A sexual problem

[Perceiver]

Alright guys, I have a problem which you may be able to advise me on..

 

Some time ago - like two years ago - I started to notice that my kundalini syndrome would improve if I managed my sexual thoughts and desires in a better way. I noticed that if I ejaculated less I had more energy to meet life's challenges and also just felt better. As part of the process I also started to slowly transcend many of my base sexual desires by simply becoming less addicted to them. It was a very rewarding process.

 

Long story short a year ago I was about to do some work on a creative project and some sexual urges came on really strong. I found myself being driven along by them for some time and got really irritated as ideally I wanted to focus on my creative project. In that moment, I suddenly got the urge to use my willpower to "force" away my sexual urges and vowed to myself that I would focus on the creative project instead. It was a moment of extreme willpower.

 

And "whap" - just like that - the feeling of energy and presence left my groin and all my thoughts and impulses faded. I was left in a weird state with a flat feeling in the body and without any emotions. Just sort of like an indifferent dullness. No interest in anything. No depressed feeling - but no happiness and joy either.

 

I could give you many details, but I'll make it as short as I feel is possible: Ever since it happened I've lost my sense of humor, I don't laugh as much and I feel more indifferent really. Life has less magic, less power, less attractiveness. It's almost like I've lost a part of me - like being conscious and being in my body doesn't feel the same anymore. I am not depressed. Just feel more indifferent really.. Also, sexual urges aren't felt as fully in the body anymore.

 

Obviously I would like to get the excitement, the sense of humor and all the other things back. I've tried channel healing, acupuncture and my own willpower - but all of them to no avail. Still the feeling of indifference lingers on.. The healing experience even made some of it worse, to be honest.

 

It's a pretty complex problem and I guess it's hard to pinpoint exactly what happened. But my quality of life is suffering from this and I would be interested in any sort of input. Advice, ideas, types of treatment, tips about knowledgeable folks - anything would be appreciated..

 

Thanks

[thelerner]

I read about someone that happened too.  An uncomfortable state of distance from life, kind of the purgatory state of enlightenment.  In this case it wasn't just psychological, there were dopamine and certain brain chemistry blocked.  In the story I read, he went to a psychiatrist and got some drugs to restart his bodies  natural flow. 

 

Sorry to be so anecdotal (it was years ago), but if its serious, a psychiatrist who can prescribe might be a possible but expensive  cure. 

[Jeff]

You basically pushed yourself over into the "female energy body side" before you were naturally ready for such things, and it created a state of hyper receptivity before your heart was open enough for you to be able to sense such things.  Kind of like you are hyper sensitive, but there is nothing yet to feel or sense, hence everything seems kind of dead to you.

 

Send me a pm if you would like to try some stuff that might help.

 

Best, Jeff

[Jetsun]

You repressed yourself too much, the more repression the more what is repressed builds up and the more energy required to keep it down, until you get cut off from your vitality and aliveness.

 

My advice would be regular cardio exercise, the deep breathing from that will force the breath to stimulate your lower chakras and bring them back to life, but also you need to reframe your sexuality into a healthy place so when you feel sexual energy don't drive it away focus on the healthy feelings such as intimacy and mutual pleasure. Focus on healthy relationships with others

Edited February 27, 2017 by Jetsun

[C T]

this might have happened due to an absence of certain compassionate aspects to your practice. 

 

Do more charitable work. Shift your focus towards helping out others who are in need. You need this to regain some merit. 

[Jeff]

Are these opposite gender energy bodies “mind-made bodies"? Tulpas?

 

Don't know much about tulpas, so I turned to wikipedia:

No, not at all. More like a yin-yang energy imbalance.

[Michael Sternbach]

You sublimated your sexual energy which led to some increased creativity temporarily but did not take into account the requirements of some part of your being. So I suggest that you try to rekindle the fire of sexual desire - and learn to listen to your needs.

[roger]

Perceiver,

 

I have a pretty strong feeling about what might have happened, and some ideas about a possible solution.

 

First thing, health, vitality, and happiness are your natural state. When those things aren't being experienced, they're being BLOCKED.

 

It sounds like you created a "block" to your energy and life force when you denied your sexual desire.

 

Your life force and spiritual energy were manifesting as sexual desire, and you blocked it out.

 

The solution is to release the block, and to allow the energy to freely flow again.

 

There are several effective ways to go about doing that, but the key is naturalness, which is ironically a Daoist concept I just read about before reading your post.

 

To fully experience naturalness, just sit down with your eyes closed and BE, totally naturally, without effort, and without trying to control your thoughts. Just let thoughts come and go naturally.

 

What you'll be doing when you meditate this way is releasing any blocks and negative energy, just by being yourself, sitting there being totally natural.

 

A quote from J. Krishnamurti is, "Meditation is the total release of energy."

 

You've created a barrier, a block, to your energy, and meditation that is totally natural and effortless can release it and get your energy freed up and flowing again.

 

Btw, I recommend just sitting in whatever position is natural and comfortable for this kind of meditation. It's true that sitting with the back straight is best for some kinds of meditation, but for what I'm suggesting the key is to be as natural as possible.

[Perceiver]

Thanks for the feedback everyone. I appreciate it, and to be honest it makes me pretty thrilled to see so many people ready to help, given that I am a "complete stranger". Lots of good people in here.. Also there are some good pointers in the posts that I will be checking out in more detail..

 

So, in order to give a few more details on what happened: When the event happened, I lost all natural spontaneous creativity for some reason, and it felt like my groin area had been blocked off, and I was left in a flat/dead body. Sometimes I wonder if there was an element of guilt involved in the experience too: When it happened I was watching porn, even though I had vowed to stay away from that (pornstars don't always have the most healthy reasons for being in porn). So when my impulses got the better of me I felt bad about it, and perhaps also a bit guilty - even though I "rationally" know that manifesting strong emotions of guilt are stupid vis-a-vis one's sexuality.

 

Anyways, about two weeks into the experience I tried really hard to force my creativity back, and it was like something popped in my body and my groin was unlocked, creativity flowing again. What happened then was quite bizarre: My creativity had changed. Instead of being very analytical, trying to work towards new solutions by identifying constraints, I now found myself being way more out-of-the-box-thinking. I probably had three to four months of the most unexpected and radical creativity I've ever expected - and all of it in a fairly flat and dead body . I also felt I had become very rational at the expense of being passionate. I am thinking I maybe shifted my energy away from my sexuality and into my creativity somehow. But given that it was so radical it felt like a very "raw" experience.

 

It's a year later now, and gradually some of the fullness of the body has returned. About two weeks ago something else happened. I had been doing hard physical work for a full day and sat in my kitchen and was feeling exhausted, eating dinner. All of a sudden a sexual thought came on really strong and I thought "oh well, it's neither right nor wrong" and "pop": In that moment it was like a deeper fullness of the body returned, and all of the sudden I didn't feel that sort of everyday indifference anymore: All of a sudden I wanted to take walk, desired to play a videogame, call a friend etc. I didn't have to "force" those things anymore. They felt naturally interesting again.

 

So that's great. What I am still missing though is the excitement, the humor, the laughter, the fullness in sexual feelings, the magic of life.. To be honest, the simple feeling that life is "nice" and "warm" is still not as strong as it used to be.. Less distractions, but less magic too..

 

I frequented a channel healer recently to see if he could work out something. The healing opened up a greater space of neutrality into which I could pull dualistic assumptions and neutralize them. But it also increased my feeling of indifference somehow. It's like the healing is a shortcut, but something that comes with a price when you have kundalini syndrome. Perhaps because K imbalances are delicate things that you should work out organically from the inside out - by dissolving them in your own recognition of their duality-based nature. I hope the negative effects of the healing will work themselves out over time..

 

Anyways, that was a bit more detail. If you have any more feedback it would be appreciated .

 

Perceiver