I dun goofed

[madness23]

I am the most stupid fucking person that have ever existed. Seriously what is wrong with me? Why would I play with sexual energy? Why would I play with fire? I have destroyed my life with my stupidity. Those toughts run in my mind every single goddamn day.

The backstory is:

I have practiced some xing yi with a master and it felt really good. Years later by accident I have found Mantak Chia's books and they seemed very logical. I stopped ejaculating and began to do xing yi everyday and for about an hour and a half. I followed Chia's instructions but without any caution. I tought myself to have multiple orgasm without ejaculation. What can go wrong, right?

After eight months I had become psychotic and I was locked up in a psych ward. This was 3 years ago. I have tried everything to help myself but my mind is still a disaster. I have developed bipolar disorder and it doesn't go away.
I have nightmares every night.
I wake up at least five times every night.

I am either deeply depressed with suicidal toughts or high in the clouds.

My mind is a total mess.

It is permanent.

 

Please be carefull when you play with sexual energy.

[wilfred]

best to seek out a teacher/healer IRL IMO. it's a common enough recommendation here but few seem to take it seriously. your story highlights one of the reasons (though there are many more) why.

 

hope you find some peace in the future brother.

[Aetherous]

You learned something about playing with sexual energy there.

However, your condition is not permanent. Chinese medicine can help with some of what you're experiencing, such as waking up 5 times a night and having nightmares.

 

As for bipolar highs and lows, you could train your brain by doing calm abiding meditation.

Best of luck.

[liminal_luke]

Hi Madness23,

 

I know it´s easier said then done, but I´d suggest self-forgiveness, self-acceptance, just letting yourself off the hook.  Your sexual and other practices might have had a little (or maybe a lot,who knows?) with your present difficulties, but I´ll bet there are lots of other factors involved.  Genetics, for one.  And all sorts of other environmental influences, some of which were outside your control.

 

All of us have bodies that are susceptible to various health problems.  Some people have a tendency towards heart problems, some towards diabetes, etc.  Looks like whatever consitutional weakness your body had put you at risk of bipolar.  It sucks, but that´s the human condition.

 

That said, it´s far from hopeless.  As Aetherous said, it need not be permanent.  I like this quote from Rebbe Nachman of Breslove: If you believe that you can damage, believe that you can fix. 

[madness23]

Hi liminal_luke,

 

I know that I am responsible for my own suffering because nobody in my family has any mental health issues. When I researched it I saw the comments on amazon.

http://www.amazon.com/Taoist-Secrets-Love-Cultivating-Sexual/dp/0943358191

There are two customer reviews who got on antipsychotic medication doing these practices.

also this: http://www.thedaobums.com/topic/13577-a-case-of-insanity-induced-from-chia-style-semen-retention/

 

Its just that I did not made this research before I started playing with sexual energy.

I should have been more cautious and read more what other people think about these books

[thelerner]

I agree with Wilfred and Aetherous, nasty problems due to energy work is not in the scope of Western medicine.  An oriental expert might have a much better understanding of the problem and its solution.

 

That still gives you a choice of dozens of modalities and each doctor in them might have a different approach.  So it might take a few tries to find the right one.  Also, famous and expensive is probably no better then cheap and local, as long as they have formal training and certification. 

 

Good luck.  If you would.. could tell us more about the turning point, where the practice went from feeling good to beginning to do damage?   When did the benefits (if any) stop and the problems begin.

 

Lastly, other people have gone through similar things, you're not alone, and you will recover. 

 

Thanks.

Edited May 21, 2016 by thelerner

[doc benway]

I am the most stupid fucking person that have ever existed. Seriously what is wrong with me? Why would I play with sexual energy? Why would I play with fire? I have destroyed my life with my stupidity. Those toughts run in my mind every single goddamn day.

The backstory is:

I have practiced some xing yi with a master and it felt really good. Years later by accident I have found Mantak Chia's books and they seemed very logical. I stopped ejaculating and began to do xing yi everyday and for about an hour and a half. I followed Chia's instructions but without any caution. I tought myself to have multiple orgasm without ejaculation. What can go wrong, right?

After eight months I had become psychotic and I was locked up in a psych ward. This was 3 years ago. I have tried everything to help myself but my mind is still a disaster. I have developed bipolar disorder and it doesn't go away.

I have nightmares every night.

I wake up at least five times every night.

I am either deeply depressed with suicidal toughts or high in the clouds.

My mind is a total mess.

It is permanent.

 

Please be carefull when you play with sexual energy.

 

I agree with Liminal_luke - the relationship between your sexual practices, your psychosis, and everything else in and around your life is way too complex to reduce to a single cause-effect. A host of factors have come together to bring you here and now. Just because your immediate family has not manifested similar symptoms (to your knowledge), does not mean it is your fault or a direct result of the sexual practices. Could they have played a role? Absolutely. Should you have known better? How could you? You thought you were doing your best at the time - try to make some room in your heart for yourself. The anger and bitterness will not improve your situation, only make it worse. Healing begins with space, openness, and warmth for yourself, your situation, and others. 

 

I will deviate from the other opinions given here about Western medicine. Psychosis, if this is an accurate diagnosis, can threaten your life or the lives of others. I'd suggest that you work with an MD you can communicate comfortably with in addition to any other healers available to you, be they in the psychology or energetic disciplines.

 

Wishing you peace and warmth. 

[小梦想]

.

Edited August 11, 2018 by 小梦想

[madness23]

Hi Rudolf_safie,

 

 

 

Could you tell me more about what have you done and how did you fix it? Was sexual energy also involved?

I have tried energy healers, accupuncture, herbs but maybe I haven't found the right one yet.

Im currently on medication because without them the depression is so bad I don't leave the house.

[小梦想]

.

Edited August 11, 2018 by 小梦想

[Spotless]

It may well be that you are attributing what you did to what happened.

 

Semen retention and all sorts of sexual energetic practices are all the rage as are all sorts of kundalini practices - and people go off the deep-end frequently with these particular energetic manipulations - in pursuit of the quick reward of verification that this stuff is powerful and that we are "attaining" something.

 

Sexual energetic practice should be done as a relatively simple adjunct to practice and not some horrific buildup of superpowers. And drumming up a massive Kundalini awakening through force breathing exercises is an excellent way to achieve exactly what you have described.

 

In fact - read some of the disclaimers of certain practices that you must sign prior to joining a group practice - while it is just good legal practice to have a comprehensive disclaimer - many of them mention "psychotic", "sleeplessness", "insomnia" and warn that "anyone with prior mental health issues should consult with a physician prior to starting this practice".

 

Practice should be approached from tradition - not hyper translation of tradition - not the Western proclivity of extracting "just the pure reactive element" without the whole. Reaching higher states should not be viewed as fast food take out - people get toasted in this stuff regularly and recovery is often difficult and very slow.

 

The big three most dangerous practices in so far a people losing it - in order:

1. Mediumship

2. Kundalini

3. Retention / with added hyper activity.

 

Obviously all of them can be done safely - but they can easily be done un-safely - particularly #1

 

To madness23 - try to move off the monikers you are giving to yourself and ease up - perhaps change your name here in the bums - anyway - seek out non-western medical solutions - possibly Indian / Ayurvedic would be best and with a better understanding - it would be much easier to convey your situation to this group.

Edited May 22, 2016 by Spotless

[roger]

I am the most stupid fucking person that have ever existed. Seriously what is wrong with me? Why would I play with sexual energy? Why would I play with fire? I have destroyed my life with my stupidity. Those toughts run in my mind every single goddamn day.

The backstory is:

I have practiced some xing yi with a master and it felt really good. Years later by accident I have found Mantak Chia's books and they seemed very logical. I stopped ejaculating and began to do xing yi everyday and for about an hour and a half. I followed Chia's instructions but without any caution. I tought myself to have multiple orgasm without ejaculation. What can go wrong, right?

After eight months I had become psychotic and I was locked up in a psych ward. This was 3 years ago. I have tried everything to help myself but my mind is still a disaster. I have developed bipolar disorder and it doesn't go away.

I have nightmares every night.

I wake up at least five times every night.

I am either deeply depressed with suicidal toughts or high in the clouds.

My mind is a total mess.

It is permanent.

 

Please be carefull when you play with sexual energy.

 

 

There's a very easy and very safe technique you can use to solve your problem, and although I'm not 100% certain it will work for you, I know that it's helped me.

 

I admit I haven't had the exact FORM of problem you have, but you see, form isn't the essence of the problem.

 

Different problems take different forms, but the CONTENT is always the same.

 

Whether you're bipolar, have anxiety disorder, or simply have too much anger- it's all basically the SAME.

 

The problem is really BLOCKS to love, to the flow of energy.

 

The easy technique I'm gonna suggest is a way to SAFELY heal those blocks and get your energy (love) freed up.

 

I call it non-meditation. The teaching is: no effort, no technique.

 

JUST SIT THERE. Don't TRY at all. Let thoughts come and go on their own.

 

This isn't mindfulness.

 

It's like an animal- they just ARE.

 

Another way to put it is like when you're driving your car. The mind is totally natural.

 

Just BE.

 

I suggest doing this between ten minutes once a day and twenty minutes twice a day.

 

See how it works for you.

 

I hope this helps.

[RiverSnake]

Everyone whom practices Mantak Chia should look at the many reviews online of how his methods have had adverse and harmful effects.

[roger]

Everyone whom practices Mantak Chia should look at the many reviews online of how his methods have had adverse and harmful effects.

 

Thanks for sharing this OldChi.

 

I've been thinking about studying his teachings and techniques, but I think I'll pass now.

 

Who knows, you could have saved me great time and effort, or possibly even a harmful effect or negative condition.

[RiverSnake]

Thanks for sharing this OldChi.

 

I've been thinking about studying his teachings and techniques, but I think I'll pass now.

 

Who knows, you could have saved me great time and effort, or possibly even a harmful effect or negative condition.

 

His methods are wishy washy and there are much safer ways to approach cultivation.

[Eques Peregrinus]

The big three most dangerous practices in so far a people losing it - in order:

1. Mediumship

2. Kundalini

3. Retention / with added hyper activity.

 

Obviously all of them can be done safely - but they can easily be done un-safely - particularly #1

 

I am somehow surprised shamanism or astral travelling not appearing in this list. Especially when they are accompanied by entheogens consumption.

[joeblast]

the ren and du blow both ways, like an eskimo yo-yo

 

e.g. gv secondary branch

 

 

that's not to take emphasis off of the primary branch, however

[liminal_luke]

Joeblast,

 

Any chance you´d be open to reviving your PPD?  I don´t know if it´s permanently deleted or just temporarily taken down, but I went hunting for it the other day and saw that it was gone.  I´m interested in reviewing your practice of using trigrams with the microcosmic orbit.

 

Thanks,

Liminal

[joeblast]

Its there.  I dont recall whats in it still, but the subforum exists.  I b elieve there is also a thread in the yijing section on it.

 

----

 

The firing process spoken of in the alchemical classics and writings of the masters is a metaphor for the order of practical spiritual work.
-- Liu Yiming (The Inner Teachings of Taoism)

 

Qian (Heaven) and Kun (Earth) form the crucible and furnace within; Kan (Water) and Li (Fire) are the medicinal substances from which the Elixir is made. The rest of the sixty hexagrams consequently make up the firing times – through which the Elixir is taken.
-- Master Shangyang (Commentary on Cantong Qi)

 

Qian (Heaven) ☰ and Kun (Earth) ☷ are the door and the gate of change, the father and the mother of all hexagrams. Kan (Water) ☵ and Li (Fire) ☲ mark the inner space, and spin the hub and align the axis. -- Wei Boyang, The Can Tong Qi (Triplex Unity,)

 

The true fire is one`s own spirit: the true times are one`s own breathing.

-- Zhu Yuanyu (17th c. Taoist master, Commentary on the Cantong Qi)

 

The inner development of the elixir and the timing of it`s firing are no different at all from the ebbing and the flowing of the phases of the moon. The six lines of the Heaven hexagram act as an image of the waxing and waning of the moon`s body. But it`s all metaphor.
-- Yu Yan (Commentary on the Cantong Qi)

 

The rest of the remaining 60 hexagrams stand for the firing times. Each day there are twelve double hours; two hexagrams are made up of twelve lines, and so each day uses two hexagrams. Thus as the sixty hexagrams are divided among the thirty days, they represent a single month. But it is slightly limiting, so why is it done in this fashion? Because it is only metaphor. They are not meant to refer directly to the thirty days. -- Yu Yan (Commentary on the Cantong Qi)

 

The firing process with its advancing and withdrawal, extraction and addition, increasing and decreasing, is modeled on and represented by this, and concentrates a year into a month, a month into a day, a day into an hour and an hour into one breath. -- Li Dao Chun (13th c. Taoist master, The Book of Balance and Barmony)

 

Breathing out and breathing in does not refer to exhalation and inhalation through the nose, but rather to the opening and closing of the true breath, the inner pulse of life, the movement of energy and stillness of the spirit. -- Li Dao Chun ( The Book of Balance and Harmony)

[eponymous]

Everyone whom practices Mantak Chia should look at the many reviews online of how his methods have had adverse and harmful effects.

Hi OldChi,

 

As much as I appreciate Mantak Chia for introducing me to Taoist Meditation, I realize that some of his books which focus on sexual mastery can be dangerous. For instance, in Multi-Orgasmic Man, he talks about The Big Draw or Valley Orgasms, but didn't tie in the importance of circulating the energy along the microcosmic orbit, and collecting the energy in the navel (I didn't read the whole thing to be honest, and this is why I stopped).

 

His book, Awaken The Healing Energy Through The Tao, which I still use as a reference, is safer to use; It contains the warnings about kundalini (I'm still not sure what that means, being a newbie to all this) and collecting energy in the head.

 

But it seems his books about sex are dumbed-down for the sex-obsessed western audience he is trying to reach. This is unfortunate.

 

I stopped myself before I got to the stage of the OP, but I was experiencing very real contraindications to storing energy in the head. So even though giving myself dozens of orgasms over the period of a couple hours felt good and is really addictive, I had to reason with myself and tell myself to stop. Practising this caused me to have a headache, with grogginess, that lasted 2 - 3 days. It felt like my brain was under extreme stress which I never felt before.

 

So now I only practice circulating along the orbit.

 

QUESTION: Apart from Mantak Chia, and without having to go on a scavenger hunt, what resources (books, etc.) exist for newbies like myself who want to learn more about Taoist Meditation, in a concise but safe way?

 

I don't have access to a teacher; although I'm searching, but I probably won't find one in my country.

Edited May 28, 2016 by eponymous

[RiverSnake]

Several useful books to get you started. Most of these books also have some dvds/videos of qigong and meditation that the author recommends. 

 

http://www.amazon.com/Opening-Energy-Gates-Your-Body/dp/1583941460?ie=UTF8&keywords=bruce%20kumar%20frantzis&qid=1464453226&ref_=sr_1_1&s=books&sr=1-1 

 

http://www.amazon.com/Way-Energy-Mastering-Internal-Strength/dp/0671736450/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1464453259&sr=1-1&keywords=Way+of+Energy 

 

http://www.amazon.com/Light-Warriors-Guide-Energy-Healing/dp/0967474256/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1464453296&sr=1-1&keywords=A+light+warriors+guide 

 

http://www.amazon.com/Born-Healer-Was-Healer-Were/dp/0974094412/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1464453328&sr=1-1&keywords=chunyi+lin

Edited May 28, 2016 by OldChi