Leaving the rat race for more cheaper, more graceful living.

[Brian]

5 hours ago, CloudHands said:

 

Maybe they did not call because they were poor but I think it's more cultural. All the people I know that grew up in north Africa act the same, I mean as in a "tribe" you're supposed to be welcome, why would you call.

 

"pour accéder aux plats et aux palabres y a pas de sonnette, à peine une porte, y a des cloisons que les effets du passage rendent obsolètes"

"to accede meetings and dishes there is no bell, barely a door, people passing makes walls obsolete"

 

 

My family (parents, siblings, local aunts, uncles and cousins, etc.) were always very much this way -- you might call out a loud "Hello?" as you opened the door and walked in.  My wife found it totally foreign -- she would really prefer several days notice.

[CloudHands]

Just now, Taomeow said:

 

Ah, thank you.  I have a French friend who is exactly that, entouré, in a way different from "not lonely" of other people I've known.  It is transactional though.  She will often do some of the things I described as the state of "tribal" I used to know and sorely miss, except she will never do them unless there's something in it for her, and will expect things in return and keep the accounting on who did what for whom and who owes her and whom she owes in meticulous order.  Interesting.  Seems like a cultural phenomenon more than an individual trait, but I'm not one hundred percent sure, never lived in France (though I did read tons of French literature...)  

 

We are 65 millions, among us 25% are immigrate or descendant of immigrated parents and among the "old" french there are many regional cultures so I could not describe an average french. I can't tell for your friend but I'd say rare are the people that don't look for reciprocity in matter of relationship. Some are meticulous, sure

That's a cement you can't ignore if tribal life is based on an immediate survival necessity... and if you're in a tribe without reserve you look for solidarity.

 

 

Quote

I.e. the first thing that happens is, people whose natural (for all humans everywhere at all times) tribal lifestyle has been artificially dismantled instinctively try to replicate it, by forming bands, groups, societies -- but since their natural life is no longer legal, the more determined of them go south of the law, become assorted shades of gangsters because original tribal laws are no longer operational while the new ones is what they defy.  As time goes by, the strongest of these criminal groups usurp power and become the law themselves.  That's our present situation.  Africa, Mongolia, even Russia are on the same path, only various distances behind.

 

I agree with the distinction you made. I haven't been in Africa but I met plenty of people coming from there seems like tribal life still has some motivations, blood and practical necessities... and affect the personality.

Remember me of an old lady mumbling "to valorise volontary work... to valorise volontary... but before we just gave a hand and that was it (normal)" .

Edited August 13, 2017 by CloudHands

[liminal_luke]

2 hours ago, Brian said:

 

 

I don't think I have ever experienced this state called "lonely," even when I was totally alone for days and weeks at a time.  Someone I respect once described me as "internally complete" -- not sure whether that is positive or negative but it seems accurate.

 

 

2 hours ago, CloudHands said:

My mother told me once that my father is self sufficient... wasn't a compliment lol 

 

In case there`s any doubt, "internally complete" is a very good thing indeed -- and not at all the same as what usually passes for self sufficiency.  In most cases, self sufficiency is a ruse, the attempt to appear internally complete in order to be safe.  Self sufficiency is a scared child too terrified to come into relationship with the other because of deep unacknowledged inner wounds.

 

Internally complete is OK alone and OK with others. Internally complete is peaceful through and through.  Internally complete radiates calm without even trying.

Edited August 13, 2017 by liminal_luke

[Brian]

5 minutes ago, liminal_luke said:

 

 

In case there`s any doubt, "internally complete" is a very good thing indeed -- and not at all the same as what usually passes for self sufficiency.  In most cases, self sufficiency is a ruse, the attempt to appear internally complete in order to be safe.  Self sufficiency is a scared child too terrified to come into relationship with the other because of deep unacknowledged inner wounds.

 

Internally complete is OK alone and OK with others. Internally complete is peaceful through and through.  Internally complete radiates calm without even trying.

This makes sense to me, Luke.

[rene]

33 minutes ago, Taomeow said:

 

I enjoyed following your train of thoughts, thank you!

 

And "to complete the moment" -- yes, this is it.  That's the cat's meow of the whole thing.  "Lonely" is a state where there's no one else to "complete the moment" for/with you.  Every moment.  I don't know if it's possible to explain -- probably not, just as universally "loved," famous, fortunate, beautiful, wealthy movie or rock stars committing suicide with some regularity would probably fail to explain what it is whose absence hurts so bad that the pain is incompatible with life --

 

someone who has never in their whole life had this "completed moment" doesn't know that what's missing from his or her experience is its very core, and some hurt from this absence and some are numb to it (mistaking the absence of pain for the absence of the wound) --

 

yes, this is it.  This is the reason for my lifelong inquiry into the nature of Time...  Understanding what a "completed moment" is like is understanding everything.  The "not lonely" state is a prerequisite for omniscience, omnipotence, and completeness, wholeness in space and time and beyond -- but this is only possible via one moment -- every one moment -- and the very existence of a "moment" and of "eternity" alike is a function of "not-loneliness."  No, I didn't make it clearer by trying to explain, I made it less so I think...  doesn't matter though.  Can't be explained if it's not there, can't be missed if it's there.

 

Excellent post, very clear, and yes.

 

And, each moment is perfect.

 

In law, the word 'perfect' has the completeness inherent, even with a slightly different pronounciation: To perfect a contract is to complete all the terms of the agreement.

 

When one realizes, experiences and understands that every moment is complete in itself, and is perfect (and perfected) in that completeness, everything else falls into place - as you so wonderfully put.

 

warm greetings!

[Taomeow]

1 hour ago, CloudHands said:

 

No no I did not say that. We are humans, some very social animals so being completely sufficient with yourself is a particularity.

It depends ... is it autistic tendency or spiritual elevation, or an autistic tendency magnified in spirituality ? xD

 

Second that.  A particularity was present in every tribe, in the form of the shaman, who half the time communicated with spirits and/or natural entities and/or animals and often lived alone, and half the time did what made her the shaman -- full immersion in the life of the tribe, in a role greater than anyone else's but not separate from everyone else's.   Shamans were not "lonely" because they were in real communication with aforementioned presences even when they weren't with anyone else.  And -- importantly -- shamans were wounded, survivors of a visit to "the other side," not fully of this world.  And -- importantly -- more than half the time they accepted the mission only because there was no refusing it, not because they wanted it. 

 

Fast forward to modern times.  Everyone is wounded, some into autistic tendencies and some into sociopathic tendencies, but just being wounded does not make one a shaman -- and in the absence of the tribe to serve, what's the point anyway?  As Don Juan put it when Carlos asked him why he keeps the bulk of his exceptional abilities secret, "what would I use them for?  To scare Indians?"

 

Spirituality used to be part of normality, and being tribal was its backdrop.  People today who try to be "spiritual" miss the point way more than half the time.  They might, e.g., seek to serve humanity -- as long as "humanity" is not comprised of a few dozen specific human beings in their immediate surrounding.  Those are small fry.  Those are to be avoided in order to serve humanity...  Lofty, lofty spirituality, it is, as Yoda might say, with a probable smirk.   

[blue eyed snake]

this is real interesting, sets me to think.

 

hollowness, being unfulfilled, those are the terms that seem to cover the feeling best. But there may be several sorts of loneliness.

 

I think it was TM who said " if the mother is nurtured/loved/carried by the tribe the child will not be lonely. I agree with that. It's a feeling that starts young and when you have that feeling you think it is the default state, which of course it isn't.

And being hollow yourself, when it's your turn to become a mum, you will give it to the next generation. This has a strong relation with the attachment-theory ( from psychology, one of the theories that has been standing for more then 50 years now. I feel it's valid)

 

That is sort of the first layer, the way the unborn and baby-toddler-preschooler is welcomed in his family, the way she is cared for. If things go awry there, the feeling of loneliness will take root. I've memories of being very lonely in the crib. That loneliness has abated around 8 years ago, but I know it can rear it's head again when circumstance become worse. I probably will stay to be vulnerable for that particular emotion.

So for me the first layer where loneliness has it's roots is the small family, in the sense of the primary caregivers of a child.

 

The second layer would be the tribe, or the little wider surroundings of the child. For example the school, the neighbourkids and grownups, grandparents etc etc. A healthy child could endure much aversion before feeling lonely would set in. But the child that is already ( prone to) being lonely will experience a repeat of the already known pattern.

 

Then the process starts to go in repeatmode. Because, when you're used to a situation of being rejected, you will exude that frequency and it will repeat itself in an endless loop. I know that, it has happened to me. i call it  mirror-processes.

 

the third layer is the rootedness to the place where we are born/ where we live. When you are unrooted to the earth I think that gives a loneliness. I would not emigrate far away, I need my being rooted to this particular spot on earht, it's my safety against falling in the lonelytrap again.

 

and another layer may be time/circumstances. Elderly people sometimes bury themselves in the the things of the time of their youth. That may also be a safety-net against feeling (too) lonely.

 

and what Earl wrote, I've a stepsister who emigrated to my country, back when i was still a teenager. She tells me she is home nowhere. Her former country including the mores of how to live with each other has changed so much that she does not feel "home"  anymore. And this country still is a little ' not-home' for her. Maybe that' s like what you said? And that is a combination of time and place and the way people behave changing.

 

But, just as pain, loneliness is an unwanted thingy, so there are several ways to deal with it.

varying from filling your life with digressions to take care that you're firmly rooted to the place where you live. But in the end I suspect they are all stopgaps. Something within needs to change.

 

Me thinks lonely people have...err  call it unhealthy ego. Before you can learn to take your own ego in perspective, it has to be healthy. Maybe some people go the ' spiritual road' ( gosh, how I hate that way of saying it) because they want to get rid of the terrible loneliness they feel. 

 

attracted by words as ' eternal bliss' , peace and contentment, ' all is one' ( now that's an attraction for one who is lonely), ' having no ego ( sigh) another mighty attraction when your ego is riding you with loneliness, anxiety and feelings of being unworthy and unloved.

When they would really tread it, they may find more rejection on that path until they turn around into themselves and care for themselves, being father/mother/tribe to themselves.

 

[gendao]

On 8/13/2017 at 10:09 AM, Earl Grey said:

My friends have people in their circle who make fun of country stereotypes and all think I lived in Thailand only for prostitutes and the fear and loathing life, without realizing that people actually live there trying to do good social work for NGOs or that there is actually a good expatriate entrepreneurial community there.

Lol, reminds me of back in the good ole Manifest Destiny days when the "good cop" missionaries were also "trying to do good social work" by converting and "civilizing" (obedience training) the natives...in preparation for their new imperialistic, "bad cop" masters.  And with such an effective 1-2 combo of soft and hard power, indigenous cultures, land, men, women, and kids...were all soon LIBERATED!

So heartwarming to see the colonial stepchildren of this great heritage loyally preserving and continuing their hallowed traditions even today!  Their legacy lives on!!!

*slow clap*

Edited August 14, 2017 by gendao

[Earl Grey]

Gendao, you do realize a lot of NGOs for development work aren't just composed of foreigners, but locals from the country itself, right? And there are many that are locally founded with international recognition that have both foreign and local staff. Please do not talk about things that require better understanding and try not to derail the thread. 

Edited August 15, 2017 by Earl Grey

[Taomeow]

[Ad_B]

Lonely is a funny word because it depends upon a nuance, an emotional attachment that the user places upon in it. Perhaps 'attachment' is an  antonym for lonely which in this respect is used for a sense of detachment/disassociation which is a feeling/state of being and is its own thing, an association projected onto the word by the user like isolated...set apart so would 'together' be an antonym?

 

"what a lovely lonely spot" versus "what a horribly lonely spot" perhaps?

 

I like 'present' as mentioned beforehand. My teacher told me to cultivate presence in playing the forms.

 

German: allein - ‎alone....is perhaps the root of the word.

 

e.g: nur in der alleine Geist ~ the spirit comprehending the universe, the universal spirit uniting everything in itself.

 

In quietening our minds (is there a term for that?) are we not setting ourselves apart from whatever our 'rat-race' is of the moment?...and choosing lonliness in meditation and calming the yin/yang plays (rat-race?) of our own minds?

 

Maybe both rat-race and lonely are exactly the emotions we attach to them...our choice.

 

Re:Leaving the rat race for more cheaper, more graceful living

 

I'm looking for inspiration therein but....lottery tickets!

Edited September 1, 2017 by Ad_B

[Nungali]

I don't think leaving the rat race implies being  lonely at all . It  didn't use to, one could drop out and join a commune, or go to an area not so 'rat racy' .

 

For me 'rat race' means certain things;

Primarily it is based on expansion and increase - not stability .

 

It also implies devoting a lot of your time to it at the expense of other parts of your life  and joining in the  high powered (supposed ) competition to scramble to the top or upper levels .  One could work  part time for living minimal expenses and devote oneself to fishing , surfing ....   

 

It also implies  being in competition wit each other, updating  everything and not being satisfied with old and outmoded stuff that  still works anyway .    But they are working to fix that, by making stuff designed to fail.

 

All this can be dropped, well, I was able to , many years back. But you gotta find  a good spot. No point in planning to live cheaply in an area with an intense climate and not much chance of growing or finding food, shelter, etc .

 

Still, part of  what I call the rat race is after me !   The small local town has changed a lot, and just over the last few months ' beautification' is in place  (ie. make it seem more like the other hyped up tourist places .  They spent over $3000 on each new street waste bin !  Now they snazzy designer colours - wow !   (They could have got the guys working at the local 'men's' shed to construct them out of wood, and got their unemployed trainee woodworkers to make them ..... maybe those ones would not have been 'set fire'  (or maybe if they were not made of  plastic and fiberglass, the paper in one would not have set the bin alight when someone threw a fag end in ?       ..... I guess the new planners didn't think of that .

 

They ripped up the concrete on the footpaths outside the shops and relaid it as nice pale brown  concrete with ... and little bays and gardens ..... loosing about 30 car parking spaces .  Its the modern way, to discourage car use in urban centres .   Except we out in the country with no public transport , idiots !    

 

So, as I say, I move further up the hill into the rainforest    ( I already have, that means I just go more feral and hermit ... and hermit means ... alone .     Soooooooo   ......  there ya go ... I argued myself out of my own starting position   

 

But then again, if people are really devoted to an ideal, a whole lot of them can escape together, and have a great healthy and happy life

 

 

But you migh have to work hard , not step on top of other people and not have an easy arse, fuck the environment consumer attitude .       Yikes !   

Edited September 2, 2017 by Nungali

[thelerner]

bump..

looking for a coffee thread, came upon this one and thought it might still hold some ink. 

[Marblehead]

5 minutes ago, thelerner said:

bump..

looking for a coffee thread, came upon this one and thought it might still hold some ink. 

There was coffee in my coffee cup but it's all gone.

 

 

[moment]

On 8/13/2017 at 8:09 AM, Earl Grey said:

There is a specific type of loneliness for people who repatriate or even just visit their passport country after living away for a while. It's beyond reverse culture shock, and I'll share the loneliness I and many of a lot of my friends have experienced returning to the US/UK/Australia/Etc after living in Cambodia/Philippines/Etc.

 

Let's think of Captain America, for anyone who has seen the movie or reads comics. In the movie, he gets frozen at the height of the Second World War, but his body is preserved in the ice where his plane crashes, and awakens in the modern world (in the movies, he awakens in 2012). This world is not the world he knows: America is not the country he knows anymore, as technology, social norms and values, historical events both major and minor, humor, and maps are no longer the same. It's a big jump 70 years in the future, trying to reconcile how your country has changed into something unrecognizable.

 

Now, technology, even before everyone had tablets, smartphones, and laptops, has made this happen on a more accelerated scale: being away just for a couple years (ask any Peace Corps Volunteer) and your world changes significantly. 

 

A story: I visited America in 2014 after being away for a few years living in Cambodia/Indonesia/East Timor/and a few other countries. The last time I specifically went to San Francisco to see my mother was 2010, while the city was still fairly stagnant and boring as everything was closing up and there was nothing more to do. Fast forward to 2014, and more stores are closing, but a lot of my friends have left because it's too expensive, all these new young people are using language I no longer understand because of Silicon Valley with their accelerators, influencers, and contracting words into indecipherable sentences as a result of 140-character limits for posting their verbal diarrhea infecting their everyday speech when talking to people in person. People are more interested in looking at their phones or trying to be funny with sarcasm but saying the same copied and pasted jokes again and again.

 

Did San Francisco change because of Silicon Valley? Was I a square because I don't know the music or pop culture news and memes that are part of the everyday exposure to everyone else? Was I stupid for not knowing slang or being able to respond with an equally snarky comment to someone who refuses to tell me where the toilet is because he's making fun of me for just asking and confused that I don't know he's referencing some television show I've never heard of that everyone else is watching? The first thought was that no one can go home again, because the locks get changed in your home and someone decides to redecorate it.

 

No. It was I who had changed even more. I became accustomed to speaking slowly for non-native speakers. I had slow Internet that meant I didn't know Netflix was now an Internet streaming service, and I thought it was still the same company mailing DVDs to people who didn't want to go to Blockbuster. I didn't know about how people were using mobile phones to do everything because of apps that allowed them to order people around to buy groceries for them or drive for them, as I was only using mine for phone calls and text messages, and only recently discovered What's App. The humor I had was based off of cultural differences between I as a westerner with Asian heritage living in Asian countries and having difficulty due to so many differences amongst Khmers/Javanese/Timorese/Illongos/ and my norms, biases, and values, but now humor was about pointing fun at people and bragging about how witty you are online. And this was just San Francisco, because when I got to L.A., I had no idea why restaurant servers were more focused on trying to be funny instead of taking my order or asking simple questions about menu items that they said was made from rat poison or calling me a terrible person for ordering some toast without coffee. 

 

You can't step into the same river twice. I left America the first time involuntarily in 1995 and returned in 2002, and then left a second time in 2012 only to return in 2014. As of 2014, I have not spent more than two weeks at a time each year in America and have no desire to as my favorite bookstores and cafes close. My friends have people in their circle who make fun of country stereotypes and all think I lived in Thailand only for prostitutes and the fear and loathing life, without realizing that people actually live there trying to do good social work for NGOs or that there is actually a good expatriate entrepreneurial community there. 

 

For me, the America in my mind was the height of Gen-X in 1995, for the late 1990s are a different era than the early 1990s with the gang violence, Kurt Cobain, the Gulf War, and Super Nintendo. I still can no longer reconcile it with the America I visited in Christmas of 2016, as Millennial and Edger America has different values, different geographical maps, and rode a different wave of experience that defined them and their America. I am a foreigner in my own country not just because I am Asian American, but someone who still can't believe it's the same country that I initially left in 1995. You don't need to be Captain America waking up 70 years in the future--a few years away changes you with the new environment as much as your country changes while you are gone. 

 

In the Third World Countries I lived and live in, I meet more people like me who are displaced expats from different countries who are forever foreigners in their new country, but anachronistic aliens lost in time. I know one man who hadn't been back to America since Carter was in the White House until the early 2000s, and now has no desire to go back as he reads about the greater influence of technology on social psyche. I know another man who left Germany as a teenager and now in his 30s, can't live in his motherland because he speaks English far more comfortably with other expats more than he speaks German with his parents, and can't live in America due to his citizenship even if most of his friends moved there, so he has opened up a business in Manila. 

 

Repatriation is exceptional loneliness, because that sense of community that you get from being with people who have been flung out of their home countries willingly or unwillingly who connect to you at the very least from being just as foreign as you. I have more in common with a Belgian guy who grew up in Portugal and the UK living in Bangkok and has no love for his passport country because Thailand is his home now and all his friends are other denizens who have the same sentiment of no desire to return to unfamiliar places that are supposed to be their homelands. I have no commonality with someone just because he's another American, which is why I don't make an effort to be friendly with all these tourists--I care for the long game with the long-term denizens. 

 

The loneliness of repatriation far exceeds the loneliness of being a foreigner in the Third World, because you can eventually meet people who came to Manila/Dili/Siem Reap/Jakarta like you for whatever reason from whatever country and suddenly share the same disdain for traffic, mosquitoes, visa laws changing every few months, and the joy of sharing the same sardonic suffering. 

 

I do not care about waiting two weeks camped outside of the Apple store for a new toy when I have to queue up for visa renewal much longer sometimes. I may have a hard time asking for directions to the toilet in Bahasa Indonesia and pidgin English, but I find more effort and genuine care from someone in Bandung than I do from some Bay Area hipster who wants to say something snarky that his friends on Twitter and Reddit just dared him to say to the next customer asking where the toilet was so that he could post my reaction to the list different responses to his wittiness (or lack thereof). I don't laugh when someone makes jokes about Kazakhstan because some unfunny British actor introduced them to a country that they may not know actually exists, because I think of my neighbors who were actually from Kazakhstan who owned a Russian restaurant since they left a year before the Soviet Union split and ended up somewhere in Manila. 

 

Certainly how I am characterizing what I saw in America in recent visits is not the totality of America, but my world has become so different and my identity is now of the forever foreigner living in a country that is not mine but I call home for now, while the country I originated from is far more exotic to me. This is the loneliness I know, and for people who know what the term Third Culture Kid is, it gets far more complicated. 

You have evolved greatly.  The circumstances you have described acted as your unique accelerant Still, I understand the sadness involved.

[forestofclarity]

The word that came to mind for me was "solidarity." Way back in the late 1800's to early 1900's, the French sociologist Emile Durkheim was warning about how solidarity was going from what he called mechanical to organic solidarity (if I recall correctly). In mechanical solidarity, each person was important, irreplaceable. Whereas in organic solidarity, you can cut out a person easily. He mused that this led to increased suicide rates. 

The terms may have made sense in his day, but today I would think the terms should be reversed--- old societies were well-connected and "organic" whereas modern societies are more "mechanical." 

 

The word used by military people to describe the unique structure of military culture is "camaraderie." 

[windwalker]

Interesting, while I can relate as someone who's adopted another culture,  born and raised in SF.

 

 

 

I never hung out with the expats in the places I lived overseas. 

 

Peferring to blend in with the locals if not physically, more spiritually ,mentally, resonating with the same vibe.  Becoming invisible.  

 

Yes the city SF has changed a lot , so much so I no longer feel a desire to go back except to visit family.

 

In the places I lived overseas they control who lives there very strictly.

 

Either through family or job one must have the right Visa in order to stay there.  In this sense it's very temporary as is life.

 

For many expats they may feel where they live is home, until it comes time  when it is not .

 

Unlike the US there are no sanctuary cities. Or sympathetic people willing to break the law so that one may remain.

 

One is and will always be a foreigner.  Of course in places like China, Iran, and maybe a few others one's ethnicity is the deciding factor.

 

In China all  ethnic Chinese are considered to be part of China no matter where they live.

 

Edited July 5, 2019 by windwalker

[windwalker]

"The word used by military people to describe the unique structure of military culture is "camaraderie." "

 

It's called 

 

es·prit de corps

 

This is built by destroying all past ties with society,  instilled by sharing hardships, enduring shared pain, sacrificing for the greater whole of the group.

 

Which is antithetical to what is called multiculturalism, that many seem to want to go back to.

 

The French foreign legion is a good example.  Where people all over once accepted  become part of the legionnaires, in mind body and spirit.

 

 

[thelerner]

On 8/12/2017 at 11:15 AM, thelerner said:

Qicat mentioned they were leaving California for North China.  I recently listened to a podcast of a woman who'd left New York City for small town Italy, and loved it.  A simpler life, no rushing, meeting friends in a cafe, daily after work.  Small gatherings around the TV.   Simple delicious food, 1/4 the expense.  It was an escape from a world of busy and competitiveness. 

 

Who of you have made similar trips?  What did you find? 

Hoping for stories of the good and bad. 

bump..

 

Doesn't have to be as dramatic as moving to another country or the wilderness.  Just downsizing to a small town life.  Shifting gears downwards.  Seems good, if you have the guts and can afford it.

[liminal_luke]

My apartment here in Ensenada, Mexico rents for $220 a month including wifi.  I´m a ten minute walk away from La Guerrerense, the ceviche stand that Anthony Bordain described as "Le Bernardin-quality seafood in the street."  It´s heaven until you want to take a hot shower and discover the city has turned off the running water.  And God forbid you actually put toilet paper in the toilet because you´ll surely stop up the pipes.  I love to visit my friends in the states because my friends are nice people, yes, but also because their homes feature wall-to-wall carpeting.  One other thing: it´s easy to buy stainless steel cookware and cotton sheets in my homeland; here everything is aluminum and polyester.  Yuck!

 

Still, ya can´t beat the tacos.  

 

 

Edited January 21, 2020 by liminal_luke

[silent thunder]

Powerful experience rereading this topic. 

Stay in the city or push into the wilderness?

I've lived the benefits and detractions of both, having lived both ways. 

Though I used to find cities vile scabs of technology, this has passed.

I don't love, or worship cities, but I appreciate them deeply now.

 

Grew up in the Northern Woods of Minnesota, my Father's place was one of a few dozen homes in a small isoted community on the banks of the Mississippi.  To our West there were a few other houses spread out along the banks, to our East, was nothing but Ranch land and wild forests.  Split time with Mom in a suburb of Minneapolis. 

 

Met my partner in life at an audition, fell instantly into the metaphysical gravity of love and we moved to the city while attending University together.

 

I then followed her to NYC for seven years.

Then having suggested casually we should think of relocating to Los Angeles while visiting.  Boy was she ready for that!  Three months later she had a job here and we were living just a few blocks from where I type this now.  This April it will be 20 years in the South Bay.

 

We'll undoubtedly end up a ways outside some Northern City once we're done here. 

 

Somewhere close enough to a city, an hour or two perhaps, to day trip in for museums, theater, music, culture; but day to day, live in the relative quiet of a forest.  (relative because honestly, some Forests can be far noisier than some cities!... I've noted the nigh on spiritual quiet of our local few block neighborhood in South Bay here for years now, one friend has come to realize the same and remarks on it with each visit)... Where we live, tucked in a beach town south of LA proper, is one of the quietest neighborhoods I've ever lived in.  It's magnificent, particularly in the hours just before dawn.  Talk about peaceful..

 

My Dad's place out in the sticks of Minnesota...  It was noisy AF in those woods particularly certain times of the year!

I used to revile cities, referring to them as 'scabs' on the planet.  Not so any more.  I appreciate them.  Not all aspects of them.  But then, I don't adore all parts of a forest either.  Boggy, swampy too moist areas, I tend to avoid. 

 

The years in NYC refined my processing of human energies and technological presence.  It was one of the aspects I knew would be most challenging for me going into it and it was a constant source of cultivation and intentional energy work while there.

 

The fruits are indispensible.  Now solitude is wherever I'm standing, sitting, or working.  It arises within and is not characterized by loneliness, nor induced or inhibited by external forms/surroundings. 

 

On my Father's side, we are related to Sami people of Northern Scandanavia/Syberia.

The Tribal, tent dwelling nomads who followed the reindeer across the Great Forests of the North.

I have come in my wanderings to embody one of our oldest Sami sayings:

 

"My Home lies within me.  It will follow me wherever I go." 

 

I so value my solitude and am thoroughly recharged, bouyed and filled by it, yet as Brian mentioned, I do not suffer from loneliness, whether in the midst of a crowd, nor in the hollow wood.  Home is here and here is always flowing.

 

There are times, when I lament and grow heartsick that nearly all of those closest to me in heart, are furthest in mileage.  Though they are never further than a thought or a call... It is a painful aspect of the utter ease of modern migration and motion.

 

Solitude is a commodity now.  Cultivated in any location and seemingly a staple.  What was once medicinal is now dietary. 

 

 

I'm with @liminal_luke and for me the functional antonym of lonely is connected.  Invested perhaps too.

 

Posed the question to my Son, he paused for half a minute and then shrugged.  "don't really have one that I can think of."

 

My gal gave the exact same answer she did two years ago.  Content.

 

I say thanks Bums, for here I have found connection in abundance, on a level I did not anticipate stemming from a technology I used to abhor.

 

Talk about progress eh? 

[Taomeow]

58 minutes ago, liminal_luke said:

 I love to visit my friends in the states because my friends are nice people, yes, but also because their homes feature wall-to-wall carpeting.

 

I went to great lengths to remove mine.  And to think that this dust-collecting, mites-breeding, toxic chemicals-releasing, allergies-promoting, fleas-harboring abomination was installed by previous owners over beautiful oak parquet floor!  &$@#%!!!  You're ahead of the curve with this too, I assure you.      

Edited January 21, 2020 by Taomeow

[Dame Du Lac]

Ive been homeless before. Frankly I prefer it to being a useful member of society. Theres so much useless chaff that goes into maintaining a democratic civil society. I personally dont have the time or energy for it.

 

Once the dog passes away, and if I'm single, I intend on disappearing again, perhaps into the pine barrens or the swamp this time.

[silent thunder]

No more carpets... rugs are welcome, carpeting is decidedly uncivilized.

 

 

[liminal_luke]

3 minutes ago, Taomeow said:

 

I went to great lengths to remove mine.  And to think that this dust-collecting, mites-breeding, toxic chemicals-releasing abomination was installed by previous owners over beautiful oak parquet floor!  &$@#%!!!  You're ahead of the curve with this too, I assure you.      

 

Thanks.  I trust your judgment when it comes to toxic materials, among other things.  Mexico´s weird.  The other day I passed a cheese shop with big signage informing customers that all their products were pasteurized, as if that was a good thing.  When things are natural here -- which isn´t always -- it´s often in an unconscious way, because nobody has bothered to make them artificial yet.