Leaving home, what should I do about my parents, and how do I raise my vibration?

[DreamBliss]

OK, I know some of you don't agree with the whole frequency and vibration thing. Can we set that aside for a bit? Also get away from the esoteric stuff and work at the level of the most apparent and strongest illusion.

 

I don't know if I am allowed to do this, but I am sure a certain someone here will let me know if I am breaking any rules and I will edit this post accordingly.

 

I have started a GoFundMe campaign, Pedaling to Passion. Trying to raise funds for when I leave here. If you are interested in donating or sharing the campaign, here's a link:

https://www.gofundme.com/pedalingtopassion

 

So I am struggling with two things here... I can't seem to raise my frequency or vibration. I see this as a problem, because I can not draw higher frequency/vibration things to me if I am not tuned in to that particular channel. That includes meeting my goal for my campaign, not having my stuff stolen by someone and finding couches to crash on as I work my way through Portland.

 

I feel bad, down and depressed, even angry at times. I am in a funk again, and I can't afford to be. Somehow I have to get out of this. I don't want to end up sick or injured because some subconscious or unconscious part of me can't get with the program and let shit go. I have to pack things up for storage, pack things up for my bike, and be ready to go. But it is like swimming in molasses right now. I don't know what to do. Other than maybe find a crap load of shrooms and be permanently high until I leave.

 

The other thing is that, from my perspective, my parents aren't trying hard enough. I need them to find a place so I can help them move in and be done with them. I have given them close to half of my life. How much more must I give? I am 40 years old. I am well overdue to get out on my own and figure shit out for myself. But I don't feel I can just bike off and leave everything in their lap.

 

I have spent hours searching for things for them, printing out material to read, giving the best advice I have. It doesn't seem like they are using any of it, and it's like getting teeth pulled to get them to get off their asses and call people. Plus they are making this harder than I believe it has to be. Mom owns half a house in Longview, dad has been paying my brother's rent for at least 8 years, he has been employed at the church and school for almost as long, he has references he can use and connections in the church. But he and mom seem to be doing little with any of this.

 

The one time they did anything is when they found a crappy single-wide trailer in Battleground, but of course I had to help them with all the paperwork. I know they can do better if they just try. But my mom is sick, doing little around the house other than the dishes, and dad thinks his work is the most important goddamn thing in the world.

 

I wish I could get my hands on my grandpa and beat the shit out of the bastard! Raising my dad to believe that his job, that hard work at it, to the exclusion of all else, is somehow not only important but also valuable. Complete and utter bullshit! Family comes first, then your fucking job, then your fucking religion!

 

I have tentatively decided to give them until Friday to show some sort of improvement. But I feel I am done helping them. I think I will focus on packing everything I want in storage up, getting that put away, then pack up my bike and just leave. Why should I feel guilty? Is my brother here helping? Are my parents bringing in friends? Other family members? No.

 

And I told them I wanted movers to help this time. Of course they ignored me, and now I am in physical pain, so much so I needed to spend $60.00 at a massage therapist's, which I couldn't really afford. But I couldn't hardly use my right arm and my shoulders and neck were sore stiff. I am so glad I found that therapist though. She really did some amazing work and I think also addressed some of the energetic causes of my physical symptoms.

 

So should I just turn my back on my parents and leave them to their own self-designed hell? Can I find a way to do that and not feel guilty about it? I have cleaned out the upstairs and some of the downstairs all by myself. I have helped move my own stuff, which I boxed up myself, into storage. I have gone above and beyond all reasonable call of duty, haven't I?

 

Can I give myself permission to just give up on them? Maybe they need to live on the side of the road or in their car for a while until they finally wake the fuck up. Maybe staying here is delaying what they need. Maybe in this case the baby needs to leave the nest so the parents can learn how to fly on their own again.

 

If you were in my physical shoes in this situation, looking at June 1st, 2016 as the day you have to leave home and live on the road, what what you do?

 

Sorry about all the swear words. I really needed to vent. I needed to get this off my chest. My only support group, my only tribe, my only real friends, are here at this forum. I don't have anyone else to talk to about any of this. I hope you understand. Feel free to move this thread if needed.

Edited May 17, 2016 by DreamBliss

[Jetsun]

So your parents live in your house?

 

I don't know if you really want more advice but if you do I recommend trying the work of Byron Katie, it will sweep away all the beliefs that are holding you back. Very simple technique, free and easy to learn and will stop your argument with reality if done with consistency.

[liminal_luke]

Fifty Ways To Leave Your Lover....um, scratch that....Parents

 

[Nungali]

DB it sounds like you have done all you can ... and that is all you CAN do .   There will come a time when you just have to actually do it.    Its up to them now ... and everyone else. 

 

Sometimes, once the support is gone, others manifest or those  left around help more .  I mean, why should they bother ..... you have been there and doing it all so far,   there has not been a void to fill for them. 

[Nungali]

and I couldnt resist this 

 

 

 

[RiverSnake]

You can only help those whom wish to help themselves, sometimes to be compassionate you must be cold and cruel. Upon the day you leave, do a ritual cord cutting at the door. In terms of the whole vibration thing, it takes years of daily practice to rise.

 

Additionally, I would look at all your personal possessions and take only the necessities with you (wallet and clothes), get rid of anything that does not have practical value (this is a brutal process but must be done) . Keep only what you need to survive, get rid of the crap in storage (all of it). You talked about feeling like moving in molasses.....if you get rid of the majority of possessions this will help immensely and clear out massive obstructions in your life. Just give it all away at a thrift store, even that which has sentimental value. Wish you the best and hope you have some kind of daily practice for raising your vibration. Doing sun salutations on a daily basis (5-10 minutes) will help with physical stiffness. Cheers.

Edited May 17, 2016 by OldChi

[DreamBliss]

OK, thank you for all the advice. Looking up Byron Katie.

 

How does one do a ritual cord cutting?

 

So it really is OK for me to just wrap up my stuff and abandon them?

 

Taking just enough to live comfortably. Not just leaving with the clothes on my back. As far as my possessions, I have moved a number of times. I just throw away or give away things of no value. I might have more than I need. but I want to keep what I have. It gives me a reason to come back someday, pick everything up, and take it to my new home.

 

It is the motivation that keeps the dream alive, finding a place of my own, coming back, getting my stuff, moving away, only this time I have a place to move to. A place of my own.

 

Without that anchor the dream may just die, and me along with it. Probably doesn't make a lot of sense, but there it is. For example, some of the books I have and am keeping are things I wish to pass on to my children. If I throw those things out, it's, to me, like giving up on having children of my own. Throwing out all my stuff is equivalent to giving up on establishing my own home, my own place in the world.

 

Maybe it makes more sense now? Because I am bicycling and have small-medium sized panniers as well as a weight limit, I am already down to the bare minimum. Just a few clothes, a hiking stove and cook set, my hammock, rainfly and mosquito neck, straps, rope, a few books, my nook HD, some wirebound notebooks, personal care items, bedding and a few other things. Will be paring down as I pack. I think I will get started tonight maybe. I think it will help to have the bike packed up, ready to go in a moment's notice.

[roger]

It depends on the exact nature of the situation. If your parents are in danger (for example, of becoming homeless and on the streets), then I, personally, would do what I could to protect and help them.

 

One thing you can do is consciously ask for guidance. Sit down with your eyes closed and ask a Higher Power, in whatever way you conceptualize it, to speak to you. It requires no effort at all, thoughts will come to you, ideas and guidance will enter your mind. It might help to be very clear about your question. I've done this before with amazing results.

 

As far as raising vibrations go, in my mind, you have to fully (or perhaps just to a greater degree, not necessarily completely) open your heart to love. (btw I'm not implying that you haven't, just sharing how I think one can raise vibrations and energy levels) It can most easily happen in an encounter with another person in which you "go deeper" by expressing love from your Source or divine nature.

 

I hope this helps.

 

One more thing. Do what you think is most loving towards both yourself and your parents. What is best for them is what is best for you, and what is best for you is what is best for them.

Edited May 18, 2016 by roger

[RiverSnake]

Separating from our family and going out on our own is a natural part of growing up and becoming an independent man or women. In most cultures they have "rights of passage" or "initiations" into adulthood. But in our culture we are lacking in this area and many people can become stagnant in our ability to cut that cord and move into independence and adulthood. You should be able to find some cord cutting techniques online, just search.

[blue eyed snake]

Hi Dreambliss,

 

as you know i was somewhat fed up with you sometime ago.

but I kept on reading your posts and see that you're changing in good ways.

 

OK, I know some of you don't agree with the whole frequency and vibration thing. Can we set that aside for a bit? Also get away from the esoteric stuff and work at the level of the most apparent and strongest illusion.

 

I don't know if I am allowed to do this, but I am sure a certain someone here will let me know if I am breaking any rules and I will edit this post accordingly.

 

I have started a GoFundMe campaign, Pedaling to Passion. Trying to raise funds for when I leave here. If you are interested in donating or sharing the campaign, here's a link:

https://www.gofundme.com/pedalingtopassion

 

sorry, no money from me, being ill I'm living on my reserves, 

 

So I am struggling with two things here... I can't seem to raise my frequency or vibration. I see this as a problem, because I can not draw higher frequency/vibration things to me if I am not tuned in to that particular channel. That includes meeting my goal for my campaign, not having my stuff stolen by someone and finding couches to crash on as I work my way through Portland.

 

I feel bad, down and depressed, even angry at times. I am in a funk again, and I can't afford to be. Somehow I have to get out of this. I don't want to end up sick or injured because some subconscious or unconscious part of me can't get with the program and let shit go. I have to pack things up for storage, pack things up for my bike, and be ready to go. But it is like swimming in molasses right now. I don't know what to do. Other than maybe find a crap load of shrooms and be permanently high until I leave.

 

to me at least one reason of not being able to raise your vibration is clear. you feel locked up in a box, that makes you feel bad, depressed and angry. You have to get out of that box and, even though I now see that this thing with your parents is far bigger than i guessed at before, i see another reason, 

 

you're sort of scared to take this plunge, and a lot of things in your life seem to conspire to keep you into that box. And i can understand that anxiety well. It's like the high diving-board...

 

The other thing is that, from my perspective, my parents aren't trying hard enough. I need them to find a place so I can help them move in and be done with them. I have given them close to half of my life. How much more must I give? I am 40 years old. I am well overdue to get out on my own and figure shit out for myself. But I don't feel I can just bike off and leave everything in their lap.

 

I have spent hours searching for things for them, printing out material to read, giving the best advice I have. It doesn't seem like they are using any of it, and it's like getting teeth pulled to get them to get off their asses and call people. Plus they are making this harder than I believe it has to be. Mom owns half a house in Longview, dad has been paying my brother's rent for at least 8 years, he has been employed at the church and school for almost as long, he has references he can use and connections in the church. But he and mom seem to be doing little with any of this.

 

The one time they did anything is when they found a crappy single-wide trailer in Battleground, but of course I had to help them with all the paperwork. I know they can do better if they just try. But my mom is sick, doing little around the house other than the dishes, and dad thinks his work is the most important goddamn thing in the world.

 

I wish I could get my hands on my grandpa and beat the shit out of the bastard! Raising my dad to believe that his job, that hard work at it, to the exclusion of all else, is somehow not only important but also valuable. Complete and utter bullshit! Family comes first, then your fucking job, then your fucking religion!

 

I have tentatively decided to give them until Friday to show some sort of improvement. But I feel I am done helping them. I think I will focus on packing everything I want in storage up, getting that put away, then pack up my bike and just leave. Why should I feel guilty? Is my brother here helping? Are my parents bringing in friends? Other family members? No.

 

what a box you're in... as I read it, you,ve done enough. But what i also think: maybe your parents do not believe you will really leave, theyre as used to this box as you are and if i remember well you've had these plans earlier, maybe again and again.

 

and i agree totally, you're long overdue to get out on your own.

 

I think you do well to keep some stuff in storage btw, i've done what you are doing now at a younger age, and remember clearly that there needed to be something to come back to. For me it was something different, but it is about the feeling of needing something to come back to, because if you have not got that you will never come back while you know, deep down, that you do want to come back, as a different man.

 

And I told them I wanted movers to help this time. Of course they ignored me, and now I am in physical pain, so much so I needed to spend $60.00 at a massage therapist's, which I couldn't really afford. But I couldn't hardly use my right arm and my shoulders and neck were sore stiff. I am so glad I found that therapist though. She really did some amazing work and I think also addressed some of the energetic causes of my physical symptoms.

 

yes, that maybe the results of that box, the battens/plank of that box begin too hurt more and more as you're growing out of it.

 

So should I just turn my back on my parents and leave them to their own self-designed hell? Can I find a way to do that and not feel guilty about it? I have cleaned out the upstairs and some of the downstairs all by myself. I have helped move my own stuff, which I boxed up myself, into storage. I have gone above and beyond all reasonable call of duty, haven't I?

 

now you ask of us, to tell you what you know. to assure you of walking your path is the good thing.

But only when you make that choice yourself, without guilt or regrets, it will be your own choice, your very own responsibility, whatever comes of it.

 

Can I give myself permission to just give up on them? Maybe they need to live on the side of the road or in their car for a while until they finally wake the fuck up. Maybe staying here is delaying what they need. Maybe in this case the baby needs to leave the nest so the parents can learn how to fly on their own again.

 

If you were in my physical shoes in this situation, looking at June 1st, 2016 as the day you have to leave home and live on the road, what what you do?

 

Sorry about all the swear words. I really needed to vent. I needed to get this off my chest. My only support group, my only tribe, my only real friends, are here at this forum. I don't have anyone else to talk to about any of this. I hope you understand. Feel free to move this thread if needed.

 

venting here is good for you, I cannot make the choice. there is only one in life who can make the choices, and that is you yourself. But i seem to observe, that when you do not go now, you never will.

 

i have a book of years, out of which i will translate ( with dictionary as help  ) a part for you:

 

forty

 

in the 39th year, a new keynote comes into life, in that year it feels as a promise. But when forty is reached, this new keynote can becomes threatening. The things we hear in our inner are denied/disavowed. When that happens, existence becomes empty, destitute of real purpose. Nothing will bring real fulfillment anymore - only with the outer senses- one is able to enjoy interests and enjoyments, but deep down one knows life has become deathlike. You get cynical and blase.

 

forty is the year of testing, will you maintain the illusion or will you face you're own reality.

 

I do remember my forthieth... different choices were made, but looking back i see this text was just as applicable,

 

all the best

BES

[Songtsan]

Sounds like there is a lot of co-dependence between you guys. You are all enabling eachother to stagnate in life in some way. Pragmatism might be best at this time. Why should you worry though? Your father has a job, it's not like they wont have money to find a place. You could always start with small excursions on your bicycle, lasting a few days, coming back every once and a while to check up on them and help out. You have given enough by now, and also become dependent on them as they have been dependent on you. It is good to help family whenever they really need it though. You will not be abandoning them if you move out. Do you have the free phone (Obama phone from Safelink)? You have food stamps?

 

The question now is what are you going to do with your life? Wander around couch surfing? Go to college? Get a job? Go live in a commune?

 

Money is definitely a plus in these times.

 

You can also dumpster dive in affluent neighborhoods. I find nice clothes, tools, books, things I can sell on ebay/amazon/etc. all the time. You can usually make a hundred bucks a week or more doing that in the warm seasons.

 

I think the main thing is how are you going to support yourself?

 

You say that you are overweight, so going on a calorie restricted diet will be good for you. You can get foodstamps, so food won't be an issue.

 

Hopefully you will get a nice bike soon, maybe one with a rear rack and saddle-bags to carry lots of stuff. And get a good U-lock with a steel cable to run through your tires and through the U-lock.

 

Honestly, you should spend at least $600 for a quality new bike. Make sure you get one sized right for you.

 

Living outdoors in the summer months should be easy and fun. It doesn't rain much at all in the NW where you are in the months of July-September.  If you have a water proof, warm sleeping bag, you can handle just about any weather.

 

If you have friends who will at least let you stop by and take a shower that would be great, maybe even let you do some wash. If not, get a gym membership at the cheapest gym you can find (maybe Planet Fitness) and use their facilities.

 

If I were you I would be focusing on physical health as a primary concern. You can get medicaid for free, and you should use all their services for any issues you have.

 

You mention lack of motivation and low energy levels. You could consider getting on anti-depressants as a short-term fix, but long term these things are best served by a combination of healthy living and having a purpose and creating a habit energy of progressive and continual improvement in all areas of life.

[Nungali]

You can only help those whom wish to help themselves, sometimes to be compassionate you must be cold and cruel. Upon the day you leave, do a ritual cord cutting at the door. In terms of the whole vibration thing, it takes years of daily practice to rise.

 

Additionally, I would look at all your personal possessions and take only the necessities with you (wallet and clothes), get rid of anything that does not have practical value (this is a brutal process but must be done) . Keep only what you need to survive, get rid of the crap in storage (all of it). You talked about feeling like moving in molasses.....if you get rid of the majority of possessions this will help immensely and clear out massive obstructions in your life. Just give it all away at a thrift store, even that which has sentimental value. Wish you the best and hope you have some kind of daily practice for raising your vibration. Doing sun salutations on a daily basis (5-10 minutes) will help with physical stiffness. Cheers.

 

 

Man .... when I was younger, I  must have done that 5 or 6 times . 

 

Dont worry DB it comes back and sticks to you like a magnet   ( accumulated stuff I mean )  .

 

Once, my back pack looked ridiculous ; all this stuff attached to and tied on it, plus another bag.  I stopped in for a weeks visit to the family home. Mother was very upset looking at it ; 'That;s everything you own in the world ! " 

 

Me; "yeah, crazy isnt it, I gotta get rid of a lot of that stuff." 

 

'What happened to all those things you used to have ?"

 

"Gave 'em away, or lost them ."

 

< Shakes her head in disdain and worry over me  ..........   years later when I got given  my land share, and virtually given my house and more recently given a car , her head is shaking in superstition .... how can you get all these things for nothing ? Something isnt right here ." 

 

 

    (Oh well, cant teach an old dog new tricks !    I had an early life of my family telling me what I claimed I was going to do was impossible ... HA!   Now I am doing it, they cant seem to remember what I said I was going to do back then !  )

 

Dont let people .....

 

 

 

 

Still, wandered here and there, stayed at some amazing places, met lots of nice people, and ended up with my own little patch of 'Eden'.

 

The 'stuff ' still magnetically attaches to me,  I am overdue due for my biannual throwout (which is good as I have a friend moving in to an empty house - I realise I have a lounge, bed base, table and 2 sets of draws I dont need !  

[thelerner]

I suppose we raise your vibration with the difficult task of monitoring our thoughts and weeding out negativity.   Maybe 'blank slating' all the things we think we know and being open to what life gives us without expectations.   Accepting people and situations with openness, knowing they're just doing there thing. 

[Nungali]

OK, thank you for all the advice. Looking up Byron Katie.

 

How does one do a ritual cord cutting?

 

So it really is OK for me to just wrap up my stuff and abandon them?

 

Taking just enough to live comfortably. Not just leaving with the clothes on my back. As far as my possessions, I have moved a number of times. I just throw away or give away things of no value. I might have more than I need. but I want to keep what I have. It gives me a reason to come back someday, pick everything up, and take it to my new home.

 

It is the motivation that keeps the dream alive, finding a place of my own, coming back, getting my stuff, moving away, only this time I have a place to move to. A place of my own.

 

Without that anchor the dream may just die, and me along with it. Probably doesn't make a lot of sense, but there it is. For example, some of the books I have and am keeping are things I wish to pass on to my children. If I throw those things out, it's, to me, like giving up on having children of my own. Throwing out all my stuff is equivalent to giving up on establishing my own home, my own place in the world.

 

Maybe it makes more sense now? Because I am bicycling and have small-medium sized panniers as well as a weight limit, I am already down to the bare minimum. Just a few clothes, a hiking stove and cook set, my hammock, rainfly and mosquito neck, straps, rope, a few books, my nook HD, some wirebound notebooks, personal care items, bedding and a few other things. Will be paring down as I pack. I think I will get started tonight maybe. I think it will help to have the bike packed up, ready to go in a moment's notice.

 

 

Yeah, stash some stuff somewhere if you can. 

 

One can make some exceptions  ;   once camped in the middle of SA in a camp ground on my way to the west coast I met two young ladies doing the same thing. I invited them to my fire to dinner .   I had a four candle brass candlestick that folded out and screwed together, 4 fit inside each other ornamental wine glasses and a bottle of wine in the side pocket of pack.

 

We had a lovely shared candlelight dinner   

 

 

Not that I am suggesting  you carry a candelabra on your pushbike ......  just be innovative   

 

 

[Nungali]

Separating from our family and going out on our own is a natural part of growing up and becoming an independent man or women. In most cultures they have "rights of passage" or "initiations" into adulthood. But in our culture we are lacking in this area and many people can become stagnant in our ability to cut that cord and move into independence and adulthood. You should be able to find some cord cutting techniques online, just search.

 

 

I think that was the basic context of my first post to BD 

 

<thinks>   Hmmmm ..... or maybe it was trashing him for believing in  ' The Secret ' ....   

 

But yes, it is a case of the journey to individuation. 

[liminal_luke]

I like the book Taomeow recommended awhile back about throwing out everything that doesn´t "spark joy."  A great way to raise your vibration, imo.

[DreamBliss]

Title?

[liminal_luke]

Title?

 

The Life Chaging Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing, by Marie Kondo

 

https://www.amazon.com/Life-Changing-Magic-Tidying-Decluttering-Organizing-ebook/dp/B00KK0PICK?ie=UTF8&btkr=1&redirect=true&ref_=dp-kindle-redirect

[Junko]

It's the choice you must make in your life.

In this respect I grantee noone can help you so you have to find a way to help yourself. You must wake-up! Spiritually speaking,to open the third eye.

[Kar3n]

Have you begun your journey?

[de_paradise]

No matter what you do, in a very short time you will end up as a handful of dust, as we all will.

[Junko]

Try to be happy! Don't let these problems down you.....!