spiritual vs non-spiritual partner?

[Shad282]

hey ! hope you are having a nice day!

 

As me being spiritual and believing in energy chi, meditating, and all the package that come with it, about life perspective and such, kinda causing me troubles in dating and finding a life partner.

 

The thing is where i live, it is less likely to find spiritual people that have such beliefs as me.

Many times while chatting or having a conversation with someone... once i open up about my beliefs and practices, that person either freaks out or start arguing and such about it and trying to prove things scientifically.

 

It is happening a lot, even tho. we had a good conversation and interests in each others, when this subject arises, kinda makes the connection and interest decrease.

and to be honest, i don't think i can be with someone who is going to fill me with doubts about my beliefs and experience with energy or with someone that makes me feel weird about what i do or at least not understand what i have interest in.

 

I m not sure if i m asking a lot, or i maybe i should limit my search to people who are spiritual only

 

you ever had this issue ? if you have a partner, is he/she spiritual too? 

 

[C T]

the more spiritual you become, the less you want to talk about it. 

 

your level of spiritual mastery is always reflected in your ability to be present. 

 

Being present is meaningless if all you have to share is your own spirituality. 

 

Being present, in every sense of the term, becomes meaningful only when you are able to see the spiritual in other's ordinariness. 

 

Then you have nowhere to hide.

People, lots of them, will want to be in your presence for no other reason than to bask in that glow of acceptance. 

[Marblehead]

Yes, you are asking a lot. 

 

Don't bring up the subject of spirituality.  If the other asks then answer as simply as possible without adding anything.

 

Or find a partner who has no opinions.

[子泰]

Respect your partner's path in life, that's how you can remain spiritual in that type of relationship

[noonespecial]

None of this is about believing anything, there is nothing to believe when something just is. imo its not about finding a spiritual person, its about seeing the spiritual in other people, the most mundane idiotic people on earth are still spiritual how ever low that function may be or however low you may perceive it to be with rational thinking.

[Spotless]

hey ! hope you are having a nice day!

 

As me being spiritual and believing in energy chi, meditating, and all the package that come with it, about life perspective and such, kinda causing me troubles in dating and finding a life partner.

 

The thing is where i live, it is less likely to find spiritual people that have such beliefs as me.

Many times while chatting or having a conversation with someone... once i open up about my beliefs and practices, that person either freaks out or start arguing and such about it and trying to prove things scientifically.

 

It is happening a lot, even tho. we had a good conversation and interests in each others, when this subject arises, kinda makes the connection and interest decrease.

and to be honest, i don't think i can be with someone who is going to fill me with doubts about my beliefs and experience with energy or with someone that makes me feel weird about what i do or at least not understand what i have interest in.

 

I m not sure if i m asking a lot, or i maybe i should limit my search to people who are spiritual only

 

you ever had this issue ? if you have a partner, is he/she spiritual too? 

You have basically stated your own solution and it is pretty much a good one:

 

Yes - at a certain point in time it becomes very clear that your mate will Only be someone relatively spiritual - it is clearly required - even if they do not know they are "spiritual" - you will know them by their open acceptance rather than closed dogmatism.

 

In "your town" you can probably find someone on the internet and try from there. Also - you could take up Yoga - lots of women and generally "spiritual".

 

When you get to the point that you generally don't talk about it because you are "so advanced" - you will require an energetic field that is somewhat as vibrant or integrated as yours and that will not be found in those you are already not interested in and who you cannot exchange freely with.

 

You can also start relationships online from afar and then go on a date - a hundred miles away - be open to anything - but don't settle for what others can't have - it is not their karma to be with you - and it is not your karma to pretend and hide and hold your words: This is not a form of intentional suffering - you are not in a prison camp where what you say may get you killed - don't conform to what others can't have - soon enough (perhaps in the next life) they will be able to - in the mean time live your life with a full exchange, it is not your job to placate and "heal" everyone and walk on egg shells.

 

Seek a great spiritual partner - absolutely - what an incredible bond!

Edited May 28, 2016 by Spotless

[Jetsun]

I can cause a problem if your partner isn't interested in this stuff, at least for the basic reason that for most people only have a certain amount of days off work each year and if you are spending a lot of that going on retreats and spending a lot of your time and money on spiritual pursuits then if your partner isn't into it then you are going to be spending a lot of time apart doing different things. If my partner expected me to spend all my holiday time taking her away on a sunny holiday by the beach then it simply wouldn't work.The way I did it is I kept encouraging my girlfriend to come to some of the events just to see what they are like and in the end they get drawn in.

[Karl]

hey ! hope you are having a nice day!

 

As me being spiritual and believing in energy chi, meditating, and all the package that come with it, about life perspective and such, kinda causing me troubles in dating and finding a life partner.

 

The thing is where i live, it is less likely to find spiritual people that have such beliefs as me.

Many times while chatting or having a conversation with someone... once i open up about my beliefs and practices, that person either freaks out or start arguing and such about it and trying to prove things scientifically.

 

It is happening a lot, even tho. we had a good conversation and interests in each others, when this subject arises, kinda makes the connection and interest decrease.

and to be honest, i don't think i can be with someone who is going to fill me with doubts about my beliefs and experience with energy or with someone that makes me feel weird about what i do or at least not understand what i have interest in.

 

I m not sure if i m asking a lot, or i maybe i should limit my search to people who are spiritual only

 

you ever had this issue ? if you have a partner, is he/she spiritual too? 

 

Do you need a partner that also shares your taste in food or drink or scratching you balls ?

 

Filter out your values from your activity. Does your partner share your values - not necessarily interests- which enhances your life.

 

Sometimes values are encapsulated in the interest of course and that can become a deal breaker.

 

My wife doesn't share my passion for philosophy and economics and I don't share her passion for shopping. However we share common values in our treatment of honesty, integrity, independence, pride, productivity, justice. We value rationality and not blind emotion and therefore prepare to discuss differences of opinion rather than scream at each other-but, each to their own.

[Michael Sternbach]

My partner is Junko, also a member of this forum. We do share certain interests, including spiritual ones.

 

When I met her one evening 28 years ago in that disco, I happened to have a book on Tarot with me which I had bought a couple of hours before. I showed it to her, she liked it, and the rest is history.

 

I consider it's very important for a long term relationship that your partner at least has an openness to your interests, especially if they tie in with how you look at life. You wouldn't have been happy in the long run with any of those girls who rejected your views; it's good that you found out early.

 

The people we attract tend to reflect ourselves; if it frequently happens that you meet girls who turn away from you or feel provoked because of your beliefs, consider if you yourself are somehow not at peace with them.

 

You could facilitate attracting the right type by attending some kind spiritual seminars or classes.

[Cheshire Cat]

If you can't manage to stay alone and experience happiness, what's the use of your spirituality?

[Spotless]

If you can't manage to stay alone and experience happiness, what's the use of your spirituality?

Spirituality is not a Utility.

 

"A" spirit - spirit - may wish to have a close relationship - and in the original post the question is asked if one should give in to the difficulties of finding an open spiritual person or one closed to dogma.

 

If one has the view stated in the quote above then if one cannot manage to stay alone and find happiness one might as well commit suicide - one IS spirituality but it does not mean one is happy.

 

I never liked to be single - through all of my adult life - and through all of my life Awakening was my goal - yet suicide was a constant thought. It was not until I Awakened that being by myself and truly "happy" took place.

 

Some people are naturally loners and for them this reality seems foreign and odd. Some people are jocks and simply don't understand "lazy people" that don't work out. Some people like food from all over the world, spicy or not and think picky eaters are sad mis-outs (and of course they are)

Edited May 28, 2016 by Spotless

[Karl]

As someone who is drawn to the ocean, sun + beach sounds appealing to me.

I can tell you and Jetsun aren't going to make it :-)

 

Actually my wife loves beaches, Sun and swimming. I like to gaze at the view of the sunny beach from the balcony of a bar with a good book and an ice cold beer. She goes off with her beach towel and sun tan lotion and I read in the shade. Works brilliantly.

 

I hate sand, I don't particularly revel in swimming, the salt hurts my eyes, the sand gets in places I don't want it and I hate being broiled alive like a lobster. Give me a waterski a speedboat, a sand yacht, paraglider or a big motor cruiser and I'm fine.

Edited May 28, 2016 by Karl

[Cheshire Cat]

Spirituality is not a Utility.

 

"A" spirit - spirit - may wish to have a close relationship - and in the original post the question is asked if one should give in to the difficulties of finding an open spiritual person or one closed to dogma.

 

I don't think so.

What the individual really wants is to experience a state of profound love.

Relationships are just the mean of the common man to get it... or -most the time- to get a shadow of the real thing.

 

I don't mean to dispel delusions since this is the job of the Buddhas, but consider that if your spiritual practice doesn't give you the ability to experience states of profound love without a partner, maybe it could be a good idea to establish a foundation for your path.

 

If one has the view stated in the quote above then if one cannot manage to stay alone and find happiness one might as well commit suicide - one IS spirituality but it does not mean one is happy.

 

If you can't fly, then walk. No need to kill yourself for that.

 

 

Some people are naturally loners and for them this reality seems foreign and odd. Some people are jocks and simply don't understand "lazy people" that don't work out. Some people like food from all over the world, spicy or not and think picky eaters are sad mis-outs (and of course they are)

 

To be alone, satisfied and content is a skill that comes trough a real spiritual training of the mind.

People aren't born with it.

Edited May 28, 2016 by Cheshire Cat

[Michael Sternbach]

Relationships are a great means of achieving that oneness, by integration of that missing part of yours that the other reflects.

 

Be careful not to cut too many corners. Or you won't even know what you are missing.

[Marblehead]

What happens when, after experiencing oneness with one's partner, death takes him/her?

 

Isn't this type of relationship oneness limited?

Hehehe.  Aren't all "things" limited?

[Michael Sternbach]

What happens when, after experiencing oneness with one's partner, death takes him/her?

Isn't this type of relationship oneness limited?

The partner is reflecting a part of yourself which you are not fully aware of. What Jung called the anima and animus, respectively. The bliss we experience when we are in love is due to this completion we have found again - at least temporarily.

 

Of course, there is generally some illusion involved, because what we are seeing is in part not the partner the way she/he really is, but just ourselves, projected on them. Once we start finding this out, the relationship usually gets difficult, but it can still be a great learning tool that helps us to experience ourselves and get closer to our wholeness. And that is what I am talking about - the inner marriage, the mysterium conjunctionis, by which we become whole again.

 

Platon talked about this in his Symposium. It's common knowledge in Alchemy and Tantra.

[C T]

CT assumes the union or marriage as its put is indeed one that transpires internally (as in the 'inner marriage' in Michael's post above) - hence the question arises: wouldn't a physical partner be redundant then? 

 

In tantra, or at least in certain strains of tantra, a physical partner is (at times) more a hindrance than a boon. 

 

In my limited view, unless both partners share similar sensitivities and at least some telepathic connection somewhere along the early stages of the relationship, it would be more nurturing to cultivate without one. 

 

 

 

 

 

edited to add 'at times'

Edited May 28, 2016 by C T

[Shad282]

Thank you everyone for your answers and help.

 

I guess it is better to find someone who has similar or close perspective of life like i do, which will allow to make our life smoother and with more understanding to one another. Also, i think it would be good for later on when we build a family.

Just wanted to point out that I'm not making spirituality as a religion or anything, just a perspective of life and experiences.

 

I've tried to fit in with a lot of people.. everything is ok, but when things go deep or a situation arises and you want to explain your perspective, I end up in explaining my perspective and my experience in meditation and practices and such. so no run from it, especially if you are looking to spend your life with that person.

[Marblehead]

Is Tao limited? (Oh, but then I might be off-topic. )

Yes, you are off topic and no, not Tao because Tao is not a thing.  (We could say it is all things though.)

[C T]

Yes, you are off topic and no, not Tao because Tao is not a thing.  (We could say it is all things though.)

Like God you mean? Sure has a similar ring to it 

[liminal_luke]

I´m mixed on the topic of relationship wish-lists.  One friend of mine said he sat down one day and wrote down all the qualities he wanted in a partner, and, lo and behold, that´s exactly what he got.  The relationship has been a long-term and mostly-good one, although if he had it to do over again he might have given some of the items on his checklist a bit more thought.

 

For others, relationship wish-lists can be a bit too stifling.  Say spiritual is at the top of your list.  Ok, good so far, but now what? How are you going to recognize that spiritual person?  I consider my mom very spiritual but she has a pronounced distaste for God-talk and wouldn´t go back to her yoga class after the teacher had everyone chant "ommm."  Often, the most spiritual people don´t go around in spiritual-looking clothes saying spiritual-sounding things -- and you might well want to avoid a lot of those who do.   

Edited May 29, 2016 by liminal_luke

[Spotless]

There is a awful lot of extreme and lofty thinking in here - relationship is not an exact science and often our best learning about ourselves and others can be through an intimate relationship with another.

 

Relationship takes a fair amount of work - it is generally best not to pre-load a relationship with known rejection and disrespect of some of the most highly treasured aspirations and practices we enjoy.

[Cheshire Cat]

Relationships are a great means of achieving that oneness, by integration of that missing part of yours that the other reflects.

 

Be careful not to cut too many corners. Or you won't even know what you are missing.

 

Assuming that you're missing something is often the first step of the journey, but chasing for it outside yourself is just a worthless effort, in my opinion.

 

The common men engage in relationships to get something that is missing in their lives, but the sages of the past relied on relationship to increase what they already got by themselves.

 

Once a Christian monk said "If only the laymen knew the delicious happiness and supreme joy that God bestows on his monks, humanity would come to an end"

[C T]

Assuming that you're missing something is often the first step of the journey, but chasing for it outside yourself is just a worthless effort, in my opinion.

 

The common men engage in relationships to get something that is missing in their lives, but the sages of the past relied on relationship to increase what they already got by themselves.

 

Once a Christian monk said "If only the laymen knew the delicious happiness and supreme joy that God bestows on his monks, humanity would come to an end"

Makes sense if one considers the rate at which relationships deteriorate in current times. 

Entering relationships infatuated with assumed notions is usually not very productive. 

[Shad282]

Assuming that you're missing something is often the first step of the journey, but chasing for it outside yourself is just a worthless effort, in my opinion.

 

The common men engage in relationships to get something that is missing in their lives, but the sages of the past relied on relationship to increase what they already got by themselves.

 

Once a Christian monk said "If only the laymen knew the delicious happiness and supreme joy that God bestows on his monks, humanity would come to an end"

it is not about looking for happiness or joy from a relationship... it is more of sharing an experience of happiness and joy, someone that would join you in your journey, a companion.

plus, the law of oneness, we are all one so what is outside yourself is yourself too and as inside so outside, your outer world affect your inner and vice versa. so neglecting the outer world and just focusing inside is not the best idea.

 

Also, the love or joy received from "god" (even tho there is no god according to my beliefs) is a lot different from that received from a human being. they exist on different levels and through different means.

 

Plus i m not sure that we came into this earth, this body, dimension in order to reject what is here and see to go back as spirits, energy being...