Thank you everyone

[Songtsan]

It's not a technique it's a personal preference. I can feel my self low and lethargic if I release too often. You may not but I do. So I prefer to do it moderately.

The problem is my partner seems to be influenced by the pornographic idea of just ejaculating all over the bedroom lol

 

some people are more sensitive to prolactin...

 

...try faking orgasm when you are inside her....it's always fun, lol

[Songtsan]

Mhm part of this thread is about the idea that why does it matter so much if I do or dont?

 

Personalllyyyy. I far more enjoy holding it in and riding that pleasure wave. Then releasing for 6 seconds of blah to reach a dead lifeless heartless me.

 

But I think that's what she likes so much. Seeing me in those 6 seconds. So she would rather see me out of my own control in 6 seconds then to know I am in complete bliss for hours while not releasing.

 

Some of you think I am just suppressing and believing the church or some shit in the hopes of becoming.. immortal. I'm not I just am very aware of how my body feels and I can see I live better moderately releasing.

 

follow your own bliss. (and try faking an orgasm!

[ralis]

I don't study with anyone, although I did first start practicing this after reading one of Chia's books, and it makes me feel great every day, like a boxer...certain mindsets and practices are needed though...and one can come every once and a while, but not that often...

 

just my experiences

 

I did some of his most extreme techniques that I learned in the workshops with him way back in 1985. Anyway, there are other ways of approaching this.

[Nungali]

It could theoretically be used for anything, but the parameters for using are very precise. It takes monumental insight as to how to pull it off, ......

[RiverSnake]

it's like nothing else matter though. I am very generous because all I want to do is please. Yet all she seems to care about is me releasing. It may be a self worth or personal issue.

Yet if anything me treating her well and focusing on her body should counter act that on its own. But I think she's conditioned to think. Guy ejaculate and is done and rolls over. Job done.

 

That's a very young un evolved way to experience intmacy. I want to go down the karezza route

 

Definitely there's an aspect of self-worth in there. Many women have low self-esteem and a man holding back his seed can feel like a personal blow to them.  If a man doesn't ejaculate women feel that somethings "wrong" and its very difficult to convince them otherwise.

 

I don't know the answer to your problem, i suggest you sit down on your zafu and meditate and pray for a solution. The universe has a tendency to drop hints. Wish you the best of luck.  

[Songtsan]

I did some of his most extreme techniques that I learned in the workshops with him way back in 1985. Anyway, there are other ways of approaching this.

 

Like DHEA? testosterone? dopamine agonists? just curious...

[Wells]

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Edited July 1, 2016 by Wells

[redcairo]

Hmmn.

 

I did skim the whole thread but I missed whether you'd had a serious talk with her about your intent before you simply began doing that. Obviously communication and trust is a first and a given. I'm going to assume you did, or tried to recover and have since then.

 

I have a hilarious theory that women deficient in zinc are more driven to both sex and especially fellatio. If there's anything to the theory, withholding semen would have some eventual consequences. Read up on symptoms of it and if it seems possible, buy her a supplement just in case. I'm half-kidding but not entirely...

 

If your woman really needs a sexual relationship and you really need a lifestyle that prohibits completing the sexual act, I think that's a genuine problem... But I have to ask: are you sure, absolutely sure when you really look into your own motivations, that this is truly not related to her? 

 

I ask because I think she is definitely taking it as "you are withholding yourself from her because you do not want to give her the intimate part of you." Now, if you were injured or unable that's one thing, but to do it on purpose really is a big deal. And I know lots of people of both genders who at some point in a relationship have withheld either sex or some part of sex from their partner as a sort of quiet passive-aggressive thing. She seems to be reacting 'as if' you are.

 

So I'm just saying... really look honestly into yourself here. You were in the middle of a relationship when you apparently made this decision, which out of all the decisions you could make and all the practices you could have, is the one most likely (short of total breakup) to exclude her from something important.

 

As an aside, a man coming is not just about semen. Really that is totally secondary, although it has its own element of sexy and fun. But the O is the moment he is most deeply open. The audio track of his passion (for those men not still basically repressed-teens thinking of mom catching them so being silent...) is sexy as hell. It is psychological and emotional and physical all at once. I think the 'trade of energy' is reciprocal and a trade. You are taking hers and giving nothing back. Unless she is not really having as much fun as it seems in which case she isn't even getting the proxy satisfaction of yours.

 

I hope it works out. 

 

RC

[Mandrake]

I find it curious that when people buy this retention thing, then it is very hard to bend that belief.

And then other people come along and sometimes speak about traditions where retention isn't necessary, and they don't even blink. "How is this accomplished?" would be a good reaction.

As people have commented on again and again on this forum, retention is inherently problematic if one carries a lot of sexual issues, conflicting morality, and is living a stressful life.

The originators lived in a completely different culture, with a different societal dynamic, and the assumptions underlying the practice were completely different than what would be included in the cultivation-package today.

 

 

Mandrake

[Taoway]

I find it curious that when people buy this retention thing, then it is very hard to bend that belief.

 

And then other people come along and sometimes speak about traditions where retention isn't necessary, and they don't even blink. "How is this accomplished?" would be a good reaction.

 

As people have commented on again and again on this forum, retention is inherently problematic if one carries a lot of sexual issues, conflicting morality, and is living a stressful life.

 

The originators lived in a completely different culture, with a different societal dynamic, and the assumptions underlying the practice were completely different than what would be included in the cultivation-package today.

 

 

Mandrake

I don't retain anymore. I don't have a girlfriend anymore. I just don't think about sex any more. It's not for me.

[Taoway]

Hmmn.

 

I did skim the whole thread but I missed whether you'd had a serious talk with her about your intent before you simply began doing that. Obviously communication and trust is a first and a given. I'm going to assume you did, or tried to recover and have since then.

 

I have a hilarious theory that women deficient in zinc are more driven to both sex and especially fellatio. If there's anything to the theory, withholding semen would have some eventual consequences. Read up on symptoms of it and if it seems possible, buy her a supplement just in case. I'm half-kidding but not entirely...

 

If your woman really needs a sexual relationship and you really need a lifestyle that prohibits completing the sexual act, I think that's a genuine problem... But I have to ask: are you sure, absolutely sure when you really look into your own motivations, that this is truly not related to her?

 

I ask because I think she is definitely taking it as "you are withholding yourself from her because you do not want to give her the intimate part of you." Now, if you were injured or unable that's one thing, but to do it on purpose really is a big deal. And I know lots of people of both genders who at some point in a relationship have withheld either sex or some part of sex from their partner as a sort of quiet passive-aggressive thing. She seems to be reacting 'as if' you are.

 

So I'm just saying... really look honestly into yourself here. You were in the middle of a relationship when you apparently made this decision, which out of all the decisions you could make and all the practices you could have, is the one most likely (short of total breakup) to exclude her from something important.

 

As an aside, a man coming is not just about semen. Really that is totally secondary, although it has its own element of sexy and fun. But the O is the moment he is most deeply open. The audio track of his passion (for those men not still basically repressed-teens thinking of mom catching them so being silent...) is sexy as hell. It is psychological and emotional and physical all at once. I think the 'trade of energy' is reciprocal and a trade. You are taking hers and giving nothing back. Unless she is not really having as much fun as it seems in which case she isn't even getting the proxy satisfaction of yours.

 

I hope it works out.

 

RC

I'm sorry I don't agree. Sex isn't for everyone. I gave up on it and partnership.

[Jim D.]

Toaway, you demonstrate a great deal of physcial discipline with your stating that you retain semen, especially in a committed relationship. Your girlfriend may be angry because she wants to get pregnant. I would guess that if someone came to me and said that their girlfriend is angry at him because he doesn't come inside of her, I would ask how it is that he is controling her by this behavior, and how is it that she is still in the relationship. I would also ask this person if they thought they suffered from a sexual anomaly, an sexual disorder, identity disorder, depression, anxiety, or women issues.

 

Now remember, Toaway, you presented the topic June 2015 meaning you are looking for an answer, or attention. You have been given advise and insight on your dilemma from others on this post, and I have yet to read that you have made a choice to get on with your life by letting this girlfriend go, or begin giving her what she wants. Both choices would be a win/win for both of you. In your present situation you remain in control of the relationship which is emotionally abousive for her. For me, your behavior is beyond admiralble, honorable, or spiritual. Your heart does not seem pure and your mind clear as is evidenced by your threads.

 

So, what would a true Taoist do in the situation you are in?

[Taoway]

Toaway, you demonstrate a great deal of physcial discipline with your stating that you retain semen, especially in a committed relationship. Your girlfriend may be angry because she wants to get pregnant. I would guess that if someone came to me and said that their girlfriend is angry at him because he doesn't come inside of her, I would ask how it is that he is controling her by this behavior, and how is it that she is still in the relationship. I would also ask this person if they thought they suffered from a sexual anomaly, an sexual disorder, identity disorder, depression, anxiety, or women issues.

 

Now remember, Toaway, you presented the topic June 2015 meaning you are looking for an answer, or attention. You have been given advise and insight on your dilemma from others on this post, and I have yet to read that you have made a choice to get on with your life by letting this girlfriend go, or begin giving her what she wants. Both choices would be a win/win for both of you. In your present situation you remain in control of the relationship which is emotionally abousive for her. For me, your behavior is beyond admiralble, honorable, or spiritual. Your heart does not seem pure and your mind clear as is evidenced by your threads.

 

So, what would a true Taoist do in the situation you are in?

I don't know. I've never met one. A taoist

 

I don't have a girlfriend anylonger. I am not occupying my mind with love or partnership anymore.

[Taoway]

And I've got anxiety women issues identity issue.. all of it. But for good reason. So I let that all go. I don't need a "women" and I don't need an identity. I can think little or my self and highly of the world.

 

My anxiety will be relieved when I am done embracing a new way of life.

[Jim D.]

Now taking responsiblity for yourself is honorable. Now honor your girflfriend by letting her down and letting her go. Don't keep her "in the wings" just in case this new way of life does not work out for you. To use another person for your own gain is not Taoism. It is selfish.

[Taoway]

Now taking responsiblity for yourself is honorable. Now honor your girflfriend by letting her down and letting her go. Don't keep her "in the wings" just in case this new way of life does not work out for you. To use another person for your own gain is not Taoism. It is selfish.

 

 

Sound advice.. thanks

[Jim D.]

I am grateful that you let me help you. I can't keep it unless I give it away.

[Taoway]

I am grateful that you let me help you. I can't keep it unless I give it away.

When you say I am acting admirable I can't help be feel you're being sarcastic. Why am I admirable. I'm invisible in this world.

[Jim D.]

When you say I am acting admirable I can't help be feel you're being sarcastic. Why am I admirable. I'm invisible in this world.

 

The descriptor I used was 'honorable.' And you are not invisible to me. I noticed your struggle. I just had to figure out whether it was real or not. When you took responsibility for your self, you behaved in an adult manner. That is worth respect in my book. The reason you think or feel you are invisible in this world is because you are identifying with the wrong crowd. They do not see you any differently then they are. You blend in, and therefore are "invisible." But when you do that which is in the best interest of yourself and continue to do that you stand out as an upstanding man. Being true to yourself is very difficult because the world keeps tugging against our moving forward. I have come to terms with being alone if need be than falling in with the rest of them.

 

Here is how it works for me. I am in the bank yesterday. A teller gives me a handout on some event that is coming up, and tries to flatter me so I will take interest in the event. I briefly looked at it to be polite, and then handed it back to her. She tried to insist on my holding on to it. I said, I do need the hand out because I am not coming to the event. She said, why do you say that. I respond, because I can. Immediately she saw the freedom in my response and admired it with a knowing smile and a response, "because you can, I like that."  This freedom that I enjoy comes with a price...years of work on self and deciding on a better way to relate to the world that wants me to think and behave like them. I have a Program, a sponsor to go to when I need to pass something by him e.g. a problem which is mostly emotional and has to do with not getting what I want when I want it. And I hang with the winners, not the loosers. The looser will bring you down everytime. I also have an anxiety disorder that is very troublesome without Rx. So, I take it religioiusly. I have women issues. Some I like, some of it does not serve me well. But I have examined it, and I have gotten rid of most of it, and kept some. I do not like Feminnazis, controling, want to take their issues out on me women. I had an identity problem at one time in my life. And I have been an alcohol/drug abuser. Been clean/sober since 1982. I do not care if I am invisible or not. I occupy a place here on earth and its mine until I go. So do you!!!!