when universe is teacher

[sagebrush]

ok-yes-

I hyper connect

I had to get some a helper here thugh to reregister the computer--plus added mcafee security.

very not ok with opening links most of the time.

I have had virus's etc.

thanks

Edited August 13, 2016 by sagebrush

[sagebrush]

when you underline sentences and want feedback-screetching that is is a lie to withhold when I know something...

then turn around and mention psychodrama-

very perplexing

 

just go one week without dragging any books, authors, quotes into your dialogue.

 

I was eating cookie dough off my fingers-

but yes wrestling with the map of my consciousness is proving to be odd

 

I cannot find my HDMI cord that I am sure I bought to upload the photo of the lily pad some weeks ago.

Its not like I have mass amounts of items in my house that it would not be in plain site.

 

I had some nice photos to share-but I guess it does not coincide with eastern philosophy truly

stagnate or cultivate.

it is always going to boil down to the original lie, stealing, debauchery....you win I do not want to know about alister crowly. I do not want to be stupid but too much information

the sunflowers I have learned grow by circadian rhythm. I do not notice it so much with the flower visible.

It is the unopened jumble that leans heavy through the night to face the sun the next morning.

I tore open a stalk that was broken by maybe a raccoon or a squirrel-

and I ate a soft tender sunflower seed.

it is good to learn to and watch this backyard

I love that damn hillside.

the turtle came down yesterday fast as lightening

on a mission to the bottom where the sunflowers are located. not sure why. eventually he made his way back up a few hours later.

joe pie weed is blooming soon in a few spots

I do not belong to any animal conventions-

other than an honorary member of the order of squirrels from san bernadino ca.-big bear

fire lookout tower sitting precariously on a huge pile of boulders--

I cannot think of the name of that damn mountain-

hope it is not your dreaded old timers disease that I learning to take very seriously

ok talking to myself again

[sagebrush]

letters can be misleading.

anything can be misleading

do you mean specific acronym?

 

 

I will send another one now

 

YES you have my audio

[sagebrush]

the abbreviations? acronyms

easy way to learn memorization for bones, muscle, nerves

[sagebrush]

working for Sapna and Vivekenand today-those Hindus won't leave me alone

they want me to lead them to

 

creating a Grand Powder Bathroom--

off from the Foyer

most difficult wallpaper stripping job I have encountered

 

I do not like to pick color/s

they want to know about red

well the red is already in an another huge room off from the foyer as well

so what is in question here?

too much red......the room has walls atleast 18 feet high

in the end it will be city landscape-

I will tint the primer today

making the best at the Exotic Marigold Hotel

I say that because during the wall paper removal

it was raining very steady

and I do not listen to music-began thinking of that movie-the main character and his voice and enthusiasm made me smile as it rained steadily .....

I do not multi task well and like to zen  at work

If you could see the transformation that takes place in this room-over last few days--

 

daunting, sweating,scraping, scraping, scraping, up and down a ladder,

up and down, skim coat, sanding, sanding, vacuuming........

sanding.......

 

tangential yes

my work is very difficult yoga--

realizing that I have to communicate directly with the homeowner with sincerity

and not be shy or backward or avoidance

the time frame they needed the bathroom finished is not within my capabilities

so I say-if you paid me $10k to finish by friday

I would rather have $3.00 for the whole project to finish on monday

that the job has got to be done right

I spent two days stressing before I could bring this reality to their attention

 

it was not one day to remove the paper

it was three-

those are not ordinary circumstances in removal typically

I predicted one day  with best case scenario

she is very happy with progress and I like being there

her mom lives there too not speaking much english

so she shakes here head in a small circle as I address her.....

very difficult project here

but they are repeat client and it is two minute drive

[sagebrush]

Not working there today. A different small project at the saint james building.

I do not know st james biblically but I think he was an apostle-

opps no that was Mathew mark luke and john.

I will have to ask my mother if I remember later.

old building but

are you saving my typing?

immediately as it is typed when I am at the forum

because I do not remember pressing auto save myself

[sagebrush]

that is fine if you do

[sagebrush]

I will inquire with the homeowner-who is very kind lady about her culture.

 

she will provide first hand direct info as she was raised in India.

 

They have company today and there is a celebration of some sort

 

I bet you know-

 

I can google search too

 

but the cleaning lady placed a garland over the room that is bright red

[sagebrush]

the room is bright red-the garland is not

plus some things that look like toys or ceremonial items?

 

candles in the entry way with specific patterns..

 

I spent years in an empty living room with just a circle of rocks bored with music

 

and then was in massage school== so table was outside the circle

 

not sure why I did not work on a direction then beyond my school.

 

my sister teases me still to this day when she came to visit that I had written in permanent ink sharpie

 

joy and possibility

 

 

I will tell you that I cannot ever thank you enough for everything that you have typed and written and shared over the years

 

I tried hard to distill out only your posts--

 

that is enough for today.

 

I am home today-resting-after small morning project

 

will attempt some gentle yoga on new dvd

 

adaptogen is working fine-

 

thank you--

 

I will read more later

or listen to audio

[sagebrush]

i remember the full moon guru purnama because I heard you say it

 

the full moon was last night. very pretty

 

talked with my friend steve

 

I searched the celebration that is today.

 

gayatri japam

bye

lost in all the meaning--

but it is a beautiful image of a pink flower--with many arms...

 

this is a great place to STOP for me.

 

I will tend to the breath as best possible-

discipline IS serenity----sure of that

 

I will get a notebook and get focused within my own space

[sagebrush]

ok-

I wrote ten pages today.

my intention is  not a story

a childrens book is a great theme that I have woven MYSELF into--

I think I need to see it as fun though-because there seems to be

my own mental stress here for creating something

it seems to do its own thing yes

aint it

 

yes

 

just being CLEAR HERE that it is my intention to practice the 8 limbs

lucky for me at the peace tree wellness center with jen--

my intention is not to be making mess...I pay close attention at my job site

and work I am very precise at---I paint because of my passion towards my career. I leave a place cleaner usually than how I found it. damn I wish I would shut up.

striving to make changes

teapot meditation yesterday...learned it from a cd

.............................

 

too much to say-

 

getting inspiration from life not wanting to impact others in negativity-including myself and my son

 

wrote from inspiration of gayatri japam yesterday,

I took a photo days ago of the heart in the sky---

it just was there-

phototgraphy is fun

right out the window

hummingbirds alot

enjoying the sunflowers I hope to post soon

maybe linking it in a post to flickr which I have account for but can't remember how to get back

at the sign in.

 

in the pike place market watercolor picture which is very inspirational

I like seeing the one way stop sign....

the big salmon fish swimming upstream----which is my life

 

just shut up!

 

ps not therapy...I can walk, clean house, organize gentle yoga

photos

as far as pharmacology----

no way- unless I really had to-

my liver and kidneys have had too much stress thus far in my life

hence the need for water.

I think of everytime tea--I needed water.

now as far as other matters on the health front-

 

thank you for all the recommendations

I slowly incorporate the vit d, b complex

off the spirulina-not sure why

blah blah

I have to sit peacefully pleace please

I have many passed issues

please stop saying that I am stealing

that is dreadful to me.

it makes me very sad

[sagebrush]

I had stuff on my mind-I wanted to say to her.

I can say it to her as well

or I can write it down in my home space and not online.

not like that all has not been happening

 

I had things to share stories-

events

pains

sorrows

its is like I picked her yes

mutual at times but

clash of the titans

funny thing is the voice does not match the pencil.

[sagebrush]

now I want to add quickly

that the initial presentation was(please forgive me if I said this already)

I have since last post taken a brief nap

woken by my own gentleness

audio

that I was listening to the sound of my own voice

years ago I was painting my friends fence

in san diego

steve

I had no opposition to the message

no resistance

I can see how that can be or get distorted but I think yes-

I can understand that sort of

then

I meet the library of congress

in all of its splendor

and the not steady life I live

 

ok.......

 

fast foreward to always now

dropping the conceptualization and the narration-

me? as in here at forums

 

this is where it seems to be controlled and heirarchy

I see the organization-

why does my life have to be the crux of the dark black dot

for your life

I could not see what was happening over the course of the duration-

sometimes yes sometimes no

sometimes not wanting to

now I have hard time understanding it

but I think the answer was about

not the taking turns bullshit

although posting is nice

but the other part

 

I wanted to communicate.

and I am sorry that I at times am pushy, forceful and rude

it is bad pattern---I jest and it is not funny at times

I have sent many hurtful embarassing

and I think that I mean to say something else

but it gets distorted

simple thanks you

lack of donation

not embellishing ego

not wanting to be trapped in the love of it all-

so you would say why would someone who has pretty hands wear gloves

well you garden it gets dirty

and that on some level my hands are

trying to be clear here that I know you are a healthy person overall-

in your simple world..that is not so simple to me.

I get lost in my own mire and I cannot see what is written here in all the pages

so I come here and type out at times like a complete moron because

of now THIS whole matter.

I came there to the meeting to meet you-

and then ok

the mind and all the stuff

back to today....

am I allowed to openly type in THIS FORUM or do you care?

 

and yes I understand the word trance

I am going to just say that

I am being honest with how I see my life each day

I say two bees on the flower in my mothers garden-they were sleeping

I am saying that in response to the picture of the crying boy in the image

I know that is long time ago-

but I just have the daily nature in my life

where was the balance of all this OR

am I to somehow?????????

not be HERE.

where is the OKNESS

why can't I say-

right back---when I heard her say on g.org

that yes people have profound influence on somepeoples lives

it is profound to me.

I liked it in a smaller manner though and it seems so

all the world.

ok I see the answer to that-

back to shutting myself up

 

and reviewing about the love of it all

that eventually it is the reality of some kindness that can be seen.

I felt love like a sister.

but they all annoy me the ones I have.

five of them

but none of them understand my life

 

I am getting a headache now.

Edited August 20, 2016 by sagebrush

[sagebrush]

simplify:

focus on the breathing

 

BREATHING

 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[sagebrush]

not all the way there yet

 

all kidding aside

I have some intensity

and the only way I see that I will progress and soften is the breath

I am here because I accept full responsibility for the choices I have made in my life. and the impact on others

the easy way out has been beckoning me---

and I had to keep on with the courage

to face the truth and the untruth

 

and by the way- I accept the invitation.

and that I am scared of all of it.

just thought I would add that

[sagebrush]

there is a doing and a not doing

the world is following their mind--of course the  mind is a tool for understanding

 

but we all live in the traps of our mind

but I can see the simplicity that-

one could pound rice and be happy-

that is a very miniscule statement but one that says to me

even in mundane circumstances----the outer circumstances

the business of the world

and which by the way

sometimes looks very similar to my own thought patterns in a very scary manner----

 

I have to correspond please.

I have to ask.

just like this

and then I go get my quiet on-as best I can.

what is being asked here-

ok the narration is my doing

but I am to avoid the narrative

OR

not.

either way is ok by me-if I have that say so.

because I understand the no thing

but I am not sure on the other front in its simplicity

 

I am not making it up that I am painting in the home of sapna and vivekanand

that is too funny

her name translates to dream

and his name translates to someone who also brought the teachings to the west...vivekenanda-

what does this all mean to me?

it is fascinating --

 see today that I went and picked up a check for part of the work in the bathroom

and that there is a shrine in that room with lots of stuff...water bowl maybe flowers--

I know that I do not have to be hindu--

 

but I have fascinating interest and intrigue--

I would ask her when I return for more work-

lots on the exterior and more in the bathroom--

 

I cannot read here today.

eventually when I get situated I will check out the gospel of st thomas

or whatever is here to read

I am a scribbler-

so I need to settle with a notebook-several

so I can attend to the amount of time to really see what is being said.

track it and put it in my mind.

going back to the pages of the breathing-

recent

I get very lost in here

I feel that you think that based on my lack of where I am

that you are not where you should be.

that is a very heavy load.

and then I keep saying that I am to stop the narration.

and I just don't know REALLY if I am to communicate or not.

you could say no-and then I don't give a choice

or I could just shut the computer off-

but what is the point of that.

the war is in my head

do you feel like I am ungreatful?

I read what you share and I can respond

what part needed left I cannot see that.

the stamp?

do I need to fully let go of any creative idea and ONLY watch the breath as prudent as possible.

and then I might not-

but I am asking.

creativity is here

and this is not meant to be the bullshit inc.

I wrote a poem in elementary and I think you would like it.

it is about a famous day and the spookful night.

the famous day will always be the meeting in seattle to me.

but then again-maybe the bank teller has vital things for me to learn?

maybe this is incorrect in the big picture.

I am willing to SEE what IS.

I want to close down and not talk

but at the same time-

I can't.

but certainly out of respect. I will stop.

 

overall I feel like that what you continually point at is that everything about me is not true.

 

all along-

and I am not going to be ok with that overall-

I do not accept parts of this

even if it appears such.

please show me.

and I work hard at the discipline and the serenity and movement

I am listening.

 

how I have lived my years is radically different than yours-of course.

make changes-yes

forgive them for they do not know what they do----

I hear you say.

and I am listening.

 

I can't pretend to know to know when to add words to aid in the silence...

except=

 

what does ALL of this mean?

Edited August 20, 2016 by sagebrush

[daomon]

[sagebrush]

I know why I come to my post and type. because it is easy to find.

 

I have read in here other posts-then later I may reflect on something to say and I can't find it.

 

whatever-

 

my current train of thought.....

jagit is good sound

 

I listened to some good music today.

I went back through favorites to craig pruiss

enjoyed that.

I like that  you offered it and that in mental congestion

it helped my busy mind track other than my thoughts

 

ok you have posted breath stuff 900,000 x

yes thank you.

900,000x

I need to just keep my attention RIGHT THERE-

[sagebrush]

modus operandi-

 

first of all

not really knowing the Luddites-but I have scoped the dictionary before

I am one of those truly when it comes to technology.

I do not feel comfortable with technology-

based on many of my own fumblings and frustrations

and lack of regard toward it and emotional responses and past angst.

 

but here is where I will be getting a round to it....soon

 

today I took the iphone image of the cute nature poem. along with it is coloring of birds.

now I have the usb attached to the phone to port on the laptop and its a no go tried several times

it has nothing to do with a practice along the lines of anything other than-just sweet gestures of kindess-

certainly there is plenty of room for that given the context of all my brow beating-smart ass behavior.

 

next to that I have so MANY beautiful photos. damn-I am lucky to live in wv because beauty abounds here-aside from the humidity.

the clouds systems and storms are very powerful-lots of blue sky and big clouds

 unlimited dragonflys....last outing I say for the first time a red one. never seen that before.

plus the smallest frog ever on a leaf. not seen one that small either.

certainly this is grist for the mill...fresh beauty...nice visual stimulation of images for seeing what is here exactly as it is...

hiking, walking, photos. very interesting just on photography not knowing the camera---how some images turn out so clear and other ones are horrible..

I am thinking that either it is nice to have poems for fun. someone posted a very eloquent one of the furled lilly pad...

 

for me overall-

my lifes emphasis is to focus on my own personal needs-

health related

I am physically exhausted

feeling my heart beat and being clear on that is rewarding-

not sure if I am getting tangled up in what all of it means, why, how,etc.

I feel artistic.

I feel abstract

but I am also side tracked very sensually until I realize that I need to be really truly focused on my body strength and awareness.

this is my stance as far as what I can control.

if that is my highest good.

no complaints but in the middle of the grocery store I can't find the cart atleast 5 times---like something foggy on my head.

I do not know any of my own potential.

this is not any cold shoulder.

I need to find outlets to be relaxed and not freaked out and stressed...writing in the notes is good for me-sometimes here -

the other few mornings ago-

I enjoyed writing and then connecting with the pike place market water color painting...

seeing what drew my attention.

slow and I mean slow--

the red felt heart passage was very cute

then I go connect my crazy desert experiences---not sure why I do that---

just looking back at me I guess...my journeys alone to Joshua tree and anzo Borrego desert.

had some fun desert bullshit-

dancing poodle cactus on their hind legs

beautiful sunsets

open spaces

some personalized photos ...of situations that were happening through me--as far as temptations---

to which I declined and worked out over time

but we can say that my best shot-shit this is my head going tangential.

if I was to create something specific for you just in an endearing manner is my objective to just have fun.

if you want MORE intense focus---I do not have the answer

I am accusatory in the sense that I see much publication-which is not a crime and I am sorry for my disdain at times.

I need to keep looking HERE. in me-without lookingout and so much chastising.

I had no idea there are schools really beyond yoga teacher training 200/500 locally here.

I sent someone to check out ayp and she giggled and said that is for young boys really strict. stuff....

her comments infuriated me because it made me respond inside why would you have me over there.

I get the shiva and Shakti thing for the first time fully..not sure what that means but it is less obscure.

I have always projected a book somehow with you. it came as an immediate response to a phone conversation.

once you send the envelope and the stamps did not get metered or marked....it was a fun way to see...oh clearly that this envelope would get sent back--

 

ok way far ago......years later I wrote in community college about it..forgot the assignment title..

I have it upstairs if you ever want to read it as well.

 

so I was here for you on those kinds of thoughts...but it has been a journey much like the branches on a tree----

some of this appears new and some way old..

what is in my heart-I need to prefer to reside where I am enjoying things and playing.

like at first I clicked on that craig pruiss when you sent it--and it seemed really-heavy-

but I kept it in favorites---

today I opened it because I am all over the map with my mind

and it helped to just let it listen to that-follow that.

overall I mean well but it sure does not come out as such at times.

trust in the universe..whatever that means

thanks for letting me share me.

I will attempt the poem again tonight

[sagebrush]

not sure why you ask the questions because I sense that you are receiving it all anyway without the computer.

as in...you can hear my thoughts, or have enough clarity to perceive my trains of thought..etc...

[sagebrush]

I am not returning to the forums.

 

not at this time.

 

this is what I saw this morning similar to the leaves in the video-telekinesis related but not filmed and channeled.

damn that raking you over the coals from years ago---

 

take my son to school today-

on the way home there was an explosion almost like out of nowhere of a huge flock of birds.

 

it was so beautiful--

 

like the bird winging across the sky-unplanned and just there

 

there were a lot maybe 50-100.

 

too many directions here

 

eventually- the pony settles down

and take a drink and softens from its own story and into the passing day

 

 

this is it:

 

birds

nature is lovely

when the birds whistle softly

through the famous day.

through the wonderful morning

and the spookful night.

 

(bear in mind) it was written in elementary

 

 

 

 

I like the swirls in nature from the wind.

even the rude comments about a fart and chi

which is dreadful to see posted back to me and then posted again.

 

damnit-\

I am a mustang.

and I do not like to be channeled into a system!!!!

made into a thoroughbred

Edited August 22, 2016 by sagebrush

[sagebrush]

nature can do its own thing

then people get busy harnessing it or bucking it

 

I am happy to sit and tune into my heart-

same one that has been beating my whole existence but hidden and not paid attention to-because of my business

[sagebrush]

my phototgraphy....needless to say again

is just nature walks and very calming and inspiring because it is my outer world

 

I know there is a biblical quote I read several weeks ago in an old log and chinking home I was painting yet another bathroom

and I am squimish over the bible

not so much from the text itself or the stories-

but that I have just run amuck with my looking toward others all along for love but to no avail--

always ending in their lack of monogamy....on multiple occasions.

I have had enough morals to be focused directly to loving one person

and being true to that-

getting frustrated without the reciprocation...

I am at a point now with rick

that we had our love at 10 years old.

so sweet that he is an indian boy

we both have hit waves so hard.

when he texted a few times we did some haiku

he shared some traumatic life story that he encountered at 12...which was very unsettling because he was just a boy

and he did not ask for that.

he is a photographer and community college blah blah

my lifes mission-

find a way to keep on the breath work

taking care of myself and my child

it is marching band season and it gives me great joy to hear the band play

they are phenomenal

 

I want to be here at times to read but there is so much pulled in from the past from Teacher

and other teachers along the way

 

notice my difficulty in not being able to put it aside

 the bible quote-

mentioned earlier was not the still water---passage but that of a dear at the waters edge.

 

as I sat with you that day----after you listened to the music and returned on sunday

at sun and k house--

I was scared to see that all that I have sung was not you-

as you kept looking away-because I have this stare intensity-

but then it turns into that you can just step into your songs

 

where did my breath go?

I need to eat oatmeal to calm the espresso.

 

the day I hope speaks to me as it does as it does.

I feel rested today

I hear the dove coo literally now

and the locust sounds not sure why they are around so heavy today

[sagebrush]

Wedged tightly between my unorganized files is an 8X10, air bubble-lined manila envelope. It is addressed to me in handwritten print. Having travelled from the mile high mountainous city of Boulder all the way to the sunny coastal city of Oceanside, it never received a postmark, and it signifies for me an auspicious, future return. Four colorful stamps attached in the upper right hand corner, portray a prior, significant meeting between the sender and myself. The most distinguished stamp is George Washington his stern look typified my expression during this meeting. Staring in anger, he looks toward the other stamps on his left. Never mind the translation of the exquisitely colored bright reds and purple frolicking images of Santa Claus drumming joyously as snowflakes fall, and of the deer playing the pan flute with a backdrop of contrasting brilliant greens to the reds of Santa Claus. For ten years I've had an attachment to my anger and to the sender of the envelope.

 

a lot of mechanical problems in the rough draft for sure---

 

 

I hope this does not come back to bit me.

I still have the envelope--YES!

more to send!

 

is that so bad?

 

and in the playfulness-there has been suffering......

 

shim shima---LOVE

deva primal

:wub:

[sagebrush]

because I read or not read from my understanding.

I do not and have not spent the duration of my life sitting in a chair calmly

or out in the HOT pursuit of divine awakening.

 

you are playing with fire

like I am

 

I think at this point it would be BEST optimal-

 

to back off practice as much possible.

 

I rested well last night and today has been fruitful enough.

 

don't you think?

 

I can't figure you out because I can't see  you in front of me-

but I am tuned in enough to see the lack of my own knowledge

the running narrative

all of it===

yesterday today tomorrow

how do I determine what is respectful

 

I will find ways to deal with me.

the George stamp-

on paper is very easy.

I have lost sight of

a simple situation.

and now in sight of me

is a lot of very confusing and upsetting things

and a whole world of really not knowing

if I can be me=

I can't dictate you emotions nor could you dictate mine.

visited my sister this morning and she brought up a tiny rabbit my cat percy just killed this morning

it was a baby bunny

staying present is easy but not so easy

it goes back to pretty vivid imagery-

I look for answers ALL over the map

and some of it is scary..

days ago

 

please know that I am sorry if I continually offend you with my me.

I need to learn to read very well