Why do I get sad (depressed), when other people feel sad

[Sublimation]

Hey guys!

I recently wrote in my "Welcome" Threat about my depression and since I try a lot to make things better since beginning of may, I had a feeling coming up in me that I had a lot of times in my past. It is sadness and it makes me feel depressed very often too (I suffer from clinical depression and ADHD).

When I met a friend of mine today, she was very happy and we were sitting near the danube (a river here in Vienna). After some minutes though, she got a phone call because a friend of her is living on the street and is addicted to some dugs aswell. 2 other friends of her found this poor girl near a subway station and asked if my friend would come to help her. She immediatly left and hugged me, said thanks and apologized for leaving so early. I really had no problem with that because I felt that the problem of this young women has to be much more important than our meetup. I told her that she can call or text me whenever she wants if she needs someone to talk or whatever.

She wrote me after a couple of hours and told me that they brought her friend to the hospital and that she is tired now and doesn't want to meet again because she is crying and wants to be alone. I really understood that and said she can call whenever she needs me. We were just texting but I felt her sadness in her words. It really hit me. It is 3 hours now that we stopped texting and I still feel bad. I feel down because of that friend of her living on the streets dealing with addiction, I felt bad for my friend because she wants to help but feels helpless.

I really have that kind of problem since my whole life. I always had the feeling I want to help people. It is though, that I am like a sponge for feelings around me and my people. I was reading a lot about highly sensitive people recently and I found myself a lot in the description of some texts/blogs or books. Can anyone tell me what that problem could be I have here? Why can't I just ignore the feelings of others? I want to be there for them but I don't want to feel their pain. It really feels like if I feel exactly the same like the person that really suffers. The bad thing about this is that a lot of times this makes me depressed and I am not able to help anyone anymore. Not even myself. I am still trying to fight that sadness today because it makes me lazy, tired, stiff and doesn't let me sleep.

Thanks for all your answers and opinions in advance

[thelerner]

It means you're empathetic, have an open heart.  A good trait, but one that leaves you vulnerable. 

 

Lately I've been working on seeing emotions differently.  Often we're trapped in them.  Ie, see or think Sad and we're trapped in sadness.  These days I'm trying to be more mindful of emotions.  See when they start.  Boom just then.. that car cut me off, that person looked at me funny, the world isn't going according to my wishes..  Spend a few seconds being aware of the trigger, then honoring the emotion with some action.  Then being done with it. 

 

Take boredom, its an emotion, leading to laziness and regret.  Once I realize its hit, its easy to know the cause, ie I'm doing nothin, then honor it, do something, preferably productive.  Action can precede motivation.  We need to train ourselves not to wallow in emotion and see them as gut wisdom that require action or to be filed for later action. 

 

With a friend who's down or depressed, you can't necessarily 'save' them, but you can write or email a note 'Thinking of you, coffee or walk soon- Love'.  Sometimes a simple gesture makes a big difference, and having honored the emotion, get over it.  

 

The other way I deal with heavy things is an SEP field- Somebody Else's Problem.  There is great wisdom in putting up SEP fields around things we have no control over, thus ignoring them.  We have to pick our causes and battles because we can't do it all.  It's really just a modernized metaphor for the Serenity Prayer-

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

 

[Kar3n]

I recently read an article by Bo Forbes, a yogi and clinical psychologist, that might be of some help to you.

http://boforbes.com/yoga-practice-lab/blog/feel-pain-empaths-guide-staying-balanced/

And here is another on boundaries with some asanas to help.

http://boforbes.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/july-august-feature-v2.pdf?9e2dc7