The way out of Empathy ?

[Shad282]

hey! 

my story short, is that when i was young up to my teenage years, i used to be cold emotionally, having shield around myself and heart in order not to get hurt by others. and with time i became careless about what others would say and wouldn't affect me (At least what i noticed). which lead other to see me as a cold person and distant and such.

 

about 2 years from now, i started learning how to feel my emotions back and be sensitive to feel them since i was kinda numb of them, and started working on my heart chakra because i used to feel a heavy block of energy around my chest etc.. 

Now after practicing vipassana, i could feel strings or dots of pain around my heart and on my chest and i watch them and they get healed and go away and later on others appear... and working on it.

 

The thing is i m becoming a lot sensitive. sensitive to criticism to other or me, when someone act mean to others or when i see a poor kid on streets begging or seeing emotionally broken person on tv or movie...

when such things happen usually my throat start feeling uncomfortable, tight and more sensations of pain appear on chest  when i scan the body.

 

Yesterday, i saw, a poor kid on the street crying and alone in the dark... it made me feel sooo bad and made me think about humanity and the pain and suffering all around the world.

 

from being cold and emotionless to becoming an empath and being overwhelmed by the environment, how to find the middle way (balance)?

 

Thank you! <3

[Marblehead]

Yes, that the question:  where is a healthy balance?

 

For me, I think it should be linked with what we are able to do to make things better for the other (person, condition, mentality, etc).

 

If we can do nothing about it then we should not allow ourself to get emotionally involved.  If we can do something to help then we should do it.  (Never mind whether or not our efforts actually helped.)

 

I do know what you are talking about because I have had similar experiences.  I am comfortable with my state now.  But I had to set limits and hold to them "religiously".

[Karl]

Seems unnecessarily over complex. I certainly wouldn't help someone just because I could, or because it might make their lives better. I would help if I thought they were worth helping and needed help.

[RiverSnake]

Shielding and daily practice.

[Shad282]

Shielding and daily practice.

 

isn't shielding, would mean that you are against or resisting something and so you shield yourself from it? 

 

there are a lot of perspectives concerning the shielding. some people say that by shielding you are acknowledging the existence of the thing as threatening, wrong/bad, creating a resistance/aversion and thus you attract it and give it attention, chi, to exist into your reality. and they say that it is better to allow it and try to be vulnerable and not resist it and so your reaction to it will decrease and so it will cease to affect you. 

 

but, maybe it depends on the intention behind the shield?

[Jeff]

isn't shielding, would mean that you are against or resisting something and so you shield yourself from it? 

 

there are a lot of perspectives concerning the shielding. some people say that by shielding you are acknowledging the existence of the thing as threatening, wrong/bad, creating a resistance/aversion and thus you attract it and give it attention, chi, to exist into your reality. and they say that it is better to allow it and try to be vulnerable and not resist it and so your reaction to it will decrease and so it will cease to affect you. 

 

but, maybe it depends on the intention behind the shield?

 

One shields against something if they are afraid and desire protection from it. You could easily say that your earlier "non-caring" feeling was basically shielding. Compassion is part of our natural state, but compassion is often misunderstood and easily becomes "attached" to beliefs and specific society views.

 

Mental clarity is the key. With that rises compassion, freely flowing into the world without the personal mental perspective of attachment and suffering.

[RiverSnake]

There is a good amount of toxic energy running around our society. It helps no one by you picking it up and putting it in your system, if your energy body is open this tends to happen. Not all energies and consciousnesses are friendly and nice. Protect yourself, it just makes sense. 

Edited May 31, 2016 by OldChi

[doc benway]

hey! 

my story short, is that when i was young up to my teenage years, i used to be cold emotionally, having shield around myself and heart in order not to get hurt by others. and with time i became careless about what others would say and wouldn't affect me (At least what i noticed). which lead other to see me as a cold person and distant and such.

 

about 2 years from now, i started learning how to feel my emotions back and be sensitive to feel them since i was kinda numb of them, and started working on my heart chakra because i used to feel a heavy block of energy around my chest etc.. 

Now after practicing vipassana, i could feel strings or dots of pain around my heart and on my chest and i watch them and they get healed and go away and later on others appear... and working on it.

 

The thing is i m becoming a lot sensitive. sensitive to criticism to other or me, when someone act mean to others or when i see a poor kid on streets begging or seeing emotionally broken person on tv or movie...

when such things happen usually my throat start feeling uncomfortable, tight and more sensations of pain appear on chest  when i scan the body.

 

Yesterday, i saw, a poor kid on the street crying and alone in the dark... it made me feel sooo bad and made me think about humanity and the pain and suffering all around the world.

 

from being cold and emotionless to becoming an empath and being overwhelmed by the environment, how to find the middle way (balance)?

 

Thank you! <3

 

Since you mention vipassana, I'll address your question in those terms.

I think it is important to develop a stable and skillful practice of shamatha prior to practicing vipassana for just this reason.

Shamatha cultivates wisdom (the direct knowing of the empty nature of self).

This direct experience of the empty nature protects against the pain you describe.

If you are overly sensitive to the pain in yourself and others, it is because the insight of emptiness has not yet adequately developed. 

Vipassana cultivates the clarity, the awareness if you will, and this naturally leads to deeper sensitivity. 

The masters do things in a certain order for good reasons.

[Shad282]

There is a good amount of toxic energy running around our society. It helps no one by you picking it up and putting it in your system, if your energy body is open this tends to happen. Not all energies and consciousnesses are friendly and nice. Protect yourself, it just makes sense. 

hmmmm... I m still looking into this.. if toxic/bad energy exist.. i guess it is all just chi energy flowing and it is as is .. not bad or good. it is just judging it based on our feelings or mind and how we perceive the result good or bad.. 

[Shad282]

Since you mention vipassana, I'll address your question in those terms.

I think it is important to develop a stable and skillful practice of shamatha prior to practicing vipassana for just this reason.

Shamatha cultivates wisdom (the direct knowing of the empty nature of self).

This direct experience of the empty nature protects against the pain you describe.

If you are overly sensitive to the pain in yourself and others, it is because the insight of emptiness has not yet adequately developed. 

Vipassana cultivates the clarity, the awareness if you will, and this naturally leads to deeper sensitivity. 

The masters do things in a certain order for good reasons.

According to my retreat, by S.N. Goenka, we practice anapana before vipassana, and i always do it, it helps in mindfulness and emptying the mind from thoughts. but feeling the pain/sensations on the body is normal and part of the process in Vipassana to improve equanimity against aversion or craving.

so, I guess your suggestion is to do anapana in situation when empathy arises to empty the mind of thoughts and so emotionally i remain stable... 

Thanks.

[RiverSnake]

hmmmm... I m still looking into this.. if toxic/bad energy exist.. i guess it is all just chi energy flowing and it is as is .. not bad or good. it is just judging it based on our feelings or mind and how we perceive the result good or bad.. 

 

In an ecology class i took back in college we talked about pollution.

 

A common pollutant situation is when oil spills occur in the ocean. Oil in itself is not bad nor is the ocean....but it is "out of place" and thus it creates disharmony in the ecosystem. In Miami where i live Python's (a non native species) were brought here via the black market pet owners and were let loose in the everglades when they grew to big to take care of.

 

Now the whole everglades is infested with Pythons, they have no natural predators and are eating every other species in the ecosystem. Are Pythons bad? No, but they are out of place and thus are causing great destruction in the environment.  

 

This is a useful analogy for energetics. You want the ecosystem of your body functioning at optimal levels and certain energies (electrical fields, powerful negative emotions, stagnant chi....etc) cause your body to be thrown of balance. There is no need for moral judgment...as evidenced by the Python and Oil analogy. Just put things where they belong.....and shitty energy does not belong in your body. Hope this is helpful. 

Edited May 31, 2016 by OldChi

[Shad282]

In an ecology class i took back in college we talked about pollution.

 

A common pollutant situation is when oil spills occur in the ocean. Oil in itself is not bad nor is the ocean....but it is "out of place" and thus it creates disharmony in the ecosystem. In Miami where i live Python's (a non native species) were brought here via the black market pet owners and were let loose in the everglades when they grew to big to take care of.

 

Now the whole everglades is infested with Pythons, they have no natural predators and are eating every other species in the ecosystem. Are Pythons bad? No, but they are out of place and thus are causing great destruction in the environment.  

 

This is a useful analogy for energetics. You want the ecosystem of your body functioning at optimal levels and certain energies (electrical fields, powerful negative emotions, stagnant chi....etc) cause your body to be thrown of balance. There is no need for moral judgment...as evidenced by the Python and Oil analogy. Just put things where they belong.....and shitty energy does not belong in your body. Hope this is helpful. 

 

wise use of comparison and metaphor, I loved it! very wise!

 

but how to solve these issues?... would shielding every animal and the ecosystem from python in miami would be the answer? because that would keep the pythons to increase and won't solve the issue but make it worse.

or maybe metaphorically speaking,  shielding the ocean so the oil don't get into it ? that won't stop the pollutants from being thrown into the ocean and won't solve the problem and people will be careless since the ocean is shielded and attract more pollutants. If you get what i mean. (seems like i m not that good in metaphors haha)

 

maybe the solution is in "understanding" the situation. and similar to the chi and your own ecosystem... building shields against different attacks coming from different sources doesn't seem to be helping, and also can be see as building a thought of a shield against other thoughts that come from outside.

Rather than holding a shield for the whole of your life, maybe allowing them or facing them would help more? 

 

I m just questioning and thinking... hehehe

[RiverSnake]

Personally i only use shielding when i need to...not all of the time. For example when i am doing healing work it is mandatory that i use shielding if i don't want to pick up every disease and sickness that the client has.

 

Other times when i am going out to bars, Walmart (i always pick up gunk at walmart) or perhaps someone is thinking very intensely about me and i don't want to deal with there thought forms. Situations vary, learn from experience when its time to jump in the bubble.

Edited May 31, 2016 by OldChi

[C T]

I know its not everyone's cup of tea, but speaking from the pov of Buddhism, while its good to empathise and do what we can to alleviate suffering and help those who need it should this be a phase of our current life experience, we are also reminded that ultimately, its all just a very absorbing, dramatic movie and we are both the director, the actor(s) and the prop person(s) - its good to feel deeply about the movie we are directing in order to give it a sense of realness, but at the same time, the teachings often remind us of the futility and danger of thinking that anything is actually happening on the screen, no matter how real the images appear on it. So we do what we can to enhance the picture quality, to keep it believable, keep it functional, yet at the same time if we can remember/be mindful not to get carried away, just as the director who directs a tragic scene can make it more or less dramatic depending on circumstances and capability, then we will succeed in making a worthwhile movie. 

[Kar3n]

I can see where shielding is proper in healing situations, but aside from that I do not think it is necessary.

 

Thoughts and emotions, whether they are your own or coming from the environment, are always coming and going. Attachment to those things and connecting a mind story to them is where the problems seem to arise. Sometimes things still stick to an obstruction, but for the most part they float by, just like the clouds.

 

With growth in practice, you will notice that things stick less and less. Your awareness and compassion will still be present, but the mind stories will be gone that cause reaction.

[RiverSnake]

You don't walk around with a condom on all day long, just when your having sex. 

[Jetsun]

being cold and emotionless to becoming an empath and being overwhelmed by the environment, how to find the middle way (balance)?

 

Thank you! <3

 

Well done in opening up your heart, most people seem to go the opposite way over time. But in your situation it could be that because you were shut down for a long time now being very open and facing a lot of feelings is a natural part of the process which will even out naturally over time.

 

But if it continues to be an issue one antidote I have heard Adyashanti describe is that energetically you may be open in front of yourself especially in the upper heart areas, but energetically you aren't as open behind and below, so what is happening is all this stuff is entering into you but instead of passing through you and moving out it is getting stuck. So working through lower chakra issues and opening up down there will allow issues of the world to enter, be acknowledged and then released without a trace.

[liminal_luke]

Hi Shad282,

 

I don´t have any solutions to offer you, just a perspective.  My take on your opening post is that you are in the middle of a process of healing and growth and doing just fine.  It might seem that "emotional coldness" and "empathy" are opposites but that´s not actually the case.  Emotional coldness is often a strategy that very empathic people use when they lack the maturity and strength to deal with their sensitivity.  Now that you´re older and stronger you do have the maturity and strength to begin to tolerate the empathic sensitivity that was part of you all along.  For this reason, your initial protective coldness has naturally started to fall away.

 

In time I think you will learn how to be open to the suffering of the world without being overwhelmed by it.  It´s a lifetime practice.

 

My two cents in case it makes any sense to you.

 

LIminal

[Shad282]

You don't walk around with a condom on all day long, just when your having sex. 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA you made me laugh soo much !

[Shad282]

Well done in opening up your heart, most people seem to go the opposite way over time. But in your situation it could be that because you were shut down for a long time now being very open and facing a lot of feelings is a natural part of the process which will even out naturally over time.

 

But if it continues to be an issue one antidote I have heard Adyashanti describe is that energetically you may be open in front of yourself especially in the upper heart areas, but energetically you aren't as open behind and below, so what is happening is all this stuff is entering into you but instead of passing through you and moving out it is getting stuck. So working through lower chakra issues and opening up down there will allow issues of the world to enter, be acknowledged and then released without a trace.

I guess you are right.. but the way i focus and heal is using vipassana... through sensations i feel on parts of my body... a lot like pain on my chest and also a big one on throat... still not feeling the lower ones like sacral or root enough to judge..

but i will try 

Hi Shad282,

 

I don´t have any solutions to offer you, just a perspective.  My take on your opening post is that you are in the middle of a process of healing and growth and doing just fine.  It might seem that "emotional coldness" and "empathy" are opposites but that´s not actually the case.  Emotional coldness is often a strategy that very empathic people use when they lack the maturity and strength to deal with their sensitivity.  Now that you´re older and stronger you do have the maturity and strength to begin to tolerate the empathic sensitivity that was part of you all along.  For this reason, your initial protective coldness has naturally started to fall away.

 

In time I think you will learn how to be open to the suffering of the world without being overwhelmed by it.  It´s a lifetime practice.

 

My two cents in case it makes any sense to you.

 

LIminal

thank you very enlightening and you are right.

[liminal_luke]

Hi again Shad282,

 

Thanks for your kind words about my post.   Since you are interested in things Buddhist, I thought you might like learning about the work of Sharon Salzberg, one of the foremost teachers western teachers of the Bhrama Viharas.  (Or at least I think she is.)  She has several books out about cultivating these qualities: metta (loving kindness), karuna (compassion), mudita (appreciative joy), upekka (equanimity).

 

Of the four, you might special attention to upekka, the practice of equanimity.  Equanimity is the quality that allows people to feel compassionate but not overwhelmed, open but not engulfed.  I found this on the interenet about Sharon Salzburg´s approach to equanimity practice.

 

Sharon Salzberg has suggested the following phrases, although it would be a bit much to try to use all of these in one meditation, so feel free to pick and choose:
ir

• All beings are the owners of their karma. Their happiness and unhappiness depend upon their actions, not upon my wishes for them.
• May we all accept things as they are.
• May we be undisturbed by the comings and goings of events.
• I will care for you but cannot keep you from suffering.
• I wish you happiness but cannot make your choices for you.