When you find it difficult getting along with people...

[TheCLounge]

Does this indicate a past life issue?

 

If you find yourself mostly at odds with others (or vice versa) would you say this is because something happened in a past life?

 

Have you ever found yourself being around people who are just repulsed/intimidated by you for no reason, and it seems like finding someone you can relate to and understand nearly impossible?

Edited November 19, 2017 by TheCLounge

[TheCLounge]

I agree. Patience is key and I usually see it as a test of patience and acceptance..

[silent thunder]

I empathize with you mate.

Two realizations settle on my pond while reading your words.

 

First, everything I despise and everything I adore, come from the same source.  Thus I suspect the difference between them lies within my process, not without.

 

When that realization was no longer just understood intellectually, but was being lived in my very flesh then this manifested.

 

I no longer take the universe personally.

 

It is not happening to me.  I am the happening. 

 

Many waves... one ocean.

 

The water will flow, sometimes it cleanses and sometimes it will crash, but it is not a matter of fault finding, blame making and correction... it just is. 

 

When I accept that I am having the experience of one wave in the ocean and allow the water to flow without constant meddling, seeking and tampering, I have found it eventually settles in clarity.  I cannot smooth the waters by constantly stroking them.  Acknowledge things are as they are.  Release the notion of requirements of correction/resolution for the mind and thinking... they're just thoughts, nothing about them is inherently real, true, or even important.  Rest in awareness.  Pure, raw awareness.  The light of this rings with clarity in which no barbs sting and no poisons, stain.

 

Muddiest waters

left undistubed by process

rests in clarity

 

I remind myself to release, during and after these heavy reactions and waves. 

The universe does not require fixing and I am not the universe police.

And once they pass, unless I am clinging and recreating them myself, they leave no trace.

Like a bird passing through the sky, or me throwing a stone in the sky... no mark of their passing remains.

 

The words may or may not help.  I don't share them to tell you this is how it should be or will be for you, only to release them as they arise within my own awareness, so that I may again rest in clarity.

 

peace

[ljazztrumpet]

Great insights so far. One technique I can share that I find very simple and effective: Throughout your day, bring the person/people to mind and send them love. Imagine everything good happening for them and feel yourself loving and appreciating them. This may even have an effect over the other person/people over time, but it will definitely have an effect upon yourself and the way you feel about the person. You may be pleasantly surprised when you next interact with them in person!

[doc benway]

34 minutes ago, TheCLounge said:

Does this indicate a past life issue?

 

If you find yourself mostly at odds with others (or vice versa) would you say this is because something happened in a past life?

 

Have you ever found yourself being around people who are just repulsed/intimidated by you for no reason, and it seems like finding someone you can relate to and understand nearly impossible?

 

I personally find little practical value in relating current challenges to past and future lives.

If you believe in reincarnation then certainly everything, bad and good, in life has a relationship to past and future lives.

The question is how that can be useful here and now?

 

I have a close friend who is constantly in conflict with nearly everyone around him. 

He can't hold onto friends, he can't keep a job, he is in conflict with his family.

He sees it all as a problem with the world. 

Most everyone else sees it as a problem in him. 

He is extremely opinionated and inflexible. 

He sees that to some degree but feels it is worth the pain. 

He sees himself as highly insightful and intuitive and yet takes himself so seriously everything becomes a struggle. 

I love him and admire his dedication to his values but a little flexibility, taking things a little less seriously, interjecting a little humor, allowing things to be as they are even when they are not exactly the way he would want - these things would make his life so much easier.

 

Earl Grey's advice that "it's not about you" is very valuable.

We often project our insecurities onto others so when we feel they are being negative or difficult we assume it is about us.

Often they will even try to make it about us.

Most of the time it is more about what is going on inside of them.

 

Here is another perspective that can seem opposing but is related:

In the tradition I practice, we are taught that there are 3 types of practitioners.

Inferior practitioner - problems are seen as the fault of someone or something else, no responsibility is taken

Mediocre practitioner - problems are seen as partially my fault, shared responsibility

Superior practitioner - problems are seen as 100% my fault, total responsibility is taken

It means that the problems aren't related to previous lives or other people, it's all in you.

It can be a very useful and liberating approach but only if you are ready for it. 

If it does not sit well with you, leave it... 

 

Another tool that I find valuable is to look at others as a mirror for me.

This is related to the 3 categories above.

When I come into conflict, I can look at what that says about ME and be less concerned with what it says about them.

This is the path to becoming a superior practitioner.

This approach is painful until we learn to identify less with the "me" and all its various masques.

It takes a lot of honest introspection and is an assault on the ego. 

 

Finally, a way to try and lessen the conflict if it is a problem:

Learn to create and hold space.

To once again use the mirror metaphor, in this approach I am the mirror.

The situation is playing itself out and rather than being the reflection and getting wrapped up in the story, I can be like the mirror and simply host whatever is happening, including my own thoughts and feelings, without being enmeshed in it.

The mirror is unchanged by whatever is reflected in it, I can be like that. 

In Buddhism, this is known as mirror-like wisdom.

 

We have a tendency to respond and react, to fill space.

Often this is done based on conditioning rather than openness and insight.

We are used to focusing on forms in space, whether visual, auditory, tangible; not at all used to focusing on the space itself.

The space is extremely powerful - it has some very unique properties that we can use.

It is indestructible, unbounded, unchangeable, it can host and give rise to anything that is needed. 

 

When a situation arises, we can find a way to disengage for a moment, a minute, an hour, a week - whatever is appropriate given the circumstances. That disengagement gives us space to breath, to observe our reaction, to give ourselves the time we need to respond in the way best suited to our values and objectives rather than through blind conditioning and emotional reactivity. It can give us a chance to have a deeper appreciation for what any given situation needs from us. Often there is nothing needed but we have a habit of filling rather than embracing that space.

 

(says the guy typing far more than you probably need or want , clearly I have a long way to go myself!)

 

Sorry for the verbosity... I have a tendency to get carried away with myself.

 

Cheers!

 

[TheCLounge]

I agree with everything being said

 

Ive reached a point where I no longer see issues and situations as something "wrong"

 

Like Silent Thunder said..."It Simply Is..."

 

Thats pretty much the moral of the story of life to me..

 

We suffer because we seek peace...

[ljazztrumpet]

7 minutes ago, steve said:

 

 

Here is another perspective that can seem opposing but is related:

In the tradition I practice, we are taught that there are 3 types of practitioners.

Inferior practitioner - problems are seen as the fault of someone or something else, no responsibility is taken

Mediocre practitioner - problems are seen as partially my fault, shared responsibility

Superior practitioner - problems are seen as 100% my fault, total responsibility is taken

It means that the problems aren't related to previous lives or other people, it's all in you.

It can be a very useful and liberating approach but only if you are ready for it. 

If it does not sit well with you, leave it... 

 

Another tool that I find valuable is to look at others as a mirror for me.

This is related to the 3 categories above.

When I come into conflict, I can look at what that says about ME and be less concerned with what it says about them.

This is the path to becoming a superior practitioner.

This approach is painful until we learn to identify less with the "me" and all its various masques.

It takes a lot of honest introspection and is an assault on the ego. 

 

 

 

[TheCLounge]

Could it be however that the negativity people impose on you be that YOU are reminding THEM what their issues are that they refuse to acknowledge?

 

I often realize that the things we accuse others of are often the very things we are guilty of

[thelerner]

Spending time with my elderly father and ailing mother can be very trying.  Yet what helps was knowing I had a job to do, so suck it up and not adding to any anxiety.   Hard yet, once I had that as my goal, mantra even, it became easier to put my ego away and not let my buttons be pushed. 

[ljazztrumpet]

3 minutes ago, TheCLounge said:

Could it be however that the negativity people impose on you be that YOU are reminding THEM what their issues are that they refuse to acknowledge?

 

I often realize that the things we accuse others of are often the very things we are guilty of

Yep, it's usually a 2-way street!

[cold]

9 minutes ago, thelerner said:

Spending time with my elderly father and ailing mother can be very trying.  Yet what helps was knowing I had a job to do, so suck it up and not adding to any anxiety.   Hard yet, once I had that as my goal, mantra even, it became easier to put my ego away and not let my buttons be pushed. 

 

Filial responsibilities and duties are sadly legally mandated in some cases / states 

thelearner I know from your past posts that's not the case for you

No body can push a persons buttons better than ones parent, and spouse then sibling(s)

 

I don't share a lot of goals and values that are prevalent in America today.

My focus is on the quality of my relationships not quantity.

I find the world at large tiring and frustrating but have no problem getting along by go along my way.

 

As Frank Sinatra so aptly put it :

" And now, the end is near, .....

I did it my way."

 

[ljazztrumpet]

2 hours ago, cold said:

 

Filial responsibilities and duties are sadly legally mandated in some cases / states 

thelearner I know from your past posts that's not the case for you

No body can push a persons buttons better than ones parent, and spouse then sibling(s)

 

I don't share a lot of goals and values that are prevalent in America today.

My focus is on the quality of my relationships not quantity.

I find the world at large tiring and frustrating but have no problem getting along by go along my way.

 

As Frank Sinatra so aptly put it :

" And now, the end is near, .....

I did it my way."

 

Oh c'mon people, do I have to do all the work around here? C'mon guys, LET'S GET WITH THE PROGRAM HERE!!!

 

[ljazztrumpet]

3 minutes ago, ljazztrumpet said:

Oh c'mon people, do I have to do all the work around here? C'mon guys, LET'S GET WITH THE PROGRAM HERE!!!

 

Ok, ok..Maybe I was a little harsh. After all, I am the jazz musician on this group.. Maybe it's my responsibility to paste things like that in these situations.

 

Hey, am I allowed to quote myself?? 

[Marblehead]

Okay.  I'll help:

 

Spoiler

 

 

[Marblehead]

 

3 minutes ago, ljazztrumpet said:

Hey, am I allowed to quote myself?? 

You just did.

 

That option is for people who really like to hear themselves talk.

 

[cold]

8 minutes ago, ljazztrumpet said:

Oh c'mon people, do I have to do all the work around here? C'mon guys, LET'S GET WITH THE PROGRAM HERE!!!

 

 

2 minutes ago, Marblehead said:

Okay.  I'll help:

 

  Hide contents

 

 

 

[ljazztrumpet]

5 minutes ago, Marblehead said:

Okay.  I'll help:

 

  Hide contents

 

 

Haha..Still, he was no Frank! (Of course I'm coming from a jazz background so I might be way biased)

[ljazztrumpet]

4 minutes ago, Marblehead said:

 

You just did.

 

That option is for people who really like to hear themselves talk.

 

Hahaha!! Pretty good Marbleman..prettyyyy...prettyyyy....pretty good.. You know I still have that dueling glove!!

[Marblehead]

7 minutes ago, ljazztrumpet said:

Haha..Still, he was no Frank! (Of course I'm coming from a jazz background so I might be way biased)

"Might" be way biased?  Come on, give yourself more credit than that!

 

[ljazztrumpet]

Just now, Marblehead said:

"Might" be way biased?  Come on, give yourself more credit than that!

 

Ohhh man..Alright, I'll keep settin em up, and you keep driving em home. What am I to you? A Dean Martin to your Jerry Lewis? An Abbott to your Costello? An Ollie to your Stanley? 

[Marblehead]

1 minute ago, ljazztrumpet said:

Ohhh man..Alright, I'll keep settin em up, and you keep driving em home. What am I to you? A Dean Martin to your Jerry Lewis? An Abbott to your Costello? An Ollie to your Stanley? 

None of those, really.  And I'm not doing it with intention.  I enjoy seeing "cause and effect" in action.

 

[ljazztrumpet]

2 minutes ago, Marblehead said:

None of those, really.  And I'm not doing it with intention.  I enjoy seeing "cause and effect" in action.

 

It's funny because here I am writing in on a thread about compassion and, here on this thread, I am ready to challenge you to a duel.. Although, if we use those 'old-timey' weapons that they used to use in duels, we probably won't mess each other up too badly. 

 

Actually, you ever check out any Michael Jaco on youtube? Ex-Navy seal talks about sending love in combat situations...very, very cool!

[Marblehead]

1 minute ago, ljazztrumpet said:

It's funny because here I am writing in on a thread about compassion and, here on this thread, I am ready to challenge you to a duel.. Although, if we use those 'old-timey' weapons that they used to use in duels, we probably won't mess each other up too badly. 

I'm just having fun talking with people willing to speak "with" me.  But I do hope to inspire a person to think now and then.  You thought.  And then challenged me to a dual.  Hehehe.  I don't do those any more too slow in my old age.

 

1 minute ago, ljazztrumpet said:

 

Actually, you ever check out any Michael Jaco on youtube? Ex-Navy seal talks about sending love in combat situations...very, very cool!

Haven't seen any or even know of the person.  Did he send love then send an M-15 round?

 

[ljazztrumpet]

7 minutes ago, Marblehead said:

I'm just having fun talking with people willing to speak "with" me.  But I do hope to inspire a person to think now and then.  You thought.  And then challenged me to a dual.  Hehehe.  I don't do those any more too slow in my old age.

 

Ok, I'll give you an advantage, you can use a more modern weapon

7 minutes ago, Marblehead said:

 

Haven't seen any or even know of the person.  Did he send love then send an M-15 round?

 

Pretty much! Also used love to divert a suicide bomber and to save his whole squad from attack on several occasions..

 

[Nungali]

7 hours ago, TheCLounge said:

Does this indicate a past life issue?

No

7 hours ago, TheCLounge said:

 

If you find yourself mostly at odds with others (or vice versa) would you say this is because something happened in a past life?

 

No

 

7 hours ago, TheCLounge said:

 

Have you ever found yourself being around people who are just repulsed/intimidated by you for no reason, and it seems like finding someone you can relate to and understand nearly impossible?

 

No .