Thank you everyone

[Taoway]

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Edited August 14, 2016 by Taoway

[Gerard]

It is going to be entirely your decision. My advice:

 

1. If you are strong and a determined practitioner. Time to think about celibacy seriously, hence leave girlfriend behind and move on to a more mentally refined state of living while living in the world. Not an easy journey (and definitively not for everyone) but well worth it. If you want to go one step further you have the option of becoming a renunciate and practice full time.

 

2. If you think of a more grounded approach, maybe you should find a woman that respects your spiritual practice and is very aware of male weakness/energetic loss following ejaculation, which means retracing steps back in practice and having to start all over again, and is also very supportive of your personal practice. These females are not easy to come across with, unfortunately. Definitively not to be found in a bar or at work, more in a meditation or yoga centre, Vipassana retreat and the like.

 

Regardless of your decision, male and female interaction is naturally designed for the production of children or at least seminal loss if children are to be avoided. Retention in relationship builds huge amounts of ministerial fire (liver fire) which is highly damaging to the Heart (the house of Fire). Unless you are born with a high percentage of water in your Ba Zi chart (free resource), semen retention is bad for your health if one is engaged in sex or sex acts, i.e. masturbation without emission.

 

 

Good luck!

[Kar3n]

Did you discuss your plans for retention with her prior to your decision? Communication is key when you are in a relationship.

 

The exchange of energy that comes with sex It is about balancing it all out, leveling the playing field, being one with the person you love. Power and control leave with the clothing

Edited June 12, 2016 by Kar3n

[Michael Sternbach]

If the ancient Chinese theory is correct, losing semen is detrimental for the male - but receiving it is beneficial for the female. That might explain why your gf is feeling deprived of something (unless you have been using condoms all the time). In more general terms, the partner's orgasm is re-assuring to most.

 

Personally, I really doubt the concept of semen retention. I do think that excessive loss of semen such as happens in frequent masturbation is detrimental. But as part of a healthy sex life, I don't see it as a problem; on the contrary, according to modern research, ejaculation cleanses the prostate.

 

By the same token, Chinese texts claim that losing menstrual blood is decreasing a woman's vitality. Again, this only seems to hold true for excessive bleeding. Whereas normal menstruation cleanses the body of toxins according to homeopathic medicine, and the great practitioner James C. Burnett believed this to be the reason why women averagely live longer (not shorter!) than men.

 

Maybe semen retention was invented primarily to keep monks from engaging in sexual activity and stay focussed on meditation? Anyway, I do sympathize with your gf.

[Cheshire Cat]

[..]

 

It kind of makes me look at female nature and the way they want to see men submissive and weak after they release. They feel a exchange of power and control afterwards or something .

[...]

 

This is interesting. Can you elaborate on this aspect of female psychology?

[Taoway]

.

Edited August 14, 2016 by Taoway

[Michael Sternbach]

I got a chuckle out of your post, Taoway.

[ilumairen]

Well I'm no expert on it but it's just what it seems like in the situation.

I saw a meme on social media about how when a girl gives oral sex so well its like she sucka the life out of her boyfriend and it was a image of a boyfriend pretty much dead.

And all the women commenting were saying mhmm that's totally me . Acting like it's a good thing.

Well what I take from this is that with the way we culturally experience sexual desire we have a majority of people who are highly lustful and they don't realize it.

Sucking the life out of someone should be something you high five your girlfriends for.

 

In everday life I actually do recommend the practice to women who are having issues with their men acting angry/upset/hostile. And many have given me high fives over their partners calming down afterwards.

 

[Taoway]

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Edited August 14, 2016 by Taoway

[Taoway]

[

Edited August 14, 2016 by Taoway

[thelerner]

Seems like her position is irrational, in that you're not taking anything away from her.   I'd stick to my guns and let her know its simply one of your eccentricities.  She has a couple of those too, but you can live with it.  And speaking of positions, as a compromise, perhaps there's some other sex act you could perform, or work on together.

[Taoway]

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Edited August 14, 2016 by Taoway

[Aetherous]

Some consider it very bad to have sex and then deny her the mutual climax.

Just think...we get pleasure from giving pleasure. It's not that she's vamping you, or wants to see you weakened, in my opinion. She just wants to do what's natural.

[C T]

I can see two possible scenarios probably with overlaps so really its not an either/or consideration: One is your friend is confused, even dumbfounded, by the idea that you consent to engaging in sex, yet fail (yes, fail) to consummate the union; Two is that you are confused, even dumbfounded, by the idea that she agrees to have sex with you yet cannot respect your need for retaining your seed. From the viewpoint of transactional analysis, such an uncompromisable tryst is doomed to fail. 

 

Men who are predisposed towards pleasuring the partner tend to rationalize that eagerness by being rewarded satisfactorily when the partner achieves multiple orgasms. The more they manage to come, the greater the satisfaction for such a neurotic mindset. What makes you think women in general are somehow different in that respect? 

[ralis]

The myth of retention is nothing more than sexual/emotional suppression and neither makes one immortal or any of the other claims touted by gurus.

[C T]

Oh, and one more thing i forgot to mention: There is a lot more to retention than the mere withholding of semen. 

[ralis]

Oh, and one more thing i forgot to mention: There is a lot more to retention than the mere withholding of semen. 

 

Emotional suppression is the entirety of it. Recent medical research has concluded that infrequent ejaculation leads to a higher incidence of prostate cancer.

Edited June 13, 2016 by ralis

[ralis]

History is replete with examples of sexual/emotional suppression characterized by jack booted storm troopers. That is not to say that the OP has a tendency toward this, but to understand the dangers of such activity.

Edited June 13, 2016 by ralis

[Aetherous]

The myth of retention is nothing more than sexual/emotional suppression and neither makes one immortal or any of the other claims touted by gurus.

 

Boom. Wisdom dropped right there.

[Enishi]

Allow her to help you feel pleasure, but just say you don't always need to cum every time, and would rather focus on the moment without worrying about climaxing.

[Taoway]

I can see two possible scenarios probably with overlaps so really its not an either/or consideration: One is your friend is confused, even dumbfounded, by the idea that you consent to engaging in sex, yet fail (yes, fail) to consummate the union; Two is that you are confused, even dumbfounded, by the idea that she agrees to have sex with you yet cannot respect your need for retaining your seed. From the viewpoint of transactional analysis, such an uncompromisable tryst is doomed to fail.

 

Men who are predisposed towards pleasuring the partner tend to rationalize that eagerness by being rewarded satisfactorily when the partner achieves multiple orgasms. The more they manage to come, the greater the satisfaction for such a neurotic mindset. What makes you think women in general are somehow different in that respect?

Good point. Very good

[Taoway]

.

Edited August 14, 2016 by Taoway

[ralis]

That's pretty much the point of this. That's what I said. I don't mind doing it. I just think it's excessive to do it like 4 times a night every few days. I'd also rather learn to gather endurance you know?

 

Exactly what are your goals in this technique?

[liminal_luke]

 

It kind of makes me look at female nature and the way they want to see men submissive and weak after they release. They feel a exchange of power and control afterwards or something .

 

 

Taoway,

 

I think you might benefit from carefully reconsidering this belief.  It´s hard to have a warm and loving relationship with a women while believing that it´s "female nature" for women to want to see men submissive and weak.  You start out angry at all womankind before you´ve even gone on that first date.  Or else you give up on relationships altogether.  And you want a warm loving relationship! Or at least I believe that you do. So let´s hope for everyone´s sake that that really isn´t true.

 

I believe that issues around control in relationships are universal.  It´s not a male thing or a female thing; it´s a human thing.  If you look closely you might find you have "control issues" of your own. We all do.

 

As a gay man whose also tried to "retain" while in a relationship, I can tell you that women are not the only ones who have issues with this practice. Many people of both genders want to feel they "drive their partner wild."  There is an out-of-control aspect to orgasm that is very validating to both men and women.  Maybe your partner wants to feel that she can take you to a place of pleasure that you couldn´t get to on your own.  By keeping such a tight grip on what you will and won´t do in bed, she might see you as denying what is an important part of her eroticism.

 

That´s not to say that you shouldn´t continue to retain if that´s what you feel is best for you.  But can you feel empathy for her position?  Can you relate to her desire without making a negative judgement about "female nature?" 

Edited June 13, 2016 by liminal_luke

[Songtsan]

Wear her out with orgasm after orgasm, using all available methods...keep sticking to your guns. If she still complains, ask her if that 6 seconds of emission is really that pivotal a thing to get upset about in a relationship. If she says yes, well... move on...move on...