Don't feel happy being skinny

[Taoway]

I've heard the healthiest and longest living people in the world are also very skinny and eat one meal a day.

 

That's the only reason why I would embrace my skininess. But beyond that I feel quite insecure to be so skinny. As a man I feel like I am weak next to other men.

 

I don't have much money or space to cook so I find it incredibly hard to gain weight right now I also dont have much of an apetite at timea because of anxiety and depressed states.

 

My metabolism is very vast and gaining weight would mean I have to eat to the point of feeling like I'm going to throw up all day.

 

So where can a balance be found with this? I want to maintain a healthy diet. I don't want to consume milk because it's not very healthy these days in America and because it will create to much mucus making it hard to breath through my narrow nostrils.

 

Any tips on how to gain slowly? Or even just advice on how to let the insecurity go ?

 

Thank you guys !

[Aetherous]

Do a weight training program that progresses to heavy weights. I recommend Stronglifts. Doesn't hurt to have a personal trainer if you need help, but anyone can lift weights for free (well, with a gym membership). "Starting Strength" is a good book for learning proper form.

Make sure your meals always have equal amounts of carbs, proteins, and fats. Make sure you always eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner...even (especially) if not hungry. I'm not surprised that a skinny person is saying they don't always eat due to not having an appetite. Sometimes, a lack of appetite is due to not eating...a vicious cycle. So just break it by nourishing yourself.

There's nothing wrong with Organic Valley whole Grassmilk. It's good to have some, but not so much that mucus blocks your nasal passages. Everyone is different, but I don't notice any problems with a half glass or even a full glass in a day.

In terms of feeling weak around others, there's a simple fix - body language. When you're standing, keep your feet slightly wider than your hips and point your feet about 10 degrees outward (as opposed to standing pigeon toed). Keep the weight on both legs, rather than shifting to one leg, and have 55% of weight in the heels and 45% in the front of the foot. In other words, only very slightly more. This stance portrays personal power. If you stand too wide, it appears as insecurity overcompensating in a weird overbearing kind of sexually immature way. If you stand too narrow, or if you're slightly pigeon toed, it's seen as incredibly weak and unstable. If your feet point too far outward, lets say like 80 degrees,  it seems like you lack personal boundaries and that something is wrong with you. If your weight is shifting to one leg, you appear unstable (stability is an aspect of power) and shifty or untrustworthy. If your weight is primarily in the front of the foot, it stimulates the sympathetic nervous system and makes you appear less relaxed...if your weight is too much in the heels, you appear incapable, so just slightly gives a relaxed appearance.

The second aspect of personal power body language is to have the upper body portray it, as well. If only the lower body does it, it doesn't actually look like power, it looks like confusion and like you're trying too hard to have a certain kind of body language. Same for it you only practice the upper body but forget about the lower body.

For the upper body, it's important that your chest doesn't cave in, your shoulders don't hunch or roll forward, that your head doesn't go forward or tilt down too much...it's good to just be upright and centered with a slightly open chest and a balanced head. If the chest is too open, it looks like you're either trying to seem bigger than you are, which appears like overcompensation for insecurity, or that you're mentally a bit off. The point is just to prevent the caving in of the chest, which portrays weakness, depression, etc...just be upright. It helps to practice Dr. Eric Goodman's "Foundation Training" as well as play around with the basics of Esther Gokhale's method. Those methods basically re-train the upper body to be upright in the correct way. It's good for the chin to be kind of level...in other words, don't tilt your head down as if looking at a smartphone, and don't overcompensate and raise your chin up high...experiment by doing those things and finding a happy medium, where the head just balances centered on the neck.

When sitting, it's good to be able to slightly rest against a back rest, while sitting upright and centered. Slouching looks sloppy...sitting too upright to the point of not being able to relax appears just like that...as a person who is too insecure to relax. Maintain the same kinds of rules as for the standing upper body...such as not caving in the chest. Keep the shoulders open when sitting against a back rest.

Weight lifting also helps the structure of the body become normal, so having proper posture doesn't have to be such a conscious decision. You will just look better naturally as a result.

So, if you do the body language, you will appear to others as not being weak. You'll seem stable, mentally strong, capable, etc. You still might feel weak overall, although slightly different...you might feel like people think you're weird for standing like that and will want to change it. Changing it again to a position of weakness (as described above) might feel like going back to the safety of normal, but it will appear weak to others. It can help to look in a full length mirror and practice the body language...see how to do it so that it works and makes you appear strong. See what doesn't work.

Finally: it's not true that the healthiest people are very skinny and eat one meal a day.

[LAOLONG]

Try https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sertraline

[blue eyed snake]

I've heard the healthiest and longest living people in the world are also very skinny and eat one meal a day.

 

That's the only reason why I would embrace my skininess. But beyond that I feel quite insecure to be so skinny. As a man I feel like I am weak next to other men.

 

I don't have much money or space to cook so I find it incredibly hard to gain weight right now I also dont have much of an apetite at timea because of anxiety and depressed states.

 

My metabolism is very vast and gaining weight would mean I have to eat to the point of feeling like I'm going to throw up all day.

 

So where can a balance be found with this? I want to maintain a healthy diet. I don't want to consume milk because it's not very healthy these days in America and because it will create to much mucus making it hard to breath through my narrow nostrils.

 

Any tips on how to gain slowly? Or even just advice on how to let the insecurity go ?

 

Thank you guys !

 

er...I think it likely that your skinniness is a result of this feeling insecure. This makes for being constantly 'on the alert', not having enough relaxation in your body to want and digest food.

 

to get rid of anxiety in whatever form is definitely not easy, but there are many ways that can be tried, the several options have one thing in common, take that first step and keep on walking.

 

in general I never advise taking meds only after all the other routes are exhausted,

 

wish you all the best BES

[Taoway]

Try https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sertraline

I actually weighed more when I was on antidepressants. I was on zoloft when I was 7. I don't agree with those medication though. So although it definitely would help me gain weight it wouldn't be worth it for me

[Taoway]

Do a weight training program that progresses to heavy weights. I recommend Stronglifts. Doesn't hurt to have a personal trainer if you need help, but anyone can lift weights for free (well, with a gym membership). "Starting Strength" is a good book for learning proper form.

 

Make sure your meals always have equal amounts of carbs, proteins, and fats. Make sure you always eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner...even (especially) if not hungry. I'm not surprised that a skinny person is saying they don't always eat due to not having an appetite. Sometimes, a lack of appetite is due to not eating...a vicious cycle. So just break it by nourishing yourself.

 

There's nothing wrong with Organic Valley whole Grassmilk. It's good to have some, but not so much that mucus blocks your nasal passages. Everyone is different, but I don't notice any problems with a half glass or even a full glass in a day.

 

In terms of feeling weak around others, there's a simple fix - body language. When you're standing, keep your feet slightly wider than your hips and point your feet about 10 degrees outward (as opposed to standing pigeon toed). Keep the weight on both legs, rather than shifting to one leg, and have 55% of weight in the heels and 45% in the front of the foot. In other words, only very slightly more. This stance portrays personal power. If you stand too wide, it appears as insecurity overcompensating in a weird overbearing kind of sexually immature way. If you stand too narrow, or if you're slightly pigeon toed, it's seen as incredibly weak and unstable. If your feet point too far outward, lets say like 80 degrees, it seems like you lack personal boundaries and that something is wrong with you. If your weight is shifting to one leg, you appear unstable (stability is an aspect of power) and shifty or untrustworthy. If your weight is primarily in the front of the foot, it stimulates the sympathetic nervous system and makes you appear less relaxed...if your weight is too much in the heels, you appear incapable, so just slightly gives a relaxed appearance.

 

The second aspect of personal power body language is to have the upper body portray it, as well. If only the lower body does it, it doesn't actually look like power, it looks like confusion and like you're trying too hard to have a certain kind of body language. Same for it you only practice the upper body but forget about the lower body.

 

For the upper body, it's important that your chest doesn't cave in, your shoulders don't hunch or roll forward, that your head doesn't go forward or tilt down too much...it's good to just be upright and centered with a slightly open chest and a balanced head. If the chest is too open, it looks like you're either trying to seem bigger than you are, which appears like overcompensation for insecurity, or that you're mentally a bit off. The point is just to prevent the caving in of the chest, which portrays weakness, depression, etc...just be upright. It helps to practice Dr. Eric Goodman's "Foundation Training" as well as play around with the basics of Esther Gokhale's method. Those methods basically re-train the upper body to be upright in the correct way. It's good for the chin to be kind of level...in other words, don't tilt your head down as if looking at a smartphone, and don't overcompensate and raise your chin up high...experiment by doing those things and finding a happy medium, where the head just balances centered on the neck.

 

When sitting, it's good to be able to slightly rest against a back rest, while sitting upright and centered. Slouching looks sloppy...sitting too upright to the point of not being able to relax appears just like that...as a person who is too insecure to relax. Maintain the same kinds of rules as for the standing upper body...such as not caving in the chest. Keep the shoulders open when sitting against a back rest.

 

Weight lifting also helps the structure of the body become normal, so having proper posture doesn't have to be such a conscious decision. You will just look better naturally as a result.

 

So, if you do the body language, you will appear to others as not being weak. You'll seem stable, mentally strong, capable, etc. You still might feel weak overall, although slightly different...you might feel like people think you're weird for standing like that and will want to change it. Changing it again to a position of weakness (as described above) might feel like going back to the safety of normal, but it will appear weak to others. It can help to look in a full length mirror and practice the body language...see how to do it so that it works and makes you appear strong. See what doesn't work.

 

Finally: it's not true that the healthiest people are very skinny and eat one meal a day.

Thank you for all of that my friend. Especially on how to stand. It reminds me of the standing posture used in qi goingand taichi. With the root sunk down and crown raised up.

 

Can I ask you more advice on what foods I can eat to gain? I won't have money for a gym but I have freeweights. I just need advice for what I can buy cheaply that Will help.

 

I don't make much money and I'm living alone. Also the foods I do have I quickly get tired of. (Oatmeal / soups) so I end up not eating because of it .

 

And I'm sorry maybe what I meant with skinny people bein the healthiest was that people who fast have health benefits

[LAOLONG]

I actually weighed more when I was on antidepressants. I was on zoloft when I was 7. I don't agree with those medication though. So although it definitely would help me gain weight it wouldn't be worth it for me

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/rollingstones/motherslittlehelper.html

[Cheshire Cat]

[...]

 

So where can a balance be found with this? I want to maintain a healthy diet. I don't want to consume milk because it's not very healthy these days in America and because it will create to much mucus making it hard to breath through my narrow nostrils.

 

Any tips on how to gain slowly? Or even just advice on how to let the insecurity go ?

[...]

 

 

I would try to do tabata training (I like callisthenics: you may get a degree on this method by watching videos on youtube) to increase metabolism and to produce hunger (it will come if you exercise: it's biology).

 

I like to chose 2 exercises per 20 min session.

Edited October 23, 2016 by Cheshire Cat

[Brian]

How old are you?

[Taoway]

How old are you?

22. The metabolism starts slowing at 25

[Taomeow]

I wish I could introduce you to a man who flies in from Europe for taiji training with my teacher every year.  He is short and skinny and has the body of an undernourished boy of 14 even though he's almost 60, and he has always looked like that.  He was always targeted by bullies when he was younger, but the bullies always backed down because he would have this inner resolve -- ready for anything, not afraid.  It's in his posture, which is royal due to a combo of many years of taiji and a genuine self-respect and a sense of personal worth.  He's popular with women too.  Was married four times and is not done with his adventures in that respect yet.  He seems to eat very little but it's never on his mind that he's "too small"  -- too small for what?  He knows he's not too small for anything.  I would suggest cultivating this feeling instead of trying to overrule what your body tells you about how much food it wants.

 

I've met other guys like that, guys who started out small or skinny or sickly or insecure so they were feeling weak, powerless --  who proceeded to make themselves into anything but, not by faking it, but by cultivating inner strength, which eventually translated into outer sense of power not contingent on body size or shape.  Of the ones I haven't met but have read about, a tiny boy comes to mind who wore thick glasses not only far removed from a fashion statement but repaired with a piece of wire because he had no money to buy a new frame.  His name was Bruce Lee.  Another tiny skinny boy who started a revolution in the minds of millions was named Carlos Castaneda.  Yet another one was called Julius Caesar. 

Edited October 23, 2016 by Taomeow

[thelerner]

High calorie foods, breads, rice, oil and ghee come to mind.  So does the homemade Tres leches cake in my fridge but you can't have any, its mine .  

That aside, I agree that its hard to fight your body type.  As pointed out at 25 your metabolism will start slowing down, working out should add a few pounds of muscle and a martial art, hard or soft could help with your confidence.   Actually seemss like your half way to being a full yogi, sometimes the best way is to accentuate your strengths. 

[Aetherous]

Can I ask you more advice on what foods I can eat to gain? I won't have money for a gym but I have freeweights. I just need advice for what I can buy cheaply that Will help.

 

I don't make much money and I'm living alone. Also the foods I do have I quickly get tired of. (Oatmeal / soups) so I end up not eating because of it.

Pizza, burgers, enchiladas, burritos, nachos with beef cheese salsa lettuce sour cream, sandwiches with meat inside, eggs and toast with bacon, chicken egg rolls, etc. I'm really just describing normal types of foods eaten in America that tend to have balanced carb-protein-fats...those work fine for gaining while lifting weights.

 

If you have a soup, lets say primarily made out of veggies, add something like chicken to it. Veggies are primarily carbohydrates, so add that protein...add something like ghee or pasture butter for the fats. If you have oatmeal, scramble up some egg whites to go with it. Avocados work as fats...good to get a wide variety of fat sources. Olive oil on salads, or over pasta, is good.

 

Add a variety of fruits to the diet...lets say get bananas one week, get apples the next, oranges the following. During cold seasons, you can bake these fruits and could put them on oatmeal, or make something like apple crisp.

 

...

 

In terms of lifting weights, it would be a great idea to find a cheap gym membership in your area or ask about any sign up specials they have coming up. Really important to progress to lifting heavier weights, with stuff like squats deadlifts etc...that's what puts on bulk and fixes the posture. Doing it with freeweights at home, or even with bodyweight exercises, doesn't do nearly the same thing.

[Andrei]

If you are skinny this is a Vata body type. No matter how much you lift you will still be weaker than anybody else, because Vata bodytype is weakness by definition. The insecurities come from anxiety, fear which are due too much adrenal hormonal activity. Your adrenals produce too much adrenaline and cortisol and anything in life scares you because your body reacts too much from external influences. But you still can balance that, Vata dosha is balanced by increasing Earth element ( Kapha ).

You still need to eat meat (beef, eggs, diary) to increase kapha -earth element and go to gym and work out but at best you will be balanced, which is good enough to regain your own self esteem and confidence.

 

 

 

 

You should avoid eating Vata aggravating foods like these

 

You should eat Kapha aggravating foods like these

[Taoway]

If you are skinny this is a Vata body type. No matter how much you lift you will still be weaker than anybody else, because Vata bodytype is weakness by definition. The insecurities come from anxiety, fear which are due too much adrenal hormonal activity. Your adrenals produce too much adrenaline and cortisol and anything in life scares you because your body reacts too much from external influences. But you still can balance that, Vata dosha is balanced by increasing Earth element ( Kapha ).

You still need to eat meat (beef, eggs, diary) to increase kapha -earth element and go to gym and work out but at best you will be balanced, which is good enough to regain your own self esteem and confidence.

 

 

 

 

You should avoid eating Vata aggravating foods like these

 

You should eat Kapha aggravating foods like these

That sounds a bit depressing man. Am I really more prone to anxiety and releasing cortisol

[munky]

.

Edited August 23, 2023 by munky

[Andrei]

That sounds a bit depressing man. Am I really more prone to anxiety and releasing cortisol

 

Yes but you can control that. Look into adaptogen herbs, or adrenal support herbs.

What comes into my mind right now is Rhodiola, Ashwagandha and Reishi.

This is what I take and I am fine. And go to gym and keep your muscular tonus and strength and you'll be fine.

[dust]

Pizza, burgers, enchiladas, burritos, nachos with beef cheese salsa lettuce sour cream, sandwiches with meat inside, eggs and toast with bacon, chicken egg rolls, etc. I'm really just describing normal types of foods eaten in America that tend to have balanced carb-protein-fats...those work fine for gaining while lifting weights.

 

You're describing an American diet, sure. You're also describing the highway to heart disease, stroke, diabetes, and even dementia. This diet could make him bigger, but not in a good way. Health should not be sacrificed for size.

 

I think the rest of your advice is great, but eating lots of animal products is incredibly unhealthy. Ask for the evidence and it will be given. For starters, though, http://news.nationalgeographic.com/2015/04/150412-longevity-health-blue-zones-obesity-diet-ngbooktalk/

 

Fat is good, not saying it's bad. For healthy, delicious, calorie-dense weight-gainers, I'd suggest nut butters (peanut being the cheapest, also an excellent source of protein and micronutrients), hummus (can be cheap), beans (very cheap), stuff with vegetable oil (olive, rapeseed, sunflower, etc), and maybe fish (price depends on location; also a source of essential and usually lacking nutrients like DHA and vit D).

[C T]

one can nutrify the body, but not know how to nourish the mind

 

or, nourish the mind only, and neglect the body

 

both are essential and will help towards a fulfilling life

 

find the balance - its free

 

maintaining that might cost a little, but worth a lot in time

 

nutritious foods are not those that sit on glitzy display stands in the supermarkets shouting 'organic' 'free range' and what not

 

they are found in discarded bones in butcher shops

and within these humble rejects lie marrow... even a bit of it each week works wonders

most butchers give them away freely

or some would ask for a token sum

a few cents maybe

 

just some large knuckle bones, ball joints, femurs

a few of these, boiled for 4 to 6 hours, with some carrots

onions, sweet potatoes, or add parsnips, turnips and sweetcorn

eat with rice... and a bit of kimchi (pickled cabbage, great for metabolism)

personally, i like to add a few drops of soya sauce onto the meltingly soft meat

simply satisfying

 

round it off with a cup or two of sencha or green tea

 

then sink into a feeling of deep satisfaction 

 

the kind that no amount of money in the world can buy...

[Andrei]

I think the rest of your advice is great, but eating lots of animal products is incredibly unhealthy. 

 

No, that's not true. Adrenals need a lot of protein to process and because someone is eating too little protein the adrenals catabolize (catabolism means eating your own muscular tissue) your own muscles hence the skinny type. If you want to increase in muscular mass you should increase the protein intake, it shouldn't be too much (6-9 oz per day) but this is much higher than an average person which should be around 3-6 oz per day. The problem with standard american diet is that they combine animal protein with carbs (french fries, buns, sugar in coca cola and other sodas, which increase the insulin secretion which produces diabetes and obesity). This is unhealthy, combining carbs with proteins at the same meal.

 

And the best protein is animal protein especially the fatty type (eggs, beef, pork, cheese, fatty fish, fatty poultry). To maintain health you need to balance the high protein intake with large portions of vegetables (7-10 cups of green and colorful vegetables) that add a lot of minerals enzymes and vitamins to the diet. All these are needed for adrenals to function properly, lots of daily vitamins B, C and D.

[Aetherous]

You're describing an American diet, sure. You're also describing the highway to heart disease, stroke, diabetes, and even dementia. This diet could make him bigger, but not in a good way. Health should not be sacrificed for size.

 

I think the rest of your advice is great, but eating lots of animal products is incredibly unhealthy. Ask for the evidence and it will be given. For starters, though, http://news.nationalgeographic.com/2015/04/150412-longevity-health-blue-zones-obesity-diet-ngbooktalk/

 

Fat is good, not saying it's bad. For healthy, delicious, calorie-dense weight-gainers, I'd suggest nut butters (peanut being the cheapest, also an excellent source of protein and micronutrients), hummus (can be cheap), beans (very cheap), stuff with vegetable oil (olive, rapeseed, sunflower, etc), and maybe fish (price depends on location; also a source of essential and usually lacking nutrients like DHA and vit D).

 

I disagree with the idea that the standard American diet is unhealthy for all people at all times. Truth be told, it's better to eat it than to barely eat anything.

[Aetherous]

This is unhealthy, combining carbs with proteins at the same meal.

I'm not on board with this, either. Totally important to have carbs, proteins, and fats in the same meal.

[dust]

And the best protein is animal protein especially the fatty type (eggs, beef, pork, cheese, fatty fish, fatty poultry). To maintain health you need to balance the high protein intake with large portions of vegetables (7-10 cups of green and colorful vegetables) that add a lot of minerals enzymes and vitamins to the diet. All these are needed for adrenals to function properly, lots of daily vitamins B, C and D.

 

No, that's not true.

[dust]

I disagree with the idea that the standard American diet is unhealthy for all people at all times. Truth be told, it's better to eat it than to barely eat anything.

 

Yes, better to eat something than nothing, I'd suggest that advising Taoway on a healthy and nutritious diet will help him feel healthier and put on weight (if he's really too skinny)

Edited October 26, 2016 by dustybeijing

[Sebastian]

Better to be skinny than a fatty

 

What about skinny fat then ?

 

Seems like the best of both worlds.