Confronting repressed emotions

[imtyerd]

Hi

 

Recently I started confronting emotions that I've repressed over the years. I started to do this because I felt like I wasn't being authentic and had built a front or personality to protect myself. I was kind of the happy go lucky, class clown kind of guy and pretty much never let people see me down.

 

Anyway I'm curious to know if others have dealt with emotional baggage head on and what your experiences were like the more you confronted your repressed memories and emotions.

 

Did anyone else realise they had put on a front for a long time just to get by?

 

This isn't very Dao related but at the same time I feel like it is one of the core reasons why many people come here to begin with.

Edited April 25, 2017 by imtyerd

[doc benway]

Nothing more related to Dao than knowing my authentic self, IMO.

This is part of my path also.

The word 'confronting' is meaningful. 

We can confront our feelings but we can also simply host them.

Being authentic is to acknowledge even those parts of us that we don't approve of.

My primary focus is not so much on what is suppressed but on the one who is confronting, suppressing, and hosting. 

[Brian]

We each create a public persona behind which we subconsciously attempt to hide those aspects of ourselves we think are inappropriate. We are generally blind to the presence of these shadow selves but others aren't. The more we invest in the facade, the more sharply defined our shadows become. Recognizing the existence of "the rest of us" is a significant step towards becoming whole.

 

This might be of interest: https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0553201085/ref=mp_s_a_1_17?ie=UTF8&qid=1493113257&sr=1-17π=CB192198896_AA75_QL70&keywords=Sheldon+Kopp

Edited April 25, 2017 by Brian

[RiverSnake]

Yep, repressed emotions emotions become tension in the energy body. Ask your body where your holding the repressed emotions and then charge them with love. Cheers. 

[silent thunder]

One of my very close work mates and friends says 'shine love on it'.  When I've brought up dealing with harsh, dark, or elusive emotional patterns.  

 

I've come to appreciate this.  It used to imply action and effort which I found not so helpful and while I appreciated the senitment, it didn't stick for me. 

 

Lately though, I've come to resonate with it on a deeper level and realize that there is no effort needed and the word love is synonymous with awareness for me and it is a potent manner of acknowledging and releasing simultaneously, the energies involved to very healthy and benficial effect.

[imtyerd]

We each create a public persona behind which we subconsciously attempt to hide those aspects of ourselves we think are inappropriate. We are generally blind to the presence of these shadow selves but others aren't. The more we invest in the facade, the more sharply defined our shadows become. Recognizing the existence of "the rest of us" is a significant step towards becoming whole.

 

This might be of interest: https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0553201085/ref=mp_s_a_1_17?ie=UTF8&qid=1493113257&sr=1-17π=CB192198896_AA75_QL70&keywords=Sheldon+Kopp

 

I really resonated with this, that others are able to see right through the facade. For me, no matter how much I delved into self help, how many things I fixed about myself, I didn't really change internally so I would just do more and more self help. But my friend saw through all the bullshit.

 

Another interesting thing I realised through shadow work and finding the source of my problems was that I was self sabotaging for YEARS without even realising. For example, I would not get close to many people and hence not develop friendships because when I was a kid I snitched on a friend and as a result subconsciously I began punishing myself.

[sagebrush]

quoting old saint that emotions  become tension in the energy body,

 

that just immediately makes me aggravated immediately.

 

not sure why.

 

its like an espoused philosophy of cliché.

 

maybe I do not understand and then I like to get upset over it.

 

anyway.

 

always ready fight or fligh

 

 

I refuse public displays of affection.:-)

 

burning heat in my right leg on the back side by achilles

 

god damn go garden

Edited April 25, 2017 by sagebrush

[Wu Ming Jen]

Congratulations for  going into the tigers cave. Many are way too afraid and do not have the courage to confront their emotions but the pearl in the cave has more then just healing ability. 

 

 Once we can see where our emotions come from we are the master and the emotions have a new kind leader.

 

We should cycle through our emotions everyday. The problem is when we hold on to one emotion for any length of time. 

 

Feeling is way more accurate then emotions because emotions are just way to emotional and can make people do weird things and even act against their true nature.

 

Acting or responding from an emotion can lead to trouble if we are not careful.

[Marblehead]

Congratulations for  going into the tigers cave.

... and staring into the abyss. 

[imtyerd]

quoting old saint that emotions  become tension in the energy body,

 

that just immediately makes me aggravated immediately.

 

not sure why.

 

its like an espoused philosophy of cliché.

 

maybe I do not understand and then I like to get upset over it.

 

anyway.

 

always ready fight or fligh

 

 

I refuse public displays of affection.:-)

 

burning heat in my right leg on the back side by achilles

 

god damn go garden

 

I find that whenever I get emotionally triggered is the best time to delve into those emotions and trace back to find the source.

Edited April 25, 2017 by imtyerd

[Brian]

I really resonated with this, that others are able to see right through the facade. For me, no matter how much I delved into self help, how many things I fixed about myself, I didn't really change internally so I would just do more and more self help. But my friend saw through all the bullshit.

 

Another interesting thing I realised through shadow work and finding the source of my problems was that I was self sabotaging for YEARS without even realising. For example, I would not get close to many people and hence not develop friendships because when I was a kid I snitched on a friend and as a result subconsciously I began punishing myself.

I strongly recommend that book. It is out of print but used paperback copies are cheap. It speaks directly to this issue.

[imtyerd]

Congratulations for  going into the tigers cave. Many are way too afraid and do not have the courage to confront their emotions but the pearl in the cave has more then just healing ability. 

 

 Once we can see where our emotions come from we are the master and the emotions have a new kind leader.

 

We should cycle through our emotions everyday. The problem is when we hold on to one emotion for any length of time. 

 

Feeling is way more accurate then emotions because emotions are just way to emotional and can make people do weird things and even act against their true nature.

 

Acting or responding from an emotion can lead to trouble if we are not careful.

 

It sounds scary but truthfully what I noticed is that the skeletons in my closet weren't that scary or dark to begin with.

 

I think what happens is once you suppress a bad emotion, it just grows and grows and years go by and you have exaggerated the entire incident and the feelings attached to it.

[Wu Ming Jen]

The Taoist do not consider love as an emotion. I did not understand this until love made me cry, gave me pleasure, made me laugh, scared, worried and angry, 

 

 

Seven emotions: 喜 pleasure, 怒 anger, 悲 sorrow, 惊 fright, 忧 worry, 恐 fear, 思 thought. The seven emotions are triggered when 神行于体内 the Shen is moving within the physical body. When these emotions are out of balanced, they not only effect us but will provoke others around us.

[Wu Ming Jen]

It does not amaze me how everyone here is very in touch and sensitive.(doing the hard work) We could name ten thousand diseases and illnesses that result from not being in touch and sensitive to our emotional life.

 

• Anger
• Disgust
• Fear
• Happiness
• Sadness
• Surprise    

This is google 6 emotions and I found it very weird. It is like how an emotion may appear to someone else.

Seems very shallow and talk about being scared to get internal. This system would never lead to any depth at all. 

Edited April 25, 2017 by Wu Ming Jen

[Wu Ming Jen]

It sounds scary but truthfully what I noticed is that the skeletons in my closet weren't that scary or dark to begin with.

 

I think what happens is once you suppress a bad emotion, it just grows and grows and years go by and you have exaggerated the entire incident and the feelings attached to it.

Right, the tiger is our friend with a great gift to offer.

[dwai]

That you are becoming aware of and are willing to face your emotional demons is a sign of maturity in practice, imho.

Sometime during my tai chi practice - perhaps 6-7 years into the practice, I started becoming acutely aware of the contents of my mind -- emotional and mental stuff that repeatedly appeared and disappeared. 

 

I think most of us create an idealized image of who we are "supposed to be" -- a perfect being, with no flaws, no weaknesses, all based on romanticized ideals supported by our society (and its literature, concepts of good and bad, right and wrong, etc).

 

Some cultures consider sex to be "sin", have over-idealized notions of the self-sacrificing saintly person, the absolutely devoted child, parent, sibling, friend etc. You know the rules by now, I'm sure...and so we prop up this self-image.

 

Once we start to become aware of the contents of our mind -- stuff that pulls us, pushes us, drives us, makes us cautious (not necessarily bad stuff per se), the first reaction is to be shocked at how different it is from the idealized self-image we built and tried to prop up.

 

At least in my case it was. I tortured myself for years, with guilt, self-loathing, depression and became a social recluse of sorts, with my wife, my teacher, my tai chi friends and my family as my primary source of human contact and interaction (and the Daobums too, in a more indirect manner).

 

Work was too, but there is hardly any higher emotional contact in that respect...work has, in my experience been a source of more artifice being piled upon our hapless selves.

 

Until one day, I realized that when I was observing the contents of my mind, I never checked to ask, who is it that is observing this? If "I" am observing these thoughts, these repressed emotions, etc, then while these thoughts might belong to me, they were not "Me" (not sure if that makes sense).

 

When a degree of detachment was established in this, it became a clinical process of observing the mind content. At first I tried to "exorcise" these demons. But the more I tried to "deal" with them, the more they seem to grow in strength. Then my teachers and some wise folks (some of the wise bums on this forum too), told me to consider letting the mind-stuff just rise and fall. The more I detached and just observed the mind-stuff, the less power it seemed to have over "me". 

 

Soon, I learnt that the mind-stuff is a result of our environment (and depends on what we consume with our mind and senses). Just like eating junk food is going to mess up your digestion, consuming "junk stuff" is going to mess up your mind. Your mind does not define you or control you, any more than your diet defines or controls you. Though, addiction to certain types of mind-food can be as dramatic and damaging as addiction to certain types of junk foods can be. 

 

The detachment between you the observer and your mind/body is a key to dealing with these demons, in my experience. And it is a constant process of refinement, till we reach a point when there is not much mind-stuff rising (and when it does, it dissipates fast). We go from a cloudy and stormy sky (noisy mind) to a mainly clear sky with the rare fluffs of cloud and occasional thunderstorms (still mind) ...

[thelerner]

I've found its good to acknowledge both the emotion and it's source, but not dwell on it, especially when the brain keeps poking and ripping at the memory til it becomes a scab that won't heal.   Sometimes you can use it's 'power' for motivation to do something good.  Something that'll help others or yourself.

 

Otherwise, long hard exercise is good when you can't escape a thought.  Writing is pretty good to, especially from the subconscious.  Turning off your internal editor and letting the words flow.  Again, the point is to acknowledge, understand, then let it go.  Move on with your life.

 

Ultimately, such things only have as much power over you, as you give them. 

[[email protected]]

All our emotions are the result of unbalanced body and mind (xing). The best way to balance then is to harmonize our energies. All attempts to control emotions will lead to start other amotions, and lately the supressed ones will come back. It like the Ginny in the bottle - the more time you hold it closed the more gas will wait to go out.

Rgrds, Ilya

[sagebrush]

I disagree example:

 

another funeral

some members of the family I know over long period of time. some new because they live out of this state.

 

ok--awkwardness in me.

 

someone said thank you for coming.

I said-well thank  you.

 

it did not make a bit of sense other than putting words out there because I am uncomfortable.

 

emotions are like waves on the sea. unbalanced I disagree.

 

you have trained your mind otherways

 

I cry at funeral- not my family or friend but long time neighbor of 40 years. sweet man. more religious than I figured-believer in the word the bible.

 

faithful to his wife 69 years and devoted to career, simple life, and church.

 

you don't like emotion

 

if your child run over by a train-you are going to fuckin cry maybe for years to come.

 

not unbalanced body or mind. loss of son. unanticipated. unmeditated.

 

where we going with all this?

 

if I had the means I would have tracked you both down face to face.

 

I cried at the funeral because I felt like it. tiny man 93 years of life lived very well. decent who knows where he goes.

according to his beliefs-heaven

the members of that faith think you nuts.

I try to be open mind

[thelerner]

I'll kind of echo that- being sad.. furious..angry, is all part of our humanity.  To be immune to such feelings may be to lose a piece of it.  The positive emotions, love, happiness, playfulness, even silliness.. I treasure those too.  Like good wine over indulgence can create problems, but in the right amount they make life worthwhile.  

 

 

On the other hand I've also been exploring how in some cases 'fun', is seeking escape and distraction because we're not content and happy.  Instead improving ourselves and our circumstances, we continually turn to distractions. 

[sagebrush]

I was angry yesterday. I trace it back to source of coffee. If I don't get busy working labor-it makes me irritable and emotional/moody.

 

so I climbed my ladder outside the condo and cleaned up to the second floor. both unit 3 and 4. it was full of green mildew on siding.

 

but oddly enough----today I am the recipient of just intense chills and aches since posting at dao bums.

 

source that later.

 

I don't drink wine often, but I have drank on numerous occasions. in general it gives me heartburn and increases depression.

 

seeking escape is like dreaming of kayaking a river that is slightly swollen from rain storm.

I don't own a kayak but can rent them. I have only gone on a lake. but the current of a river looks more fun.

 

in the meantime I organize where I see fit.

and I make jokes in my head silently trying to grasp or grapple with the world.

sometimes they slip out here---

 

new in the garden:

iris

coneflower

bee balm

variety sedum

cat mint(walker)

potato vine

forget me nots

the list for improvements is long-

and I realize my own dirty work is loving myself is not easy.

 

who else has seen a stuffed animal that looked like the penguin Wilfred.....

and mentioned it? nobody but me

[imtyerd]

Right, the tiger is our friend with a great gift to offer.

 

Can you go deeper into the tiger thing. Like what does literature say when you befriend the tiger?

[qicat]

Can you go deeper into the tiger thing. Like what does literature say when you befriend the tiger?

tiger is a protector. ( as your spirit animal)

 

Literature says:

• Tiger ( as part of Twelve Earthly Branches)->East/Yin/3/3-5a.m/Great Yang/Lungs/Breaking Ground/Wood
• Tiger ( as The White Tiger Constellation)->pertains to the energetic power of one's "Sensation"/Jian Bing/The White Tiger ( 7 Guardians of the West)
• Tiger - represents the spiritual energy of your Po ( Corporeal Soul). Energetically embodies the internal animal nature, that unconditionally guards and protects with an unbridled passion for survival.

 

but overall, we,cats, are rather complex creatures.... compared to dogs:P

[sagebrush]

how did tiger get into the post?

 

confronting repressed emotions ---tiger?

[qicat]

how did tiger get into the post?

 

confronting repressed emotions ---tiger?

mmm....

 

...tiger just happened to be a BIG THING in Daoism...

 

Repressed emotions of grief ( lungs) would go with a Tiger...

Repressed emotions of anger(liver) would be a Dragon...

Since we don't know details... perhaps he made peace with his tiger ( i.e. grief is slowly gone?) Who knows...

 

p.s. I assume you have never seen your spirit animal? 

p.p.s. Your culture might have different animals, btw. 

Edited May 2, 2017 by qicat