I am being Reborn; Clouds, Hummingbirds, Flowers, Butterflies

[WadeGarret]

I spent about 480 hours in meditation in 2015. - Guess I had a lot of free time then. At the time I was going insane, so I dropped the meditation. Re-took celibacy because I liked/needed the strength that it gave me for certain things. Continued to be an alienated loner. Been following the path of Brahmchayra (?) - Total celibacy, women do not exist only as co-humans. I also have been celibate for a long while, on and off and quit alcohol and internet use for a couple of months; when I quit internet use for a month the second time, it seemed to open some doors in my conciousness like never before. 

 

However here's what's been happening. I meditated one time a month ago, and it was so powerful it seemed to effect my household, and my neighborhood. Some undesireable neighbors have moved out within the vicinity; peoples activities have changed. Very strong family from out of state have visited, and even took space in the room I was living in (I left town) - And other phenomonn.

 

If I do happen to fall into a meditative state, out of necessity from being exhausted (sometimes I just wake up tired) - then the sun will part the clouds for me. This has happened in two major coastal california towns that I was in. The marine layer literally began to vanquish and the sun beat down on my head. During this experience, it seems my head and face absorb sunlight energy that radiates for a while. Though I am not meditating fully, what happens after this is interesting.

 

After I have these experiences (sometimes daily if I need to) - (just lay down in the sun in close my eyes) - a karmaic balance or shift occurs and events that make sense unfold. Certain things become noticble, the color teal appears more; a teal car, someone wearing teal, or havin ga teal handbag. Hummingbirds will desperately fly towards me in the vicinity and begin feeding on local flowers. Every single time. An invisible beam seems to radiate from the sun and create and inner-reality deflecting all annoying things. For instance, if I meditate and lay on the ground, butterflies and hummingbirds appear; and the sun begins to beam down on me radiating "HOT" - as it radiates hot with this warmth, it enraptures me, sometimes it sort of leaves my vision with a fire; thus I can see objects glowing with teal.

 

After that, events in my life seem to "make sense" and transpire; - close loved ones will contact me. Or for instance, a very young boy sat next to me with a guitar, and so happened to play and know the exact type of music that I have played my entire life. I showed him a few chords and left; as if it was my purpose to do that in that exact moment. - Flowers seem to bloom and radiate in my presence. I have no meditated full on during the day because the effects have been so profound and I know that, over-meditation is something I want to avoid so I have not done that yet. But these effects happen even if I take a cat nap; or a snooze. 

 

If anyone has any negative emotions within my vicinity I sense it through my forehead; for isntance, some family members had anger within them; anger and annoyance; I stepped outside and closed my eyes, I let the fire of the sun radiate on my forehead and went back to the family member. His face was cleared of the anger and the emotion. In fact, I can detect and sense negative energy in most people in the form of what my peripheral vision is telling me. 

 

#1.) I can see in my peripheral vision, a distortion of their eyes, if you will. So I always check with my peripheral vision what is on their face, and I also can sense their anger/stress/fear whatever and either I can talk them through it, or meditate through it; however I am not yet experiened or powerful enough really to "Excorcise" people of their lower emotions yet. I don't have that power yet or am not experiened enough.

 

I'm not sure what next to do in life because I have been unemployed for 5 months and that's when all of this has been happening. I have never really been financialy independent except for a few times in my life; so this lead me to become heavily seeking spiritual persuits. Unfortunatley now it's so powerful sometimes it is blatantly obvious. 480 hours of meditation is no joke. I also believe I have done some damage to some lives around me on accident, due to my practices, which I am trying to heal and turn around; for instance the toxcicity of friends and loved ones have given me reason to be a light through celibacy and sobriety; 

 

If I lay down and stare at the sky, and the hummingbirds begin to surround me; the butterflies seem to appear out of nowhere, I see planes and hawks fly above me overhead, and also. This has been happening daily. I admitted this to family and they basically told me if I do have gifts I should seek the counsel of A Christian church. The thing is, I am not christian and my family is and they keep telling me to go to church, seek Jesus, seek counseling etc; but the funny thing is, I am more of a buddhist/agnostic/eastern philosophy type of person and have broken away from old patterns as I find traditional religion completley useless; and in fact, I believe we are all Gods we just have to learn to tap into our inherent power and use it for Good. because it is very easy to use it for both good and bad. 

 

I have had bad moments where I thought I was going insane, had panic attacks because I over-meditated, or was over-exposed to toxic environments; or made mistakes in my thought patterns or concentrated too much too soon, so all of these things, over the years I learned there is a certain balance, much like the sun rising and sun setting, much like the moon rising; everything has timing; and it is all linked to the timing of the day, your soul, your environment, what toxicity you have in your soul like past memories, regressions, hardships, and what type of obstacles are overcoming in your current environment; on top of these things, keeping your mind pure of toxic acts, like the pleasures of life; thus the reason why I feel the saints in all religions warned us from over-indulgance (I was a bad offender)

 

I was, a few days ago laying down in the parking lot of a mall near a coastal beach town and there was a heavy thick marine layer. I knew that I was extremely tired, and my body lacked chi, or maybe I just have not figured out how to energize myself properly and it has something to do with being re-charged from a morning meditation or sitting in the sunlight; - the security guard approached me asking me what I am doing laying on the ground.  I said, "waiting for the sun" - he laughed and said, "You'll be waiting all morning" 

 

At that moment I said "It's already happening" - and the sun begin to split the clouds and shine on me in the vicinity; he looked like he saw a ghost and took off. I looked around me, and noticed that, it was shinning on me, and my car, and everywhere in that parking lot within the general 200 yards. People even came up to park and I noticed I had attracted enough attention, so it was time to move on. I did this the day before as well; and found that, I opened the clouds for a 1 mile radius, as the family member I was staying with lives right by the beach. funny thing is, the onlly place that had sunlight that day was the 1 mile radius of my meditation zone;  everyone in cars were driving to that point of sunlight whilst I looked around, a bit stunned at the fact, I was in the middle of a clear zone; surrounded by grey cloud.

 

I've been posting almost every other day on various forums like spirituality and taosim on reddit to little or no avail. Some asking me for advice and guidance, truth is I'm just a regular guy down on his luck, or just became socially isolated and persued celibacy and meditation. The funny thing is, I used to laugh at the Drew Hempel guy on here as being some kind of fraud or sheister but now I'm beginnng to believe every damn thing he is saying. I'm a little bit afraid of the path before me, but I know for some reason I am not supposed to turn back, I'm supposed to keep going forward on this path, as a light bringer of sorts. That's what I feel symbolically that's what's happening.

 

I notice that, certain birds appear within my vicinity under meditation. Like, butterflies, mocking birds, hawks, hummingbirds always; like higher evolved beautiful creatures; and they seem to chase away the crows, every single time; and when I am in negative vibration I notice crows always hang around; but if I meditate, the crows get scared off; they just caw and take off. I have nothing against crows but to me it is very symbolic. Also, what is the deal with the color teal ? - Never really cared for it, but it's been making its way to me and throwing itself in my face. I am not sure what my path is, maybe a lightbringer, or healer, I have had a discussion with my 3 sisters, and they all said if I have a gift I need to find a way to channel it and that they have my back. I told them, to not think I am crazy.

 

I have no history of mental illness, nor does my family (We have had depression in our family) - but I know all of this is happening because I willingly followed this path of piety and discipline and solitude, sometimes to my own dismay and hardship, other times to my great suprise, it is like being reborn. I also notice that after a heavy meditation session, the flower of innocence, for instance, children seem to make their way towards me; these things can be broken very easily obviously if I returned to a life of induldgance, but I am running from that as I was a former addict and jumped head first into spirituality, chasity and sobreity for a few years now. 

 

Thoughts ? Suggestions? insights? I can use all the help and advice I can get. Thank you. 

 

[RiverSnake]

Pm me if you'd like some help. 

[roger]

Just know that everything is completely okay. All is well. Don't be afraid. Enjoy your experiences while they last. A Higher Power (however you prefer to conceptualize it) is protecting and guiding you. Have FAITH in that Higher Power.

 

No need to try to 'figure out' what to do next. You'll know when you're supposed to know. Answers will come at the right time.

 

Have faith and have fun (good, clean fun of course lol),

[allinone]

can you reduce your experience into 4 lines.

[allinone]

1 hour ago, roger said:

Just know that everything is completely okay. All is well. Don't be afraid. Enjoy your experiences while they last. A Higher Power (however you prefer to conceptualize it) is protecting and guiding you. Have FAITH in that Higher Power.

 

No need to try to 'figure out' what to do next. You'll know when you're supposed to know. Answers will come at the right time.

 

Have faith and have fun (good, clean fun of course lol),

 

do you even know what higher power is?

it is greater evil. It will make your little sin look like it is allowed to indulge.

[qicat]

9 hours ago, WadeGarret said:

 

Thoughts ? Suggestions? insights? I can use all the help and advice I can get. Thank you. 

 

 

you are VERY fine. You are not crazy or insane. And Everything will be ok. And do visit Christian Church. 

 

what part of the country are you? I would take you to my lama. 

 

teal keyword...

 

 

 

[qicat]

9 hours ago, WadeGarret said:

 

I have had bad moments where I thought I was going insane, had panic attacks because I over-meditated, or was over-exposed to toxic environments; or made mistakes in my thought patterns or concentrated too much too soon, so all of these things, over the years I learned there is a certain balance, much like the sun rising and sun setting, much like the moon rising; everything has timing; and it is all linked to the timing of the day, your soul, your environment, what toxicity you have in your soul like past memories, regressions, hardships, and what type of obstacles are overcoming in your current environment; on top of these things, keeping your mind pure of toxic acts, like the pleasures of life; thus the reason why I feel the saints in all religions warned us from over-indulgance (I was a bad offender)

 

 

 

Do you have a teacher? Mine specifically instructed what to do in such situations ( but I think he kind of telepathically put that "safety switch" in my brain. Sometimes when things get really strange, I feel he( his helpers?) kind of "kicks me out" of that state to reality). None of what mind produces is real ( even very real physical pain - you just need to allow it to be.) Focus on your task and ignore all those plays of mind. ( easier said than done, my cycle runs about 36 hours on this and then I get somewhat "functional" with new insights again. For example, two weeks ago after the work I did with Sifu it was about 36 hours of pure "energy pain" and some weird stuff ( I am convinced Daoists' "paper tigers" skills are real:P ), but now that it is cleared I have very interesting revelations. As you said, it is a cycle, it helps knowing that suffering is not forever ( as pleasure also)...

Edited June 30, 2017 by qicat

[Gerard]

Hi Wade,

 

Why don't you join the sangha:

 

1. Plenty of time to keep practicing the way you are practing without any external influences that might interfere with your practice.

 

2. No easy (or no) internet access. 

 

3. Celibacy will be like a walk in the park, no women will trouble you there for sure.

 

4. You'll be surrounded by like minded people on a daily basis.

 

all the very best

Edited July 1, 2017 by Gerard

[allinone]

7 hours ago, Gerard said:

Hi Wade,

 

Why don't you join the sangha:

 

1. Plenty of time to keep practicing the way you are practing without any external influences that might interfere with your practice.

 

2. No easy (or no) internet access. 

 

3. Celibacy will be like a walk in the park, no women will trouble you there for sure.

 

4. You'll be surrounded by like minded people on a daily basis.

 

all the very best

 

i wonder if you make yourself sterile, what is there to practice?

argh you don't understand, you need females.

 

i think the females you have had before weren't even thinking they were females.

[qicat]

17 minutes ago, allinone said:

 

argh you don't understand, you need females.

 what do you need them for?

[allinone]

1 minute ago, qicat said:

 what do you need them for?

 

to become enlightened.

[allinone]

solitary practice is for so that you have something what females want.

[qicat]

3 minutes ago, allinone said:

 

to become enlightened.

 

how?

[allinone]

1 minute ago, qicat said:

 

how?

 

its female who proves you a new location, power and fame. Female is a world.

[qicat]

9 minutes ago, allinone said:

 

its female who proves you a new location, power and fame. Female is a world.

 

given you are worthy...

that's the catch...

 

good luck with mental masturbation...

 

Topic Starter might attract such female though...

[allinone]

1 minute ago, qicat said:

 

given you are worthy...

that's the catch...

 

good luck with mental masturbation...

 

Topic Starter might attract such female though...

 

i take by force.

[qicat]

4 minutes ago, allinone said:

 

i take by force.

 

and where did you learn that first? What imprinted such behavior in you? Why do you think it's an acceptable behavior? Was your father abusing your mother? Were you lacking motherly love to create the statement that bliss can only be stolen? Are you not feeling worthy As-IS that you need to resort to force?

Edited July 1, 2017 by qicat

[allinone]

i ask you to delete that comment above.

---

How are you going to find a female without using senseconciousenss and waht is a female sings when you don't use senseconsciousness.

 

[qicat]

lolz

 

[allinone]

qicat you are sentient tool for me.

[qicat]

17 minutes ago, allinone said:

qicat you are sentient tool for me.

 

 

you don't want me to shove your enlightenment in your &^&? Too bad...

 

p.s. you are boring and predictable as any average Joe Doe obsessed with his d&ck. I would consider meditate on this conversation today and find patterns you see in your life of how you behave with females. Perhaps some "enlightenment" will hit you.

 

 

Edited July 1, 2017 by qicat

[allinone]

hey(with a normal voice) but still can you delete that comment about my family. I don't want to call my elders to come and respond to you.

 

 

[qicat]

1 minute ago, allinone said:

hey(with a normal voice) but still can you delete that comment about my family. I don't want to call my elders to come and respond to you.

 

 

 

wow...

if you have done any internal alchemy, you would know I just gave you a first key to what you seek...

 

but as I said, you are boring and predictable...

 

I will make tea for your elders.  I know etiquette. Make sure after they have my tea they won't spank you for embarrassing them:P

 

 

[allinone]

whatever, but can you delete that post? i don't care about anything else right now. Why you have to post about such things on a thread what is not mine.

It is not for me, but for respect to the thread owner, you should delete that post. Make a new thread for that if you like.

[qicat]

1 minute ago, allinone said:

whatever, but can you delete that post? i don't care about anything else right now. Why you have to post about such things on a thread what is not mine.

It is not for me, but for respect to the thread owner, you should delete that post. Make a new thread for that if you like.