if you quit cannabis, you would just replace it with something else, usually a certain meditation or something else and the last thing we want is use our exercises to get high, so why not just keep using it medicinally, if not abused it's no different than taking lemon balm tincture or valerian root or fennel.

Hi Noonespecial, 

 

I must say that is quite an interesting idea! I am very new to any kinds of cultivation techniques, I have just literally just started looking into them earlier this week as suggested by RyanO. I am still getting my head around it to be perfectly honest. I think I should maybe practice for a little while to get a feel for things. Do you have much experience with cultivation? Or cannabis for use for that matter? I love hearing other peoples experiences

[galloway87]

Hi Galloway.

 

Well, this isn't necessarily a Taoist approach, although it certainly doesn't go against it in my opinion.

 

Let go of the guilt. Forgive yourself.

 

They say that guilt and shame, and the emotion-backed judgment of things as "bad", keeps us stuck in attachments.

 

I'm not meaning to imply that you, personally, feel guilt and shame about your habits, but many people do, and if you do, an effective way to overcome them is to forgive yourself.

 

Another thing is that, many people don't THINK they feel guilty, but that's because they've suppressed their guilt, they're just not consciously aware of it.

 

No one is guilty in my opinion. Everyone is doing their best and there are reasons people do what they do.

 

The verdict: NOT GUILTY!

Hi Roger, 

 

Thanks for the input! I really do think this is something I need to apply better in my everyday life, not just in this certain situation. I can be awfully hard on myself, and even though I don't show it on the surface I am usually disappointed with myself for one reason or another at least once during the course of a day. 

 

I think this stems from a mental image of how I desire to be vs who I actually am at the moment. I feel that I should be some super healthy, successful, intelligent person who always makes the right choices etc..  I have no idea where this mental image has come from (28 years of buying into societies ideals perhaps?), but it bugs the hell out of me. I'm not sure how I can just settle into being whatever I am in the present moment. I guess it can be a good thing to have goals, but not if those goals cause internal conflict. 

 

Oh life is all very confusing 

[roger]

Galloway,

 

It could possibly help to look into Ultimate Reality and Truth from a certain angle, which has helped me to accept myself and feel comfortable with who I am.

 

What I'm talking about is some of the more difficult questions that have to do with the very structure of reality.

 

(btw maybe you already have answers to these kinds of questions, but if you don't be open to the possibility that those answers CAN be found)

 

My journey has largely been one of asking and seeking answers to questions such as: "Is it true that everything is as it should be?", "How can that be the case if there's so much suffering and darkness?", "Does "evil" exist?", "If everything is as it should be, do we have free-will?"

 

For me, it's been very important to try to understand these kinds of things.

 

I feel that if people put in the effort, they can find the answers that are right for them.

 

Peace.

[galloway87]

Galloway,

 

It could possibly help to look into Ultimate Reality and Truth from a certain angle, which has helped me to accept myself and feel comfortable with who I am.

 

What I'm talking about is some of the more difficult questions that have to do with the very structure of reality.

 

(btw maybe you already have answers to these kinds of questions, but if you don't be open to the possibility that those answers CAN be found)

 

My journey has largely been one of asking and seeking answers to questions such as: "Is it true that everything is as it should be?", "How can that be the case if there's so much suffering and darkness?", "Does "evil" exist?", "If everything is as it should be, do we have free-will?"

 

For me, it's been very important to try to understand these kinds of things.

 

I feel that if people put in the effort, they can find the answers that are right for them.

 

Peace.

Hi Roger, 

 

I find this a very interesting angle to look at the issue from! I have often found myself asking these very same questions. Did you ever come to some sort of conclusion?

 

The way that I have come to see things is this- I believe that the cause of human suffering is the fact that we have become self aware, causing us to grow egos and become very greedy, never thinking we have enough and so on. I always make comparisons to other creatures such as spiders, in the way that a spider only does exactly what it needs to do at the time. When they are hungry they eat, otherwise they will remain perfectly still in the same spot for days on end! I highly doubt they are concerned with what the other spider across the hall thinks of them. They are driver completely by instinct and without worry.

 

But I do see human self awareness as a product of the natural world around us, and that egos developed in a time when food may have been hard to come by, but now we are stuck with these lingering feelings of scarcity in a time when scarcity is not so much of an issue. This causes us to run around thinking we still have to collect more and more of everything in order to be 'successful'. Humans success will also be its undoing, the pendulum has reached its apex and is now heading back the other way as we continue to multiply in numbers and drain natural resources.

 

So I believe everything is naturally as it should be and over the next 1000 years humans will die out or at least massively drop in numbers and the system will re-balance itself. Behavior that some people consider to be evil like hoarding billions of dollars and stripping resources is the byproduct of humans success over millions of years of evolution. 

 

In regards to free will, this is something I am unsure of. I think we may have fleeting moments of free will, but the body mostly regulates itself in regards to functions like beating your heart or growing your hair. Maybe it is these moments of free will that cause so much internal conflict between who we are and who we aspire to be? I would love to hear your thoughts on this

 

Regards, 

 

David 

[noonespecial]

Hi Noonespecial, 

 

I must say that is quite an interesting idea! I am very new to any kinds of cultivation techniques, I have just literally just started looking into them earlier this week as suggested by RyanO. I am still getting my head around it to be perfectly honest. I think I should maybe practice for a little while to get a feel for things. Do you have much experience with cultivation? Or cannabis for use for that matter? I love hearing other peoples experiences

 

Hi, peace bro, really all i can say without coloring your journey is just do it and see what your results are, stop looking at things emotionally or as wrong or right, good or bad, just do it. Secondly, all i can say, it came to a point i couldnt tell the diffrence between a session with cannabis and without, so why use the cannabis? Likewise, when i use cannabis to use cannabis and not to accent a spiritual pursuit the effets of the cannabis take on the traits of cultivation and vice versa, i see it all as working towards that unity mind, there is no difference, im always high and always sober. ;-)