Ranting about my life...

[ChiForce]

I am in this mood right now..a somewhat reflective mood.  Regardless if I may have certain advanced cultivation level, my life was and has been largely sad..as I am looking back.  Of course, is all matter of perspective but I can't dismiss it just because...some others may have worse life experiences.  From my own perspective, I guess I am still trying to find some answers.

 

The karma was originated from my grand mother on my father side.  She was born during the Mao era in China, Guang Dong Taishan.  She had a large family, 2 sons and 2 daughters.  Her eldest son, my father, somehow, made his way to Hong Kong as a migrant when young.  To do what you say?  To get her entire family to live in Hong Kong during the 60s and 70s.  You see where this was going, right?  Economic migrants seeking a better life in places supposedly more wealthier, often sacrificing their children's mental well being for the sake of some fake, delusional dreams and expectations.    Once they settled in Hong Kong, somehow, they managed to marry off her elder's daughter, my aunt, to an American born Chinese.  Sigh.....  Called it an arranged marriage or whatever.  By the time I was born, my entire extended family on my father side had left Hong Kong for good and went to America.  Somehow, my parents decided to make a life for themselves in Hong Kong.  Why not?  My mother was born in Hong Kong and a Hong Kong citizen.  Unfortunately, growing up in Hong Kong, I have been told one day I would leave for America.  This was not good knowing that Hong Kong isn't really your home even when you were born in the city to Hong Kong parents...is messed up.  My childhood was a nightmare plaque with sadness and existential crisis.     

 

I have never met my grand parents on my father side, and the aunts and an uncle, until I was like 11 or 12...when I left for America..with plenty of unresolved childhood issues.

 

My own existential crisis, originated from the time growing up in Hong Kong, didn't get healed until I was 17.  Healing...meaning that I stopped dreaming about my horrible childhood experiences and beginning to dream about healing and overcoming in my childhood.  2 years later, I have also overcome America (I became a magnet to the country's karma too) and to have my first Kundalini energy rising experience lasting for over 15 days.  I was finally recovering from all the karma being passed onto to me.......LOL LOL.......  I was never the same from that point.  That was some 20 years ago.

 

Secretly, I do wish I have been growing up in Hong Kong since I was always very close to my extended family on my mother's side.  Unfortunately, somehow, I was determined to let go everything I had with Hong Kong before coming to America.  I haven't really spoken to my extended family in Hong Kong for decades.  I think is sad but...what can one do anyway.  

 

What happened to my American grand parents and aunts?  My older aunt became a housewife in America and didn't even have a decent education.  In old age, she is suffering from some advanced stage of diabetes and can't walk easily.  She has asthma as well.  She got 2 daughters but I was never close to them and we haven't talked to one another for decades.  My younger aunt got herself pregnant dating the wrong guy when young.  She ended up marrying another guy and he was from Burma.  They were eventually divorced and they had a son.  Again, I have not talked to them for decades.  She is currently living and working in China.  LOL....  Get this......her mother, or my grand mother, spent her whole life trying to get away from China and to come to America but to only have one of her daughters ending up living and working in China...some 40 years later.  Hehehehe........... Karma at times can be funny too...  

 

What about my "baby" scrooge uncle?  He was the more Americanized one.  Sadly, he never shared his wealth to his parents.  He is one of those Chinese Americans I am supposed to look up too...the model minority they say.  LOL LOL...  Except that he is not so Chinese at all and but can't pass as an American either.  He is married and has 3 kids.  He didn't marry Chinese of course.  Their marriage is also rocky. 

 

The person who originated the chain of Karma, my grand mother, passed away few years ago.  Can't say I cry at all.  In fact, during the funeral, no one really cried for her.

 

I have a sister too but we were never close even when young.  We don't even talk at all unless it is necessary.  No, she isn't really that Chinese at all.  She has her own issues and her marriage is also over but they haven't divorced yet.....

 

I am glad that my parents are healthy and even my mother's congestive heart failure has been cured.  For me...still hoping there would be better days to come...

 

I often see myself as a Dharma warrior and ending all karma in my life at least.  I think I have been successful.   

 

   

 

    

 

 

Edited January 22, 2018 by ChiForce

[RiverSnake]

The spiritual path is a sweet and bitter pill. Anyway whom says it's all sunshine and rainbows has there head up there ass. Though it always seems to keep me coming back for more (gnosis is addictive).  

 

I do a bit of distance healing work....seems like you got some root chakra issues and various other energies that need adjusting. Let me know if you'd like me to take a look. 

Edited January 22, 2018 by StormHealer

[ChiForce]

Thanks..I think I am fine.   

[ChiForce]

48 minutes ago, StormHealer said:

The spiritual path is a sweet and bitter pill. Anyway whom says it's all sunshine and rainbows has there head up there ass. Though it always seems to keep me coming back for more (gnosis is addictive).  

 

I do a bit of distance healing work....seems like you got some root chakra issues and various other energies that need adjusting. Let me know if you'd like me to take a look. 

Lotus flower born out of the dirty, muddy water.........  The bright side is that I was able to penetrate Form so early in life because I was never be able to attach to anything...

[ChiForce]

I also left out another tragic episode I had right after my Kunadlini rising experience to the time I finished college (between the age of 18 to 24 something.  Hehehehehe............just when you thought you have finished with your personal struggles, you are thrust once again into your past life karma...being unfolded some 60 years later.  Dealing with karma predated your birth..............   

[Mig]

It seems that is the normal in a human life time. I find amazing that very few people talk about. If it is a celebrity, then all is gold even though we know that All that glitters is not gold. As I read your posting, I was reading about this "karma" thing. In one of my postings I referred to Du yuesheng, a famous gang leader during the 20's who had a rough life in the beginning and got into the Chinese mafia helping foreigners and nationalist doing all kind of crimes. The guy ended up in good life in Hong Kong and died like a normal old guy. Did he think about his karma? Who knows but one for sure, considering those dramatic times, he had a better life than others by using crime as his tool to live like a king. Then reading the DDJ Ch 73 天网恢恢，疏而不失

The heavenly net is vast
Loose, and yet does not let anything slip through

When it will come back at you. IMO, I think that living in the past is another distraction we can choose to live it or ignore it or eliminate it. I have from time to time remembrances and bad episodes from choices that were imposed by my family. The good thing is that by different circumstances my life is in a different continent and far from all of them. Life keeps going and I attempt to live my life by the day, by the hour, by the hour, by the minute. Just remember that one day, you will say, there is no much more time left and that we can not ignore it. One day we think we are sleeping and then we are gone. Enjoy this moment, ignore the past and bring better actions for yourself to enjoy what you can.

---

 

[ChiForce]

No..............  1920's China was hell.  We can look back now and to dismiss all the wrong doing done in the name of self preservation...  1920 Chinese mob bosses in Shanghai and Hong Kong???  I don't romanticize history.  That was a period of decadent culture without law and order and even morality...pretty much in most nations going through changes..ie Germany.   

 

Is one thing you made a decision causing a chain of karma and somehow...the means can justify the end.  What happens when it is not???  It would only cause more suffering.....  It would only deepen your illusion and karma.....

 

If your mind cultivation has reached to certain refinement and level, your dream vision would show you this chain of karma very clearly even before you make the first decision that would effectively change your life or the other person's life.            

[Lost in Translation]

4 hours ago, ChiForce said:

The karma was originated from my grand mother on my father side.

 

You may want to check out something called "Family Constellations" (http://www.hellingerpa.com/constellation.shtml). There are probably practitioners in your area. I have participated in many of these. They can be quite powerful.

[ChiForce]

2 hours ago, Lost in Translation said:

 

You may want to check out something called "Family Constellations" (http://www.hellingerpa.com/constellation.shtml). There are probably practitioners in your area. I have participated in many of these. They can be quite powerful.

Thanks..BUT I don't have issues with my parents and maybe my sister.   My extended family members that I haven't talked to in ages and decades???  As far as I know, they aren't my problem...I don't even see them.  They are all living several states away.       

Edited January 23, 2018 by ChiForce

[C T]

Mind has no boundaries - time and distance have no bearing on the stirrings of disturbing emotions. 

[ChiForce]

3 hours ago, C T said:

Mind has no boundaries - time and distance have no bearing on the stirrings of disturbing emotions. 

Huh...????? Just because you think you have certain cultivation achievement, it does not mean you should volunteer your service to people who didn't even ask for it.  To people you have little karmic affinity too.  The world isn't short of people suffering.  Two, what makes you think you can help them and to cleanse their karma???    

 

Not sure what is even more disturbing...that you think you can help people to cleanse their karma when in fact you don't because you don't have any karmic infinity to them....    Karma needs to work itself out most of the time...to burn itself out.   

Edited January 23, 2018 by ChiForce

[C T]

12 minutes ago, ChiForce said:

Huh...????? Just because you think you have certain cultivation achievement, it does not mean you should volunteer your service to people who didn't even ask for it.  To people you have little karmic affinity too.  The world isn't short of people suffering.  Two, what makes you think you can help them and to cleanse their karma???    

 

Not sure what is even more disturbing...that you think you can help people to cleanse their karma when in fact you don't because you don't have any karmic infinity to them....    Karma needs to work itself out most of the time...to burn itself out.   

what makes you think i was offering help? 

 

This is a general section of the forum -- in case you were looking, its the PPF where you can rant without fear of comments that displeases your sensitive side. 

Edited January 23, 2018 by C T

[ChiForce]

6 minutes ago, C T said:

what makes you think i was offering help? 

 

This is a general section of the forum -- in case you were looking, its the PPF where you can rant without fear of comments that displeases your sensitive side. 

You should know by now that I don't know what fear is...right????  Your comment was referring to me not wanting to help my extended family (on my father side) to cleanse their Karma, right???  I told you why already...because I have plenty of experiences in helping people to cleanse their Karma...politically or spiritually.  When the connection isn't there, there are no hopes to help them.

 

Oh, just because they are related to you, that's not automatic connection by itself.  That perceived connection is perpetuated by Form.  Once you have broken through Form, that automatic connection has been cut.  Krama has been cut.      

Edited January 23, 2018 by ChiForce

[C T]

12 minutes ago, ChiForce said:

You should know by now that I don't know what fear is...right????  Your comment was referring to me not wanting to help my extended family (on my father side) to cleanse their Karma, right???  I told you why already...because I have plenty of experiences in helping people to cleanse their Karma...politically or spiritually.  When the connection isn't there, there are no hopes to help them.     

 

No, my comment was not made with that reference in mind. 

 

You said your relatives are not your problem because you have not spoken with them in decades, yet you mentioned them in this thread, which made me think, and thats when I decided to post the comment. 

 

I dont know why it caused such a reaction in a high level being like yourself, especially useless words coming from nobodies like me. 

Edited January 23, 2018 by C T

[ChiForce]

8 minutes ago, C T said:

 

No, my comment was not made with that reference in mind. 

 

You said your relatives are not your problem because you have not spoken with them in decades, yet you mentioned them in this thread, which made me think, and thats when I decided to post the comment. 

 

I dont know why it caused such a reaction in a high level being like yourself, especially useless words coming from nobodies like me. 

Why not?  A mirror wisdom sees all...why leaving things all......

[ChiForce]

Surprisingly, my persistent spirit guide happens to be an elderly woman of who I have never met in my real life.  I can't say we are even related by blood, maybe by karma..somehow and some time ago......predated my birth.  She isn't Chinese for one thing....an European and possibility could be Jewish too.  I know she isn't an American.  She is like my grandmother or some sorts.  I have been seeing her for the past 20 years.